Chapter 16
Grace
”Thank you. Now go away.”
I hated how weak my voice was. I hated that I cried all over Zephyr. I hated that Angela triggered me. It was stupid. I was already in emotional turmoil, and I just fell all the way down the rabbit hole. And now Zephyr tells me he knows what happened to me. He knows. And I have never felt this ashamed. This small. This insignificant. And yet, all I want to do is make myself smaller so I can disappear just for a moment when I can let it all go. It takes so much effort always to be strong and stay in control. There is no safe space. Nowhere to let go. And yet, I did with Zephyr.
”I don”t think so, cher.” He insisted on walking me into my house.
”I”m in my home, and I”m fine. Now go.” I was barely holding it together.
”Grace, darlin”, I”m not leaving you.” Then he surprised me by picking me up bridal style. My right hand immediately went behind his neck.
”What are you doing?” I squealed.
”Bedroom?” He looked around and then took the stairs. The house had three bedrooms all on the second floor, all with views of the garden. When I lived in New Orleans, I hadn”t even dreamed about a place like this to live in—it was so far from the realm of my possibility. I”d made it happen. I”d bartered my innocence away for it.
He stood me up in my bedroom. He looked around the shabby chic style—the one that made me feel safe, not the clean and modern lines that Liam had in his house, the steel and dark wood, the naked hardwood floor I”d cleaned blood off several times before the cleaners could see the mess.
”Get ready for bed,” Zephyr said softly.
I nodded like a doll, following instructions. I went into my bathroom. I turned the shower on and peeled off my clothes, left them on the floor. I was the remove the clothes and hang them kind of person. I was neat. With Liam it had become even more severe because everything and anything could trigger him.
”This isn”t your trailer, bitch, you don”t just leave your clothes everywhere.”
”You make sure the house is clean before my father comes for dinner, or I swear to God, Gracie, I will bathe the floor in your fucking blood.”
I walked into the shower and let the hot water batter me. I needed the water to be tea hot. Liam had more than once made me stand under an ice-cold shower for over an hour when I”d not gotten ready in time for a party. I fell sick, which was worse because then I didn”t have the energy to do the things he needed me to do.
Two years. Two fucking years of misery and abuse.
What was wrong with me? Why did I deserve that?
I began to cry because the memories were assailing me from all directions. I was so caught up in my misery that I didn”t notice the bathroom door open until a naked Zephyr stepped into the shower with me.
I wanted to tell him to leave me, but only a sob came out of me. He wrapped me in his arms and held me. When the water cooled, he turned it off and wrapped me in a towel. He dried me off without speaking. He combed my hair like I was a child and even blow-dried it so I wouldn”t sleep with wet hair. Then he carried me back to bed. The whole time, silent tears streamed down my face. It was like a faucet had opened, and I couldn”t shut it off.
It had been a long time since I”d cried. In fact, I”d cried a lot during my marriage, but once I knew how to get the hell out of that terrible union, I stopped and put my plan in motion. It had been risky, but I felt I had no choice. Liam was going to kill me one day—so this was my only way out.
I”d gone about getting the evidence I needed to convince his father to pay me off and get his son to sign the divorce papers. I”d then kept everything with me as security for the future. Senator Carta had been shocked that his son was such a monster, but he maintained that if I”d been a better wife, Liam would have been a good husband.
Zephyr tucked me into bed and covered me with my comforter. The whole time, he kept wiping my tears. He slid into bed with me, and I was so grateful that I wasn”t alone, that strong arms held me. He kissed my face, licking my tears away. He didn”t say anything, just comforted me.
Feeling safe for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I knew it was still dark, and the body I was wrapped around was a furnace that smelled like heaven. I nuzzled my nose on his chest and felt his breathing change from asleep to awake.
His hand stroked my hair, tunneling through the strands. ”You okay, baby?”
I kissed his chest. ”Yes.”
”Can you talk to me about it?”
I licked his nipple. I couldn”t help myself, and his heart began to beat faster.
