Chapter 13
Gage
It’s been three days since the wedding, and Celeste is moving in today.
Even the birds can sense there’s a change coming, and it’s going to be a big one.
Hermes is somehow even more alert and chatty, and Daisy is a ball of energy.
They’re probably picking up on my cocktail of anxiety and excitement.
I’ve never lived with a woman before, always shying away from that intimacy.
Celeste is far from just any woman. She’s now my wife, the woman whose kiss I can still feel, and have dreamt about every night since our wedding.
I was not prepared for how good her lips felt or how they molded so perfectly to mine.
Now we’re going to be under one roof, going to bed two doors away from each other every night for the foreseeable future. I am so completely fucked.
There’s no denying that she seemed to be affected too, but that does not mean she wants it to mean anything.
I’m still not sure what I want it to mean, if anything.
Do I want to just sleep with her? Do I want to date her?
My thoughts are too muddled and anxious right now to figure it out.
Let’s see if we survive living with each other before anything else.
The guest room is all ready for her, I vacuumed and dusted it yesterday.
Fresh sheets are on the bed. The hall bath is sparkling and stocked with toiletries she might need.
I think I must have come by the neat freak gene from my mom, since my dad was certainly always lax about keeping the house tidy.
Cleaning is one of my ways to keep order in a chaotic world, I guess.
It soothes me. Considering how messy the birds can be, it’s also necessary to be a clean freak to stay on top of it.
Celeste should be here pretty soon after working a morning shift at the diner.
I tried to tell her I’d pick her up and help her with the heavy things, but she said it would be silly.
Carlo could load the heavy things into her car and I could help when she got here, she had reasoned.
I personally think she might be as thrown by the kiss and being married as I am, and just needs a little distance before we live together, which is understandable.
Her possessions all fit into two large suitcases she’s borrowing from Tania and two boxes, so it’s not like it’ll be a chore to get everything inside.
My phone beeps with the text sound I assigned to Celeste.
It’s simple bells, but if she calls, the wedding march plays.
Call it my weird sense of humor that I bought the ringtone for a dollar once we made our plans.
I rarely keep my phone on silent after my dad’s diagnosis, because I never want to miss a call from him or my family if something were to happen. Her text makes me grin.
Celeste the Mess
On my way, roomie, see you soon
Drive carefully, wife
We’ve been towing such a fine line between keeping our friendship the way it’s been with our fun banter and flirting, and trying not to cross any boundaries. It’s a damn tightrope that is becoming harder and harder to navigate, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having fun with it.
Having fun with her.
Planning our little courthouse wedding was not at all stressful because she’d make me laugh with outlandish ideas.
There is no way I could do this with anyone but Celeste, she is so effortlessly perfect at selling this that I think even my dad might be fooled.
I caught him looking a little teary after our ceremony.
If this plan works, and we both get what we need out of it, it’ll be worth all of the confusion and wanting.
Her car pulls up not too much later since Tania and Carlo’s is only twenty minutes or so from my place.
I love this area of New Jersey, we’re only an hour from NYC, Philly, Atlantic City, and the shore.
It’s so central to everything. It’s well manicured suburbs with some lively downtown areas that have loads of shops and restaurants.
I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I’m aware the second she pulls in because I’ve been watching out the window like some stalker chump, so I throw on my shoes and go out to greet her.
She’s hauling a suitcase out of her trunk when I jog to her side.
“Here, let me,” I say.
“I can handle a suitcase, Casanova,” she says wryly. “Why don’t you grab a box, please?”
“I’ll bring everything up to your room, you head in to cool off and relax. There are cold drinks in the fridge, and I put out a snack board,” I tell her. “Hermes and Daisy are eager to see you, go on in,” I add with a grin.
Her eyebrows hit her hairline, her expression going mulish. She crosses her arms across her chest, and sets that stubborn chin.
“I don’t do well with being told what to do, I think you should know that right off the bat. If I want to bring in my suitcase, I’ll bring it in. You’re not about to start getting high handed with me barely days into this marriage, are you?”
