Chapter 29 Noah
NOAH
Elia and I stepped into Whiskey & Barrel, where the scent of woodsmoke drifted from the stone fireplace near the back.
Something sizzled on the flat-top in the kitchen, probably steaks.
The place wasn’t packed, just comfortably full.
Patrons filled the booths, nursing drinks and swapping gossip, while a country song hummed from the corner speakers.
“Long overdue,” Elia muttered as we reached the bar. “I was starting to think you’d forgotten how to drink whiskey.”
I snorted. “You mean drink whiskey with you.”
He tipped his glass at me. “Same thing.”
I was about to fire back when I felt it—the weight of a few lingering stares. Locals.
Elia hadn’t set foot in Whiskey & Barrel much before Claire. Even after they got married, his visits were rare. He kept to himself.
And I’d been the same since coming back. Too busy building a life in Buffaloberry. Too focused on Maya. Maybe too focused on pretending the past didn’t still scrape at my heels.
The stares weren’t rude. Just cautious. Curious.
Everyone in this town knew what happened to the Lucas family. They were probably just wondering why, after all this time, the two remaining brothers finally came in together.
Elia gave me a tug, pulling me away before I could look again. I knew better than to let them get under my skin. I owed my brother a night without trouble.
We followed the waitress to our table.
Neither of us said much as we slid into the booth. The air between us wasn’t tense, exactly. Just…full. Like there was too much history sitting between us, waiting for its turn to speak.
Elia picked up the menu and flipped through it like he gave a damn what was on it. I did the same, knowing full well we’d both order whiskey before food.
The silence stretched.
I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. “Alright. Enough of this. We’re not actually here for the whiskey, are we?”
Elia smirked, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It helps.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, “I bet.” I set the menu down, meeting my brother’s gaze head-on. “El…I’m sorry.”
His brow furrowed. “For what?”
“For leaving.” My throat tightened. “For not being there when you needed me.”
Elia studied me for a long moment before shaking his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“The hell there isn’t.”
“If you took me here to hear me lash you out with what you should’ve done, you won’t get it, Noah.”
“Because you won’t?”
“No. Because I never believed any of it was your fault,” Elia said.
I gritted my teeth, frustration burning through me. “Don’t look at me like I’m some helpless kid. I should’ve stayed.”
He exhaled, not with anger, not with disappointment. Just understanding.
He said, “Whether you like it or not, you’re my little brother. I was supposed to look out for you. I was the one who failed.”
I stiffened. “That’s not true. None of us failed. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t wrong you when I left.”
He let out a scoff, one filled with something close to self-loathing.
“Oh, Noah. I should’ve kept her safe.” His throat worked.
“And where was I that night? With Log. Sneaking a freaking goat onto Mrs. Taylor’s porch and drinking like a billy cut loose.
Meanwhile, Tessa—” He broke off, his jaw tight.
I knew how that sentence ended.
Meanwhile, Tessa was dying alone.
The lump in my throat was nearly impossible to swallow. “We both lost her, El.”
His eyes flickered, something breaking open inside him. “Yeah,” he murmured. “We did.” A long silence stretched between us before he shook his head. “She died. And you didn’t do anything wrong, Noah.”
“Did I not? Tell me, El. What time did she die?” I asked.
Elia’s brows shot up. “Noah? Did you think—”
“Answer me, El.”
He shook his head as if he still didn’t believe I asked the question. “Noah, Tessa was gone hours before you even got there.”
I huffed, then nearly choked on something that wasn’t even there. “That’s no lie?”
“No, I’ll never lie to you about that,” he said firmly. “Ask Colton. It’s all in the report. When I told you that you didn’t do anything wrong, I meant it. And not just to make you feel better.”
I turned away, my shoulders curling in, my eyes drifting to the corner where the wall met the back of the booth.
For a second, I almost folded into it, almost let the relief and everything still crowding my head press me flat.
But the bar wasn’t the place for this. Too many people. Too many eyes. Too much noise.
I pushed back from the table. “Come on.”
Elia frowned. “Where?”
“Outside.” I stood without waiting. “Walk with me.”
He hesitated, just for a beat, then followed.
The early fall air bit through my jacket the second we stepped outside. The sky was low and bruised, promising snow before morning. Fallen leaves skittered along the sidewalk, catching on the curb.
We walked in silence at first. My thoughts were everywhere. Black and white, that’s what I wanted. And Elia had given me that. His words had been enough. I hadn’t let her die. I hadn’t biked around town while she lay there, waiting for help.
Finally, Elia spoke, saying, “I miss her.”