”I don”t want to talk.”
”What do you want to do?” he asked.
”I want to have sex.”
I heard a soft laugh and raised my head to look at him in the moonlight pouring through my bedroom windows. The curtains were not drawn. I liked it like that—so the outdoors felt like they were inside and took the claustrophobia away.
”I want to make love with you, Grace, but not tonight.”
”Why?”
”Because there are rules about taking advantage of sad women.”
”I”m not going to be less sad another time,” I countered.
”Yes, you are because I”m going to help you become happier.”
He said with such confidence that I couldn”t help but smile wanly. ”You think you can?”
”Oh, cher, I”m gonna make you so happy that the only time you cry is when I make you come hard.”
Heat pooled between my legs, and I licked my lips. ”You”re naked, and I”m naked.”
”Yes,” he chuckled. ”And I”m hard.” I was about to find out how hard, when he grabbed my wandering hand, brought it to his mouth, and kissed my palm. ”No touching my big cock tonight.”
”Big cock? My, my, you have a high opinion of yourself.”
”Cher, you have no idea how massive my dick is.”
I couldn”t help but laugh.
”He hurt you,” Zephyr said gravely, seeking confirmation in my eyes.
”Yeah.”
”Did he call you Gracie?”
I sobbed. ”Yes.”
”I promise I”ll never call you that.”
I moved to lie on my side, and he did the same. I put my hands under my cheek, and he propped himself up on an elbow.
”Tell me,” he coaxed, running a finger over my lips.
But I don”t even know youI wanted to protest. It seemed petty when I was in bed naked with him. For some reason, Zephyr Doucet, my teenage crush, had gotten through my defenses.
”I met Liam at UCLA,” I began. ”He was charming, sweet, and rich. I came from a trailer park…so money looked real good on a man.”
I wondered if he judged me for that. But his expression didn”t change. He was listening quietly, stroking my arm, touching my cheek, my hair. Keeping me centered.
”We got married when I was twenty. I”d just finished my first year of law school. We stayed in LA, but we kept traveling back and forth to Sacramento. He started to pressure me to drop out. I wanted to be a lawyer. He wanted me to move schools, but I wanted to graduate from UCLA. That was when the fights began.” I didn”t realize I was crying again until he wiped my tears.
”We”d spend the week in LA and go to Sacramento over the weekend. I started to spend less and less time in LA. I had a few friends, but he isolated me from them. I was going to school, trying to keep my marriage together and…hide the bruises. To his credit, he never hit me on my face.”
Zephyr dropped his head and kissed my cheek.
”I stopped fighting back…it was less…he hit me less then.” I closed my eyes. ”The things you learn without ever thinking about it to survive.”
”I know.” He stroked my shoulder and my arm. He kept touching me, keeping me grounded, and I connected with him as I talked.
”I managed to graduate early because I piled on the credits and moved full-time to Sacramento. Finn…that”s Liam”s father; he wanted me to work for a friend of his who had a big ass law firm. I got a job as a public defender. That was a huge problem, but the Senator thought he could spin it to his advantage. Him fighting for justice and his law and order daughter-in-law.”
He kept wiping the tears I didn”t know were rolling down my face.
”It started to get out of hand. I asked for a divorce, and that”s when it became really bad. I didn”t know what to do. I talked to a woman…she ran a women”s shelter…helped abused women. Women like me. I met her in court. She told me that my husband was very powerful and the cops would not help. I already knew that.”
I turned to lie on my back and looked at the ceiling. ”I knew then that I needed to have leverage to get out of that marriage. I put cameras around the house, the places where he liked to beat me.”
Zephyr sucked in a deep breath.
”I got a few slaps and short beatings but nothing that would give me an out. And I wanted out. The night when Senator Carta announced he was going to run for reelection…we”d just come back from that campaign event, and I once again talked about divorce.”
I didn”t know how to tell him the rest because now the story veered, went from being the story of a victim to one of a malicious survivor.
