21. Harper
Harper
As soon as Jackson goes to his room, I shut the bedroom door and strip out of my clothes. He showed me where he keeps the towels and the shower is already stocked with shampoo and conditioner. He even has body wash and lotion. They all smell amazing too.
Logically, I know I’ve already taken a shower today, but after finding Evan in my room, I feel gross. Then having to pack up my entire life, I know I got sweaty. I don’t want to lay on the clean sheets when I'm sweaty.
After adjusting the water temperature, I climb under the spray and let the hot water run down my face.
My composure crumbles now that no one is here to witness it.
Not that I’ve kept it together well today anyway.
Tears mix with the water and wash down the drain.
I feel like all I’ve done is cry today. I'm a mess and I hate every second of it.
When I get out of the shower, my face is red from the hot water and my breakdown. I stare at myself in the mirror as I use my fingers to comb through my wet strands. I should’ve brought my brush in from the car and my toothbrush.
I tug open a cabinet, hoping I can at least find toothpaste.
I'm not against brushing my teeth with my finger. I find a brand-new toothbrush, toothpaste, and a new hairbrush that’s still in the package.
I reach for it, but hesitate. I feel weird using all of this, but I'm more than willing to replace them.
I'm not sure why he even has these things stocked in here.
Maybe he has women staying at his house a lot.
The thought rushes through my mind, but I shake my head. There’s no way. Jackson isn’t like that. He’s always been the sweetest guy, I doubt he’s had a string of women come and stay here overnight.
Once I'm finished brushing my teeth and hair, I take the clothes he gave me and slip them on. I lift the neck of the t-shirt to my nose and breathe in deeply. It smells like him. The fabric is so soft and I know this must be a shirt he’s worn often.
This shirt might just make it into my bag when it’s time for me to leave. I'm never giving it back to him.
I climb into bed and scroll through social media. As tired as I am, I'm not ready to fall asleep yet. My mind keeps spinning with all the possibilities of what Evan might have planned.
I still don’t understand the massive change in him. We went from dating and never declaring our love, or really even acting like a couple, to him proposing. He was caught kissing another woman, then was begging me to take him back and get married. It’s not adding up. None of it makes sense.
Even him entering my house without calling or texting first doesn’t add up. None of this is like the Evan I’ve known for the past few years. Something happened and I'm not sure I want to know what.
I jump as noise from Jackson’s room startles me. I'm so on edge. Constantly waiting for someone or something to pop out and scare me.
This is stupid. Evan’s five hours away from here. There’s no way he followed us here and he probably doesn’t even know I left Pittsburgh yet… but what if…
I nibble on my bottom lip, trying to decide what to do. I don’t want to be in this room alone, but what else am I supposed to do? I'm sure Jackson wouldn’t like the idea of me sleeping in his room.
I jump as something scrapes on the bedroom window. I leap out of bed and into the hallway. Glancing back in the room, I look to see if there’s anything, but the shades are shut and I can’t see out.
My heart is hammering against my ribs and fear is coursing through my body. As much as I want to act like I'm not scared, I'm terrified.
I tiptoe towards Jackson’s room and peek in the open door. He’s lying in bed with one arm tucked behind his head, showing off his muscles. He isn’t wearing a shirt and the sheets are pooled around his waist. He’s watching something on his TV and I feel dumb for even coming to find him.
“Harper?” He asks softly, his gaze finding me like he knew exactly where I was. He sits up a little higher in bed. “Is everything ok?”
“Yeah… I'm just being stupid.”
“Come here.” He motions for me to come in and I quickly obey. I don’t want to be alone. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I'm so jumpy. Something scratched my window and I nearly jumped out of my skin.”
“There’s a tree outside of that window. One of the branches hits the window when the wind blows. I'm sorry, I didn’t think of that. I need to cut it but I haven’t had time. I’ll make sure to get it done tomorrow.” He frowns and runs a hand through his hair.
“No, that’s ok. You don’t need to do that, I know you’re busy.”
“I'm never too busy for you. If having it cut will make you feel more comfortable, there’s no reason to leave it there.”
