Sixteen
It was two in the morning when Harper woke to a faint cry. She bounded out of bed and rushed into the next room. Inside, under the faint glow of a night-light, lay Mason in his cot, thrashing around, having a nightmare.
‘Shh, little one, it’s okay. I’m right here.’ She rubbed the boy’s back, as Ruby pressed her nose against Harper’s leg. Concern filled the sensitive dog’s eyes.
‘You too, Ruby. Everything will be okay.’ She patted the dog’s head.
‘Is he okay?’ It was Ash at the door. Thankfully in jeans and a T-shirt and not a towel.
She nodded, turning back to focus on the boy.
‘What’s wrong with him?’
‘Nightmare.’
‘How can someone that young get nightmares?’
‘I don’t know.’ She shrugged. ‘Nightmares can come for no reason.’
Ash stared at her for a long second as if trying to read her. ‘You have nightmares.’
She did, ever since the bomb blast. ‘Don’t you?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘Maybe stress attacks.’ Shoving his hands in his pockets, he lifted his shoulders high in an awkward shrug. ‘Forget I said that.’ He went to leave.
She grabbed his arm. ‘What are you stressed about?’
He shook his head, looking at her hand on his arm.
She let go, but she wasn’t letting go of this conversation, especially when conversations were so rare these days. ‘Is it about the station?’
‘No. Normally, I’m never stressed over anything.’
‘So, what is it then?’
His dark eyes left hers to focus on the cot, he stepped back as if to keep his distance.
‘Your son?’ She’d never heard Ash call the boy that.
Ash gave a curt nod as the apple in his throat worked as if trying to fight the words that gushed out, ‘It squeezes my rib cage so bad it hurts to breathe. But it’s getting better.’ He rubbed his lower chest as if suffering with a bad case of heartburn.
‘Is that why you’re avoiding your son?’ She’d thought Ash was avoiding her, but apparently it was Mason.
He rubbed a rough hand over his face as if to rewind this conversation. ‘It’s stupid. Forget it, okay?’ Again, he went to turn away.
‘No.’ She grabbed his hand, forcing him to stand beside her. ‘Look at him.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t want to mess him up.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’d never own this station without my brothers. I suck at responsibility and that,’ he said, pointing to the sleeping child, ‘is the biggest responsibility a man can have. I didn’t ask for it, Harper.’
‘I know. Most new fathers have nine months to prepare for the responsibility. How much time did you get?’
‘I didn’t get any.’ He rubbed the back of his neck, the burden evident in the bend of his shoulders. ‘So, I’m not overreacting?’
‘No. You just never had time to prepare.’ She rubbed his back in slow circles like she did for Mason. ‘The thing is, Mason didn’t ask for it either. I bet his nightmare is about his mother not being here and how much he misses her. When he could be having happy dreams, discovering the pure joy of what it’s like to have a father.’
‘How was your dad?’
‘The best. I was a total daddy’s girl.’ She gave him a shy smile. ‘You?’
‘I was closer to my mother. She had to keep me in line.’
Harper arched an eyebrow at him.
‘Don’t you judge and get all snooty on me, missy.’ He playfully tapped her nose, surprising her so much she gave a girlish giggle.
‘I let my mother control my bank accounts for my wage, so she’d put some of it away for me to save.’
‘Nothing wrong with that. My mother did the same for me until I got used to doing it myself.’ Harper then admitted, ‘Sometimes when I’m shopping, I still hear my mother’s voice telling me to put down that pair of shoes and back away from the store.’
‘I get that sometimes when I’m buying computer games.’ They shared a grin. He then looked at her. Like really looked at her, with none of that sleazy flirtiness from the man whose own brothers said he went through women in droves.
But when he lowered his head, his dark hair fell across his forehead in an oddly endearing way, exposing a whole new side to Ash, and it was hot.
She curled her hand into a fist, to stop herself from reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. The blood rushed in her ears, and electricity seemed to build in the air. But she wasn’t here for Ash.