”Grace?” he prompted when I was silent for nearly five minutes.
”You”ll hate me.”
”Never happening.”
Yes, he would. Why shouldn”t he? I hated myself.
”I knew what buttons to push, and so I did. I got lucky that night,” I whimpered as I remembered. ”He broke my arm, kicked me, and hit me. And the coup de grace—he raped me. He sodomized me. Left me bleeding and beaten. I got real lucky because I had it all on video.”
He pulled me into his arms again, sitting up against the headboard, rocking me as he did.
”Shh, my baby. It”s okay.”
”The next morning, after he left for work, I took all the videos and went to see the Senator”s campaign manager. I left the videos with him and told him that I was staying at a hotel. I left copies of the videos on oh so many servers, and I left them with the woman who ran that shelter.”
”What was her name?”
”Magdalena,” I whispered. ”Magdalena Anders.”
”I”m grateful to her.”
”Me too. I never saw Liam after that. The Senator came to my hotel and apologized. He asked me what my terms were. He knew that those videos would ruin his political career. There was no equivocation. Those videos showed everything. I told him I wanted fifteen million dollars, a divorce, and a job at the San Francisco”s DA”s office.”
Did he look at me differently now? Did he see me as a mercenary bitch? Because I certainly did. He continued to nuzzle my hair and stroke my back.
”It took six months for the divorce to be finalized, but only twenty-four hours for the money to be transferred and a job offer from the SF DA. I left immediately. I worked in San Francisco and built a life…the best I could. It was hard. I didn”t trust anyone. I didn”t…want to either. I didn”t date…don”t date. I…just worked. It was safe.”
”I”m so proud of you, Grace,” Zephyr whispered, shocking me. ”You”re an amazing woman.”
I pulled away so I could see his face. Was he making fun of me?
”You”re a powerhouse. I wish I could have beaten that asshole within an inch of his life…but what you did was even better. He lost his father”s respect. He lost his punching bag, and he has probably been on the tightest leash imaginable since all while you thrived. You have a career. A beautiful home. I know you haven”t dated, but now you”re naked in bed with a man with the biggest cock you could imagine.”
He said it all in the same tone of voice that it took me a minute to hear the joke, and I laughed, feeling oddly lighter.
”You don”t think I”m a money-hungry b—”
”I wish you”d taken more of his money. Half or three-fourths of that asshole”s inheritance,” Zephyr growled.
”You don”t blame me for not going to the cops?”
”I”m a Doucet, Grace; I know how the justice system works for families with the kind of influence your ex has. The cops would”ve buried it. You”d have been bandied. You did what you had to do. You survived, and that”s more than enough. It”s not your job to protect society from Liam Carta.”
I stared at him, unable to believe that he”d put in words what I hadn”t been able to—he”d made me see that my guilt was meaningless.
It”s not your job to protect society from Liam Carta. It wasn”t my job. What a remarkable thing to learn after all these years.
”Thank you.”
”No, darlin”, thank you for trusting me with your truth. Now, let”s get some more sleep. Tomorrow, I”ve got an appointment with a bookie at the Fair Grounds Racecourse.”
I couldn”t believe that he was so relaxed about what I”d told him. I was convinced he”d judge me for setting up the cameras and goading Liam. He”d say I deserved that beating and rape.
As we settled back to sleep, he asked, ”You still got the videos?”
”Yeah.”
”Good.”
”Why?”
”Let”s get through this storm we”re kickstarting tomorrow, and then you and I can plan a proper payback for the entire Carta clan.”
”Zephyr, I signed an NDA and—”
”Fuck that,” Zephyr bit out. ”I promise, Grace, you won”t even be involved.”
No one had stood up for me like Zephyr just had. No one ever had been on my side. My heart felt like it would float away from my body; it felt so light after being bogged down for so many years.
”Zephyr, will you let me see your big cock another night?”
I felt a laugh rumble through him. ”I”ll even let you suck it if you ask prettily enough, cher.”