Chapter 23 #2
She’s been a fixture around here the past few days while I recover when Gage has to go to work. Her schedule is more flexible since she’s started working as a tattoo artist full time instead of just the evenings, and in spite of her hovering, it’s been fantastic to spend some quality time together.
“I can take dishes to the sink,” I grumble with a playful eye roll at her.
“Yes, but I’m here so that you don’t have to. It’s my turn to take care of you. Deal with it!” she snarks with her own playful eye roll.
She gets the kitchen cleaned up quickly, and we go sit on the couch with our waters to hang out with the birds and chat. Tania looks around the house appreciatively since she’s only quickly dropped by a handful of times in the time I’ve lived here.
“This is your home, Cece. It’s perfect for you,” she murmurs.
I try to see it from her point of view. Over the months, my things have slowly but surely started to integrate into the house.
Some of my books have joined Gage’s on the shelves.
A picture of me and Tania sits framed beside the picture of Gage with his dad and brother.
I gravitate toward cottage core decor that reminds me of the cozy fantasy novels I like, so I’ve added a few mushroom art prints, a new fuzzy blanket, and a pretty cream floral print rug that I found at a local flea market.
Gage smiled hugely when I showed him, and helped me hang the art prints.
“These mushrooms look like they’re from a fairy tale. I love them,” he had remarked.
“There was a book of fairy tales in one of the first homes I was in. Nobody really cared about it but me, so I was allowed to have it. Whenever I was sad, I looked at the beautiful pictures before I could even read and fantasized about living in a cozy cottage in the woods, with wildflowers and butterflies everywhere. I’ve been drawn to that sort of thing ever since. ”
He said nothing, just nodded and looked at me thoughtfully, like I’m the most miraculous puzzle that he simply has to solve.
Tania, knowing about my silly childhood whimsy, looks elated that I’ve incorporated it into this house.
The changes upstairs are pretty substantial too, so I give her the tour.
He fully moved my clothes and toiletries into his room not long after we started sharing a bed.
Now my toothbrush, hair things, skin care products, and makeup bag sit beside all of his things, making the bathroom counter look a little cluttered but lived in.
I have three dresser drawers and one half of his closet.
Seeing our things hung up side by side always makes my stomach swoop.
It’s a sense of belonging somewhere and to someone.
“I do feel at home here,” I tell her honestly. “Is this how you felt when you moved in with Carlo?”
She nods, her face taking on a dreamy quality.
“It’s scary as fuck, isn’t it? You and I have gone from never feeling at home for so long, to finding a home with these men we never saw coming.”
“You never felt at home with Jack and Bev?” I ask curiously. They always found her easier to deal with since she was younger when they took us in, and doted on her a lot.
“They were so good to me, but they’re not the warmest. It wasn’t an affectionate, loving place. I know you feel the same.”
I nod.
“Do you ever hear from them anymore?” I ask casually.
“I got a birthday card from them this year, but there wasn’t a note or anything. Just their signatures,” she says with a shrug. “Why, do you ever hear from them?”
“They used to send me birthday cards, but they stopped a couple of years ago. Maybe they think I’m too old for them now,” I answer.
“We were a lot more than they could have bargained for, so I’m grateful for everything they did. I still miss my parents, though. It’s their warmth and happiness that I remember the most, even when I can’t remember the sound of their voices,” Tania says softly.
She’s done a lot to process her grief over losing her parents so young.
Finally going back to Spain where her parents were from, and inheriting the house her mother grew up in, has helped her heal a lot.
One day she has promised to take me there since she and Carlo treat it as a vacation home for now, and I can’t wait to see it.
I feel her rest her head on my shoulder.
“Do you ever wonder about your parents, or any siblings from them you might have?” she asks almost tentatively.
My breath shudders out of me as I consider my answer.
“I used to dream that they would come back for me, especially when things were at their worst in whatever home I was in at the time. My fantasy was that they would sweep in with siblings I could play with and tell me they were so sorry to have abandoned me. That they loved me and made a huge mistake. By the time you and I met, I’d given up on that naive bullshit. ”
Tears sting at my eyes, and I hastily wipe at them.
“They did make a huge mistake. They missed out on one of the best women I’ve ever known,” Tania whispers.
“I’ve told you that I know I have a brother out there who is not much younger than me that they also gave up.
There is no way for me to try to find him, though.
I don’t even remember his first name, let alone what his last name could be by now.
Who knows if he’s even still alive. I’m not really interested in looking back.
I just want to move forward. Best of all, I’ve had you as my family,” I murmur into her hair.
She wraps her arms around my shoulders and squeezes, and it warms my insides through like a comforting cup of hot chocolate.
“Things are so different for us. It’s like finding a warm fire in a cozy cottage after fighting through a snow storm.
You kept me from slipping away, getting into who knows what, and becoming another statistic in the system when you came into my life.
Now, we can just live our lives and be sisters instead of clinging to each other to survive,” I tell her, my voice sounding hopeful even to my own ears.
I feel her nod and sigh against my shoulder.
“You’ve found happiness now, Cece, and no one deserves it more. Hold onto it, ok?”
“I will, Nia Bia,” I whisper.