‘Stay for a while.’ Gripping his wrist, she placed his hand on the cot’s side rail.
‘And do what?’
‘Nothing. Just look at him. He’s your son. You need to accept that, because once you do, I promise you, it’ll be one of the greatest gifts that life offers.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because it’s what my father used to say about me, and I’ve heard other parents say that about their children. Mason doesn’t need much, all he wants is your time. And the thing is, time moves so fast, one day you could blink, and they’re gone.’ She stared at the slumbering child, so small and peaceful, her heart ached to hold him. ‘Moments like these, we don’t know how precious they truly are.’
She gazed up at him, trying to control her own emotions, but it was a struggle. Time had always been her enemy, where there was never enough or she was too busy trying to recapture what time had stolen from her. Yet being on this station was like living in a hidden world that created its own rules about time, spending time with Mason and Bree, learning a whole new way to use time.
‘Now I’m the one rambling.’ She exhaled heavily, feeling heat brush over her cheeks.
‘No, you’re not rambling, Harper.’ The way he said her name—a little deeper, with a little more gravel in his tone—made her heart quicken.
She focused on Mason and not the dreamy guy with dark eyes watching her.
‘You know, all this little boy wants is to be part of a family, and you need to welcome him, Ash.’ Unsure if she was saying the right thing, but she was hoping to convince him to bond with Mason for both their sakes.
‘How?’
‘Simply by spending time with him. Don’t be like me, where you suddenly wake up in a place and feel like everything is gone because you were chasing time. Time spent with family, and with friends is more precious. The memories you create will last a lifetime.’
‘You have a thing for time, don’t you.’ He tapped on his wrist. ‘I noticed you’re not wearing your watch anymore.’
He noticed her. Why did that make her tummy swirl with giddy glee? ‘Bree made me take it off. I still keep it in my pocket.’ They mirrored each other’s grins. Only this time it came a little easier.
He was so close his manly aroma filled the air. He smelled so heavenly, like someone had taken every one of her secret dreamy desires, to then bottle it into an exclusive cologne that only her perfect dream guy would wear. Ash was that guy.
The only thing was, he knew he had some power over women and her. Especially the way his eyes dropped to her lips then rose back up to her eyes.
She headed for the safety of the door, but could feel his eyes tracking her across the room. ‘And Ash?’
‘Yeah?’ He tilted his head, the soft light highlighted the bristles on his chin, accentuating his cheek bones. But his eyes were intense. Almost hungry.
‘You will make a good father.’
He frowned at her, like she’d lost her marbles, instantly dousing that hunger in his eyes, as he stood straighter with hands in his pockets. ‘How can you say that?’
‘Because you still know how to play. You play on your drone, or your computer games. But you also understand what adult responsibility means.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘It’s why you’ve been getting that constricted feeling in your chest. It’s stress. And if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be stressed with worry for your son, which is completely normal.’
Ash stared at her with widening eyes and slack jaw. He then cleared his throat. ‘You won’t say anything to my brothers about what I just said?’
‘No. They don’t talk to me.’
His frown shifted as if embarrassed for them.
‘Hey, you must remember, they’re not fathers, they’re uncles. You’re the father. And I know, deep down in my gut,’ she said, patting her own stomach. ‘You’ll do great at it, too. You just have to try.’
‘What if I fail? Make mistakes?’
‘Every father does. My dad did. Didn’t yours?’
Ash nodded. ‘I like the man, but I don’t want to be like him. Is that wrong to say?’
‘No. It’s the most honest thing I’ve heard you say.’
He reached out and gently stroked her hair, she almost sighed at the tenderness of his touch. ‘I know.’ He pulled his hand back fast. ‘Boundaries.’
‘Yeah, boundaries.’ The boss-to-employee kind of boundaries, that were getting harder to maintain.
‘Thank you, Harper.’
‘You might hate me later, so hold your thanks for now, and focus on you and Mason.’ She closed the door behind her, hoping, just hoping, he’d connect with Mason before it was time for her to leave.
And then she’d come clean with her secret.