Chapter Three
Elise
The bell pealed through the classroom, signaling the start of the weekend.
My heart jumped excitedly as chairs scraped across the tiled floor, and my classmates jumped up from their desks, chatting animatedly as they filed into the corridor.
Closing my textbook, I placed it in my bag and rose from my chair, chest aching at the thought of what I was about to do.
My boyfriend was about to go to Rock Springs and enlist in the Marine Corps, and my job was to support him, even though the thought of him leaving me behind made my stomach hurt. I’d been dreading this day for months, pushing it to the back of my mind because every time I thought of it, I just wanted to cry.
Being a Marine was Johnny’s dream. He had the next ten years of his life mapped out, though the next three didn’t include me. Still, I loved him enough to want him to achieve everything he dreamed of, even if it would take him away from me.
Someone calling my name pulled me away from my thoughts. I looked up to see my friend, Kelly, waiting for me at the classroom door.
Her eyes softened with something akin to pity. “Come on, honey. He’ll be waiting for you.”
I nodded and walked toward her. Every step felt like walking a plank into a deep, black sea. John didn’t know how much his leaving was affecting me, which was exactly how I wanted to keep it.
Kelly threaded her arm through mine as we walked down the hall toward the school entrance. I was in my Senior year at Hambleton High, and there was only a week left of school. I’d enrolled in the community college in the next town over to learn office management and secretarial skills. My dad was good friends with Mayor Henderson, who’d suggested to Pop that there might be a position for me in his office when I got my degree.
“You’re really quiet,” Kelly murmured as we approached the main doors.
“I’m trying to keep it together,” I replied quietly. “I’ve got to get through the next few hours and keep a smile plastered to my face. I want to support John in everything he does. He’s been so excited about going to Rock Springs and enlisting, and I won’t ruin it for him.”
“You’re a better person than me,” Kelly responded gently. “It’s okay not to be the perfect girlfriend sometimes, Elise. If something bothers you, you’re allowed to say so.”
My heart sank because I knew she had a point. “I went into this knowing Johnny’s dream was to enlist. How can I turn around now and say I don’t want him to go? It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Probably not,” she murmured. “But you can have an opinion. It wasn’t that long ago women burned their bras so we could have a voice.”
I giggled. “Well, I’m not burning my bra. My boobs are too big to go without one.”
“Lucky bitch,” Kelly retorted good-naturedly as we exited the doors and walked outside into the balmy late May sunshine.
My mouth curved into a smile as the sunshine hit my face. I turned it up slightly, trying to catch the rays, all thoughts of Johnny fading until a sharp whistle permeated the air.
Lowering my gaze, my eyes caught on the man I loved, and my heart contracted.
John Stone was well over six feet tall with dark hair and brown eyes that looked at me with such reverence it made my breath quicken. Twenty-one and confident, with a touch of arrogance that shouldn’t have made me weak at the knees, he was the epitome of every girl”s idea of a bad boy.
My stomach leaped at the sight of him standing by his bike, wearing a black leather jacket and sunglasses and holding his black helmet in one hand. There was no denying how handsome he was or the masculinity that emanated from every pore.
In the year I’d been his, I’d gotten to know the authentic John Stone. He was a man of high morals and deep loyalty. He saw the world in black and white, which was sometimes frustrating, but at least I knew where I stood with John. My guy didn’t play games; he said what he meant and meant what he said, and I loved how mature it made him.
Every girl in town wanted John—even if they wouldn’t admit it—but John wanted me. For years, I’d crushed on him, never thinking the day would come when he’d notice me. When he did, nothing stopped him, not even my dad refusing to allow him to take me on a date.
We got around it by John picking me up from school and meeting with a crowd of people, until, eventually, Dad accepted Johnny wasn’t going anywhere and grudgingly caved.
My gaze locked onto golden brown eyes, my heart fluttering at the warmth in John’s smile.
He raised a hand and beckoned me with his finger, just like Patrick Swayze did to Baby in Dirty Dancing.
Butterflies danced in my belly, and I smiled softly as my feet moved toward him as if I were walking on air. As I approached, he reached out, tagged my waist, and tugged me close enough that our bodies connected.
“How’s my girl?” he asked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear before kissing the end of my nose.
“Good now,” I whispered. “I thought it would never end.”
A glint of metallic green caught the corner of my eye. My gaze lowered, and my body stilled. “Did you get a new bike?”
His grin spread across his face. “Birthday gift from my folks.”
“Wow!” I exclaimed before my eyes narrowed. “Are you sure your dad won’t stick you with the finance bill?”
