Xander
“Fucking idiot,” I muttered as I slammed a thick glass down with a heavy thunk, then moved over to where I kept my bottle. I opened it and let the smell waft up as I poured it into a glass, and sat down at my desk.
The idiot had been here just over a week, and he was already pissing off someone enough that he’d ended up in a fight.
He was, of course, sticking to his story that there had been no fight.
He must have thought I was born yesterday, either because I was going to buy his stupid ass story or let the matter drop despite knowing he was lying.
I really hoped for his sake it was the second he believed, because I didn’t think I could tolerate being considered that stupid without losing my mind.
Along with my temper, which was unreliable at the best of times.
Which was only getting worse as I realized he had not followed me immediately and I was left to cool my heels while he took his sweet time.
The whole thing needed to be settled, and it needed to be settled tonight, or I was never going to manage any sleep, and that was already a dubious prospect after the shit show the day had been.
There was a knock on the door, and I huffed. “Open the damn thing.”
He came in, his eyes darting to my face before he closed the door behind him and chuckled. “Forgive me, I was raised to believe in manners, even when you feel like being anything but polite.”
I stared at him as he watched me expectantly from the doorway, and I resisted the urge to shift from foot to foot, as if I were the one who was going to be interrogated about what exactly happened today.
Two things occurred to me: first, this was the first time in a long time that I’d had someone other than Cait in my space.
It had always been private, a place I would retreat to when I needed to…
be myself. And then I had brought him here to grill him, I suppose, when in reality there were plenty of places I’d used in the past.
Second, other than Cait, he was the only person who’d have some idea what I’d gone through today.
Great.
“Well?” I demanded.
“Well?” he responded with a shrug and the beginning of a smile. It was then I saw how tired he was, and I wondered how long he’d been awake.
I sighed heavily, gesturing to the chair, pouring some whiskey into the glass, and holding it out. “Sit. Drink.”
He raised a brow before taking the offered seat and, after another hesitation, took the drink, sniffing it and then, with a grunt, took a sip. “That…huh, that’s not what I was expecting after I looked at that little bottle she gave you.”
“She may drink nothing but piss, but she has a good knack for picking out liquors she would never touch in a million years,” I told him with a snort.
“I have a question before we continue,” he said after taking another sip and looking like those two drinks were enough to give him strength. “And I really need you not to get furious. I expect pissy, but just don’t rip my head off for asking.”
“This is starting off great,” I said dryly. “Fine, go ahead.”
“How much of the anger you’re about to blast on me is because of what happened here, and how much of it will be because of…” he thought about his question even though I already knew where he was going with it, “what happened with you today.”
“That’s…actually a fair question,” I admitted, feeling like I should be irritated that he looked so surprised at my reaction. I scowled. “And let me fucking worry about my shit rather than you.”
“I could point out that what affects you could affect the rest of us, and it’s worth worrying over,” he said, smiling when my eyes narrowed. “But I won’t because I don’t feel like dealing with all the growling and snarling, and I value my life. So what is it you want from me?”
It should have been a relief that most of his good humor and wit was gone, but I found it almost as unnerving as seeing Carter hanging on by a thread. “What happened tonight?”
He sighed, holding out his glass, and with a roll of my eyes, I poured him another measure while finishing the large one I’d poured myself earlier and adding to it as the warmth spread through my limbs.
He took a sip, and he told me what happened.
Their struggle to find the two girls with only a few clues to work with, the way they had figured it out.
Of the state of the girls. And what they did to save one of them.
Then Colin had given an order, something I felt was second nature to him, and how Carter had balked.
How Jake had backed Colin up, Reno had stayed quiet, and Carter had backed down.
Then, after their finished rescue, one girl saved, the other drowned in the swell of rainwater that had sent a previously peaceful creek overflowing while she remained trapped, helpless to save herself.
They had returned, and according to Colin, he and Carter had…talked. It was an argument; harsh things were said, but they talked.
“And I’m supposed to believe that?” I demanded. “You just talked?”
“We talked; clearly you could see that when you came in. We weren’t fighting; we weren’t even yelling.
We talked, and I think he understands what happened tonight a lot better than before.
Now, I don’t know if that understanding is going to make him hate me less after everything, but he understands better, and I…
I’m not sure I understand him, not completely, but I understand a few things. ”
I thought of Carter, who’d been assigned to us as a good place for him to learn the ropes the real way, not just through training and practice runs.
Carter, who was practically a kid as far as I was concerned, though he had been able to vote for a few years.
Carter, who had once had a few too many beers and told me how he and his sister had got lost in the woods once.
He had taken off on her while they’d been walking, trying to get on his big sister’s nerves as brothers were prone to doing, and she had chased after him because they’d both be in trouble if he got hurt.
Except it hadn’t been him that had been hurt, not badly at least. An ankle that had healed weeks after he had fallen into a ravine.
The same ravine hadn’t been as kind to his sister, who had half caught him before he’d plummeted down.
Not enough to stop the fall, but to stop him from dying.
She hadn’t been so lucky, and he had been too young and hurt to crawl out of the ravine to find the help that might have saved her life.
It took a full day before they were found, and by that time she was cold.
I wondered sometimes what it must have been like to spend hours with your sister’s body, too young and helpless to do anything but hold her close.
I wondered if he still dreamed about that night, but I never asked.
There were some things you didn’t ask, and some things you weren’t supposed to know.
Even our nightmares could be too private for others to know, and I respected him enough not to ask… and not to tell his story.
“He had a loss,” was all I would say.
“I figured,” he said, surprising me slightly, when I expected more probing questions. “You don’t have that kind of desperation and anger about something like that without having been on the receiving end of how helpless it feels to need to be rescued, or you’re just that na?ve and full of hope.”
“So, he was that pissed and upset, but he’s not the one who bloodied your lip,” I said wryly, almost amused at his casual, persistent stubbornness.
“I got hit by so many things on the way out there and back, who knows what happened,” he said with a shrug. “Probably the same thing with his eye, but he’d have to tell you about that.”
“I think he confronted you over your order,” I said, biting out the word.
“And he swung at you. And either you got yours back, or more likely, Jake, who’s already shown a loyalty and protectiveness over you that’s deeply fascinating and almost concerning, stepped in and gave him that black eye.
I don’t know how you broke that up, but you did, and then you spoke to Carter and said…
something that got through to him and made him think clearly by the time I showed up. ”
He stared at me for a little too long, and I realized that if I wasn’t right on the money, I was damn close and had surprised him. He never betrayed that emotion, though, giving a soft sigh. “Or we simply got smacked around by Mother Nature and had a heated argument after a long night.”
I glared at him. “You know, I want to chew you out and punish you because I know you’re lying, and I know he’s going to back you up.
Jake won’t sell either of you out, and Cait…
well, she’ll tell me a few things. Not what happened, but what she thinks I should do.
You though…well, you’ve barely known these men a week, and you’ve already taken charge of them without me around, and you’re standing by them even when one of them probably deserves a few metaphorical slaps. ”
He raised a brow before downing the rest of his drink and setting it on the desk carefully. “I can’t tell if you want to give a few not so metaphorical slaps or if you’re giving me praise. Were you a drill instructor?”
I blinked. “No, I uh—”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “You were considered, weren’t you? Because that sort of mixed message…works so well for one.”
I scowled. “Do you mind not running your mouth while I’m trying to do my job?”
He spread his hands. “I’ll do my best. But if you’re going to get to your point, I wish you’d get there. I’m sitting here in wet clothes, cold wet clothes I might point out that are only slightly warmer now I’m in a heated building, and I’m tired.”