Chapter 14
Grace
Angela Thibodeaux was at a table with Rome and Gaia when I walked into Jazz Sessions. Zephyr sat next to her, his arm around her, his hand drawing absent circles on her bare shoulder. It was…intimate.
When it came to Zephyr, jealousy was not a new emotion. Even when I was angry with him for hurting my friend Sheryl, who was slandered as Good Head Sheryl because Zephyr was an asshole—a part of me had been jealous of her for having his cock in her mouth. I was sixteen and a moron. I was now thirty and, apparently, still a moron.
Was it a high that Zephyr Doucet was interested in me? Absolutely. Did it make me feel like I”d won the lottery? For sure. Did it also make me feel like I was back to being the high school loser who wore hand-me-downs, and no one ever noticed? Yes, it did.
Sheryl was the one everyone wanted. We had a good friendship which began to wane when her boobs came out—but I kept hanging on. I had no one else. Sheryl, on her part, never made me feel like she didn”t want me around, and when she heard about how I”d hurt Zephyr”s balls, she”d been grateful that I”d stood up for her instead of her other friends, who had high-fived her for sucking Zephyr Doucet”s dick.
Sheryl had told me that Z had apologized. He had asked for forgiveness then and had continued to keep in touch with her. He still talked to her and helped her animal shelter. He was a good guy who didn”t make excuses for his bad behavior; he owned it and tried to do better.
How the hell was that supposed to help me not have a thing for him? The universe was mean and cruel. If Zephyr could just be an asshole who was selfish when it came to sex, it would be so much easier not to pay him any attention. If he”d gotten one of those dad bods and lost his hair…that would help as well.
But the truth was, I liked him.
I really, really liked him.
Even though I worried he was like Liam, I wanted him.
I”d never had an orgasm with a man until with Zephyr on the night of Rome and Gaia”s wedding. I used to fake it with Liam. I had to; if not, it used to piss him off. So, I had to be raped and pretend to enjoy it. It was all kinds of messed up. But Zephyr freed something inside of me.
Sure, he did, a voice inside my head said, of course, he did. He has a hell of a lot of experience. He”s best friends with a hooker.
I believed him when he said Angela was his friend and not his lover. But when I saw them together, how she rested her head on his shoulder and how he kissed her forehead…I knew they were together. It was written all over them.
My heart ached, and I told it to stop being a ninny. Seriously, the man had gotten me off a couple of times; he hadn”t promised eternal love and fidelity. Regardless, I just couldn”t see him with her. It was juvenile, and I was about to walk away when an arm around me arrested my movement.
”Hey, Grace. Fancy seeing you here.”
”Hi, Ash.”
”You leaving?”
I didn”t know what to say without embarrassing myself.
”He”s not sleeping with her,” Ash whispered. ”He thinks of her as I think of Nick.”
”I don”t know what you”re talking about,” I replied with false bravado.
He chuckled. ”Whatever you say, sugah. You wanna get a table with Nick and me so we can have a quick chat?”
I nodded, feeling foolish.
Zephyr came by to our table before he went on stage. He dropped a kiss on my lips with the same mouth that had dropped one on his hooker friend”s forehead, I thought nastily.
”How”s it going, Little Tempest.” He brushed his lips close to my ear when he spoke. I knew he did because I couldn”t hide my reaction to him, and he enjoyed that. It was all about control with these men. Liam wanted to dominate me and my reactions; was Zephyr any better?
”We”re talkin” shop, Z, get the fuck off,” Ash drawled.
He picked up a fried oyster from my plate, popped it in his mouth, and then took a sip of my Pinot Noir.
”You stayin” until after?” he asked me, ignoring Ash.
I shook my head. Why the hell should I stay? What was I staying for? I wanted to snap at him and say ménage à trois wasn”t my style, but I couldn”t deliberately be a bitch, especially when I”d just apologized to him for going off half-cocked about Angela.
”Stay.” He ran a finger down my bare shoulder. The same finger that had been drawing circles on Angela”s arm. Son of a bitch!
”Christ, all this sexual tension is giving me a hard-on,” Ash remarked.
I gasped, ready for the earth to swallow me. It didn’t help when Zephyr laughed softly and kissed me on my mouth. ”Stay,” he murmured and added, ”Please.”
I nodded sadly. I was falling again for scraps of affection. Liam had given them to me and then used my need for warmth to hurt me, damage me; I wondered what the fallout of Zephyr would be.
Nick put a hand on mine as I watched Zephyr saunter off to play his guitar.
