Chapter Thirty-Nine
Dagger
“Your boys play rough,” Stevie muttered. “Hope they don’t hurt my girl.”
I swiveled my neck to see Layla toddling around after Gage, holding her tiny arms out toward him to be picked up. My boy took her hand and led her to the sandpit, plonked down next to her, and started building sandcastles.
“They’re fine.” I took a swig of beer and shook my head at the wonder of Stevie’s girl. “Them eyes, bud. They take up half her face. One day, she’s gonna rope a man with them eyes, ‘cause those big, silver-grey pools will be a sight he wants… no… the sight he needs, to wake up feelin’ easy to for the rest of his life. She’s fuckin’ beautiful. How the fuck did you and Kelly make her?”
He grinned. “She looks like my side of the family. Same color irises as me, but she gets their shape from my mom.”
“Your ma still in that little white craftsman down near the south end of the creek?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied. “She’ll die there too, no doubt, and going by the way she dotes on Layla, I’ll probably get bypassed in the will, and Mom will leave it all to her.”
“You care?” I inquired.
“Not in the least,” he muttered.
We went quiet for a while, watching Gage laugh at Layla doin’ a little shimmy with her ass. She was cute as fuck, a pretty doll, and the apple of Stevie’s eye. He took her everywhere, even to work some days, though he owned the realtor’s office in town now—one of our new investments—so nobody could say a word about it.
Business was good.
Personal life was ticking along.
I’ve got three boys now: Xander, Gage, and Kit. I was waiting for Adele to tell me she was ready to try for a girl. I’d already picked her name out. Freya, the Goddess of love and beauty, war and gold.
It seemed fitting.
We just had to make her, which was a challenge, seeing as we didn’t have sex anymore. Marriage was hard work, even with the one you loved, and, in my own way, I did love Adele, but more like a best friend or a sister. But then that was how we went into our marriage. It was never meant to be the kind of love songs were sung of, and epic tales were written about. It worked for us, though. We were a good team, and she was one of the best women I knew.
I could’ve done worse.
“Seen Elise lately?” Stevie asked quietly.
I ignored the clenching of my heart and took another nonchalant swig of beer. “Not recently. See her around now and again, but I tend to stay outta town and all its bullshit. Iris meets with her all the time, and Adele even has coffee with her occasionally.” I let out a snort.
“Funny how things work out,” Stevie muttered. “Henderson wants me to do the conveyancing on some new buildings between here and Mapletree, which he’s invested in. It’ll be worth a lotta money to us.”
“Go with it,” I told him. “He can afford it.”
Stevie grinned. “You’re doin’ okay, too. You’ve got investments from here to Laramie and Rock Springs. Starting that construction company was a genius idea, especially with the outcry for properties in the area.”
I nodded. “We’re busy, and it turns a good profit.”
“Clubs growing, too,” he stated. “What you up to now?”
“Sixty.” I grinned. “Good men, vets, and hard workers. I think it’s why we do so well. We gotta good team who aren’t afraid to get stuck into a job and can problem solve along the way.”
“It worked out well for you,” he murmured. “Except for…” His voice trailed off.
“Don’t, Ste.” My eyes met his, and I knew they were troubled. “It doesn’t get easier. If anything, the more time passes, the more I ache.”
He looked off into space. “Your dad always said that Stone men love hard, fast, and forever. He was right.”
I stared at my beer bottle unseeingly. “Thing is, bud. I gotta good woman in that clubhouse. She’s been nothing but loyal. A good wife and a good mother. I’d never hurt her, never leave her, and never abandon her, but I also want her to find something real. She’s lived with half a man these past ten years and never stopped smiling, regardless. Sometimes, I think about the past and what could’ve been, and I know she knows. She just smiles, pats my hand, and says, ‘One day, John.’ Adele deserves more than me, Steve. She always did.”
“Maybe she’s right,” Ste suggested. “You never know what could happen in years to come.”
I grinned as I watched Xander do a cannonball into the pool, splashing water everywhere like the fearless little shit he was. Then my eyes veered to Kit playing with his GI Joe’s by the poolside, happy as a pig in shit. Lastly, my gaze settled on Gage, who’d taken Layla by the hand again and was in the process of pointing the flowers out to her, teaching her their names. “I couldn’t lose them. Not for anyone.”
