8. Irina
Chapter 8
Irina
“ Y ou know we don’t leave for another hour, right?” Nicolai joined me in the foyer, wearing a pressed gray suit.
“I don’t like being late. What’s your excuse?”
He pushed his glasses up with the tip of his middle finger and grinned. “I’m not fond of being late either.”
I pressed my lips together in amusement. My brother and I were alike, and it pained me that he didn’t know.
“Do you always dress so. . . pristine?” I gestured at him with the wave of my hand.
Every time I’d seen him, he was in formal wear, even if it was in casual settings.
He stared at me, but his eyes appeared drawn as if he weren’t focusing.
“Nicolai. . . ”
“Hm?” It was a reactive response, and I realized he wasn’t with me. His mind had drifted to something that left him jarred .
I hesitantly put my hand on his shoulder. “Nicolai,” I whispered.
Moving out of his line of sight, he continued to stare straight ahead, void of his surroundings.
His eyes had gone completely blank, a black abyss into nothingness.
My heart battered against my chest, unsure of how to approach him when I was a mere stranger.
But I couldn’t leave him in this state.
“Nico. . . ” I soothed, bringing my fingers to his cheek, hoping to drag him back from wherever he wandered off to. “It’s alright.”
His face was cold, and I hoped the warmth of my fingers broke through the wall that he’d put up.
After a long moment, he blinked, and I continued my movements until he did it again, the brown in his eyes appearing brighter.
“Nicolai?”
He finally came to, pushing away from my touch as if it seared him. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped.
I dropped the hand I’d caressed him with, unsure of how to respond to his sudden reaction.
He swallowed almost in difficulty before shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was.”
A lie.
“Was it something I said?”
His eyes darted between mine and whatever he saw in my expression had him nodding subtly and, in this moment, he looked so defeated, my heart squeezed in anguish.
I wanted to know what haunted him. I wanted him to know I was his sister, and I would slaughter his demons if he so much as asked me to.
“We don’t have to talk about it.” I smiled at him reassuringly before stepping away.
He opened his mouth and then shut it, raking a hand through his hair.
I waited until he spoke. “I haven’t had an episode like that in a very long time. I. . . I,” he paused, taking me aback. It was the first time he’d been lost for words.
“We don’t. . . ” I shook my head to indicate that he didn’t need to justify his actions.
“I dress this way because there was a time when I didn’t have clothes on my back.” He sighed, his face a mixture of sadness and anger. “I promised myself I’d never be like that again.”
The pounding of my heart reached my ears, quieting everything aside from my chaotic thoughts. This was worse than I could ever imagine. Had Nicolai been poor? Was it because of our father? What happened to his mother?
“Is that when Roman saved you?”
“Yes. I owe him my life.”
“No, you don’t.” Roman’s voice came from our far right and we both turned to see him walking toward us. “Nico, it’s not polite to burden guests with your personal life.” His words were directed at my brother, but his eyes were set on me.
It was evident on his hardened face that he was sensitive—as one could be when it came to a man like him—about Nicolai .
“He’s not burdening me.” Frankly, Roman didn’t scare me, but I understood his protectiveness.
“Nico, go tell Ric to pull the car around.”
He stood there, staring between Roman and me before shaking his head and leaving through the main door.
“Do you boss him around like that all the time?”
“I didn’t know how I treated my crew was any of your business.”
“He’s not just your crew, Roman, and you know it.” I stared at him as intensely as he was. “You have a soft spot for Nicolai.”
His jaw clenched. “ Everyone has a soft spot for Nico.”
“Maybe, but it’s different with you.” I was pushing it, but maybe he’d give me a further glimpse of who my brother was. “What did he need saving from?”
Roman contemplated his answer, the furrow between his brows deepening. “He lost his mother at a young age and that might’ve been the worst thing that happened to him.”
“Why?”
“Because everything that came afterward destroyed him.”
“And his father?” I whispered.
“Dead.”
My chest caved, that black hole widening and swallowing down the emotions I wanted to express openly.
It suddenly became hard to breathe, the thick strain in my throat ceasing me from speaking.
Should I tell Roman about his episode? Nicolai said he hadn’t had one in a while, but it almost seemed intrusive to share that information .
“Is this you warning me away from him?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. “You were right about it being different for me. He’s my youngest and I’m wary of others when it comes to him.”
“I. . . I don’t understand.”
“Irina, he has never shared anything personal with a stranger as fast as he has with you.”
