Chapter 13 – Emmett
Chapter Thirteen
EMMETT
I watch Lilah take my girl from me and hold her in her arms. Holding her to her chest, she whispers, “She doesn’t want to see me right now either.” She then looks down at Lucy in her arms. “I don’t think anyone is going to be able to make this better but her mom.”
I want to tell her that we are going to be shit out of luck because unless she rises from the dead, I’m all Lucy has. It’s not much, but it’s something. “Let’s get her inside,” I urge Lilah, and she nods at me. Putting my hand on the base of her back, I follow her out of the barn.
“My truck,” she says of the headlights still on, and so is the truck.
“I’ll turn it off.” I run over to it, pulling the keys out and turning off the lights before closing the door.
I watch her hold my daughter in her arms, close to her chest, like she’s trying to give her strength. “I think she needs a bath,” Lilah notes, “but I don’t know how that’s going to happen without her waking up.”
“She was in the crawl space with dust and everything,” I say, walking up the front steps, “she needs to take a bath.” I open the door for them and watch her walk in and stop in the entranceway. She’s never been in my house. She’s driven by my house, and she’s dropped off things for me, but she’s never been inside. I have to wonder if I did this on purpose to protect myself from the images of her being in this house forever. “This way.” I move past her toward Lucy’s bedroom. “I’ll start the bath,” I say, and she nods.
I walk into the bathroom I never expected anyone to be using, but now it’s my daughter’s. Her hairbrush is on the counter beside a couple of hair clips that I have no idea how to use. Her toothbrush is in the holder right next to the toothpaste. One towel on the side looks like she just put it there. I walk over to the bathtub and turn on the water, testing it with my arm before wiping it on the towel on the counter.
“I know you are,” Lilah says, “but as soon as we get you cleaned and in your pj’s, you can go to bed.”
“I don’t want to,” Lucy whines, her eyes half closed as Lilah carries her into the bathroom. I turn and walk over to her bed, sitting down on it, and putting my elbows on my knees as I let out a sigh of relief that she came out. I stood outside that crawl space and contemplated ripping the whole thing off even though Charlie would not be too happy with me. Instead, I sat on my ass, helpless, as I heard the sobs coming from Lucy, sobs that ripped through her. Sobs I hadn’t heard before. Sobs I know I’ll never forget the sound of.
I listen to the water being turned off before I hear her voice. “We’ll get you washed off.” The sound of water splashing comes from the bathroom. “Then get you in bed, and tomorrow will be another day.”
The lump in my throat forms for a minute before Lilah comes out of the bathroom and looks at me. “Where are her pj’s?” she asks, and I look around the room, not sure where she put them.
“I have no idea,” I admit, getting up and going to the dresser to grab her one of the new pairs I bought her at the mall, when Lilah walks over to the bed and moves her pillow, finding her pj’s.
“How did you know?” I ask, and she just shrugs. “Is it a girl thing?”
“Maybe.” She shrugs again. “It could also be a habit she started with her mom.”
“You must think I’m an idiot,” I say, and she doesn’t disagree with me. “Who doesn’t know where their kid’s pj’s are?” I don’t know if I’m asking her the question, but she answers it for me anyway.
“Someone who just became a father and has no idea what he’s doing.” She gives me a soft, sad smile before walking back into the bathroom. “I found your pj’s,” she announces, and I hear the water sloshing, knowing she must be coming out of the bath and wondering if I should just leave the room. They don’t give me time to decide because Lucy comes walking back into the room wearing her pj’s, her hair wet but brushed back, her hand firmly in Lilah’s. “We didn’t wash her hair, but we did rinse it off in case there was dust in it,” Lilah states.
I nod, then look at Lucy. “I’m sorry, Lucy.” I try to say the words without my voice cracking but fail miserably. “I shouldn’t have lost my patience with you.” She stands beside Lilah, half her face hidden from me. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“Let’s get you in bed,” Lilah urges after a few minutes. “You’ve had an eventful night.” She walks with her to the bed and holds her hand as Lucy puts one leg in the bed and then lets go of her hand. She gets in the middle of the bed and pushes the covers down with her feet before getting under. “Good night, Lucy,” she says, leaning down and kissing the top of her head before moving away from the bed. “I’m going to wait for you outside,” she says and then motions me with her head to go and speak to her.
