Six
T he nightmare was the same as it always was. I woke up in a darkened hospital room, and they’d taken more than they should have. Sometimes it was both balls, sometimes my entire junk was gone. This time, they’d taken my legs too. I was just a fucking torso, and I lay there, screaming for help, and nobody came.
It takes me way too fucking long to wake from those hellish dreams; usually Elise has to shake me awake, and I knew it was one of the reasons why she’d come with me to the clubhouse. Well, that and the fact that she knew I’d been teetering on the edge of giving up for so long.
“Sorry, go back to sleep, I’m fine.”
Elise shook her head, climbing in beside me.
“Seth, I really wish you’d talk to me properly. I know I’m only your baby sister, but I can listen, even if I don’t understand what you’re going through. I’d do anything for you.”
I slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
“I’m gonna shower and get up. I won’t sleep again now, but you need to sleep, sis, please.”
She groaned, and moved back to the foldout bed, which must feel like hell to sleep in.
“Use my bed, dammit. That thing is shit.”
I closed the door, and went straight to the shower, dropping my shorts as I stepped in. This was the worst part. This was when I couldn’t hide from it any longer. There were no bandages or covers, but there were stitches. I was dreading them removing them, because then I’d have to show that vulnerability again, and let them see down there, and touch my ruined junk. It’s like an animal exposing its throat to a predator, that sounds weird, but that’s how it feels, like I’m giving them the last of my fucking dignity and strength.
I turned on the water and stepped under it, wincing as it started colder than I wanted, then I dropped down and sat on the floor of the bath, my knees pulled up to my chest. How the hell was I supposed to act like everything was normal? I was missing pretty vital part of my body, and despite all of their platitudes, I knew it wasn’t the end of this hell. I knew that the biopsy was going to show that my life was over. I could feel it, so why the fuck was I just sitting here when my days were numbered? I should be out there living life to the fullest. I should be experiencing everything, before I run out of time. I normally seesawed between a desperate urge to do something, anything, and a deep lethargy, that I usually gave in to.
Not this time. I stood up again, washed fast, and dried off. As always, I squeezed my eyes closed as I washed down there, trying not to feel how different it was, and how wrong it was. So fucking wrong.
No wonder I couldn’t take it further with that girl last night. I wanted to, so fucking badly, but the second she got a look at the disastrous remains of my ‘manhood’, she’d either laugh or run the other way, and besides, what if I couldn’t even fucking get it up? I hadn’t tried, because trying meant touching it, and I… hell, it was like I’d become afraid of my own dick.
Fuck this.
I wrapped a towel around me, and went back into my room. I moved quietly, because Elise seemed to be sleeping again, thankfully. I dressed quickly, grabbed my phone and keys, and headed for the door.
As I reached the stairs, I could hear partying still going on. Was it not as late as I thought? Was it just a couple of my brothers, or might she be there? What if she was? I had no idea who she was. I’d never seen her before, because I’d have fucking remembered her. She seemed at home here though, so she’d clearly been here at some point, probably while I was away.
A chilling thought hit me then. What if she was already with someone else? One of my brothers? What if she was a brother’s girl, and I’d fucking forced her to kiss me? Was she really into it? Were her hands pulling me closer, or pulling at me to make me stop. Hell, I couldn’t even remember.
I practically ran past the bar, avoiding any chance of seeing or speaking to anyone, and headed straight for my bike. God, I’d missed the ride. I’d missed the freedom of a long damn ride. The surge of power, as I owned the fucking road.
I straddled the bike, and cursed, lurching up instantly. FUCK!
Cammy
H e never returned to the bar last night, and it was soul-crushing, because I needed another chance to see him, to get to speak to him, or more. I wanted more. I wanted to know what else a man with a tongue that skilled could do. We never figured out who he was, and we didn’t ask the few bikers who stayed and partied with us, because I hadn’t really seen enough of him to be able to describe him properly. The other thing was that he’d been drinking, and seconds after the kiss that rocked my world, he’d looked guilty and declared that he shouldn’t have done it. Apologised. Ran. He ran.
What if he was married or something, and just got caught up in the moment? If I asked about him, and they worked out who he was, someone would get hurt, other than me, and I didn’t want to be the reason for that. Hell no.
I went home horny and lonely, and I relived that kiss over and over, as I rode my fingers to a pathetic orgasm that left me feeling just as horny afterward.
I even dreamt about the bastard. That was how I’d decided to refer to him since I woke up this morning. The bastard. The bastard who rocked my damn world, and ran away, leaving me desperate for his attention. Always leave them wanting more? Well, go fuck yourself. That’s my mantra for today. Go fuck yourself, whoever the hell you are.
