Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
NATTY
PRESENT
The smell of freshly baked bread filled my lungs, making my nerves settle and a smile stretch on my face. My apron was in its usual spot, even after all the devastation and the explosions, Red had hung it right back where it had always been.
The fabric was black, and soft as I pulled it from the hook and tied it around my waist.
“Figured you would be back in here as soon as you got home,” Red said, coming up from behind me. She set a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
I fought back the urge to cry at how good it felt to have a place that felt like home. People who loved me like family. A place that held something as simple as an apron for me.
“Still baking bread, I see?” I felt a little strange saying it.
Only a few days had passed since the explosions, my abduction and yet it felt like everything had changed.
Red had been baking loaves of bread for months now, nonstop.
No one really knew why, or what was behind it, but the clubhouse constantly smelled like heaven.
Red gave me a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“I ever tell you about my kids?”
I fell into familiar rhythm as I dusted the surface with flour and then checked the canisters to see if they’d been replaced.
Flour.
White Sugar.
Brown Sugar.
“You have never mentioned your kids to me, Red,” I mused while sifting through the smaller spices. I was in the mood to make snickerdoodles.
Red paused, wrapping one of her loaves with cellophane.
It was nearly six in the morning; no one but the two of us were awake.
Silas was still asleep in my bed, and while I should have stayed there, curled into his side, there was something itching under my skin to get up and get back to my life.
I had no delusions that his sudden appearance for the sake of my rescue meant he’d stick around.
The last thing I wanted was to let my guard down.
“That’s because I don’t have any.”
My hands froze around the cream of tartar; my head dipped as I processed what she was trying to say.
With a heavy sigh, Red started working on a new batch of dough, her gaze on the cutting board.
“About six months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night standing outside in my nightgown. I was holding Brooks’ leather jacket as if it was a baby, and I was so angry with him that he nearly couldn’t calm me down.”
I twisted toward her; my throat dry.
A tiny piece of white hair fell from her updo as she worked out the dough, rolling it with her hands.
“I was screaming and crying for a child I never had. I was convinced I was a mother, Natty. To my very bones. I still have nightmares at night over the feelings of loss, as if I’m grieving something I never even had.”
I had no idea what that must feel like, but my heart hurt for her.
“What did you do?” I whispered, gently setting the ingredient down, fully engrossed.
“Brooks took me to the doctor; they said it was a sign of onset Alzheimer’s.
When the doctor told me it would only get worse, something inside me just snapped.
I knew my mother’s mother had it, and there was a chance I might get it, but to have my brain betray me into thinking I had children…
to have kids that I grieved, that, in my mind, I loved.
Only to realize it’s just my brain playing tricks on me…
I felt betrayed in the deepest sense of the term. ”
I wanted to cry from how broken she sounded. I hated how useless it felt to just stand there and listen to something so devastating. I inspected the floor, unsure of what to say, but Red filled the silence.
“It took a week for me to get out of bed, to wrap my mind around the fact that I was literally going to lose it. Then I decided to start doing something every day, so repetitive that there would be no way to forget.”
Oh no. The bread, it finally made sense.
“Red, that’s not how—”
She looked up, her gaze on mine. “But it’s working…
I feel like my mind is stronger, like my memory is going to be okay.
Every day I bake bread, and it seems so simple, but it’s helping me, Natty.
I stopped thinking about the incident, and instead, I have started thinking about how many people we can feed with something as simple as a loaf of bread. ”
She glanced up at me then returned her focus to the dough. “I don’t need pity, honey. I just haven’t shared that with anyone, and now that you’re back…if something were to happen, or if I have an episode or…” Her voice hitched, and I moved.
Leaving the counter, I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug.
“I’m here, Red. For anything you need, we’ve got you.”
She silently cried into my shoulder for only a few moments until she sniffed and pulled back. Then it was as if nothing happened. Her smile was back in place, her no nonsense attitude as she bumped my hip.
“You might not be around here much longer now that your man has come for you.”
A tiny twist rooted deep in my chest. He’d only came for me because I’d been taken, not because he was finally ready for us to be together.
