Chapter 14 #2
Another person piped up, “I have a friend who’s been inside their clubhouse, there’s tons of proof in there. We just need to get inside.”
My stomach tilted. Did they have any idea what would happen to them if they did?
“You can’t break into a place to steal evidence, that’s not how the law works,” someone yelled, but then a man in a dark jacket yelled over them, “So what? It will piss them off enough that maybe it will create a reaction. That will be admissible in court.”
Natty pulled my arm, and we were ducking back into the safety of the kitchen.
My chest was rising and falling too quickly.
“Natty, this is bad,” I murmured, gripping her arm.
She nodded with her lips pursed.
“We need to tell Killian about this,” I said, almost to myself, but I knew Natty was likely thinking it.
“I don’t know if we should get involved, Laura. Yes, it’s where we live, but neither of us really belong there, it’s not our home. We’re just outsiders living on the fringes of it all. It’s not our fight.”
I knew she was right, but the way my chest rioted at the notion told me I had become more attached to the club than I had initially thought.
Instead of replying, I squeezed her hand and picked up the order for the club.
I wasn’t sure what to expect that night as I sat on the guest room floor and looked at my laptop.
The delivery of treats for the church meeting went without a hitch, as I didn’t see Killian again. Red had been the one to deliver the boxes into the meeting, and I tucked back into the kitchen and began cleaning and then moved to the office to do the books.
It was all very dull, and so when I finished early, I walked the ridge line along the back property and took my notebook.
Walking out there always helped me think.
While I loved singing cover songs, I occasionally featured my own work.
So, as I walked, I jotted down lyrics and began to weave them into a song.
I had sat out there until the sun dipped behind the hills, and then I finally sauntered back, relishing the way the ground had become frozen and so different from when I’d arrived in summer.
The apartment was empty again, just like it had been for several days.
The sun had dipped behind the hills, bringing the day to an end.
I had my headphones on, my notebook next to me, a small piece of toast as my dinner, and was now blocking out the world.
The beats flowed in cadence as I jotted down ideas for lyrics and allowed pieces of my heart to exit my chest, and bleed into text.
My fingers cramped; my back was sore from sitting on the floor, but I kept writing.
I had no idea how much time had passed, but eventually, there was a tattooed hand that gripped the bedroom door and pushed it open.
I lifted my chin, catching a green, defeated gaze. Whatever had happened throughout the day, it had wrung Killian dry.
He practically collapsed next to me on the floor, all while plopping a greasy, paper bag in my lap. I pulled my headphones free and quirked a silent brow at him.
“Didn’t think you ate, considering you don’t keep any food here. Looks like I was right.”
He gestured toward the toast.
I hadn’t even touched it. But smelling whatever was in the bag had my stomach growling.
“Thank you.” I opened the bag and pulled out a wrapped burger, then another. I handed one to him and then dumped the fries out of the containers and folded the bag down.
“Shake Shack has the best fries and fry sauce,” he commented, while folding the wrapper back on his burger.
We ate in silence, dipping fries into the pinkish sauce, and at some point, I clicked on a funny television show on my laptop, and let it stream while we finished up. We didn’t speak of what happened earlier in the day, or the files…or any of the other complicated bullshit that kept happening.
We just sat in each other’s presence, and when we were finished, Killian took the laptop and placed it on the bed, then took off his cut, his hoodie, then his jeans.
I held my breath as I waited for what he’d do next.
When he crawled under my covers, and sat up against the wall, something in my chest cracked open.
It was the most docile I’d ever seen him. He looked exhausted, like he barely had the energy to hold his head up.
“You asked if for one night you could just be Daisy. I’m asking you the same. Give me one night where I can just be Killian, not the club leader, not the wolf, or any other monikers. Just let me be me.”
Feeling a soft tug in my chest, I crumpled my wrapper, wiped my hands and then got up.
I watched as his bare chest rose and fell, but his eyes remained on the screen.
As though if I did reject him, he didn’t want to witness it.
I let out a silent sigh and pulled my side of the blankets back.
I crawled in next to him, wearing just my sleep shorts and a tank top.
He clicked the lamp off and pulled me under his arm.
“Tell me something,” he murmured quietly while the show played in front of us.
Nestling closer, I decided to share something I was terrified of. “I am deathly afraid of marshmallows and marshmallow fluff."
