Chapter 19 #2
Zoe nodded, flustered, aware of Alex’s suddenly searching gaze and wondering how it never occurred to her before that Corrine would tell Victor, who would undoubtedly say something.
And if it hadn’t been Victor, it would have been Corrine herself, and there was every chance it would have been in front of Alex or Billie.
‘I’m right as rain, thanks, Victor. It was nothing, probably a touch of that bug that’s been going around. ’
‘Aye…’ Victor looked sceptical, but perhaps he’d read the situation because he shot another curious look from her to Alex and then back again before breaking into a broad smile.
‘I expect it was. We’ve been glad to be up the hill and out of it.
Half the village has been laid low, so I’m told. Geoff’s got it bad, apparently.’
‘I bet Magnus has had something to say about that,’ Alex said.
Victor laughed. ‘Oh, I’m sure!’
Zoe nudged Alex. ‘I wonder if that means he hasn’t had time to do your welcome packs?’
‘I suppose we’ll find out shortly. If not, I’ll have to take the bits and put them together myself. They won’t look as good as when Magnus does them, but they’ll do the job.’
‘Corrine would be happy to help, I’m sure,’ Victor said. ‘She’s right creative when it comes to things like that. I could ask her.’
‘That’s kind of you,’ Alex said, ‘but I wouldn’t bother her. I bet she’s got plenty to do already.’
‘How’s Fern, by the way?’ Zoe asked. ‘I meant to text her, but I forgot.’
‘She’s bright enough, happier now she’s seen you and you checked everything. She’s more worried about you than anything else.’
‘She shouldn’t be; she should be focusing on herself and the baby. I’ll phone her later when I get a minute.’
‘That’d be grand. Corrine will be glad to hear all’s well too. Anyway, I’d best be getting off. The vet’s coming to check on Dandelion.’
‘How’s she doing?’ Alex asked.
‘Smashing,’ Victor said with obvious pride. ‘She’s a lovely little thing, and she’ll be a lovely mum when the time comes.’
After another reassurance that Zoe would either call at the house or phone before the weekend was out, Victor left them. The sound of his engine had barely dissipated when Alex turned to Zoe with a look she could only describe as reproach.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d been ill at their house? When did this happen? When you went to see Fern?’
‘It was nothing. It wasn’t worth mentioning.’
‘It didn’t sound like nothing.’
‘It was. I got up too fast and came over dizzy. I was fine by the time I arrived back at the surgery, and when I got home you were busy, and it went out of my head.’
‘You came home in between. You were at Hilltop after you’d been at Daffodil. You’re saying you’d forgotten by then?’
‘No, but you were talking to Virginia, so I couldn’t say anything.’
‘Why not? All you had to do was interrupt and ask me for a quick word.’
‘Why would I do that?’
Zoe began to walk again, her face turned to the path ahead, afraid that if she looked him in the eyes, she’d crumble. Once again, she understood that there was an important conversation she needed to have with him, and she wanted to get it over and done with, but not like this.
‘Why wouldn’t you do that?’
‘Because you were talking to Virginia and it was something important. It would have been rude.’
‘I wouldn’t have thought that, not for a second.’
‘No, but Virginia would have done.’
‘She’s not like that.’
Zoe spun to face him. ‘How do you know? You haven’t seen her since you were, like, nineteen or something, so how do you know what she would have thought? You don’t know her at all, not now. At least, you shouldn’t.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Nothing. I don’t know. It was… Forget it.’
He let out a sigh. ‘You do have a problem with her. I never thought you’d be like that.’
‘Like what? Human? Afraid sometimes? Vulnerable sometimes because even I’m not made of stone?’
‘Jealous.’
‘Is it any wonder I’m jealous? She’s gorgeous, successful, smart, has a history with you and clearly never stopped having a hold over you.’
‘Why would you say that?’
‘Because I saw the way you looked at her when you were talking to her. I saw how you were giving that brave-little-soldier routine when you were meant to be ill, laughing and being charming and pretending you were fine, when I’d seen you that morning and you looked as if the Grim Reaper was coming for you. ’
‘Of course I was going to be charming – I’m relying on her, and she’s doing me a massive favour.’
‘That’s another thing that makes me nervous. Why is she giving you all this time for free?’
‘Because I’m an old friend.’
‘You said yourself you haven’t spoken since you split up, but she’s all of a sudden happy to do this for you. It makes me think she has an agenda, even if you don’t.’
‘Of course I don’t! What’s got into you?’
‘Nothing’s got into me! I’m only saying, look at it from my point of view! If it was the other way round, you’d be asking the same questions.’
‘Maybe,’ he said quietly. ‘But I’d like to think I’d trust you more than you trust me.’
‘I do trust you!’ She stopped short of adding that it was Virginia she didn’t trust because even Zoe, in her current state, knew how crazy that made her sound.
‘I suppose I ought to be flattered you feel this way, and some men would be, but that’s not me.
It makes me sad because I thought we were better than this.
When I asked you to move in, did you think that meant nothing?
Do you actually think I’d do that if I didn’t intend to commit to you?
Do you think I’d bring you into Billie’s life just to mess everything up for all of us? ’
‘No,’ Zoe replied, suddenly swallowed by a guilt-riddled misery that no sun on the horizon could banish. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what’s got into me.’
‘But if there was something on your mind, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you? Something worrying you?’
He was giving her the perfect moment, and though she wanted to tell him, the words wouldn’t come out.
She didn’t yet believe it herself, and she wasn’t ready to send them out into the universe where they could become real and her future would be decided and there would be nothing she could do to take them back.
‘I suppose it is the dizzy spells I’ve been having. I’ve seen Simon and he’s going to run some tests.’
Alex halted on the path. ‘Simon suspects it’s something serious?’
‘No, but I wouldn’t expect him to do anything else. I’m sure it’s blood pressure or something. It’s fine, but I suppose it’s on my mind.’
‘It’s been on my mind too, but when you didn’t say anything else and you didn’t have another… at least not at home, I thought it was all sorted.’
‘I don’t want you to worry.’
‘How do you expect me not to?’
‘Focus on other things for now. Like your camping field. It looks as if the incident with your fiftieth-birthday party has blown over, and you’ve got new guests arriving, so focus on getting back on your feet and ploughing ahead again. You’ve put too much into this business to get sidetracked.’
‘You and Billie are far more important than the business.’
‘But we also know how much it means to you.’
‘Promise you’ll keep me updated. Whatever tests you’re having and whoever you go to see, I—’
‘I will,’ Zoe said, even then hating herself for not sharing the whole truth.
But it didn’t matter how much she hated what she was doing, she couldn’t stop it.
And now that she’d started, it already felt like a lie she couldn’t undo.
‘I’m sorry I was so mean about Virginia – I know she was only trying to help, and you were doing what you could to save the business. ’
He reached for her hand once more, and it was warm and solid wrapped around hers, but even in that small gesture of familiarity, she felt a new divide that hadn’t been there before. Had she said too much, gone too far, planted a seed that would grow and erupt when she least expected it?