“I’ll be around. I’m not leaving.” I returned to my station, trying to hold in the storm of emotions battering my chest.
Red watched me with narrowed eyes.
But she didn’t say anything else, and that was one reason I loved working in the kitchen with her.
She knew when to drop a subject. We worked next to one another in peace for another hour until we heard the front door of the club open, and then there were thumps on the stairs leading down to the main room.
I watched with apprehension as Silas made his way to the bar. His light eyes found mine immediately. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was wondering why I’d left him in bed without a word. The way his gaze traveled down my apron to where my hands were dusted with flour had my face heating.
Killian and Laura walked up to the bar, then Harris and Brooks. Each of them seemed to give Silas a wide berth, which made me smirk.
He gave me one last once-over before moving around the bar and making his way into the kitchen. Red clicked her tongue, in a warning.
“No one is allowed back here—”
Silas didn’t even give her a single glance; he just kept walking until he was directly in front of me.
Whispering in my ear, he said. “Dolemus, sed praecepta tua mihi irrumabo significant cum uxor mea hic adest, hoc modo vultus.” Sorry, but rules mean fuck to me when my wife is in here, looking like this.
My eyes fluttered shut as his hand came up to my jaw, gripping it firmly as he leaned into my space and pressed his mouth to mine.
He would have just announced to everyone that we were married, if he hadn’t whispered it. The memory of when we’d gotten married burned in my chest as more of a warning than a cherished reminder. The reality that he hadn’t even asked me. Not technically…it was me who pushed to be bound to him.
Just like always.
I tried to push those memories away as his mouth moved over mine, as his tongue pried my lips open and he claimed me in ways I hadn’t been touched in years.
Finally breaking the kiss, his forehead came to mine, his whisper coasting across my lips.
“I was hoping you’d be in bed this morning.”
My hands came up, twining through his hair, old places where I’d etched every part of Silas inside my heart ached at the feel of him. “I’m a baker, babe. I’m up before the sun.”
He played with the straps of my apron, and whispered. “You are the sun.”
Just like that, I felt sixteen again, obsessed and head over heels for my broody foster brother.
A smile lifted my lips, as I thought up something more to say, but Killian interjected by yelling across the kitchen from his spot at the bar.
“We ever going to get to hear what happened with Fable? Can you guys press pause and clue us in?”
Silas let out a small sigh and then whispered in my ear, “Is this what having friends is like?”
I smiled and pulled his hand in mine.
“Yes, baby. This is what having friends is like, now let’s go have breakfast with them.”
We ate breakfast without anyone throwing a punch or drawing a gun, which, with Silas, I considered a big win. He didn’t have friends, or anyone in the club that was fond of him in any capacity, so I was unsure how everyone was going to receive him, but it went well.
Once we were finished, Killian was talking to Silas about something when Laura pulled my hand, dragging me toward an empty corner of the kitchen.
Her blonde hair was down, curled, and her property patch, indicating she belonged with Killian, was over her hoodie.
“Nat, are you okay?” Her eyes softened and even watered a little.
I flicked a quick glance across the room, seeing Silas watching us with a quizzical look on his face.
“I’m okay…” I said, pushing back the memory of last night’s breakdown.
Laura’s lips turned down into a frown.
“Killian is going to bring up what happened, and I refuse to let him do that if you’re not ready to talk about it. Fuck their plans and what they want to know. They can wait until you’re ready.”
I watched as her expression became so protective and it just made something in my soul ache. Instead of answering her, I stepped forward and pulled her into a hug.
“I’m not okay yet. But I will be and stopping that asshole will be a step in that direction.”
She squeezed me back. “If at any moment you need to stop, just say the word, okay?”
We separated, both of us swiping at our eyes, and then she surprised me by saying, “Pen forced Silas to hold Connor.”
My eyes rounded. “Oh my god.”
She laughed into her palm. “It was hilarious but so cute.”
“Tell me you snuck a picture.” I quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure Silas wasn’t on his way over.
Laura was watching too as she pulled her phone out. “Of course I did. I planned to show you the second you showed up.”
The fact that she had faith that I would show up moved me.
“You guys thought I’d be okay?”