Chapter 14 #3
I assumed maybe he’d comment on the way it looked like a penis like Pen had, but he cradled it like it was precious and then he gently set it back in place and moved on to one of my framed photos.
It was of Penelope, Callie, Laura and me at The Hollow.
It was after Laura had sung a full set, taking the entire night for herself.
Her fans requested it, and we were all so proud of her.
“I’ve been in your room several times. I’ve looked through your things, and I’ve never noticed these things.” He turned toward me, looking lost. “Not with context.”
“And what does having context help with?”
“Knowing you.”
I laughed, dropping my chin to my chest. “Silas, you know me better than anyone.”
He was in front of me when I lifted my gaze again, his eyes softening as he reached forward and tugged one of my curls until it wrapped around his finger.
“I know the old you, Natty. I don’t know this version of who you are now. You wake up before anyone else, and bake for fun, you knit tiny creatures that resemble dicks, you have friends that would die for you…”
I stepped closer to him until my forehead pressed into his chin, and his hands came around my waist.
“I still catch frogs…I just do it in Pen’s fancy pond. Much to her dismay and annoyance.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “Why does it bother her?”
“Because I force her to catch them with me…guess I don’t like doing it alone after growing up with a partner.”
He hummed and held me while the day began unfolding outside with vibrant colors of blue and gold. Silas must have opened my shades this morning because the natural light in my room was generous.
“You opened my shades this morning?” My hands came up around his neck.
Silas froze, and in the stiffness of his back and rushed breath that hit my neck, I knew.
I knew he hadn’t opened them.
I knew someone had been in my room.
More than anything, I knew Silas would be leaving me again.
We disconnected abruptly, Silas lightly shoving me behind him. His phone was out, dialing someone. Killian and Wes were off locating Rachel, so I wasn’t sure who he was reaching out to.
“Get me Garrison,” was all he muttered into his phone while walking toward the window that sat over my bed. He pocketed his phone and I stood there feeling foolish for momentarily forgetting that he had an entire club that he was still president of.
I followed closely behind Silas until my knees hit my bed, and I could see through the glass. I wouldn’t have noticed it at first, but there, stuck to the pane was a white piece of paper taped with a clear piece of tape.
Silas peeled it off and inspected it, his face growing pale as he did.
“What? What is it?” My hope was that Pen had managed to come in here and left me something sarcastic.
But he turned, face grim, and when he finally looked at me, it was with that same look of despair he had that night we were in Wes and Callie’s house.
The night he’d shown up, scared for my safety.
He’d called me down and I ran to him; it was the first time in two years that he’d called for me.
I was in his arms, and I felt his tremors, his fear soaking into every fiber of my being.
It was after Fable nailed a picture of me to his door…
a door I had no knowledge of. Apparently Silas had a home somewhere, not even I knew of.
I stepped forward and plucked the note from his hand before he could deter me.
The note was written in black pen, and the words were simple but managed to erode my confidence in this thin veil of safety I assumed I had here in the club.
You took my sons’ hearts.
One lost his hand.
The other seems to have lost his mind.
You owe me a legacy…
I haven’t decided if I just want to end you by carving out your heart or fuck you and fill your womb with another heir.
Either way, you’re mine.
See you soon, daughter.
I dropped the note and took a step back; my lungs felt tight, and I couldn’t seem to get in enough air.
“Natty.” Silas stepped forward, but I withdrew.
How did I get air?
Silas was speaking again, but I couldn’t hear him.
“He was in my room.” I was on the floor, my knees up and leaning against something hard. Arms came around me, holding me tight. Lips pressed into my hair.
“I will find him.” Silas rocked me, but all I could see was that note, and Fable’s eyes when he struck that table with the knife back when he’d taken me and began demanding answers about my name. Of course he had known the whole time. He wanted me to confirm it, and then use it against me.
Silas was still speaking, something soothing, but his words didn’t penetrate the panic clawing through my chest cavity. It was so intense, and it burned.
“He’s going to find me, Silas. He knows where I sleep. He’s been in here.”
My space. My safe place.
Where was I supposed to go? What was I supposed to do?
A white cottage with a fenced-in backyard, a patch of green grass.
“I know, baby, but this is still the safest place for you. I’ll tell Killian, and he’ll reinforce the club. I’ll send Death Raiders to fix this. You’ll be protected at all times.”
Something in my brain was misfiring because his words should be bringing me comfort, but there was a rope untethering, one knot at a time. Wasn’t this what people did with panicked animals? They spoke softly, promising a better future, while they removed anything that had once connected them.
“No, it…I don’t want that, I want you.” My words were rushed, my eyes closed as I continued to breathe.
Silas didn’t speak; he just continued to hold me.
“They’ll be the best of the best, Caelum. I’ll be back…but I have to find him. I have to.”
No. Don’t leave me. Don’t go. Not again.
I wanted to say it, to beg it, but somewhere deep down refused to give him those words. Not when he’d take them and bottle them, only to do what he saw was best in the end. I used to think it was the war always brewing in his blood that kept us apart, but now I saw it for what it was.
A vendetta with his father…and what was the absolute worst part of this, was I didn’t even blame him. Not after seeing all the ways Silas had changed throughout the years from Fable’s training.
Revenge would always come first, and while I understood this specific time, it had to do with me, it was still the same score to settle from years back.