”He”s not like that,” she said softly.
My eyes darted between Ash and her. Had she told her partner about Liam? Yeah, she probably had. They were close as partners and friends.
”He”ll never hurt you…not physically,” Ash added. ”I”ll bet my life on it.”
But what about my heart?
”Let”s talk about the…ah…investigation.” I changed the topic. I didn”t want to discuss Zephyr or what was happening between us. I knew he didn”t do relationships. He wasn”t being coy about that. He liked women. He liked to have sex with women. He wanted to have sex with me. The question was: Would I let him in and allow whatever damage that would cause, or would I be smart and protect myself?
”The geek squad is on financials,” Ash spoke, his voice low, though it wasn”t needed. We had a family from Omaha on one side of us and on the other were three Tulane students who were already too drunk to process much of what was going on around them.
”I asked some innocent questions about Camille and if she was interested in extracurricular fucking, but Blaze hasn”t been here a lot, so he doesn”t know. Zephyr steers clear of his mama, and Gaia…she”s…well, she”s one of us,” Nick explained.
I quirked an eyebrow and forked a fried oyster.
”Her mother abused her,” Nick whispered, hurt flashing in her eyes.
”I don”t know the details, but I have an idea, and no…” — I raised a hand and shook my head — ”I don”t want to know any more than I do.” I had my own nightmares. I didn”t need to borrow Gaia”s as well.
”It”s her story to tell anyways,” Nick agreed. ”I”m going to try Miss Matty; she knows everything that”s going on in the Doucet world. I”ll be careful.”
”Nick, why do you have a bad feeling about…ah…the subject of our investigation?” I didn”t want to say Henri”s name aloud and cause any kind of suspicion.
”Just like you, deep down in my bayou, I know there”s somethin” ain”t right there. I”ve had my concerns, but Blaze is so devoted that…but I can”t shake it. Cop gut, you know?” She raised her glass of beer in a toast.
”To cop guts,” Ash and I cheered, clinking our glasses with hers.
We talked some more about prepping Zephyr for his clandestine meeting with the NOPD cop who was working undercover as a bookie. Our goal was to get gossip going about horse racing, betting, and Zephyr before the next board meeting.
”You talk to Blaze about…you know?” I asked.
Nick was about to answer when our server came to clear our table. We ordered another round of drinks.
Blaze had accepted a meeting with Alina Volkov, where he was going to try to figure out what he could about what she needed from BBH and then make it clear it was a no-go. He wasn”t happy about it. He wanted to be the one to work with Alina instead of Zephyr. We”d told him that the Volkovs were testing him. If he gave in too easily, they”d know, and they”d bolt.
”He wants to take Henri to the meeting,” Nick revealed.
I thought about it for a moment. ”It”s not a bad idea. Gives us a chance to see how Henri behaves with the Volkovs.”
”I agree.” Ash fidgeted with his phone when it buzzed. ”Any news on Camille?”
”Blaze says she”s in Savannah,” Nick offered. ”But he”s waiting for her to get back to him. If he contacts her, he feels that she”ll lie to him.”
”I”m worried someone might kill her before we talk to her,” I countered.
The band began to play then, and Zephyr”s voice streamed through the speakers. I couldn”t help but stare. There was something about a man with a guitar, the way his fingers strummed it…just as they had me.
”Jazz Sessions is pulsing tonight,” he crooned, ”and we”re so happy that you”re here with us. Any first-timers in the house today?”
A shout went out with clapping.
”Welcome to the Big Easy, and welcome to Jazz Sessions.” The band played a quick melody.
”I”ve been asked several times tonight what I meant when I said I had a lady. I do. Now, if she”s ready to let y”all know who she is, I”d say…stand up, darlin”.” He looked at me, a smirk on his face. No way in hell would I announce myself, besides being career suicide, it would be…heartbreaking.
People looked around, and whistles went out.
”Zephyr, I”ll be your lady.” A woman stood up.
”Oh, take me, take me,” another hollered.
There were a few others and Zephyr laughed. ”Thank you, ladies, but I”m here a one-woman at a time man….” The bar laughed.
”Asshole,” I muttered. I watched Angela to see what she was thinking and found her glaring at me. I swallowed. Shit!
”Okay, then, let”s get this show on the road. I know y”all say I don”t sing enough so we”re starting tonight with one of my favorites,” Zephyr continued.