Shit, that is not my intention at all. I don’t know how to explain that I have this insane urge to protect her, and take care of her, without sounding like some misogynistic creep.
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be high handed. I just want to help you get settled and let you rest. Let me take care of you a little, please. It’s been a crazy few weeks, right?”
She softens a little, the grey of her eyes clearing to become brighter, but there is still that stubborn set to her chin.
“While I appreciate that, I don’t need you to take care of me, Gage.
I’ve practically looked after myself since I was four, and then Tania as well when she came along.
I can manage to bring a suitcase or two into your house.
If I let you start to take care of me even more than you already have, things will only get confused, and it’ll hurt when that care taking goes away once this is all over. ”
With that, she grabs her suitcase and marches up the driveway.
I grab a box to follow behind her. I’ll always respect her boundaries, and she clearly just threw down a big one.
Someday I hope I can prove to her that no matter what happens with this fake marriage, I’ll always have her back.
Considering the little bit of her history she’s told me, I know that’ll be much easier said than done.
She’s done so much on her own and for Tania, but who has ever done anything for her?
As soon as we walk into the house, she goes to say hi to the birds. They’re excited to see her when they spot her from their aviaries, where I put them so that there’s no risk of them flying out the door while we bring in Celeste’s stuff.
“Beautiful Celeste,” Hermes croaks. A laugh escapes her as she leans toward him.
“Hey, smarty pants,” she coos back. Some of the tension from the driveway seems to dissipate as we share a look about how much Hermes seems to love her.
Thank goodness for pets. I know Tania and Carlo’s cats love her, too.
It’s like the animals have a sixth sense that she is a good person to her core who is in need of unconditional love.
We bring the other suitcase and box in before hauling it all upstairs to her room.
Silence stretches between us, but it’s not uncomfortable.
It’s companionable, there’s no pressure to fill the quiet with meaningless chatter.
We move around each other easily as she opens one of the boxes, pulling out a bunch of books. I take it as my cue to go.
“I’ll let you get unpacked. Holler if you need anything, ok?”
As I turn to leave, I hear her let out a big breath.
“Hey. I’m actually a little hungry. Maybe we could attack that snack board you made and talk a little?”
I turn to look at her, and she’s fiddling with the hem of her blue tank top. I smile at her reassuringly and jerk my head toward the staircase.
“Let’s go, then. Those crackers and cheeses won’t attack themselves.”
We head down into the kitchen, and I place the board on the island before taking a seat next to her on the stools. She spreads some fig jam on a buttery cracker before putting a slice of manchego on top.
“You’re fancy putting out manchego and fig jam,” she remarks before popping the bite into her mouth.
“Just wanted to make you feel welcome,” I say easily with a shrug, glancing at her. She looks at me back, searching my face.
“I appreciate that. I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate how much you’ve done to try to help me. This is just a lot, ok? I’m really worried about things getting muddled and someone getting hurt. I think we need clear boundaries going forward.”
I nod slowly, considering her words. Is she worried because I have an effect on her the same way she has an effect on me? Does she think about all of our casual little touches and that kiss at our wedding the way that I do?
“Ok, like what?” I finally ask. She cocks her head in thought.
“Like, we only get affectionate in front of your family. Otherwise, lines will get blurred.”
My stomach sinks a little at that thought. More and more, I’m thinking that maybe I want to blur the lines, but I’m not going to put any pressure on her when she’s clearly already got a lot on her mind.
“We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. I really didn’t mean to come off as high handed earlier.” She waves me off.
“I know you only wanted to help, but getting doted on in any way just makes my brain revolt. There have been very few times where anything good came out of someone doting on me except for Tania.” She starts fiddling with the hem of her tank top again, not meeting my eyes.
My curiosity has me asking the question that may completely make her shut down, it just slips out.
“What do you mean? At the risk of sounding ignorant or naive, how did someone doting on you turn out badly?”
“You don’t want to hear about it,” she clips.