“I get it, John.” Stevie turned, clocked Layla and Gage, and raised an eyebrow. “Hope nothing’s developin’ there. Your boys are little heartbreakers already. Don’t want my Layla caught in the crossfire.” His lips thinned.
I busted out laughing. “Don’t worry, bud. With them big, silver-grey, doe eyes, it’ll be Gage getting caught. Mark my words.”
And never was a truer word spoken in jest.
I brought my bike to a halt, my stare falling on a lone figure gazing down at the grave. I knew it was her. There was nothing about Elise Bell I ever forgot, not even the way she damned well held herself. Thought about her often, like hourly. The longing never went away.
Age brought even more beauty to her features, though honestly, to me, she still looked the same as she did when she was eighteen. Maybe I saw her through the eyes of a man still deeply in love, and my mind kept seeing her as she was back then.
If only she wasn’t so thin.
Placing my helmet on the handlebars, I dismounted.
Elise either heard the bike or sensed me because she craned her neck and beamed from over her shoulder. The low winter sun caught her hair until it shone like spun gold, and my breath hitched in my throat at the pure beauty before me.
My Leesy.
My Duchess.
Always.
“He wouldn’t want you standing there, in the cold, crying over him,” I called over on my approach.
“Yeah, he would,” she bandied back. “He’d love all this attention.”
I laughed, deep and throaty, coming to a stop next to her. “Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”
She glanced at me, and my heart clenched at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks. She was even a beautiful crier. Go figure.
“I think what gets to me the most is that Layla will never know him,” Elise whispered. “Her dad. The sweetest, kindest, funniest man in the world won’t be able to give everything he is to her. She’ll never know.”
“We’ll tell her,” I said softly. “We’ll remember him to her, and we’ll make sure she knows how much her daddy was loved.”
“It’s true what they say,” she whispered. “Only the good die young,”
“You’re right.” I laughed. “Seein’ as Bandit’s still goin’ strong.”
She shrugged. “That old coot will outlive us all.”
We stared in silence at Stevie’s fresh grave, remembering his smile, his jokes, his laughter, his advice, and his unwavering support. My bud never took sides with us. I was his best friend, but he never abandoned Elise. He loved her like a sister, and I was happy she got that from him, especially these past few years.
“I’m worried about Kelly,” Elise suddenly breathed, looking at me with troubled eyes. “She’s hit the bottle in a big way. She can’t seem to cope without him. Layla’s with Stevie’s mom at her house, down the southern end of the creek. Kelly can’t even look after her.”
“She’ll come right,” I murmured. “She loves Layla. She won’t lose her.”
Elise sighed. “I hope so. Sometimes, it’s only our kids who keep us going.”
I nodded, thinking of Xander, Gage, Kit, and now Freya. They were my light and my heart. However, the woman in my soul stood next to me, and suddenly, a bolt of melancholy hit because it all could’ve been so different.
“How’s Adele?” Elise inquired. “She said she’s going to Boston next week. I can’t imagine her in the big city. She’s so free-spirited. Imagine her around all those sophisticated city types?”
“She’s a nut.” I smiled ‘cause my wife would never change. Adele and I had grown further apart after Freya was born. Our marriage had been good, but it was dead in the water now. I loved her, and she loved me, but we weren’t in love.
We never were.
But we were happy for a time when the boys were young, and we were building the club. She was a great ol’ lady and a wonderful mother and friend, but it was never more than what it was supposed to be.
A beautiful moment in time.
There was no way I’d tell Elise that, though. Adele deserved my respect, and telling my ex-girlfriend about our marriage problems wasn’t respectful to my wife. I didn’t know if Adele and I would eventually work out. I offered to try, even offered to go see the new shrink in town, Mitch, and try marriage counseling. But she didn’t seem interested.
I’d worked something out. My wife always knew we were temporary. It was the way she planned it. Adele always dreamed of finding her ‘one,’ and I wanted it for her, too. She deserved epic, rip-your-soul-out love. She deserved to meet the man destined to be hers.
That man was never me, and she knew it all along.
We hadn’t officially split or anything. The kids were still young and needed us both. My boys were rascals, but they adored their mother. Her leaving would affect them, and she knew it. Plus, Freya needed her momma, too. My daughter lived among good men, but she needed Adele’s femininity and caring touch.
So, we’d keep on keeping on and see where the wind took us.
“How’s your mom doing?” I asked quietly.