It burned that Alec was right, and while Silas may see it as protecting me, I wouldn’t survive another two years of him trying to keep me safe from a distance. This would be our end, and we’d never even really had a beginning.
“Please don’t go,” I managed to whisper with my voice cracking.
His hand moved to the side of my face, tilting it back, and right as I opened my mouth to continue pleading, his lips were on mine.
He moved savagely, kissing me like he used to when he’d leave me after we’d turned eighteen. I tried to pull away, but he held me firm.
“I’m not leaving you. I’m here.” His hand moved to my chest, over my heaving breasts. “I’m always in here.”
His lips returned to mine, sensual, slow and violent all at once. I moved with him, lost in his taste and his familiar touch.
“Silas.” A sob finally broke free from my chest. “Don’t go.”
We stayed like that, rocking back and forth in each other’s arms. But eventually it came to an end with a firm knock against my door.
Silas broke away first, holding my face in his palms. “Natty, the man on the other side of that door is named Garrison. I trust him with your life, which you know means I trust him with my own. He is going to sweep your room every time you enter it and go with you wherever you go.”
I was already shaking my head, a fresh tear dripping down the tip of my nose.
“I’ll come with you. Just take me with you this time.”
His stare softened, his dark hair cutting over his forehead, his pale blue eyes searching my gaze for something…I had no idea what.
“I have to find him, and in order to do that I have to hurt a lot of people.”
I gripped his arm to stop him from retreating then let out a strained breath.
“I want to be your partner, Silas. I don’t need to be kept in a tower while you go fight all our enemies. Let me just stand with you. I’m—”
My voice broke off, as worry and panic edged into my throat.
“I’m tired, Silas. I’m so tired of being alone of being left…just,” I squeezed my eyes shut, “please just don’t leave.”
Silas was quiet, and it gave me hope that he was considering what I’d said.
Minutes passed, our fingers threaded together, each second building my confidence that he’d stay.
“I’m not ripping you from the only home you’ve ever had to hunt him. If I do then he wins. I will not let him win, Natty.”
I released his shoulders and stepped away from him.
Silas stood behind me, regarding me warily.
“I’ll be back to see you, I just have—”
“Don’t bother.” I moved to the window to look outside, desperately trying to hold in a scream.
He stayed behind me, silent and stoic.
I laughed, staring down at the backyard. “How ironic that one of you locked me away, desperate to keep me and the other doesn’t seem to want me at all.”
“Don’t fucking say that. You know it’s not like that. I’ll go and come back to you.”
There was a buzzing happening in my ears as old memories tore at my mind with invisible claws. I was staring at nothing when I heard Silas shout.
“Are you listening, did you hear what I said, Natty?”
I spun around, tears gathering again.
His jaw clenched, “Did you hear what I said? I’ll be back, Garrison and Lance will be watching you. You’ll be safe. I need to keep you safe.”
“Right. Just like you had to let me stay safe after I was traded to this club.” I don’t know why I said it.
The situation was out of his control, and I hadn’t told him the devastating truth of what had happened but a part of me was still bitter that I had to take that truth and swallow it as if it were a shard of glass.
Silas glared, as though I were now one of his enemies. He’d never looked at me like that before. “I couldn’t simply walk back in here and take you back…it would have started a war.”
Another laugh tumbled from my mouth as tears traced a path down my face.
“You waged nothing but war over your father all our lives. You were designed to start them, endure them and end them. Regardless of that, if you were waiting to avoid an incident with The Stone Riders and The Death Raiders, you could have when you became president months ago. Once you killed Dirk, you could have made the decision to come for me. You had the manpower and the numbers….but you never did.”
Silas moved toward the door, and I felt like something was separating from my body as I watched him go. I couldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t.
“If you walk out that door, we’re over.” I whispered loud enough for him to hear me, painfully aware that I was about to break my own heart.
Silas didn’t bend to anyone’s will, including mine.
The silence in the room grew uncomfortable. My hope had grown long, tattered wings like something from the deep. A dark place made up of broken dreams and loneliness. I held my breath, waiting…
“Tu meus es sol, luna mea. Vitam meam. Revertar ad te.” You are my sun, my moon. My life. I will come back for you.
With that, the door opened and closed on a whisper.
I spun around, my eyes watering as I stared at the floor. A familiar ache unfurling in my core. I knew Silas had men outside my door, keeping me safe but it didn’t erase old trauma.
With a shaky breath, I walked over to my closet and turned on the light.
There, under a false floorboard, I stared at my past. Photos of a younger Silas holding a frog bigger than his head.
An image of him writing in a journal, testing his ability to write poetry because he’d grown addicted to it.
My eyes trailed over the two hand guns, boxes of ammo and letters I’d gathered throughout the span of time I’d been separated from Silas.
My fingers trailed gingerly and ever so carefully over the leather jacket with the Grim Reaper stitched into the back. Printed in white, circular text:
Property of Silas Silva
The Roman
Options were never set before me, they’d always been taken. Removed. I was merely shoved into a corner, a tower, some place to be kept safe. My mouth sealed to prevent a war, while ignoring the battle that raged in my heart.
I broke when I arrived in this club. Repaired only by kindness, friendship, independence, and this great hope that I’d be back with Silas. I was tired.
So tired.
Releasing a pent-up breath, I brought my knees under my chin and sat alone in my room, staring at the floor that held pieces of a life I no longer recognized. Clarity finally came in the form of a plan. A decision.
It was time I took my life back into my own hands.