John tossed his head back and let out a throaty laugh. “You’re the second person today to ask me that.” He cupped my face, his thumb stroking over my cheek. “It’s all bought and paid for. We can ride up to Rock Springs in style.”
Taking care to keep my smile wide, I nodded. “What time’s your appointment?”
He checked his watch. “We’ve got an hour exactly. Plenty of time to take a slow ride up. Did you bring your helmet?”
I held my bag up. “In here.”
John reached into his pocket and pulled out his Walkman. “Springsteen or R.E.M.?”
“I’m in a Springsteen mood,” I mused. “We’ll listen to R.E.M. on the way home—”
“Hey, John!” A breathy voice from behind cut me off.
I craned my neck, chest twisting when I saw Monica Stafford walking toward us with her sidekick, Kimberly Clarke. Monica had been dating Peter Barrington for years, but that didn’t stop her from flirting with John at every opportunity, even when I was present.
Automatically, my hackles rose. “Great,” I muttered, turning to face the girls.
John’s arm slid across my shoulders, pulling me close before greeting Monica with a loud “Yo!”
“Hey, Stone,” Monica said breathily, stopping about a foot from us. “My brother and I are having a party tomorrow night. You wanna come?” Her eyes flickered with an unspoken invitation conveying more than a damned party invite.
John’s arm tightened across my shoulder. “Can’t promise, but I’ll keep it in mind.”
“Rob’s coming,” she continued shrilly. “I’m gonna ask Steve, too, so you’ll be in good company.”
John glanced down at me. “What about Elise? She invited? ‘Cause I don’t go to parties without my girl.”
Monica’s lips thinned. “I guess.”
“You guess?” he challenged. “Tell you what, Monica. Stick your damned party where the sun don’t shine ‘cause I won’t have anybody walking up to me and disrespecting my girlfriend to her face. You prance around with your nose in the air like you’re the queen of Hambleton, but really, you need to learn some manners.” He took my bag from me and took out my helmet. “Put this on, Duchess. We’re goin’.”
I beamed up at him, heart melting at how he always had my back. This was John all over, loyal to a fault. He’d never let anybody speak down to me, and that included other girls. Stone said they were jealous of me, and usually, I ignored them, but I still felt a thrill when he put them in their place.
He popped a kiss on my forehead, placed an earphone in my ear, and gently lowered my helmet over my head. Throwing a leg over his bike, he held a hand out for me to grab and helped me get on behind him.
“Everythin’ alright?” he asked, putting his helmet on and pulling the chinstrap tight.
“Perfect,” I replied, grinning at what had just happened as I slid my arms around his rigid torso.
He turned his head forward and started the bike. “Hold on tight, Duchess,” he ordered, revving the bike and setting off slowly to join the main road leading out of town.
I resisted the urge to give Monica the finger as we drove away. Instead, I pressed my cheek to John’s back until all the tension left his body.
Riding always relaxed him; it was in his blood, and he got so much pleasure from it that the enjoyment also rubbed off on me. It connected us not just physically but emotionally. I never felt closer to John than when I sat behind him, holding onto him tight with the wind whipping all around us.
John’s hand rested on my knee, and my heart fluttered as the opening bars to Springsteen’s ‘Glory Days’ sounded through my one earphone. His fingers tapped lightly in time with the bass.
I leaned in closer, my front aligned perfectly with the curve of John’s spine, marveling at how well we fit. The lyrics to the song made my chest warm as I thought about how the song reflected how I felt right then, holding tight to the man I loved.
Three years without him would be challenging, but it was three years out of our whole lives. If John didn’t leave, we’d get married and have babies. Waiting and going to college would give me time to find myself and learn to be more independent. As much as I’d miss him, maybe it would even be good for me.
But as much as I tried to convince myself John”s leaving was a good thing, I couldn’t ignore the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’d had this feeling ever since John told me he was enlisting on his twenty-first birthday.
I knew I had to smile, be a supportive girlfriend, and encourage him to live his dreams—and I was fully prepared for it. Except I couldn’t shake the feeling that if John left, something terrible would happen, and nothing would ever be the same.
John’s enlistment went well.
He passed the security check and did well in his aptitude test. The recruiter arranged for him to go down to Denver the following week for his physical. After that, he’d be sent to boot camp.
He came out of his interview, almost vibrating with excitement. As we walked back to where he’d parked his bike, he couldn’t stop babbling about everything the recruiter had told him about the life of a U.S. Marine.
