31. Luca
Chapter 31
Luca
A soft caress on my jaw caused me to blink away the tiredness from my eyes.
“I knew you were a heavy sleeper, but don’t you think it might be time to get up?”
I shot upright at the sound of Irina’s voice, a sigh of relief escaping me at seeing her angelic face.
“You’re here?” I asked, pulling her on my lap, the press of her body easing the heaviness in my soul. “You’re really here.” I kissed her everywhere I could reach to remind myself that she was safe in my arms.
“Where else would I be?” She chuckled, a dull ache forming between my ribs. I wanted to hear that sound forever.
“You wouldn’t believe the nightmare I just had,” I breathed, inhaling her amber scent. “But it doesn’t matter now. I’m never letting you go.”
“Luca?”
“Hm, sweetheart? ”
“It’ll be okay.”
I froze. “What do you mean?”
But as I pulled back to look at her, another voice punctured the space between us, and I felt the vision fade as I was thrust back into a reality I wanted to escape.
“He’s been sitting like this for weeks, Roman,” Eva whispered, as if I couldn’t hear her conversation with Roman. “I’m so worried about him.”
“Your brother will be okay.”
“You promise?” The hope in her voice chipped away at what little was left of me.
“Have I ever broken my promises?”
“No.”
I was grateful that Roman had stepped in for me and looked after her.
It seemed that he’d been doing that for me more than once and I owed him.
When her soft footsteps faded away, my best friend came to sit across from me in the library room.
“You know I can hear when you both talk about me, right?”
“Yes.” He appeared unfazed as he leaned his elbow against the armrest, fist beneath his chin. “How long are we going to do this, Luca?”
Cold dread flooded my stomach. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Pretending as if you’re okay.”
“I am okay.” I stared into his obsidian eyes, hating the expression on his fucking face as if I was broken.
There was only one topic that would interest him enough to divert the attention off me. “How’s Aurora and the baby?” I asked.
She’d gone into labor the night of the invasion and Roman was forced to birth their child in the house.
It was a fucking miracle they survived under those circumstances. I’d given shit to him about his abnormally large house, but I was grateful for it now in keeping them hidden.
Roman sighed, catching onto my obvious attempt at changing the subject. “You know you could come and see them for yourself.”
When I’d come out of surgery, he’d told me to keep what happened to Irina a secret. It wasn’t hard to do when I’d gone days without speaking after that night, let alone capable of being near others.
I knew if I saw Aurora, I’d break, and she didn’t deserve to see this fucked up version of me.
Aurora didn’t know her best friend had been shot, and I couldn’t be the one to reveal that information. How could I when I’d spent the last several weeks blocking it out myself?
All she knew was that the Bratva attacked us, and Irina managed to stop it before going back to Russia.
“Not yet.” I tapped my finger against my thigh. “Is she still calling her phone?”
Aurora had found it suspicious that her best friend hadn’t contacted her since but she had kept her optimism, believing that Irina had a good reason for being silent.
He nodded.
My jaw tightened in aggravation. That nod was the same answer as always. It meant Irina hadn’t picked up the phone because she wasn’t there. It meant that Aurora was waiting on a call back that’d never come and I was waiting on my fucking forever.
“Luca.”
The glass shattered against the floor before I could process what I’d done.
It didn’t dull the rage inside me and all I wanted to do was rip my own heart out with how painfully it beat against my chest.
The scattered pieces triggered the part of me that wanted to forget, and it all came rushing to the surface.
My vision blackened as the room fell apart. Tremors racked through my body as I smashed everything near me, the sounds of shattering glass and wood echoing in the otherwise silent room.
The torment of living every day without Irina had consumed me, and I wanted it to end.
I fell to my knees, panting as tears clung to my lids. “I’m not okay,” I whispered, my throat tightening. “Because the woman I love took a bullet meant for me.”
My body shook as the agony took over, robbing me of the wall I’d built up to avoid the unbearable truth.
Irina was dead.
A guttural scream tore from me as I punched the floor over and over again until my knuckles split open, blood coating them.
Roman wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back. “That’s enough.”
“It hurts, Roman.” Lifeless blue eyes pulsed at the forefront of my mind. The image of Irina dying burned into my soul. “I can’t go on without her,” I choked. “I can’t.”
“What happened. . . ”
I looked up through hooded lids to see my little sister run into the room, her face turning pale as she took in the scene.
Humiliation whirled inside me, and I couldn’t stop myself as I said, “Get out.” She didn’t need to see me this way, let alone be surrounded by the chaos I came with. Hurt rimmed her round green eyes, but she didn’t move. “Get out, Evangeline!”
My sister had always been a fragile soul since she was a child, more so after our mother passed away. She didn’t have anyone to rely on except for me and while I was far from perfect, I tried my damn hardest to raise her.
It didn’t matter that we had maids for every minuscule thing. She never looked to them once, but as we grew older, that changed.
I knew what it took to be a Mafia princess, and I hoped I hadn’t been too late to save her from that burden.
Eva faltered in her step at the harshness of my tone before she ran out of the room.
I let my head hang between my shoulders, trying to even out my breathing, but it was no use. The raw ache had intensified, and I felt completely lost, suspended in the space where Irina once was.
She’d left and taken my heart with her.