I checked the time before I went for a shower. I had enough time to freshen up and grab a couple of good coffees, before I headed to work.
We still weren’t open yet, but the sign would be finished off today, and we were almost set up. Ice had set up an amazing website, utilising some tricks he knew to make our clinic pop up as often as possible for the right keywords. With any luck we’d have clients very soon. He’d also set up a system for me, with the booking program, and any other apps I’d need, as well as a direct link to see the feed from every camera in the place, and there were a lot. He’d clearly gone overboard to protect his woman, and why the hell couldn’t I find a man who cared that much about me?
I turned up with four nice coffees, lattes for Lissa and myself, and americanos for Has-Been and Rocket, having listened to their coffee requirements the day before.
“Thanks, darlin’, that’s good of you. What do you think?” Has-Been pointed up at the sign, leaning around Rocket, who was up the ladder working.
“It’s beautiful! It looks more like a tattoo than a sign, does that make sense?”
He grinned. “It’s what the lady wanted. She figured she’s inked now, so she wanted the sign to be more inviting to, you know, ruffians like us.”
I giggled. “She really said that?”
“I paraphrased. How did you enjoy the bar last night?”
I shifted my balance, the coffees tilting a little in the process.
“Here, gimme those.” He carried them in for me, and we talked as we walked.
“It was great. I wished I could have let go a bit more, but I had to drive.”
He looked me over, winking at me.
“I’m sure we’d all enjoy watching you let go, girl. You know, you could always sleep over.”
I scrutinised him, trying to see if he was hitting on me, because even a day ago, I’d have probably jumped him, but today? Today I was still caught up thinking about ‘the bastard’.
“You have a spare bed?”
He threw his head back as he laughed.
“Actually, yeah, well, the sofa folds out, but I’d happily let you share my bed. I promise I don’t snore… although I do sleep naked.”
“Stop hitting on my staff.” Lissa swatted his arm as she came out of her office.
“Sorry boss. I’ll get back to work. We should be done in an hour or so, if Rocket hurries his ass up on the section he’s working on.”
“You can’t rush perfection,” we heard Rocket muttering in response, because Has-Been had made sure to let his voice carry. He joined his brother outside and got back to work.
“You and Has-Been?” Lissa raised her eyebrows, as she took the coffee I offered. “Thanks, babe. So?”
I made my way around to my desk and sat down, logging into the laptop.
“We were just chatting.”
“About sleeping over?”
I checked the security feeds were all working, as per Ice’s very repetitive instructions, then went on to check the website traffic, and queries to the inbox.
“Ooh we have a few potentials here, babe.”
Lissa came around to check the screen, our conversation forgotten for now, thankfully. We planned responses, and I focused on sending those, while she went back to her office, to fuss with the place.
When the door opened again, I expected it to be the guys updating us on the sign being finished, but it was a slightly familiar looking older man, wearing a club cut.
“Hey, Cammy. I’m Reacher, remember me from last night? I mean, we met for like half a second before you were dragged away from me.” I did remember now he mentioned it, and smiled warmly.
“Who’d forget a powerful man like you, Reacher? Of course, I remember. You need Lissa?”
He nodded. “Does she have some free time?”
I tapped a message out on my screen, and seconds later, Lissa’s door opened again.
“Reacher, this is a lovely surprise, is everything okay?”
He ran a hand through his greying hair.
“Is it ever?” He joined her in the office, and the door closed, and for the first time in my career, I wished I could hear what was going on in that room. They clearly knew each other well, which maybe meant he was her patient already, but he didn’t look or behave like an addict, so it had to be some other issue.
He was only in there about ten minutes, and returned, nodding his head at me on the way out.
Lissa looked worried as she joined me at the reception desk.
“He wants me to meet with Stitch, his VP. Apparently he’s not doing great. He’s the one who’s been away, dealing with some health stuff.”
As usual that’s too little information. I tried to remember if I’d even met someone called Stitch last night.
“What is with them and these weird ambiguous road names? Like they have to know we’re desperate to know why the fuck they’re called these things. Does he stitch people up? Is it a figurative thing? Literal? Ironic?”
Lissa giggled, shrugging her shoulders.
“No idea, but just be prepared, because if he comes here, he’s not doing it willingly. He’ll probably be in a mood. I don’t think you’ve met him yet. I saw him briefly at the party last night, I mean, it was his party.”
I hadn’t been aware it was a party as such. I thought it was just a bunch of guys getting pissed. Lissa disappeared back into her office, and I killed time fussing with the laptop, and making us coffees for the rest of the morning.