He snorted quietly. “Marshmallows?”
“And that fluff stuff.”
His fingers toyed with the strap of my tank top. “Not spiders or sharks…”
I shook my head. “Nope. I can handle all that, but that fucking marshmallow fluff—Nopppppeee.”
“Where did this fear come from, might I ask?” I could hear the laughter in his voice.
My hand trailed up over his abs. “The very first Ghostbuster movie. When I was little, I remember watching it while I was home alone…”
“Well, I think my nanny was there or something, but I was alone, and that freaking Marshmallow guy showed up, destroying the whole city.” I shivered just thinking about that freaky scene.
“It scared you?”
I nodded. “I can’t even enjoy smores.”
That sent him laughing so hard, he had to tip his head back.
“My poor, poor Daisy. Brought down by a fluffy—”
I put my hand over his mouth.
“I don’t even enjoy the word fluffy.”
He gripped my wrist and then twisted us, so I was flat beneath him.
“Kiss me.”
My lips parted as I searched his face. He’d asked me the same thing that day three months ago, and it felt like a firecracker had been shoved under my veins then, but now it was…worse so much worse.
I turned my face away from him.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
His grip moved to catch my chin. “Why not?”
The words burned my lips, branded them as a silent vow. I didn’t want to let them free.
“Tell me,” he whispered, lowering his head to place a kiss on my stomach.
“Earlier when you said I cared…”
“And you lied.” He interrupted with a smirk.
My lips spread into a smile. “Yes, I lied…but Killian, I think I care too much. I think I’m falling in—”
His mouth crashed against mine, cutting off my words. I knew he didn’t want to hear them, that or he just simply couldn’t.
My fingers came up, spearing a path through his hair, until I was holding the back of his head and pulling him impossibly closer.
He made a sound and moved his hands up my back. My tank top was lifted over my head, and then his hands moved to my shorts.
I was breathing so hard, merely from the idea of being with him. My fear was like a knife point against my heart, but with his lips moving against mine, I ignored it.
“We don’t have to fuck. I just want to taste you.” He pressed a kiss to my stomach again. “Feel you.”
Frustration wound through me. I wanted to go all the way with him, to finally seal this and ruin whatever we were.
The sooner we did it, the faster we could close the lid on this and end it.
Distance would be the only way to fall out of love with him, and to get that, we need to do this. Just once and we’d both be cured.
“I’m clean,” I whispered to the dark room, illuminated only by the laptop screen, “and on birth control.”
His head slowly left my stomach, that green gaze on me, heavy and full of need.
“Think fucking you will only make me fall harder, Daisy. I’m barely hanging on the ledge as it is.”
For some reason that punched at my pride, like letting the air out of a sail.
“So why are you in my bed, Killian? If you’re so afraid of falling for me, then leave.”
I tried to pull away, but he kept me exactly where I was, pinned underneath him.
“I’m not afraid of falling, Daisy. I’m afraid of who I’ll become if I lose that part of myself to you. Because it’s all or nothing. I’d keep nothing of myself for me. You’d own it all.”
I was incredulous. “Why do you think I told you I didn’t want to kiss? You just bypassed my boundaries, regardless of how I was afraid. Why should I care about yours?”
His stare was so intent, I nearly cried. I hated revealing that to him. Offering him a scrap of my fears, my worries that he’d just disregarded them.
“You want to bypass my boundaries and fuck me, Daisy?” He rolled over and shoved his boxers down, revealing his hard length. “Then come climb on.”
This was too reminiscent of the night in that truck. I didn’t have all the details back, but I knew I had made a fool of myself.
“Just get out.” I turned away from him, a lone tear slipping down my face. “Please.”
He didn’t move.
A heavy sigh left his lungs, and then I heard fabric moving.
“Daisy, come here.”
I didn’t turn because more tears were falling, and I didn’t want him to see. When I didn’t move, he finally just pulled me back against his chest. I felt his length press against my ass, and his hand moved around my torso until he was cupping my breast.
“I haven’t fucked anyone since I was nineteen.”
My body stiffened. Words wouldn’t come, so I just waited to see if he’d expand.
His forehead landed against my shoulder. “Oral, but not actual fucking…I have a rule. Doesn’t really matter with you, but I wanted you to understand that it’s not just being afraid of getting too attached, it’s more than that.”