Stranger . How could I forget? I was a stranger to Nicolai in every sense of that word. It didn’t matter if we were blood related. I didn’t know him, and he didn’t know me.
“You’ll be gone in a few months, and I don’t need him getting attached to you.” He regarded me sternly, his eyes darkening into an opaque obsidian. “Nico isn’t like the others.”
I’d figured that out already. My brother was different from the people in his life. A fierce layer of protectiveness settled over me to take him away from it all.
And Roman was wrong. I would be in Nicolai’s life, sooner rather than later. They just didn’t know it yet.
When I was told we’d be going out for dinner, I hadn’t expected it to be at Luca’s house.
I gritted my teeth as Roman entered something in the keypad before he opened the door.
And yes, I did file the pin in my mind.
Luca lived on a huge piece of land, far away from the city and its civilians. It was a large cabin, luxurious but rugged .
It didn’t surprise me. He probably murdered and hid his victims here. Psychotic brute.
Had he really killed that man like he said he did for touching me at the fight?
The interior of the cabin was rich in woodland colors, emitting a cozy ambiance. It was spacious but not overly so.
As we filtered through the corridor, the smell of spices wafted in the air and my mouth instantly salivated. I’d never been a good cook, and I rarely ever did it myself back home.
There was a main living area and a sunroom on the opposite side. It was all earthy tones and warm but the feature that had my mouth parting in awe was the transparent glass ceiling.
The night sky shone above, and with the dim lights inside, I could appreciate the starry view.
After admiring it all for far too long, I realized everyone had moved along, leaving me alone.
Why did it feel intimate all of a sudden?
I entered through another doorway, this one leading to the kitchen. The dining room was off to the far side of the room, a wall nearly hiding it from view, but I could see a glimpse of the crew seated.
My heart nearly fell at my feet when a large hand grabbed my jaw and planted their soft lips against mine.
And I knew who it was from just one taste.
I pressed my palms to Luca’s hard chest and shoved him until he pulled back, the warmth of his body still radiating toward me.
I frantically looked around the room in case anyone saw before he grasped my jaw again, turning it and claiming my lips once more.
He didn’t waste time, plunging his tongue inside of my mouth, devouring me as if he were starving the past few days.
For a moment, I savored it, that adrenaline racing through my bloodstream for the mere thought of being caught in this psychopath’s embrace.
It wasn’t only that, his whole presence induced a crazed energy I wanted to inject into my veins.
His grip on my jaw was near painful but it only made me swirl my tongue against his in harsh strokes. Sin and smoke. It shouldn’t have felt this good.
What was I doing? Letting a man strip me of my control and giving him the power to make me feel this way.
I shoved against Luca harder this time until he completely let go of me.
My breathing was harsh, rage bubbling inside me. “What was that for?” I seethed, deliberately wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
His eyes narrowed at that before he caught my own. “I missed you.”
Was this brute mental?
“You can’t miss someone you don’t know.”
The side of his mouth tipped up. “But I do.” His tone roughened. “I know the taste of your lips; the curve of your waist and it won’t be long before I know the recesses of your mind.”
“You’re a psychopath .”
“One you like kissing. ”
Luca walked away, leaving me fuming and irritated. I’d rather roll over and die than admit he was right.
This was the last time I’d go anywhere without knowing the full details.
Dinner went by slow. Nicolai, Roman, Aurora, and Enzo were here but no sign of Sofia as I expected.
I sat beside Nicolai, observing the small talk happening around the table. The air was thick with tension as Luca sat to my left, the weight of his gaze heavy and lingering.
Today had been a tsunami of emotions that I needed to release before I went spiraling.
First it was a glimpse into my brother’s past that had unfolded a new set of questions. It was far deeper than our father having left his mother, I knew it was.
Then it was the unexpected occurrences with Luca and hating it. He tipped me off balance and calmed that raging beast inside my chest without even trying.
My breathing shallowed, and I suddenly felt those same invisible hands around my neck.
Not here, not right now.
The clanking of forks against plates became too loud, the voices louder and the thrumming of my pulse the loudest.
A heavy hand settled on my upper thigh. Nerves pricked at my skin when I looked down to find tatted fingers.
It was all too much. I couldn’t breathe .
A sharp pain radiated from my palm up my arm. I bit my bottom lip as I let go of the sharp end of my knife. Drops of blood painted my plate and the whole room went silent, watching me.