On the ride home, my heart ached so hard my chest hurt, but you wouldn’t have known it by the broad smile I kept in place. John needed to get away from the MC if he wanted to discover who he really was, and I had to admire his independence.
My dad told me the Speed Demons were trouble, but they’d always been respectful toward me. Constance was like my second mother, and even though Bandit scared me a little, I admired him for how he kept all those crazy bikers in check.
Even though my mom made me do pageants, I was shy, especially around men. On my first date with John, I was so nervous that I could hardly speak in case I said something stupid. Thank God he could see I was struggling and talked enough for the both of us.
All too soon, we drove onto the road toward the farm where John lived and where the Speed Demons had their home. Bandit, Constance, and John lived in a farmhouse set back from the road next to the clubhouse, a huge, old barn onto which they’d built a kitchen and bathroom.
Even though I’d heard Bandit was a millionaire, the place looked pretty run down. Johnny always told me how when he was prez, he’d buy the huge old warehouse on Lincoln Way and expand the club by offering the brothers room and board. He even talked about starting legitimate businesses.
We took a left and rode into the club’s courtyard, which was full of bikes because Friday was always party night for the Speed Demons. John didn’t let me stay after eight, which a part of me was thankful for—I’d heard the rumors of the debauchery that went on there—but John wanted to celebrate his enlistment, so instead of taking me home early, we were going to the club for a change.
Constance and Iris would be there, so that put my mind at ease, but I couldn’t help the tightening of my stomach as my nerves set in.
John steered his bike past the house and down a dirt track toward the barn before finally stopping at the end of a long line of bikes. Then he reached back to help me as I hauled my leg over the saddle and dismounted.
“You okay, Duchess?” he asked, getting off his bike and placing it on its kickstand.
“Yeah,” I replied quietly, studying his face curiously. “You never usually want me here late. What’s changed?”
He closed his eyes, his face lowering until he studied his boots. “The place gets a little rambunctious at night, baby. I made a decision when we started dating that I’d keep you away from it for as long as possible, But you’re nearly eighteen now, and I want you to be comfortable coming here when I’m away.”
“How rambunctious?” I inquired, my head cocking to one side. “I know the brothers get drunk and unruly.”
His hand went up to clasp the back of his neck. “There’s a little more to it than drinking, Leesy.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my stomach sinking at John’s reddening face.
He winced slightly. “Remember when I explained how the club lives by its own moral code and how it often clashes with what society sees as decent?”
I nodded silently.
“Women like to come and party with the brothers,” he muttered, obviously embarrassed. “Things can get... Umm... sexual?”
I felt my cheeks burn. “Oh.” My throat contracted, and my eyes met his. Something stopped me from asking the one thing I desperately wanted to know, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words for fear of the answer.
John’s forehead furrowed, his eyes flicking between mine before they widened almost comically. “No. Not me, Duchess—I wouldn’t—I’m with you.”
I bit my lip nervously. “Have you ever...?” My voice trailed off.
I watched as a spot of red stained his cheeks. “Yeah, but not for years. Way before I fell for you.” His hand reached for mine, and he laced our fingers together. “Not sayin’ I was an angel, Leesy, but I stopped all that shit a while ago.”
My heart plummeted.
John’s words reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart, but I was also determined not to be a baby about it.
I had zero experience with sex, apart from letting John feel me up now and again. I’d wanted to go all the way, begged him in fact, but he said we should wait until I turned eighteen.
A loud bang splintered the air, and I almost jumped out of my skin.
John grabbed my arm and shoved me behind him. “What the hell—?” Loud whoops and roars of laughter followed.
My eyes widened as Bandit strolled from the side of the barn carrying a huge box, tunelessly barking the words ‘Candy’ by Cameo at the top of his voice. Three brothers followed him, laughing and hollering as they made their way toward the clubhouse doors.
“What you shooting at?” John asked his dad as he approached.
Bandit cackled. “The new prospect.”
John sighed. “Why?”
“Caught him asleep behind the clubhouse. Thought I’d give him a wake-up call.”
“Pop,” John protested. “You can’t shoot a prospect for takin’ a nap.”
The prez smirked. “He’s fine. I didn’t hit him. Aimed a couple of inches to the right of his head. He can sleep on his own dime.”
John stared at Bandit, clearly perplexed. “But you don’t pay him.”
Bandit’s head reared back. “He gets free beer and pussy.” His crazy-eyed stare slid to me. “Pardon my French.”
My eyes rounded.
“What you got there?” John asked, nodding toward the box Bandit was holding.
The prez waggled his eyebrows excitedly. “This, my boy, is hours of free entertainment. Remember that band who played a few weeks back for Rabbit’s birthday?”