He put his lips close to the microphone, his eyes closed as he played the guitar. ”Let”s fall in love,” he sang. ”Why shouldn”t we fall in love? Our hearts are made of it. Let”s take a chance” — he looked straight at me — ”Why be afraid of it?”
I looked away from him and ignored Ash”s hoot of laughter.
He finished the song and spoke again, ”That was ”Let”s Fall in Love,” written for the movie of the same title in 1933. Art Jarrett and the chorus sang it…but my jam is the one by Ann Southern. Now, let”s move on to something a little less lyrical…cause I”ve been having some dreams.”
The band transitioned into ”Monk”s Dream” by Thelonious Monk, which I knew from being in Jazz Sessions was one of Zephyr”s favorite musicians.
As the evening began to thin, we moved to the bar where Blaze joined us, looking like a thundercloud. Zephyr was taking a break and asked his brother if he wanted to jam, and he grunted.
”What”s gotten up your ass, brother?” Zephyr took a pull of his beer.
”He quit smoking,” Nick explained and rubbed her fiancée”s back.
”Good. I don”t know if you know this, but those cigarettes will kill you,” Gaia grinned. It appeared that they”d been nagging him about quitting.
”Why now?” Ash asked.
Blaze took my beer bottle and downed it. ”Cause Gaia”s pregnant,” he muttered.
”Brother, the way it works is that she shouldn”t smoke,” I teased.
”I”m not gonna be smokin” when I play with my baby girl”s baby, okay? She doesn”t need to smell that on me. So…fuck you,” Blaze growled. ”Let”s go home, Spice.”
”You kickin” the habit with sex?” Ash asked, amused.
”Yeah, that”s no fuckin” crime.” Blaze grabbed a laughing Nick”s arm.
”Seriously?” Zephyr marveled.
”It”s better than punching walls.” Blaze left with Nick, who was laughing uncontrollably at this point.
”If I”d known he”d quit smoking when I got knocked up, I”d have done it a long time ago.” Gaia smiled. ”You playing one more set?”
Zephyr shrugged. ”Yeah, and then we”ll shut it down. Ang, you got a ride home, darlin”?”
Angela, who was sitting on a bar stool while I stood leaning against the bar, shook her head.
”I”ll get you back then. You don”t go nowhere without me, okay?”
Zephyr walked back to the stage. Angela dropped off the bar stool and stood in her high heels and a trashy black mini-dress. She looked really hot. Not like a hooker…like a high-end escort, I thought bitterly.
”Grace, I think you and I need to have a conversation.”
Ash rubbed a hand on his jaw. Rome pretended he was focused on his phone. Gaia was openly watching the Angela and Grace show. ”You can use my office,” she offered cheerfully.
The same office where Zephyr and I had made out. Great.
”Okay,” I agreed.
We walked through the kitchen that was closing down into the office, Zephyr”s guitar keeping pace.
”What in the hell is wrong with you?” Angela rounded on me as soon as she shut the door.
I didn”t like confrontations. I didn”t like people yelling at me. PTSD, my therapist said. I pushed against the wall but took calming breaths. It wouldn”t do to have a panic attack in front of Zephyr”s mistress.
”Hi, Angela.” I leaned against the wall, pretending to be as cool as I didn”t feel. I”d been married to a monster who fed off my fear; I knew how to hide it.
”You”re going to get Zephyr killed.”
”This is police business and has nothing to do with you.” I hated that she was defending him. I hated that she and he were so close that she thought it was her right to demand I keep him safe from me.
”I know you think he”s interested in you…he”s not.”
Damn! I was such an idiot. I had actually believed Zephyr when he said that he and Angela were only friends. Seeing her right now, it was obvious they were more. She was staking her claim on him.
”I think no such thing,” I said softly, feeling bereft. I knew who Zephyr was, and it was foolish of me to even have a tiny bit of hope that he was truly interested in me. No, he was doing what men like him did. They used.
”Of course you do. He”s a nice guy, and he”s charming. I get it. No one can blame you for thinking that he wants more than what you have between your legs. He doesn”t. And honestly…do you really think he”d want you when he has me?”
Shame coated my insides, and I shook my head silently, willing the tears not to come. My mother didn”t want me. My father didn”t want me. My husband didn”t want me, not really; he just wanted to hurt me. It was no surprise that Zephyr didn”t want me either.
”My relationship with Zephyr is strictly professional, Angela. I promise.”
She was still fuming. ”I don”t want you to have any relationship with him, period. I don”t want you to use him for your stupid case. I want you to back off. He”s my man, and I”ll do what it takes to protect him. So, hands off bitch.”