“Ok… Well, I guess since it’s just a branch, I should go back to my room.” I stare towards the door. I don’t want to leave him. He makes me feel safe. Like he can protect me from all of the monsters in the world.
“Sweetheart, do you want to sleep in here?” There’s a smile to his tone. I spin around to face him and find his adorable dimples on display. How can he possibly be this attractive?
“Is it bad if I do?” I wrinkle up my nose.
“Never. I want you to do whatever makes you more comfortable.”
“Ok. Let me get my pillow and blanket. I’ll sleep on the floor… not near the door.”
“You’re not sleeping on the floor.” His deep laugh fills the air, reminding me of how much I love his laugh. It’s deeper than it used to be, yet it still reminds me so much of the boy I fell in love with years ago.
“Then where am I going to sleep?” I fold my arms across my chest and frown at him.
“Right next to me.” He pats the empty spot.
“Are you sure?”
“It’s a California king mattress.” He smirks. “Even if I didn’t want you anywhere near me, I'm fairly certain we could both sleep in this bed and never touch each other. Get in the bed, Harper.”
“Ok.” I start to pull back the covers, but hesitate. I don’t know if he’s even wearing clothes. His chest is on full display, but I can’t see his waist or below. “Do you have clothes on?”
“Yes.” He stares at me like I'm crazy and slowly pulls the blanket down to reveal a pair of plaid pajama pants. “Did you expect me to be naked?”
“I don’t know! It’s not like I’ve ever shared a bed with you before!”
“Hey, Harp?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop overthinking this and get in my bed. We’re both exhausted and honestly, I’ll sleep better knowing you’re right here.”
I nod my head and climb into bed next to him. He slips further down in the bed and turns his attention back to the TV. I fidget, unsure of how to lay. Do I face him? Do I lay on my back with my arms at my sides? Do I face away from him?
Before I'm able to decide what I should do, Jackson tugs me against his side and slips his arm under my head so I'm lying on his bicep.
“Stop overthinking everything, babe. I want you here. I want you to sleep in my arms. I want to make you feel safe. More than anything, I want you to be comfortable.”
“I'm not uncomfortable…” I don’t miss him calling me babe or the way it makes my heart beat a little faster. I don’t think he means anything by it, but it makes me think of what it would be like if we became more than friends.
“Yes, you are.” He chuckles. “Your body is so rigid and you’re acting weird.”
“Well, this is weird.” I peek up at him and boy is that a mistake! Jackson’s already staring down at me. His face is so close to mine. His lips are just a few inches away.
“Why? Why is this weird?”
“Because I'm not used to being around you. The last time we spent any sort of time together in person, you were in high school. We were kids. Now we’re both adults and as much as I want to spend time with you, this weekend has proven how awkward it is.”
“It’s only awkward if you let it be.”
“But…” I shake my head, unsure of how to explain what I'm thinking.
“Tell me why it’s awkward.”
“Because you look like this!” I blurt out before I can stop myself and motion to his muscular torso.
His brows raise and a smirk slowly spreads across his lips. He watches me with amusement dancing in his eyes. He looks so adorable and it just makes me angrier.
“Are you saying this is awkward because I'm… cute?”
“I mean cute isn’t the word I would use.” I roll my eyes at the childish term.
“Oh, then please enlighten me. What word would you use?” His tongue peeks out and wets his bottom lip, drawing my attention away from his eyes.
“Handsome? Attractive?” I meet his gaze again and he arches his brow, silently calling me out. “I don’t know! Hot? Sexy? Any of those words would be my choice long before I’d use cute.”
“Man, Harper Bradley thinks I'm hot and sexy,” he murmurs more to himself than to me.
“Stop it!” I swat at his chest, making him chuckle. He takes my hand in his free hand and lifts my fingers to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my knuckles.
“So, is it more or less awkward now that I know you think I'm drool-worthy?” His eyes twinkle with mischief, making it impossible for me to hide my grin.
