Chapter 12
TWELVE
LAURA
Buzzing from the shredder filled the room as I continued to feed the machine image after image.
I really didn’t understand why the club, or any club for that matter, would want to hold on to this sort of information. It was morbid, and sort of felt dangerous to just have it all locked away in the office.
What sort of establishment wanted to hang onto evidence of their crimes?
Shaking my head, I slid another manila folder into the finished pile I’d created and then took a small swig of water before moving on to the next report.
The office door was cracked in order to protect the images, in case anyone was walking past, but for some reason, I didn’t want it to be closed completely.
I was also slightly jarred by the arrival of the Chaos Kings and how they’d talked to Natty.
After bonding with her the other night, I was feeling protective and wanted to be sure she wasn’t afraid of them calling her out by name. I was too far removed from everything in the club to understand anything that happened, but I still wanted to keep her safe.
Hopefully Killian would ensure she was.
Suddenly the door to the office pushed open and Killian was stalking in, wearing his cut over a plain white tee, black jeans and motorcycle boots.
My heart leapt in my chest at seeing him.
He had suddenly been touching me nearly every chance he got, and yet acted aloof and distant when we were in public.
His focus went to the stacks of files around me.
“As of right now you’re pulled off these.”
“What?” I was nearly finished; I was through the letter T as far as names went. I had a handful left.
Killian began stacking the remaining files into a heap.
“Club business. Just know you’re officially relieved of your duties pertaining to these documents.”
His green eyes quickly slid over my features before returning to the stack.
“Killian.” My voice was soft, and my hand gentle as I placed it on his bicep. “What happened?”
Because why on earth would he give this to me days ago, only to rip me away from it out of the blue?
“Does it have something to do with the other club that showed up?”
That sharp jaw I obsessed over clenched tight, and then once he’d gathered the files, he stood.
“It’s not for you to worry about. I’ll have Giles finish shredding that, you can be done for the day.”
Okay…his dismissal stung, but not more than the understanding I had that this man was essentially using me for sex, or sexual things, but he had no intention whatsoever of treating me like an equal.
My chest ached, but I pushed it down. Didn’t matter.
This wasn’t new, and more importantly, I knew from that day three months ago that this toxic thing between us would likely never last.
Three Months Ago
Killian was toying with me.
His eyes lit up whenever he was about to dare me to do something, but he’d ask for a truth instead. So far, I had only given three truths: my middle name—Jane—my favorite ice cream flavor—cookie dough—and my favorite color—pink.
I asked him the same in return.
His answers were easily given, even his middle name.
Russel. Mint Chocolate Chip, and Black.
I could have guessed the color, based on what he was wearing, but I was hoping he’d surprise me by saying purple or something.
“What do you mean by you grew up in politics?” he asked, sipping his second beer.
I had no idea how many he could handle but I was halfway through my second and starting to feel it.
I didn’t want to talk about my upbringing, but it wasn’t like I was staying here in Rose Ridge.
Callie was selling, regardless of how fucked up her relationship was with her ex, seven years apart was unlikely something they could reconcile.
Still, I knew better than to give anyone leverage over me, least of all a random biker I didn’t trust.
“Nothing, just someone in my family was mayor of our tiny town a long time ago.”
“What did you say your last name was again?” He tipped his bottle back, his gaze lingering for too long.
I hadn’t given my last name to anyone yet. No one had asked. I knew if I gave him my real last name, he’d call me on my lie…then he’d have leverage.
The lie slid easily off my tongue. “White.”
Killian’s movements paused, his eyes focusing on me. His mouth parted right as his eyes narrowed, almost like he was going to call me on the lie, but I powered on.
“Truth or Dare, Killian?” I wanted to move past my life and hold him off on asking any more questions.
Killian smiled. “Truth.”
“Have you ever been in love?” I sat up, setting the empty bottle on the table.
Killian focused on the bottle in his hand, his foot shifting the smallest bit.
“Nope, and I don’t think I ever will be.”
“Why?”
He shrugged, lifting the bottle. His biceps flexed, showing his inked arms, distracting me from my question.
“That’s not how this works. I answered, now it’s your turn.”
I shook my head. “You asked me about my last name after I’d already answered.”
