Chapter 10
TEN
SILAS
AGE SEVENTEEN
The leather cut was too big on me, but I knew it was pointless to say anything about it. Dirk, the president, was a tall man, built thick as a tree with faded ink all over his body. His glare landed on the patch sewn in under my name.
“That going to be a problem for my club?”
I knew which one he was talking about, but I wasn’t sure how to answer him. At only seventeen I should be a prospect, especially considering my lack of involvement with the Death Raiders since living on club property.
I had no desire to join this club, in any capacity, but this past summer took my remaining freedom, soaked it in red and painted a target on my back.
A beacon of warning straight from my father, who happened to be proud as hell.
The name on my cut wouldn’t have any power unless it was on a patch and people started talking about it.
I knew my father had plans to force me into his club, the Destroyers.
Tactically it made more sense to hide among the ranks of a lesser evil in the Death Raiders.
I should have known my father would have contacted Dirk and told him about my new moniker.
Dirk’s silver brows came together in concern, bringing me back to his question.
“No, sir.”
“If I need your services, you’ll be at my disposal as long as Fable hasn’t requested you.”
My stomach bottomed out as I processed what this new name meant for me, and what it meant for those who had more power than me.
I refused to be a pawn used to kill at will, but I was running out of options.
I gave him a nod and slid my gaze to the side, seeing my mother wearing Dirk’s property patch.
Her dark hair was pulled back, so I had a clear view of her back, proudly proclaiming that she was now his property.
Natty wouldn’t step foot inside the club and now my mother was dating the president.
Something had happened, but I couldn’t piece together what, especially as neither my mother nor Natty would talk about it, so I searched for Dempsey.
I found him working at a local mechanic shop, still wearing his cut so he was still a part of the Death Raiders but his captain’s patch was gone.
He barely looked up from the interior of the hood when I approached him. The sound of tires being rotated and power tools echoed around us, but I made sure my voice was loud enough for him to hear me.
“What happened between you and my mother?”
Dempsey pulled a red rag out from his back pocket and let out a sigh as he moved around the car.
“Thought you hated me.”
I moved with him, shrugging. “Got over that after a while. Why is she with Dirk?”
Dempsey was clearly hurt over the situation. I could sense it in the way his shoulders were rigid, his mouth was tense, and his jaw was locked.
“All I know is I came home one day and she told me it was over. She got real emotional, cried a bunch but no matter how much I asked what the problem was, she just sobbed. Never told me. Just said we were over. I fought for her…I went to Dirk, and I fought for her, but…”
He trailed off, but he didn’t need to say anything more.
“That’s how you lost your captain’s patch?”
He nodded, solemn and serious.
“Nearly took my life, but Sasha stepped up, started kissing him, distracted him…I don’t know why she’s with him, Silas, but I can tell you it’s not because she cares for him.
Your mother hates that man with every single piece of her soul.
I finally had to accept that your mother was always a survivor and this new relationship might just be part of her lasting…
she’s planning something, or he’s a means to an end.
Whatever it is, she’s doing it willingly. ”
That didn’t fucking help ease my fears or worries even the slightest bit.
I shoved off the car and gave him a nod as I exited the garage.
That was two weeks ago, and with all the demands the club has put on me, I’ve barely had any time to see my mother or Natty. The former had essentially moved in with Dirk, leaving the house to me…well to us, but I hadn’t really been alone with Natty long enough to enjoy it.
I planned to change that tonight.
My initiation to the club was short since a few of us had pledged.
The club was loud as the night went on, and I slipped out through the back door, heading home.
I could see the fairy lights burning gold through my bedroom window.
Natty had bought a shit ton of them over the summer and hung them all over my ceiling, along with green vines.
It looked like something from a cheesy movie, but I’d never tell her to take them down, not when each light was a reminder of her.
Soft music played as I used my key to slip in through the back door. I shed my cut, leaving me in just a t-shirt, jeans, and motorcycle boots. Then ran a hand over my hair, wishing I’d showered earlier.
“Natty?”
“In here!” she called from the kitchen.
I found her at the island counter cutting vegetables. Her hair was tossed up into a bun with loose pieces framing her face, which made her blow a puff of air to move it out of her eyes.
