Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
KAYA
Red and blue lights strobe off the trees, the buildings, and every surface between. Frigidity sweeps through the air that has nothing to do with the gentle breeze coming off the bay. Muttered conversations blend with the quiet whimpers coming from the woman on the ground with a knife in her belly. Cameras flash as photos are taken of the scene, small numbered tent cards in various places on the ground.
Arms banded around my neck and legs wrapped around my waist; Tucker trembles against my chest. Since leaping into my arms, he hasn’t stopped shaking. Our cheeks pressed together, I strengthen my hold on him and slowly sway. Ray’s parents stand inches from us, Angel stroking Tucker’s hair and Ray Jr. whispering how much they love him.
When the police rushed through the trees and took control of the situation moments ago, we stepped out of the shadows and onto the platform. The worry on Angel’s face told me I wasn’t alone in needing a clear view of Ray to see he was unharmed. The second I knew both my guys were safe, I took my first real breath in hours.
While we console Tucker, Ray speaks with the police.
“Is my mom okay?” Tucker tries to turn in my arms and look for his mother.
More lights bounce off the trees. Doors slam then gravel crunches. EMTs come into view with two stretchers. They pause in front of Ray and the officers. Ray points toward us and says something we can’t hear.
“I don’t know,” I tell Tucker. I want to ask him how not knowing makes him feel, but I refrain. It’s not the time.
Small pack slung over their shoulder, an EMT jogs up the steps, gives us a sympathetic smile, and points to Tucker in my arms. “Is this Tucker?”
Tucker glances over his shoulder at the medical technician then turns away and ducks his head.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask a few questions and check you for injuries. Is that okay, Tucker?”
Tucker gives an infinitesimal shake of his head.
I rub a hand over his back. “How about this, Tucker?”
He peeks up at me.
“What if they ask and you whisper the answer to me, Grandma, or Papa RJ? Can we do it that way?”
Tucker strengthens his hold on me and nods.
The EMT asks one question after another, and we relay answers. Except for being terrified and traumatized, Tucker is otherwise okay. No scrapes, cuts, bruises, or physical injury.
Although this day will live with and haunt him for years, I breathe a sigh of relief he won’t have physical scars.
Handcuffs on her wrists and latched to the stretcher, Brianna is wheeled off to an ambulance. The remaining EMTs load the man into a black body bag, zip it closed, and hoist him onto the other stretcher. As they wheel him away, I keep Tucker’s gaze averted.
Ray strides across the dirt and up the steps, sidling up to us. He presses a kiss to Tucker’s hair. On the next breath, Tucker loosens his hold on me and reaches for Ray. The world stills and quiets as the two embrace each other in the fiercest hug.
The backs of my eyes sting a beat before tears stain my cheeks. Ray’s parents and I crowd him and Tucker, wrapping them in our arms. A tremble ripples from one set of arms to the next as we weep happy tears.
We may have a lot of stress and hurt to work through in the coming months, but at least we have each other to lean on. So long as we stick together, everything else will work out.
Ray presses a kiss to Tucker’s temple, then turns and kisses my cheek. “Let’s go home.”
Except for taking a quick shower and changing his clothes, Tucker hasn’t left Ray’s arms. He asked Ray to stay in the room as he did both. Can’t say I blame him.
Well past Tucker’s bedtime, we sit on the couch with the television on, the volume almost inaudible. On Ray’s lap, Tucker rests his head on his dad’s shoulder. Ray offered to make something to eat when we walked in. But none of us has an appetite.
“Is my mom okay?” Tucker asks for the second time.
Ray takes a deep breath and shifts Tucker so he can look him in the eye. “I’m not sure, bud. She was really hurt when the ambulance took her to the hospital.”
A deep groove forms between Tucker’s brows. “Is she in trouble?”
With a nod, Ray answers truthfully, “Yeah, bud. Your mom did some bad things.” What he doesn’t say is if she lives to see tomorrow, Brianna will spend a long time behind bars. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Tucker ducks his chin and shrugs.
I lay a hand on his pajama-covered shin. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Tucker. What happened was scary for all of us.” I gently stroke the side of his leg with my thumb. “Sometimes it helps to tell someone what you remember and how it made you feel. Sharing doesn’t make it go away.” I bring my hand to his hair and run my fingers through the soft curls. “But each time we talk about it, it hurts a little less.”
Tucker’s lips twist as he mulls over my words. “Can I tell my fire truck?”
In my periphery, confusion lines Ray’s forehead.
“Of course,” I assure him. “You can tell your fire truck whatever you want. Always.”
Tucker’s shoulders relax a little.
“But you need to talk with your dad, and maybe other grown-ups, about what happened today.”
Tucker stiffens, and Ray hugs him closer.
“He’s been through enough today,” Ray says, voice low and edgy. “Don’t pressure him.”
Releasing Tucker’s curls, I ease back and add a little space between me and Ray. He means well. Deep down, I know he does, but encouraging Tucker to suppress how today made him feel will blow up in his face later. Like his former experiences with his mother, what happened today will stay with him a long time. Better to let some of it out now than have him screaming in the middle of the night.