I nod as she walks out of the bedroom, leaving me alone with my daughter who hates me. I walk over and sit on the side of her bed as she turns on her side. “I shouldn’t have yelled before,” I say softly, “but you also shouldn’t have taken off.” She just looks at me. “You scared the living daylights out of me,” I say even though I’m not sure she cares. “I don’t ever want you to do that again.” She blinks her eyes. “I’d rather you yell back at me than not know where you are.” She doesn’t say anything to me, and now with this stunt, I’ll be lucky if she says anything to me in the next year. “I know it’s hard, and we’re both learning. But bottom line, I’m happy you’re here, Lucy.” I take a deep inhale and lean forward and kiss her head, exactly where Lilah kissed her. “Sleep tight, Lucy,” I say and get up, walking to the door. “And if you need anything, just call me.”
I turn off the light and close the door behind me but leave it open a crack. I walk to the living room and look around to see if Lilah is there. My eyes scan the room, and when I don’t see her anywhere, I walk out of the house and find her sitting on the step. She looks over her shoulder when she hears the door open. “Hey,” she says softly, “is she sleeping?”
“She’s lying in her bed,” I reply, stepping outside of the door and closing it behind me softly.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask.
“I wasn’t going to leave without saying goodbye,” she says and I shake my head as I sit on the step beside her.
“No, I meant, what are you doing outside?”
She looks over at me, rubbing her hands on her legs. “I—you never invited me into your home before, and I didn’t want to be where I wasn’t invited in.”
“Lilah,” I say.
“What happened to her mom?” she asks, and after tonight, she deserves to know what the fuck happened.
“I used to date her mom,” I explain and see something wash over her eyes, and she looks down at her hands on her legs. “It was casual and nothing.”
“Yeah, I get it.” She stops me from continuing.
“She left town, and I never gave her another thought until I got a phone call and I was told she died and I had a daughter.”
She gasps. “You didn’t know?”
I shake my head. “I vowed to never have kids, never get married. It was never going to happen.”
“Until it did,” she adds with her voice low.
“Until now.” I put my hands on my knees and look over at her. “Until Lucy.”
“How did she die?” she asks.
“She had a brain aneurysm.” I take a deep breath in and then gush out, exhaling. “Lucy came home from school and found her.”
“Jesus,” she hisses out. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She shakes her head. “No wonder she’s so confused.”
“I can only imagine what she’s going through.”
“Unless you’ve walked in her shoes,” she says, and I swallow down the story about my past. No one, and I mean no one but me, knows that story, and that is how it’s going to be. NO one needs to know the story, especially not Lilah. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if she looks at me with pity. “Then no one knows what she is going through.”
She nods at me, putting her hand beside her hip and pushing herself to a standing position. I climb to my feet and end up closer than I think I’ve ever been to her, at least in the dark. “Thank you for tonight,” I say. “You have no idea how much this means to me.” My head screams if only you really knew how much it meant, you would run away screaming.
She turns to face me. “I feel like”—she hesitates for just a second—“like you need a hug.” All the words stay lodged in my throat. All of them, the only thing working in my body is the blood rushing through me and my heart speeding up.
I watch her move and close the distance between us, her hands going around my shoulders, and she presses her chest to mine. My eyes close, and my hands move on their own to wrap around her waist. Instead of pushing her away from me, I squeeze her even closer to me. The relief of the night finally making me let go. I hug her with my eyes closed, and the feel of her in my arms is better than I could have ever dreamed of. She slowly lets me go, but my arms around her waist don’t let loose. She moves back a bit, her hands falling from around my shoulders to my pecs, my eyes open to see her staring at me. “Lilah,” I whisper, pleading with myself to let her go. Pleading with her to walk away from me.
“Emmett.” My name on her lips is more than I can take, especially after the last hours. One of my arms loosens from her waist, going to the side of her hip and then moving up so I can hold her face.
I can only say her name—“Lilah”—right before my head moves to the side, and she gasps right before my lips touch hers. Right before I realize I will now know what heaven feels like. My tongue comes out to lick her bottom lip before sliding into her mouth. Her tongue plays with mine, as if I’ve always kissed her. As if I was made to kiss her. My hand moves from her face into the back of her hair. I fist it and turn her head to the other side, deepening the kiss. Both of us moan as if we’ve been waiting for this moment for our whole lives. It’s a moment I know will go on my list of the best things that have ever happened to me. That list has one thing on it so far and that is Lucy. And now Lilah and this kiss.