John nodded.
“I had to pay ‘em a hundred green,” Bandit explained, lips pursing. “One fuckin’ hundred to play two forty-five-minute sets. That’s fifty darn bucks for forty-five minutes of work. Can you fuckin’ believe that? Anyway, I digress. This here is what they call a karaoke box. It’s got thousands of songs inside it, and you sing along with the microphone.”
John’s face scrunched up in confusion. “D’ya get a singer in for it?”
“Nope!” Bandit grinned. “That’s the beauty of it. Anyone can have a go. You pick a song, grab the mic, and suddenly you’re Frank fuckin’ Sinatra.” He offloaded the box into one of the brother”s arms and began to bark the lyrics to ‘New York, New York’ while doing jazz hands.
I couldn’t hide my giggle. John’s pop was such a character. He didn’t care what anybody thought of his antics, which was probably why everybody in town—including my dad—said he had a screw loose.
When eventually the roars of laughter died down, Bandit strolled toward us. “You and your girlie here tonight?”
John gave him a nod.
Bandit’s intense stare rested on me, and I blushed because it was like he could see inside my head and all my insecurities and vulnerabilities.
John’s dad was a complex man, and I often felt as if he judged me. Admittedly, I was shy and quiet around him, but it didn’t mean I was weak. In Bandit’s world, it was survival of the fittest, and I was determined to prove I was the right girl for John, even if it meant I had to step out of my comfort zone.
“I’ve heard of karaoke,” I said quietly, hiding the tremor in my hands by hanging onto John’s shirt. “It started in Japan. It’s popular over there.”
Bandit’s lip curled. “Still not forgiven those fuckers for Pearl Harbor, but I guess givin’ us karaoke is the beginning of healin’ the rift.” His gaze went to John. “Did you explain to her how the clubhouse can get?”
“Yeah.” John glanced at me and then back to his dad. “I’ll look after her.”
A thoughtful expression stole across Bandit’s face. “Guess if she’s gonna be your ol’ lady, she’ll have to get used to it sooner or later. When you become prez, she’ll have to keep the club girls in line, so the sooner she gets on board, the easier it’ll be.”
His eyes met mine again, but they were softer that time. “What goes on in my club stays here. You understand, girlie?”
Yes, Mr. Stone,” I said, somehow keeping my voice steady.
He shot me a conspiratorial wink. “Call me Bandit. I’m too young and sexy to be called Mr. Stone.” He craned his neck to address the brothers. “Get the karaoke box in there and set it up, you fuckheads. I feel the spirit of Jimi Hendrix takin’ me over.” He twirled on his heel in a complete circle, then began to play an invisible electric guitar while whistling the intro to ‘All Along the Watchtower’ through his teeth as he turned and disappeared inside the barn.
“Jesus. Ignore him,” John muttered. “He’s been drinking the fuckin’ Kool-Aid again.”
Stepping closer, I snaked my hands up his chest, linking my fingers around the back of his neck. “He’s hilarious. It’s crazy how everybody thinks he’s some tough guy, but underneath his crazy exterior, he’s funny.”
One side of John’s mouth hitched. “Don’t be fooled. He is a tough motherfucker. The humor’s all very well, but he takes the club and its business seriously. He filled a prospect’s ass full of buckshot last week for havin’ loose lips in public.”
“At least he didn’t kill him,” I reasoned.
“There is that,” he agreed, lowering his face and kissing my lips softly. “You’re so beautiful. The way the sun’s hittin’ you from behind makes your hair look like spun gold.”
My heart bounced inside my chest. “You’re beautiful, too, John. I look at you sometimes, and it hurts to breathe.”
His eyes flickered between mine. “I love you even more for sticking by me, Duchess. I don”t know if I could leave if you said you wouldn’t wait for me. When I come home, we’ll be set. I’ll join the club and open the auto shop. Then we’ll get married, and I’ll give you lots of babies.”
“Three or four will do.” I smiled, eyes shining with love as I studied his handsome face. “We’ll have a few boys who’ll follow in their dad’s footsteps, then a princess we’ll name after your mom.”
“Can’t wait for us to have it all, Leesy,” he rasped, voice laced with emotion. “We’re gonna rule the fuckin’ world.”
I beamed my reply.
To the outside world, John was strong and capable. He was a man’s man, riding around town on his bike, wearing his leather jacket, looking handsome, and being charming as hell. Stone was liked and respected, but still held something of himself back from others because of the club.
But not from me.