And didn’t he just ask Tucker if he wanted to talk about it? Not that I’ll point it out. Now isn’t the time to highlight his hypocritical behavior.
Maybe I should go home. Give them time alone together. But as the thought crosses my mind, I can’t find the strength to get off the couch, grab my shoes, and call someone for a ride. So, I move farther down the couch. Back off and put some distance between me and them.
“Don’t leave, Miss Kaya.” The shaky plea in Tucker’s voice tugs at my heartstrings.
A half-hearted smile curves my lips as I give an imperceptible shake of my head. “I won’t leave if that’s what you want.”
“I want you to stay.” Tucker rests his head back on Ray’s shoulder and stares across the room. “Mom was acting weird.”
Ray freezes for three heartbeats, then takes a slow, deep breath. His mouth opens then closes a few times before he rolls his lips between his teeth. When he opens his mouth again, he doesn’t get the chance to speak.
Tucker elaborates on how Brianna was behaving as he stares at Ray’s shirt. He talks about the man and how he was in a bathroom stall at the bowling alley. How the man said he knew Tucker because he was friends with his mom. That his mom and dad were outside talking, and he was supposed to bring Tucker to them. Tucker says he wasn’t scared until he didn’t see Ray with Brianna and she made him get in the van.
Until he reaches the end of his side of the story, Tucker spills his heart. As each truth comes out, Ray hugs him closer to his chest. The more they embrace, the more I feel like an interloper.
Turning my head off to the side, I look anywhere but at them.
I should leave.
When Tucker finishes talking, I scoot to the edge of the couch, fist the cushion for a breath, then rise from my seat. I keep my eyes ahead and move around the couch. My stomach twists more with each step, but I continue forward.
“Where are you going?”
Pausing, I close my eyes. Tucker is not going to let me leave. Regardless of how much I feel like an outsider right now, he will find a way to keep me here.
Sweet, sensitive soul that he is, Tucker has tethered my heart without effort. I love him for that.
“It’s been a long day,” I say. Opening my eyes, I meet his anxious gaze. “I’m tired.”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Anticipation glitters in his eyes as they dart between me and Ray.
“I don’t?—”
“Of course, bud,” Ray cuts me off as he rises with Tucker in his arms. He rounds the other end of the couch and blocks my path. “Kaya and I need your snuggles, too.” He sets Tucker on his feet. “Go brush your teeth. We’ll be up in a minute.”
Tucker wraps his arms around my waist and squeezes with all his might. Then, just as quickly, he releases me and heads for the stairs. “Don’t take long.”
“We won’t, bud.”
“’Kay.”
The moment Tucker is out of earshot, Ray invades my space and hauls me to his chest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He tucks his face in the crook of my neck and inhales deeply. “I reacted without thinking.” On the exhale, he leans back and cups my cheeks. “All I want is to protect him. Please tell me you understand.”
I rest my hands over his and meet his veiny, tired eyes. “I do.” Twisting, I kiss his palm. “But protecting him isn’t always shoving the bad stuff in a box and burying it.” Meeting those wary brown eyes once more, I lean into his touch. “You asked him if he wanted to talk about it. When I nudged, you punished me.” I drop my chin to my chest, count to five, then continue. “Although it’s hard, talking about it safeguards his mind and liberates him from guilt or shame. It gives him the chance to let go of the pain.” Reaching up, I take his face in my hands. “Yes, he needs to feel physically safe. But he also needs validation. He needs to know any time he has a nightmare or flashback, it’s okay to talk about it without feeling like an imposition.”
“I would never make him feel like a burden,” Ray says, defensive.
“Not intentionally.” I shake my head. “But if you tell him he doesn’t have to talk about the hard stuff every time it comes up, you’re inadvertently saying to keep those things to himself.”
His brows pinch together as he mulls over my words.
“You love Tucker more than anything. I know this. But loving someone also means letting them share their pain.” A corner of my mouth curves up in a sad smile. “It’s how we heal and move forward.”
Ray leans in, runs the tip of his nose along the length of mine, then claims my mouth with his. The kiss is slow, deep, a brand on my soul. And all too soon, he breaks the kiss to rest his forehead on mine. “You have no idea how much I need you.”
My breath catches in my throat as my pulse soars. “I need you, too. Both of you.”
His calloused thumbs caress my cheeks. “Love you, Fire Eyes.”
I gasp as my heart stutters. My vision tunneling as I wobble in place.
He loves me?
I try to wrap my head around his confession. Question if it’s real or a proclamation fueled by fear.
“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to say it,” he says after a moment. “But after today, after all I’ve been through, what we’ve endured, I need to say it.” He drops a chaste kiss to my lips. “I love you, Kaya. More than I’ve loved anyone.” He pulls back then kisses my forehead. “It scares me to death, but that’s how I know it’s real.” His hands on my cheeks tremble. “Let’s try to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day.”
Slipping my hand into his, he guides me up the stairs and to the bedroom. We take turns changing in the bathroom, then crawl into the bed with Tucker between us.
And until I drift off to sleep hours later, his confession replays in my head.
“I love you, Kaya. More than I’ve loved anyone.”