“Nope that was all a part of the same question.” Killian smiled.
“So is mine,” I argued, feeling light and free as I grinned.
“Tell you what...” Killian sidled closer, sitting next to me on the couch. “Answer dare and I will answer your question about why I don’t think I will ever love.”
Now he’d made it too intriguing.
“Fine.” I let out a sigh. “Dare.”
His rough voice replied immediately, “I dare you to come here.”
I was already shaking my head as I noticed his palm gently slap his thigh. He clicked his tongue with a roguish smile.
“I’m not asking you to strip, or to fuck me. I just want you in my lap…and if you prefer a different dare then I’ll dare you to go into the attic.”
I stood, making a show of not doing what he asked. “Point the way to the attic, I’m not afraid.”
I didn’t love the idea, but I wouldn’t back down now.
Killian smiled but didn’t move.
“You don’t want to. Trust me. My pops murdered someone up there.”
Okay, well, that changed things. I faltered, still standing, but gaping back at him.
“How old were you when that happened?”
His green eyes held mine, and I had a feeling he wouldn’t answer because of the rules, but I still wanted to know.
“Ten. I was the one who discovered her. Blood was leaking down through the attic door. Pops was gone, so I pulled the string and lowered the stairs, so I could go up. Every step was already soaked in her blood, and when I crested the top, there she was.”
“Oh my god.” I walked back to the couch, holding my stomach.
His father had done that to someone…I tried but failed not to imagine a younger Killian, big green eyes, those thick dark lashes as he slowly walked up those steps. How horrible that must have been, how that pain and horror had to have curled inside him like a nightmare, never letting go.
He looked up at me, almost in a teasing fashion, which made me wonder if his story was even true. I found that I didn’t really care.
“Climb on, Daisy.”
I only hesitated for a second before reminding myself that I was out of here. I was only in town for a few more days, then I wouldn’t ever have to see him again.
My left knee pressed down into the sofa; my right knee landed on the opposite side. Before I had a chance to lower myself down, his hands gripped my hips and pulled.
Our faces were so close now, I could see the tiny hairs that had already begun growing out after his shave.
I could see the tan lines around his eyes, as if the sun had soaked his face, but spared the space where he wore sunglasses.
I saw how his eyes reminded me of a meadow early in the morning when the sun kissed the grass. I hated how beautiful they were.
“A pebble,” Killian whispered.
I quirked a brow at him as his hands stayed on my hips.
“You asked me why I would never fall in love.”
“And your answer is because of a tiny rock?”
His chin dipped, and I took a moment to stare at his defined jawline.
“It’s a metaphor. For the fall…the destruction, and yeah, I guess the heart.
A pebble is small, hardly noticed, but with the potential to do untold damage.
My mother used to tell me about strong leaders, kingdoms and empires and how all of those things could be brought down by such a small thing as insignificant as a pebble.
A pebble in the shoe of a great leader is a distraction.
A loose pebble in the wall held in place by other stones could bring down an entire structure.
A pebble thrown at the right velocity and speed could bring down a giant.
A pebble may be small, but it’s still made of stone.
It can shift and change the tide in a war, it can bring down leaders.
I know that if I were to ever love, that person, whoever it was, she’d only have to do something small, like that pebble, and it would bring me down.
She’d walk into a room and if another man were in that room with us, I’d go insane.
Because if I were to ever love, I would love with my entire being.
All my fucked-up darkness, all my demons, they’d all bow to that love.
Then, like the weak fucker that I am, I’d be brought down by jealousy and fear, I’d always be afraid of losing her.
That pebble would be my downfall, and I’m too fucking prideful to fall, and I’m too goddamn afraid to love. ”
I watched him as he finished explaining, and the entire time, all I could think was how I’d never look at him the same again.
His heart was such a fragile thing, beating under such a dangerous exterior.
He was a wolf, and he’d just shown me that underneath his fur and teeth was a bleating, lost sheep.
“How about you?” he finally asked after the silence had stretched too long.
I shrugged. “I haven’t been in love, but I hope I find it someday. I see what Callie still has for Wes, and if I could ever have even a portion of that, I’d be grateful.”
Killian’s grip tightened on me, and I felt a bulge underneath me grow.