Chapter Thirty-Four
Grace
“No. I will not ‘go lie down.’ Or take one of those damn pills. This is my life you’re going to be talking about, and I need to be in the room. Conscious and lucid.”
In truth, I’m so tired, my bones ache. Even sitting on the couch feels like work. But under the exhaustion, there’s a sharp, prickling sensation crawling over my skin.
Anger.
I’ve had enough of being afraid. Of not knowing. I can’t control my broken brain. Or my panic attacks. But I can control what happens after one.
AJ sets the pill bottle next to me, along with a glass of water. “Please, darlin’. Jasper, Connor, and Hardison are on their way. We’ve gotta find out who told Harris you were here, how they found out, and who else knows so we can decide what to do about it.”
“Which is why I’m staying in the room.” I wrap my arm a little tighter around Belle. She snuggles close, her body still tense. “I can do this, AJ. I need to do this.”
“Boss, stand down.” Parker drapes a bag of frozen peas over her knuckles, then sinks back into the chair. “Grace knows Connor and Jasper. Hardison’s…well, he’s intense. But unless he’s chasin’ down a suspect, the man hasn’t raised his voice once in the two years I’ve known him.”
“I ain’t your boss right now,” AJ mutters. “Hell, by tomorrow, I reckon we’ll both be out of a job. I’m sorry, Parker. I never should’ve let you—”
She jerks up, stalks over to AJ, and gets right in his face.
“Let me? Now listen here, Stone. I’m a grown-ass woman, a Ranger, and Grace’s friend.
Yours too when you’re not bein’ a total and complete idjit.
You didn’t let me come with you to Mexico.
You didn’t let me call out the other day.
You certainly didn’t let me punch the chief in the face. That was my call, and I’d do it again.”
The two of them glare at one another, but after a second or two, I can’t see them through the tears brimming in my eyes.
Grace’s friend.
I didn’t know how much I needed one of those until this moment.
Before I was taken, I had friends. Not many I was close to, from what AJ said. But a few. Cristina, an English teacher at the community college. Savannah, one of the women I met at yoga. Isha, from my running club. But they don’t know me anymore. Parker does.
When the doorbell rings, I yelp, blink back my tears, and shrink behind Belle. The dog lets out a low growl. Her body vibrates against me. Tension gathers in my shoulders, the muscles so tight, I feel the ache all the way to my temples.
AJ checks his phone, then snaps his fingers. “Belle, down. It’s Connor.”
Parker drops back into the chair next to me. “Grace, Harris is an asshole. Every Ranger who’s ever served under him knows it. He had no right to barge in here like that. Screaming at you? That was a dick move. Fucker deserved that punch. And a hell of a lot more.”
“I…I wish I’d seen it.” Trapped in my panic, I heard the angry voices. And somewhere deep down, I latched onto AJ’s calm, soothing baritone to keep myself from disappearing completely. But the dark shadows from my nightmares were all I could see.
Parker flexes her fingers with a wince. Her knuckles are bright red and already a little swollen. “This is gonna hurt like a sombitch tomorrow. But still…totally worth it.”
“Parker, I hear you went and got yourself suspended.” Connor ambles in, carrying two pizza boxes.
“While you…brought pizza,” she says.
“Ran into the delivery guy in the driveway. Figured we didn’t need anyone else Grace didn’t know comin’ to the door.”
I lift my gaze to Connor’s and fight the almost overwhelming urge to immediately look away. I haven’t seen him since we returned to Austin, but his kind smile helps me find my voice. “Th-thanks.”
He nods. “Ain’t nothing to it. Jasper should be here any minute. Hardison on his way?”
“If he doesn’t get lost,” Parker says. “I told him he had to leave his phone at home. Didn’t want the chief getting to him before we did. He’s a good guy, but he’s not one to buck the system, y’know?”
“Well, he’s about to get a crash course in rebellion. I hope he’s a quick study.” Connor heads for the kitchen, shaking his head the whole way.
AJ follows him. “I’ll get some beer and Coke out of the garage. You think you can handle the plates?”
The men’s voices fade to a dull hum. I dig my fingers into the arm of the couch, trying to steady myself, and turn to Parker. Belle shifts so her muzzle rests on my thigh. “H-Hardison d-doesn’t know about m-me?”