“I think I should go back to Pittsburgh and take my chances with Evan.” I try to push off of him, but he wraps both arms around me and locks me against his chest.
“Nah, that’s not happening. I’ll lock you in my house before I’ll let you go back to Pittsburgh alone.”
“More awkward,” I whisper.
“Well, it shouldn’t be. I think you’re hot.” He lifts his shoulder in a shrug like this isn’t a big deal.
“Oh, yeah. I'm sure.” I roll my eyes, refusing to meet his gaze. I know he’s just saying this to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. It makes me feel like even more of a loser to get a pity compliment.
“Look at me,” Jackson whispers.
“No.”
Before I even know what’s happening, I'm flipped onto my back and Jackson is hovering over me. His face only a few inches from mine. He’s staring into my eyes with so many emotions playing in his features.
“Let me make one thing completely clear to you, babe. I’ve always been drawn to you. Even when we were younger. You’ve always been special to me. Do you know why I dropped everything and begged Owen to give me the weekend off to see you?”
I shake my head, knowing I won't be able to find my voice. At this point, I'm shocked I even have control over my head movements. My mind is spinning with him being so close and from the things he’s saying.
Maybe I'm dreaming. I’m still in his car and we’re still driving home from Pittsburgh. This is all a crazy dream and when I wake up, we’ll still be friends with no hope of anything else ever happening between us.
“I had this entire weekend planned out. We’d have tons of fun, then I’d take you out for dinner. I was going to tell you I was in love with you and beg you to give me a chance.”
My eyes widen with his words. There’s no way Jackson’s in love with me. This really has to be a dream. A really good one. One I don’t want to wake up from.
“Evan ruined all of that when he told me you were engaged… and when I punched him… and when he kept showing up at your place. He’s a huge annoyance.
” He frowns to himself like he’s just realizing how frustrating Evan really is.
“But that doesn’t matter. After you came to my hotel room and explained everything, the plan was still in place, but I chickened out. ”
“Why?” The single word squeaks out of me.
“Well, I felt like Evan ruined everything and our weekend started off pretty rocky.” He swallows hard as he continues to watch me.
“But more than anything, I laid eyes on this amazing woman. She was so far out of my league and I figured I didn’t have a shot with her.
There’s no way she’d want me. She probably has dozens of guys trying to get her attention. ”
“She doesn’t,” I whisper. “But even if she did, she’d pick you every time.”
“I find that hard to believe.” He rolls his eyes.
“Which part?” I slip my hand around to the back of his neck and toy with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“All of it.”
“That’s dumb.”
“Yeah, well… I was kinda caught off guard by how stunning you were.”
“What? We talk to each other on video chat all the time.” I smile, loving seeing this vulnerable side of him.
“Yeah, and I see all of your photos on social media, but seeing you in person… man, you took my breath away. When I got to the bar, I actually watched you for a few minutes before I even approached you. I was mesmerized.”
“Jackson,” I whisper, looking into his eyes and seeing the raw emotions staring back at me.
“I love you, Harper. I want to say I always have, but that’s a little creepy with our age gap.
” He shakes his head, but he’s chuckling.
I open my mouth to respond, but he stops me.
“I don’t want you to say it back. I don’t want you to say it just because I said it.
But I needed you to know I'm happy to have you here.
I'm more than happy to have you close or to have you sleep in my arms. And I want you to come with me to work tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I feel like we can’t just hide here until Evan is dealt with and even though Owen told me I could stay home, eventually I need to go back to work.
Owen told me you’re welcome at the stadium whenever you want to come.
You can either watch me practice or you can hang out with Charlie or Macy.
I'm not sure if any of the other girls will be there, but those two will. Macy had a baby recently so she’s not super active at work, but she’s there.
And Charlie’s baby will be there too, but she’s a little older.
I’m sure you could hold a baby or two throughout the day too. ”
“Ok. That sounds like fun. I think I’d rather watch you though… When’s your next game?”
“Tomorrow night. I have practice in the morning, then I have a few free hours before I have to be back. I was thinking we could go see your dad between practice and the game.”
“That sounds perfect.”