I let out a breath. “Me too.” I nudged a drift of leaves with the toe of my boot, scattering them across the sidewalk. “Why do you think I left, El?”
“Because of her. Because of Dad.”
I nodded, then slowly shook my head. “It was because of you.”
His eyes widened. “Noah…I’m so sorry.”
“Not like that. Just…hear me out.”
He gestured for me to continue.
“Tessa’s death broke me. You knew it. But not just because I found her. It was the whole thing. It was the first time I truly felt like someone had left me. Mom died when I was too young to understand, but Tessa? That one sank deep.
“After she died, when Dad started fading, you stepped up. You argued with him and tried to hold us together. Sometimes I didn’t even know whose side to pick. I loved you both.”
I took a second to catch my breath.
“Noah, stop—”
“No, El. I’m not done.” He meant well. The big brother who didn’t want to see me fall apart. But this time, he had to see. “I had a hunch, El. The day Dad died, I had a fucking hunch. He was just standing there, staring out the window. I begged him not to go. Begged him.”
Elia drew me into a one-arm hug, punching my arm lightly like he didn’t know what else to do with his hands.
“The reason I left,” I said, my voice barely holding, “was because I couldn’t handle the idea of losing you too. Tessa, Dad…I could take it. But you?”
Something clenched in my chest, tight and thick. My throat closed up.
I looked at him. Really looked. And there it was. The same grief I carried, etched into the corners of his eyes, the weight of it carved into the man he’d become. The guilt too. The same guilt I’d worn for years, only he’d been carrying it alone.
I broke.
I turned to him, my forehead pressed to his, my hand thumping his back.
“I couldn’t lose you!” My voice cracked, harsh and helpless.
He drew a sharp breath, and for a long moment we just stood there, two grown men with our chests caving under years of unsaid things.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I left, even though you were breaking.”
Elia turned away, rubbing a hand across his eyes.
I went on, “I tried to forget—Buffaloberry, the house, Tessa, Dad. I became someone else. It was the only way I knew how to go on. That’s why I never called. Never came back. You weren’t in my life, and it hurt, but I couldn’t survive losing you for real.”
He stared out at the dark street, silent long enough to make me wonder if he’d say anything at all. But then he sighed and said, “I didn’t know. I thought it was all because of Tessa.”
“It wasn’t on you. It was how I coped. Pathetic?
Yeah. But it kept me from doing something I couldn’t take back.
” I raked a hand through my hair. “Then two years ago, I almost lost you, and I was damn grateful when we reconnected. But even then, I still felt like a reminder of everything that went wrong. I was here, then gone. In, then out.”
The silence between us stretched, taut and brittle.
Then Elia said, “You are not our downfall, Noah.”
It took me a second to catch up.
He stepped closer and continued, “I should’ve told you that a long time ago. I wanted to talk to you so bad. But I didn’t know how.”
A laugh choked out of me. “Me neither.”
And then, in the middle of that quiet street, Elia did something he’d never done.
He pulled me into a full, crushing hug and cried on my shoulder.
I froze for a second.
Then I clung to him just as tightly. Let the tears come.
I didn’t care who saw. Didn’t care that we weren’t kids anymore, or that we’d spent years pretending we were fine.
Because in that moment, for the first time in too damn long, we weren’t pretending.
Elia finally pulled back, his voice thick when he said, “You’re my brother, Noah. Always have been. Always will be.”
I swallowed, my hand still gripping his shoulder. “You are too, El. You’re all I got.”
We reached the end of the street and did a lazy pivot, heading back toward the truck.
Elia stretched his arms, signaling that the worst was behind us. “So…what changed? What made you finally open that vault of yours?”
“Not what,” I said. “Who.”
His brow lifted. “Ah. So it was her.”
“She shoved me over the line,” I muttered.
He snorted. “Sounds like you’ve found yourself a keeper.”
“I’m hoping,” I said. “But there’s someone else too.”
“Who?”
“Your goat-chasing partner in crime.”
“Log?”
I grinned. “Don’t give him grief. He’s a solid friend.”
Elia side-eyed me with full big-brother energy. “As you say, little brother.”
I groaned. “Okay, maybe it’s time we retired that nickname.”
His grin returned. “You sure? You still look pretty little from up here.”
“You’re like two inches taller.”
“Two inches is a lot.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
He threw an arm around my shoulders, tugging me in for a quick shake. “Fine, fine. No more ‘little brother’ stuff.”
“Thank you.”
“Unless you piss me off. Then all bets are off.”
“Ergh. Why do I even bother?”
“Because you love me,” Elia said.
I shook my head, but yeah, I was smiling like a fool.
Because I really did.