“No. He’s…kind of a boy scout. We were planning on reading him in this weekend. Until Harris showed up. Now…we’ve got to get ahead of this.”
Guilt eats away at me. If I were braver—or if I could hold on to even the tiniest fragments of memories from the past three years—none of this would be necessary.
My breath catches in my throat as I stare down at the scars around my wrists the sweater doesn’t quite hide.
It’s bad enough there’s about to be another man in this house I don’t know.
I can’t even find my voice reliably around Connor yet, and I trust him.
But Hardison is going to take one look at my scars—at the yellowing bruise that still covers most of my cheek—and I’ll have to watch his eyes fill with pity.
Parker gives my hand a quick squeeze. “Grace, I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”
I don’t have to ask her where AJ will be. I already know. If I need it, he’ll stand in front of me.
“Jasper’s here,” AJ says, peering out at the driveway through a crack in the drapes. “With Emi.”
Emi? His girlfriend?
“Smart. She’ll know how to spin this so the public is on our side.” Parker accepts the fresh bottle of beer AJ offers her. “Thanks. Mine’s warm as piss now thanks to Chief Yells-A-Lot.”
Emi. Another person I don’t know. Another person who’s supposed to be family. My heart starts to beat hard enough I’m surprised Parker can’t see it. I push the fear down, wedging it under the heavy weight of my anger.
I can do this.
The front door opens, and Jasper starts swearing the second he steps inside. “That goddamn piece of shit don’t deserve to wear the Ranger star.”
“Tell me how you really feel, stud.” The woman at Jasper’s side is stunning. Warm brown eyes, wavy chestnut hair that falls past her shoulders, and perfect makeup. She walks with a poise I can only dream about.
The moment Emi sees me, she smiles. “Grace. God, it’s so good to meet you. Jasper wasn’t sure when you’d be ready for visitors, but I went shopping yesterday just in case.”
Digging into her oversized purse, she pulls out a gift bag and sets it on the arm of the couch next to me. She doesn’t try to touch me. Doesn’t stare. Just tucks herself against Jasper’s side.
I pull a piece of purple tissue paper out of the bag. “A phone?”
“AJ told Jasper he hadn’t gotten you one yet. All our numbers are saved already. Even Isabel’s—she’s Connor’s fiancée. I also loaded a lot of music on it. A little bit of everything so you can figure out what you like now.”
What I like…now…
I open the box, tears pricking at my eyes. The phone’s dark purple case has a big silver ring on the back, and I stare at it, confused.
Emi ducks out from under Jasper’s arm and perches on the edge of the coffee table. “It’s to help you hold it,” she says softly. “Can I show you?”
At my nod, she eases the device from my hand, tugs on the ring, and slides her index finger through it.
“See? The case isn’t slippery either. I have the same one in green.” She passes it back to me, and I slide my finger through the ring, testing the weight of it in my left hand.
The screen lights up, a photo of Belle out on the deck behind the date and time.
“The passcode is AJ’s birthday. It was all I could think of since Jasper has the same one,” she says, a pink tinge flushing her cheeks.
I swipe my finger up, muscle memory taking over when my brain struggles with what to do.
The other night, I finally asked AJ how old he was—how old I was—but that also required me to ask him what year it was now.
Not knowing even that detail was enough to send me spiraling.
I know he’s forty-five and I’m forty-one.
My birthday is in August. But his… Panic stole everything but the month.
May.
Emi leans closer, dropping her voice so only Parker and I can possibly hear her as she rattles off the numbers.
Straightening, she adds, “I kept it simple. Music, texts, photos. All the other apps are on the next screen. Don’t feel like you have to use it unless you want to.
We—all of us—mostly text rather than call.
But you can ignore us if we get too much.
Isabel, Parker, and I can be a little…chatty. ”
She’s so casual about all of it. Like this is nothing. But it’s so much more to me.
“Thank you.” The words are scratchy and rough, but Emi doesn’t seem to notice. I clear my throat. “How did you know I like purple?”
“You seem like a purple person. It’s a strong color, but it doesn’t shout, y’know?” A tiny shrug lifts her shoulders.
Before I can figure out how to respond—how to tell her what the compliment means to me—three strong knocks come from the front door.
The men all stiffen at once. Belle jumps off the couch and positions herself in front of me. AJ meets my gaze. “Hardison’s here.”