25. Stella
25
STELLA
H ow do you know you’re in love?
I watch Leo as he crouches, shoving his hand beneath the bed to look for my discarded high heels. Since neither of us bothered to grab anything from our rooms after the auction, we’re dressed in our clothes from last night, preparing to go back downstairs to find the orchid.
He hasn’t said how he plans on securing it for me, but I have no doubt he’ll be able to either way. If I’ve learned anything about this man, it’s that there’s nothing he can’t achieve once he sets his mind to it.
I can’t help wondering if that’s all I need to know. Do you have to be aware of a person’s deepest secrets, their childhood backgrounds, and all their future plans before you can fall in love with them?
Or do you just have to be open to learning all that?
Maybe love isn’t knowing but feeling .
Maybe that’s what’s been here all along, as completely impractical as that sounds, and that’s why I ran. Because how do you keep a hold of yourself, your identity, and at the same time hand it over to someone else?
Maybe you’re just naive, Stella.
Leo sits back, pulling himself from under the bed, and places my bare foot on his knee. Carefully, like I’m made of glass, he slides the heel beneath it, securing the strap at my ankle. He’s been quiet since we got up from the bed and showered, and I can’t help wondering if he’s thinking about his earlier question.
I didn’t answer fully before because I wasn’t sure how to admit that now that he’s here, there’s a part of me wishing he’d stay. And maybe I wouldn’t hate that as much as my previous self—my virginal self who thought she loathed him—wanted me to.
“So,” I say as he switches feet, “what’s the plan?”
“The plan?”
“Yeah, you know, to get me this orchid. Are you gonna offer them money? Threaten them?” Leaning back on my palms, I cock my head and rack my brain for more options. “De Tores are big on intimidation, right? Since violence is out of the question while the auction is going on, I guess you could lean heavier on the implication ?—”
“The De Tores no longer exist, stellina. You’re aware that my father is dead, yes?”
Snapping my mouth shut, I nod.
“Good. So you understand that his death left us without a don.”
My eyebrows draw together. “Wouldn’t you have been his successor?”
“I was, but I’m also the one who killed him.”
Reflexively, I draw my hands closer to my lap. He continues with his task, clasping the buckle on my heel, and gently sets that foot on the floor. Wholly unbothered by his admission.
I don’t know why I’m surprised, really. You don’t get called the Demon of Boston because you have a reputation for being kind and anti-violence.
Hell, the first time he went down on me, he was covered in someone else’s blood.
Still, there was a little distance between me and his victims. A cognitive dissonance erected by the belief that he hadn’t killed anyone I knew.
An icy chill skates down my spine. But I knew his father. I remember the way he spoke and the kiss he forced upon me.
When I meet Leo’s gaze, I expect disgust or fear to take precedence in my bones. I brace for the impact of discomfort in my gut, but it never comes.
He isn’t sorry. I can tell that much from the hard, even set of his brows and his unyielding expression.
I’m not either.
“The problem with me as the boss is that the remaining Elders never wanted me in that position, so the system has unequivocally broken down. It was barely hanging on by a thread anyway, with my father at the helm, but my subordinates have spent most of their energy recently on finding a way to get me out. The whole map of crime back home is a shit show these days, with everyone turning informant or siphoning off decent men for their own gain. Some have just been slaughtering anyone who questions them.”
A tiny gleam in his eye tells me which category he falls into.
“So they won’t be any help in this case.” He walks over, then grips my chin with two fingers. “But that’s all right, because I don’t need them to get you the flower.”
I arch my back, leaning into his touch. “ Tell me .”
“It’s already mine.” His hold tightens when my head jerks. “I bought it at the auction last night.”
“You—” Confusion worms its way through the wrinkles of my brain, filling my skull with muddy conclusions. “What are you talking about? You had the orchid the entire time, even when I cried over missing out on it? When I said I didn’t think I’d get a promotion now?”
Nausea roils in my stomach, and I grab his wrist, wrenching out of his grasp. My body aches as I move back on the bed, a painful reminder of what I’ve given up.
He moves, reaching for me, but I scramble away from his touch. Wrapping my arms around myself, I slide from the mattress and put it between us, standing on the opposite side.
“How could you do that?” My eyes burn, and I claw at my elbows, trying to focus on the physical pain. “Why didn’t you say something when I bargained my body for your help?”
Leo’s face remains impassive. I guess my rejection doesn’t sting quite as badly as his did. “You would have ended up in my bed either way, wife . I came here to pick up where we left off seven years ago, not to play silly games. Whether I gave you the fucking flower before or after we fucked, it wouldn’t have mattered. I bought it for you.”
I blink. “Why?”
“Do you know how much that thing cost? Rampion Core didn’t send you with enough money in their escrow account. You were out of the running by the time the second hand went up.”
As I process his words, my stomach drops. Is it possible Barry deliberately sent me with limited funds, or did he honestly not know what a rare plant would go for?
Defeat hits my chest, weighing it down. My effort was wasted before any of this even began.
“How do you know all this?” I ask. “And why couldn’t you have just said that last night instead of?—”
“Instead of making you come in front of an audience?”
He grins, stepping around the bed and stalking toward me. I move back, trapping myself against the glass wall, and he plants a palm on one side of my head while his other dives into my hair. He lifts it, bringing a handful to his nose and inhaling deeply.
“When faced with a choice between your pleasure and anything else, I’m afraid I’m always going to choose the former.”
My face heats. “That doesn’t answer my other question.”
“But I already have, Stella. Did you think this was all a coincidence? That you left my condo back then on a whim , with the help of my employee, and it just worked out?” He drops my hair, leaning to press his forehead to mine. “I let you leave once. I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity a second time.”
“That’s a shitty excuse?—”
“It isn’t one. I’m not asking you to forgive this behavior. I’d be upset if you did, in fact.”
His free hand glides against my jaw, and he kisses me slowly until my head feels dizzy. When he pulls back, looking into his eyes feels like standing at the center of a hurricane.
Anxiety pours through my veins, immobilizing me.
When I don’t make a move to run, he continues. “I’m just giving you an explanation because you deserve one. Rationale has no home in my mind when it comes to you, so most of my decisions are not well thought out or even particularly good. I act because that is what you move in me. So be angry. Hate me for marrying you, for rejecting you, and for tricking you. Hate me for spending all my time watching instead of joining. As long as you do it with me. I prefer your wrath over your absence.”
It sounds a lot like a confession, or an admission, or even a silent plea. My pulse throbs in my neck, and for a second, I focus solely on that because I’m not quite sure what to make of everything he’s said.
I’m not given any time to either, because the elevator chimes before I can speak, signaling someone’s sudden arrival at the top of the tower.