Elise’s face fell. “Not good. I’m flying out tomorrow. Gonna stay a while. I’m not really sure when I’ll be back. I’d like to nurse her to the end and spend that time with her. We lost a lot of years when she moved in with her sister. She was never the same after Dad died.”
“I’m sorry, Leesy.” My fingers twitched with the need to touch her and give her some comfort. “For everything.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” she replied softly. “You loved me good, John Stone. It was me who screwed everything up.”
“I screwed up the day I put you on the back of my bike, took you to Grand Junction, and enlisted. Screwed up when I left you.”
“We were young, John,” she murmured. “We thought we had the world at our feet, thought we could have it all. Nobody gets to have it all. Especially not girls like me.”
My eyebrows snapped together. “Huh?”
“It’s okay,” she assured me. “No need to apologize.” She took a breath, settled herself, and plastered a smile on her face.
I knew all her smiles. Happy, sad, concerned, understanding, all of them. That one was her mayor’s wife’s smile, and it was fake as fuck.
“Take care, John,” she said softly. “I’m going home to pack. I’ve got an early flight.”
“Take care, babe,” I replied. “Safe travels.”
My stare held Thrash’s, never wavering, never faltering.
It was that bastard who eventually looked away.
I smirked.
“It’s all there, Prez,” Hendrix confirmed, flipping his cell phone closed. “Five mill. All accounted for.”
I rose to my feet and bit out, “We’re done here.”
“Took long enough,” Thrash muttered.
Like a shot, I was on him. Grabbing his collar, I hauled him back against the wall, snarling, “Would’ve been sooner if your fuckstick of a father and his even bigger fuckstick cronies didn’t take and abuse one of our ol’ ladies. You expected a quick handover after that? Ya fuckin’ idiot. All they did was delay the vote. Nearly twenty years later, and it’s only just done, and the only man to blame is your dead rat bastard father.”
“Careful, Dagger,” Thrash warned.
“Or what?” I challenged.
His gaze lowered.
I threw him away from me, watching him stumble, then recover. “You’ve got the product, and you’ve got the guns. That’s it. Our business is done. Remember our agreement. You keep all your whores, dirty drugs, and cunt men out of Hambleton, and we won’t have a problem. The second you renege on our deal, what happened to your dad will seem like child’s play. Do you fuckin’ get me?”
Silence.
“Do you fuckin’ get me?” I roared.
“Loud and clear,” he muttered.
I turned and made for the warehouse doors, Hendrix, Tex, KC, Shotgun, and my new beast of an enforcer, Atlas, flanking me, having my six, my brothers, my brethren, always.
Over the years, we’d built a club we could be proud of. Other MCs—including one percenters—respected and liked us. We encouraged visitors and opened our doors with love and respect, freely given. We’d sent out envoys to rallies, arranged meets with other friendly clubs, building allies and relations. We had men, ex-military, ex-cops, ex fucking everything beating our doors down for a place because of our values, principles, and reputation.
And we only picked the best. The most elite of men.
The old timers mainly had died off, left through ill health, or retired, and with them went the desire and the patience to deal with anything illegal.
We had our own businesses and investments. My oldest boy, Xander, played the stock market for fun and made us a fortune. One day, all my boys would be Demons, running things by my side and beyond.
Xander one day wanted the gavel. He loved planning and playing chess, feeling men out, and seeing what made them tick. Gage had been boxing since the year he turned eight and was currently studying art. He wanted to design custom bikes for our thriving auto shop. Kit was desperate to be a soldier. He dreamed of the army, and I knew one day he’d be an asset to any club.
Even Freya, my baby, walked, talked, read, wrote, and did math early. She read books years above her age bracket and understood it all. She’d fulfill my dream for her to leave the biker life and be more because she was precisely that; my princess was worth every star in the universe.
Now, all we had to do was give up the diamond patch representing our one percenter status, and we would be fully legitimate.
I burst out of the warehouse and into the fresh air. Then, as I mounted my chrome and black Harley, I took a lungful deep inside, filling my chest with everything I ever wanted.
Everything clean.
Everything decent.
Everything I respected.
My legacy.
Except I was missing the one thing that would make it all worthwhile. The one thing I yearned for but would never get, because as much as God blessed me with so fucking much beauty, he never saw fit to give me the one thing that gave me true peace.
Elise.
I could take lungfuls of air all day long and fill stadiums with it. But I’d never fill the hole she left because she was my one, and like my dad always said…
Stone men loved hard, fast, and forever.