Aurora stood from her seat; face scrunched in worry. “Irina. . . ”
“I’m okay.” I pushed my chair and stood. “It was an accident.”
I had no idea where the bathroom was as I wandered down the hall, opening doors until I’d reached it at the end.
When I shut it behind me, I finally let out a choked gasp. The throbbing of my hand continued as blood profusely welled up in my palm.
I didn’t know how deep I’d cut myself but it hurt like hell.
The worst was yet to come, but I needed to get it over with. I turned on the tap with my free hand before putting my injured one underneath the water.
It’s not that I wasn’t acclimated to pain, but it didn’t lessen the aching, almost numbing sting of it.
I’d cleaned my own wounds before and once I assessed the cut, I could figure out if I needed stitches.
I peered around the bathroom, the furnishing a mix of dark hues of black.
There was a sleek cabinet by the sink mirror, and I was sure that a first aid kit would be in there.
I reached over and opened it. With the water still running over my hand, the angle of my body made it difficult to see the top shelf. And before I could grab anything, a shadow loomed over me and grabbed the kit from the shelf.
I moved away, glaring at the intruder .
“Ever heard of knocking?” I went to snatch the first aid from him when he lifted his arm, putting it out of reach.
His eyes turned to pools of dark caramel; his face unreadable. “Let me see your hand.”
The bathroom wasn’t small by any means, but it felt crowded with the intoxicating scent of musk and smoke.
I faced the sink. “I can do it myself.”
“Congratulations,” he said humorlessly. I looked in the mirror to find him standing behind me, invading my space more than he already had. “Now, show me your hand, Irina.”
He was deadly serious. There wasn’t an ounce of playfulness present as he stared at my reflection, the muscle in his jaw working.
I didn’t move, the sound of running water echoing in the charged space. “No.”
One second, I was on my feet and the next, my ass was on the countertop, Luca spreading my legs to wedge himself between them.
He grabbed my wrist and brought it between us. I tried pulling away, but he tugged harder, piercing me with those daunting eyes.
I scowled at him before averting my attention. The sooner this was over with, the sooner I could leave.
As he set up the first aid kid, I watched him from the corner of my eye, and it was the underlying anger marring his face that had me frozen in place.
Was he mad?
Luca moved swiftly, cleaning and bandaging the cut but I was hardly paying attention to his movements. My eyes were glued to his face as he concentrated on my hand .
Yes, he was a parasite who’d latched himself onto me, but he had also come after me and demanded to see where I hurt.
Pressure in my throat simmered, and I blinked away the stupid emotion that wanted to be let out.
It wasn’t about the cut; it was everything it symbolized.
I never knew how badly I’d been deprived of genuine touch; how much I yearned for someone to see me and carry the weight off my shoulders until this brute walked in here.
I was exhausted, pieces of my soul chipping away since I was a young girl.
Maybe the blame was my father’s or my mother’s, but I wasn’t any better than them. There was blood on my hands and grime on my body that was embedded into my skin.
Luca looked up, and I didn’t even care that he’d caught me gaping at him. His features slowly softened as his eyes trailed my face.
Something sparked in the air, an invisible tie pulling us closer.
He was also scarred. Beautifully scarred. And although his were evident on the surface of his body, he still saw mine. An understanding passed between us that only we knew.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Oh, cause we’re friends now, are we?”
He rubbed over my bandaged palm with his thumb. “I don’t want to be your friend, Irina. ”
“What do you want then?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.
We stared at each other, neither one of us willing to bend first. His caramel eyes flashed intensely as he pressed his body between my legs, the warmth emanating from him seeping into me.
His thumb caressed my hand. “To know what happened tonight.”
“I told you already.” My free hand clutched the side of the countertop. “It was an accident.”
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
The back and forth swipe of his thumb stopped before he stepped further into me, his hand reaching up to grip my jaw. “I watch you, Irina. So, the next time you get lost in that head of yours, just know that I’m there with you.”
My pulse raced as he seared me with his gaze. He had no idea what he was talking about. Aside from tonight…my stomach dropped. Oh no. The Christmas party. Had he witnessed my episode that night before cornering me?
“I’ll tell Roman you’re in here.”
I held my breath in anticipation when he leaned forward.
Kiss me, you brute. Kiss me until I can’t feel the hollowness inside my chest.
His eyes flitted to my mouth, my own nearly fluttering shut from the intensity of his touch and attention.
“I dare you,” he whispered against my mouth.