6. Sammy
CHAPTER SIX
sammy
Calling her “angel” slipped out before I could stop it. Sarah’s breath hitched and she was gone in a blink, taking her shake and food with her. She slammed the car door and high-tailed it for the house.
I waited until she went inside before I felt like I could breathe.
What the hell was that?
What the hell was I thinking?
Sarah was off-limits.
Our plans this weekend weren’t even a date. It was an outing with her kids. I needed to relax. It wasn’t like I was breaking the law. Just the unspoken code with Colt.
I turned down the street, picking up speed toward my apartment. I’d ditch the alien romance book tonight in favor of a hot shower and some porn.
A few minutes later, I pulled into my regular spot in the apartment complex parking lot. With my food and shake in hand, I headed up the stone staircase to the second floor of the building .
The back of my neck prickled. I slowed and turned around, expecting to see someone there.
Nothing.
“Don’t like that,” I muttered.
I unlocked my door slowly, waiting for a sign of someone coming up the steps. When no one did, I went inside and locked the door behind me—both locks.
“Fucking weird.” I sucked on the milkshake as I kicked off my shoes and took my food to the kitchen.
My apartment seemed empty compared to Cam’s house. Every time I visited, it hit me again how little I’d decorated my space. I had everything I needed—my guitars, a couch, a coffee table, my TV, and a bunch of random equipment. There was a bookshelf in my bedroom, a closet full of kink equipment, and a big bed. But none of it felt permanent.
Really, this place was temporary. Eventually, I wanted a house close to Cam, Hunter, and my parents—but I also liked being on the other side of town. Newer developments were springing up, and it felt like a different place than the vineyard I’d grown up near.
I loved my family. I loved my brothers. But sometimes, they were too much. Coming off the holidays, part of me wanted to disappear somewhere for a couple of months, but I’d never hear the end of it from my parents. Plus, we’d be building the new winery soon and I needed to be home for that.
I put the fries and burgers in the fridge, but kept the shake, sucking on the straw.
Sarah and Colt were on my mind. Nerves fluttered in my chest. Something about the way Colt looked at me at dinner made me want him. And then Sarah? There’d been no confusion about the way my blood heated in her presence.
In both of their presence.
The bi panic was settling in. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with both of them. Between the tension this morning and at dinner with Colt, and what had just happened with Sarah, my imagination was being a little too imaginative .
I thought about a friend I had who lived outside of North Austin. Rosie. She was happily with three people in a polyamorous relationship. I hadn’t known that was an option until I’d met her, but I’d done a fair amount of research since then and read a few books out of curiosity.
People certainly made it work. And they did so happily.
But, I lived in a small town.
Even though I liked the idea of being with them both, I wasn’t sure Colt or Sarah would ever consider an arrangement like that with me.
Why am I even thinking about this?
It wasn’t like Colt had hit on me. Hell, he'd probably fist fight me if he ever knew I was even thinking about Sarah like this. I was probably imagining the few moments at dinner where I felt like I was going to melt.
And then Sarah…
They were two people who should not be on my mind this way.
Off-limits.
Just a couple of little crushes that I needed to crush before I acted on them and ruined everything.
Or…
I stood still for a moment, thinking about the urge that had come over me. I wanted to visit home. It was the middle of the fucking night, and that meant my parents would be asleep. Which meant I could sneak through the vineyard to the Harlow tree without getting caught.
Maybe I was being a little unhinged. It was just a crush. It was just two crushes. Absolutely nothing was going to come from it, and it was delusional to even consider.
But I wanted to pick out a spot on the tree.
How far gone am I?
As far gone as I could possibly be.
I turned my headlights off as I pulled down the familiar driveway, rolling to a quiet stop behind my dad’s truck. No lights were on in the house and the stars splashed across the sky above, twinkling in the crisp air.
I got out of the truck and walked to the gate, easily hopping over it. The fucker had squeaky hinges, so this was the only way to sneak by the house. Even in the dark, I knew the vineyard path like the back of my hand. The brambles eventually gave way to a hill with long grass that bowed beneath the occasional breeze.
The Harlow family tree sat at the very top, long branches twining up into the night. Sturdy boughs and roots tangling deep into the dirt supported years of history. Along the trunk were countless hearts and initials, all whittled into the bark.
Cam and Haley’s were in the middle. I smiled as I shined my flashlight on theirs.
Really, I’d had my spot picked out since I was a kid. I’d always been hopeful that I’d meet someone, and now, maybe even two people… I’m losing it.
Whether anything happened with Sarah or Colt, I was still tired of being alone. Restlessness and yearning had taken root, growing through my heart with the same strength of the Harlow oak tree. And if, by some strange twist of fate, I could love two people and be loved in return…
I needed a bigger spot on the tree .
I circled the oak until I saw it. Right there in front of me, the place I envisioned carving initials into.
“Sammy, what in the seven hells are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”
My muscles jerked and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I spun to see Pops standing there in pajamas and boots, a gun in one hand and a flashlight in the other.
“Sorry, I should have texted,” I said, wincing.
He snorted and shook his head, coming up next to me to look at the tree. My dad wasn’t as insightful as my mom, but he still gave me a sideways glance.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you come look at the tree before. Who is she?”
Not just she. My parents didn’t know I was bisexual and they certainly didn’t know I was polyamorous. While the second part was a newer revelation, I was still deciding what that could even mean for me. “No one,” I said quickly.
“Son, you’re standing outside in the cold, it’s damn near midnight, and you’re looking at the tree. It’s someone, alright.”
“Don’t worry about it, old man.”
He scoffed, giving me a playful jab. “Not that old. You spending the night? Mom will fuss if you don’t.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I’ll bunk in my old room.”
“Alright. Did you pick out your spot then?”
“Yeah. You better not tell Mom.”
He grinned. “No promises. That woman can smell secrets.”
He had a point. “Okay, well at least wait until I’m out of here in the morning.”
With a snort, he clapped my back. “Fine. Let’s get going.”
I gave the tree one final glance before following him back down the hill, my attention turning to his steps as he seemed a little off balance.
Realizing that my father wasn’t invincible was one of the scariest parts about getting older.
We trudged through the vineyard. Most of the vines were leafless now, but that would change once late summer and fall rolled around next year. Then we’d all be out here picking grapes and apples from the orchard trees. The gate creaked as he pushed it open and I wasn’t surprised to see Mom and their dog, Benny, sitting on the front porch. She narrowed her eyes on me.
“What on earth are you doing, Sammy?” she asked.
“I was just checking on the farm,” I said smoothly, going up the porch steps and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“At midnight ?” she asked, exasperated. “Since when do you check on the farm?”
Pops shook his head. “Let’s all go to bed. I told him he could sleep over.”
“Well of course,” she said, still hawk-eyed. “Want to tell me what’s really going on?”
“Nope,” I said. “It’s nothing.”
Just a couple of crushes on two people I have no business wanting.