Chapter 17 #2
I can shed this look and start afresh now. If the universe will let me.
There’s a slight hesitancy in Christopher’s face as he steps onto the jet. Usually, the first time someone steps onto a private jet, their face is full of awe and wonder. But Christopher just looks uncomfortable as he pulls at his polo shirt.
With everyone else already on board and seated, there’s only one seat left, directly opposite of where I’m sitting, and he slowly walks toward me.
His eyes drift from side to side, taking in the black marble wall dividing the front section of the private jet, where Rob, Lucy and Erica are, from the back, where Connie and Paul sit near me.
They talk while typing away on their laptops, set up on a wooden table supported by golden legs.
“Is this yours?” Christopher asks, looking across at the cream leather couch and placing his bag down on the seat opposite me before pulling out his laptop.
“I wish.” I reach out to grab a handful of grapes from the table, sitting next to the two bottles of water. “We rent it from time to time when we need it.”
“It’s cool,” he says, sliding into the seat and buckling his seatbelt.
Christopher starts to open his laptop, but I stop him with my hand, almost sending one of the water bottles flying.
“Can we talk about the other night?”
“I just need to send one report before we take off and lose internet connection,” he says.
“We have Wi-Fi the whole flight,” I assure him, and he shakes his head.
“Remind me why we fly commercial again?” He chuckles and closes his laptop.
It’s the same chuckle that had me hooked from the moment I first heard it.
“Did I do something last night to upset you? To piss you off?”
“Why would you say that?” His tone is measured.
I try to read his face like Lee reads mine, but I can’t decipher anything from his blank expression.
“Because you didn’t want to come to set today. Because you left right after we had sex last night.” I think about lifting my foot to run it up against his leg, but then think better of it.
“Ahh.” His eyebrows arch inward. “You mean what happened when we had sex.”
So, it was the sex.
“Did you not like it?” I ask, leaning in and lowering my voice.
“Do I like being used for your pleasure, you mean?”
Christopher crosses his arms across his chest, and my back stiffens.
“Used you?” My tone is defensive. “I thought you were down to role-play.”
“I was. But you made me feel like a piece of meat. Jumping on top of me. Using me to pleasure yourself. Then leaving me high and dry. A ride and slide on my cock. A pump and dump in my mouth.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach for Christopher’s hand. “I thought you liked it.”
“It left me feeling cheap. Like I’m some kind of escort rather than your…” Christopher pulls his hand back and stops himself before he finishes. He grabs a strawberry from the platter instead.
I scratch at my neck as guilt crawls over my skin.
“Sorry. I know we agreed to take things slow this time round. I just got carried away. The joys of being an addict I suppose.” I shrug and Christopher grabs another strawberry.
I grab the bottle of water and take a swig, waiting for Christopher to say something.
He doesn’t. He just stares at me, so I continue.
“I’m trying to do things differently this time around. Not run from my problems, or drink them away or use sex, but like I said Sunday night, I just need you to meet me halfway. To understand that I’m trying. I don’t mean to fuck things up, but inevitably I’m going to every now and then.”
I twiddle with the bottle cap as Christopher’s face softens, the sides of his lips lifting upward slightly.
“I appreciate that you’re trying, and I understand this isn’t easy for you.
But I need you to understand that it isn’t easy for me either.
If we’re going to make things work this time around, I need you to communicate more openly with me.
To make this less complicated than it could be.
” He waves his finger between the two of us.
That’s all I want.
For us to be open and easy and uncomplicated.
I take a deep breath and look deep into his hazel eyes.
“You were right Sunday, we should slow things down. Everything was a whirlwind in London. It all happened so quickly and then I lost you, and I just want to pick up where we left off. But I appreciate there are still bridges that need to be built, and others that need to be repaired.”
The warmth in his eyes, his smile, reassures me this is the right path.
Maybe there is hope for us still.
Maybe we can make everything right this time round.
The steward walks toward us and reaches for the platter.
“I’m just going to need to take this away before takeoff.”
Christopher picks up the two stems from the strawberries and plops them on the platter as I down the last of the water and hand the bottle to the air steward.
“Oh, and we’re also expecting some turbulence for the first hour of the flight, so if I can ask you to keep your seatbelts securely fastened, that would be greatly appreciated.”
That kind of turbulence I can deal with.
Just as long as there’s a break from the turbulence in my personal life.