A smile crept along my face, unbidden. A piece of sunshine breaking through the storm in my chest.
“Feel like I haven’t seen you since I got back.” I settled across from her as she chopped celery.
She kept her gaze down. “Been busy.”
The sound of the music filled the dead air, the house was stuffy and warm. Sweat rolled down her neck and gathered near her hairline.
Eyeing the kitchen window, which my mother always had open, I was curious at it being closed. In fact, all the windows were closed.
“How come you’ve shut all the windows?”
She kept chopping, keeping her gaze fixed on her dinner. “Sasha isn’t here. You weren’t either.”
“So?” I wasn’t following her logic.
With a sigh, she finally set down the knife, and in a deeper tone than what was natural for her, she mocked my words. “Caelum, first rule of not dying. Don’t be a fucking idiot. Don’t make it easy for anyone to break in.”
Oh.
“Forgot about that.” I rubbed my neck, feeling like shit.
“Mom hasn’t been sleeping here for a while then? How long have you been living with this heat?” I had been on the road, and in the club…in between jobs, so I hadn’t even slept here yet.
“It’s fine.” She turned away from me and dropped the celery into a large skillet.
It wasn’t though. Natty was trying to stay safe, and she seemed more worried than normal.
“Does this have anything to do with why you won’t step foot in the club?”
Her back was to me now, so I moved away from my spot and slowly came up behind her. I only hesitated for a single heartbeat before placing my hands on her hips and pulling her into my chest.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
I was terrified she’d reject me, but her hand came over mine, warm and solid.
I closed my eyes and pinned my forehead to her shoulder, breathing her in.
I’d wanted this for so long, to cross this line with her.
To move us from platonic friends, and proverbial foster siblings to this, where I could touch her and tell her how she seemed to exist in my bloodstream.
She had been my obsession for as long as I could remember, and this moment of finally being able to hold her without fear of her slipping through my fingers had been something I’d been waiting for.
She let out the smallest sigh and leaned into me. “It’s nothing. I’m just trying to be smart, and I’ve been working, so I’m not here that often. When I am here, I want to be aware of things. You taught me that.”
Her finger stroked my hand, and I pulled her closer, hugging her to my chest.
“I missed you.”
She turned in my arms, and I reached forward to turn off the burner. Her green eyes were bright and full of something I’d seen a million times before but could never place.
“I missed you too. Are you going to tell me what he did this time?”
This again. She always asked and I always let her take some of my burden, but this time…as the new name began circulating, a deeper shame accompanied the truth I had to share.
“Not this time, Caelum. Please just let me keep it all inside this time,” I whispered, pinning my forehead to hers.
Her hands came up, stroking my back. “Maybe we’re at the age where you can show me in a different way, not using your words. You can pour that darkness into me, Silas. I can carry it. You can have me… in every way, you always have anyway.”
Hope sparked in my chest along with a deep longing that nearly robbed me of breath.
“Are you…are you sure?” My mouth was so close to hers, so close I could smell the cinnamon on her breath, and the way she smelled like new books, sunshine…and gunpowder, “You’ve been shooting?”
She nodded. “I practice every day, just like you trained me.”
My hands disappeared into her hair, towing her closer.
“And yes, Silas.” She wet her lips, watching mine. “I am sure.”
I pulled her chin up, not letting any more time slip by and pressed my mouth to hers. Her lips were soft, silky and perfect. She moved her mouth with mine, opening for me and twisting her hands up around my neck.
Our first kiss, and I couldn’t help smiling into it. She laughed, and then her tongue came out, tracing my bottom lip.
“Give me the rest, Silas. I want all of it.”
Her whispered demand went straight to my heart, like a hammer shattering all the rock around it.
I walked with her in my arms back to my room, laying her gently on the bed.
There, we shed our clothes, along with the casings of our souls, until we were completely exposed, openly surrendering to one another. I held her in my arms while I claimed fragments of her heart, fusing them with whatever was in her soul, and I absorbed it all into mine.
“Caelum,” I rasped, kissing her deeply, knowing it was a vow just as much as a plea. My lips trailed over her skin, memorizing every taste.
She was mine, and after taking all her firsts and offering her mine, I knew she would be for always.