I was lucky to see a different side of Stone, the romantic, earnest, almost boyish version. The boys I’d known before played games and never had the confidence to admit if they liked a girl for fear of not being cool, whereas peer pressure wasn’t something John even considered. If he felt a certain way, he’d tell me. John openly spoke about our future and didn’t care about showing his feelings or laying his cards on the table.
Gently, he tugged at my hand, pulling me toward the barn. “Mom will be out back, cookin’. You wanna go hang with her, or stay in the bar with me and the boys?”
Rolling my eyes good-naturedly, I followed him into the building. I knew what was expected of me. Ol’ ladies and girlfriends always assembled in the kitchen. It was old-fashioned, but the men got drunk and shot the shit, while we cooked, gossiped, and drank wine out back.
The expectations of the MC were fifty years behind society. Women’s roles had changed drastically over the years. These days, females could even be breadwinners, though you wouldn’t think so as far as the club was concerned.
Here, women still cooked, cleaned, and looked after the family. I didn’t mind. All I wanted was to be John’s wife and have babies, so club life suited me perfectly. A career for me was something to keep me busy while John was away. The instant he came home, I’d leave my job to marry him and become a mother, and I couldn’t wait.
The interior of the barn was dark and a little dingy. The sheetrock on the walls had been painted black, some with graffiti. My dad would have called it the work of the devil, and he’d have a point, except it was the work of a Demon. A makeshift bar had been built across one wall, and the furniture consisted of cheap plastic picnic chairs and tables and upended beer barrels doubling as seats.
“You wanna coke, Duchess?” John asked.
Looking around, I tamped down the urge to grimace at the stench of beer and tobacco. “It’s okay; I’ll grab one from the kitchen.” Leaning up, I pecked John on the cheek and turned for the door, half-listening as he began to tell the men what happened at the recruitment office.
I hurried through the bar, needing to get out of there, my throat burning with the flow of emotions I’d kept inside all day. Listening to John get so excited about leaving made me want to scream. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. Suddenly, it all seemed like too much.
Constance looked up, smiling widely at me the instant I stepped into the kitchen. “Hey! How did it go and Rock Springs...” She must’ve seen everything I felt etched onto my face because her voice trailed off before she murmured, “Come here, Elise,” and opened her arms wide.
With a sob, I flew into them. “I’m sorry.” I hiccoughed through my tears. “It’s just a lot.”
Her fingers rubbed my back soothingly. “I know. The same happened to me. Donny married me then enlisted, except he went to a warzone. At least it’s peacetime, and John won’t be in any danger.” She pulled back lightly and took my face in her hands. “Still, I know what you’re feeling because I felt it too, but these Stone men are so pigheaded, you have to let them go if you want to keep them. John would stay for you, Elise, but a part of him would probably resent you for it.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I’m being selfish.”
“No, you’re not,” Connie assured me. “If you were selfish, you’d be crying on John’s shoulder now instead of mine. You’re allowed to have feelings. You’re even allowed to hate what he’s doing underneath all the bravado. But to his face, you smile, because if John goes away worrying about you, he won’t be taking care of himself, and neither of us wants that.”
Sniffing back my tears, I pulled my shoulders back determinedly. “I know. I’m okay. Today was the first day it all became real.”
“If it’s any consolation, I don’t want him to go, either.” Connie smiled. “But you’re in a better position than I was, Elise, because you’ve got something I never had when Bandit enlisted, and that’s me and the club. John told me about your college plans, and I think you’re doing the right thing by studying. It’ll help the time pass, but never forget we’re here if you need us.”
My heart squeezed as awareness washed over me.
John’s mom was right. I was in a much better position than a lot of women whose men enlisted. I had the support of our families and our friends.
Hambleton was a place where everybody knew each other’s business. Granted, it could be annoying, but people also cared about each other, and I knew they’d rally. It was time to stop moping and start looking to the future. Three years seemed like a lifetime, but it wasn’t like I wouldn’t see John at all in that time. He’d be home on leave, and depending on where he was stationed, I may be able to visit him on weekends.
Connie studied my expression. “There, at last, you’re getting it. Let him go into the world and achieve what he needs; he’ll come back, and until he does, we’ve got you, Elise.”
For the first time that day, the nerves in my stomach settled.
I’d been looking at it all wrong. John leaving didn’t mean I’d lose him. Maybe it was the first step we needed to take to be together. Three years would drag, but it was just a moment in time, and I could use it to grow as a person.
The fact was, John felt he had to do this to become the man he needed to be. And, as the woman who loved him more than anything else in the world, I decided from then on I would want it for him, too.