Harper
I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in a deep breath. I don’t know why Evan felt the need to tell Jackson we’re engaged.
Are we engaged? Technically, yes.
Do I plan on us staying engaged? No.
I think back to the night of my surprise party last week. I wasn’t expecting what happened. I was completely blindsided and I didn’t know how to respond.
“You want me to what?” I stare at Jennifer like she’s completely crazy. She has to be. There’s no way she’d suggest this idea if she was sane.
“If he proposes, say yes. Then, right after we’re finished with finals and everything, tell him you’re having second thoughts and you think you should break up.” She lifts her shoulder in a shrug.
“That’s awful! I can’t do that!”
“I mean it’s not ideal, but what else are you supposed to do?
He invited his entire family here, Harper.
If you say no, it will be the most awkward party ever.
His family will make a big deal and your friends won't really know how to react. The awful thing is him springing a proposal on you when you’ve never even said ‘I love you’ to him.
You’ve never made him think you wanted anything beyond dating.
Honestly, you guys break up every time we’re not at school. I don’t even know why you’re dating.”
“Maybe it isn’t a proposal?” I wince, really hoping it’s not.
The last thing I want to do is tell him no in front of an entire room full of our friends and his family, but if I say yes, I won't mean it. We will break up because I'm not getting married. Not to Evan.
Jennifer’s right, we’re only dating because it’s convenient. I don’t think either one of us really cares deeply about the other. We’re friends… who kiss. Nothing more.
“Do you really believe his grandma is showing up to celebrate your birthday?” She looks at me like I'm being ridiculous.
“Maybe I can just pretend I'm sick?”
“You could try, but I think he’ll still propose before he lets you leave.”
“Why is this happening?” I groan, covering my face with my hands.
My mind is spinning with options, but I keep coming up empty. I don’t know what to do. I have no ideas.
A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the bathroom door. Jennifer and I freeze and stare at the entrance with wide eyes.
‘Who is it?’ she mouths at me.
I shrug my shoulders. I don’t know how she expects me to know who could be knocking on the door. I’ve been in here just as long as she has.
“Harper? Is everything ok?” Evan’s voice floats through the closed door and I wince.
I want to scream how nothing is ok and I want to go home and pretend this night never happened. Oh, and that I don’t want to date him anymore.
“Fine!” I call back, hating myself instantly.
“Are you… Are you coming out any time soon?” He almost sounds nervous, which only makes me freak out even more.
“Give me a minute. Jennifer isn’t feeling well!”
Jennifer swats at me with wide eyes. I silently shush her with a finger over my lips. I can’t deal with this right now. I just want to go home.
“Are you ok, sweetheart?” Evan meets my gaze and his brows furrow, bringing me back to the present. Thoughts of the night he proposed fade as the bar comes back into focus.
Evan’s attention keeps flickering over to Jackson and then towards the bathrooms. I swear he’s only at my side because he’s trying to stake his claim on me.
“Yeah, I'm fine.” I wave off his concern and take another sip of my drink.
“Are you sure? You were just kind of staring off into space.”
“Yup. Just thinking.” I give him a tight smile, hoping he drops it.
There’s no way I can tell him I’m worried about Jackson. The way his face fell when Evan introduced himself as my fiancé. His jaw clenched and each word he uttered seemed painful for him.
I have no doubt he’s hurt I didn’t tell him about the engagement. He doesn’t know I don’t plan on going through with this. I just need to get through the next few weeks, then this will all be over.
I watch the female bartender flirting with Jackson. I'm not surprised. He’s more attractive than any other man in this bar. There’s something about him that just pulls you in and makes you want to hold all of his attention.
I swear whenever I talk to him, he makes me feel like the most important person in the universe. Like no one else has ever cared about me compared to how he feels. It’s intoxicating. Addicting. Exactly what I want to feel from the person I love.
Swallowing hard, I shake my head and try to focus on the here and now. There’s nothing I can do about Evan tonight, but I can talk to Jackson. I can make sure he gives me a chance to explain things… but he has to come back over here.
A few minutes later, he stands from the bar with an almost full glass in his hand.
I'm not sure what’s in that cup, but he keeps taking small sips of it.
He slowly makes his way over to the high-top tables we’re at.
He doesn’t seem like he’s in a hurry to get to me and that makes an ache spread through my chest.
Why do I feel like I'm losing him?
I want to close the distance between us and throw myself into his arms. I want to explain everything to him and tell him how this is all a misunderstanding. But I can’t do any of that in front of Evan. I have to wait until we have some time alone.
Jackson smiles at one of Evan’s friends as they talk, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. He looks nothing like the happy man I'm used to seeing. He looks brokenhearted. But that doesn’t make sense.
He keeps sipping on his drink, but I swear it isn’t beer. Jackson never drinks beer. He’s more of a whiskey guy… but that’s a lot of whiskey.
He glances over at me like he can feel my gaze on him. He offers me a smile, but it’s weak and we both know it. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to leave and Evan’s to blame for that.
I'm to blame.
I never should’ve said yes. I should’ve turned him down and left with my head held high. Instead, I'm living with this weight on my shoulder. I know it won't be going anywhere until I end things with Evan.
“I’m going to say hi to a friend I just saw. I’ll be back soon,” Evan murmurs in my ear before disappearing into the crowd.
Jennifer takes his spot at my side and leans in close. She’s the best friend I could ask for. The one I know I can count on no matter what.
“What can I do? You look so sad.” She leans her head against my shoulder.
“I wish I never did this. I should’ve just walked away last week. I don’t want him.”
“Because you want Jackson.” She nods her head. “And based on his response since Evan dropped the news, he wants you too.”
“What do I do?”
“Well, I don’t think he’s going to stay much longer.
He’s drinking straight up whiskey and there’s zero chance of him finishing that entire thing.
Plus, he keeps checking his phone. He’s trying to find a way out without upsetting you.
I say you tell him the truth. Either here or meet him at his hotel.
Either way, tell him the truth before he goes home. ”
“I think you’re right.”
I move to go talk to him, but he turns his back towards me and heads towards the bathrooms. I watch him go, hoping and praying this won't be how our relationship ends. I can’t watch him walk away from me. I need him in my life.