Chapter 7
SEVEN
Zarya lounged on the divan on the balcony of their apartment a few days later. The city was quiet—it was that peaceful hour between the late-night crowds stumbling home and the early risers stirring for the day. Ever since they’d left Dharati, she’d been having trouble sleeping and often found herself here, waking up with the dawn.
At night, she would toss and turn, craving the release of oblivion, not only to calm the constant churning of her mind and body but because she so badly wanted to connect to the dream forest.
It was ironic that the thing she needed most was the thing her body refused to give her. Did she need to be in a deep dreamlike state for it to work? Maybe she had to be asleep for a specific number of hours first?
Whatever combination of factors had brought Rabin to her previously had failed to manifest again. What if she were involuntarily blocking it in the depths of her hurt and betrayal? She didn’t know why she wanted to see him—she was still furious that he’d lied to her—but she couldn’t deny how much she craved him.
She let out a long sigh and tucked up her feet. The evening was warm, though a fresh breeze blew off the distant mountains. Next to her sat a cooling cup of tea infused with herbs intended to help her sleep, but it hadn’t been much use. It did tingle through her blood, and she allowed herself to sink into the soothing sensation.
Also on the table was a romance book—ever since arriving in Ishaan, she’d been introduced to a shocking variety of novels with storylines and tendencies that were entirely new to her. When she couldn’t sleep, she’d take solace between the covers, definitely not imagining Rabin’s face and body as she learned about all the new ways one could indulge in…pleasure.
She flipped through the pages, skipping ahead to a smutty part, but not even that was working right now. With a sigh, she slapped it shut and took another long sip of tea. Her head tipped back, and she stretched out her neck, wishing she could ease this knot of tension lodged at the top of her spine.
“Couldn’t sleep?” asked a voice, and Zarya looked up to find Apsara standing over her. She’d never seen the winged warrior so at ease in a soft white sleeveless shirt and a pair of shorts that showed off her toned brown legs.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Zarya confirmed.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Of course not.”
Apsara sat down, adjusting her wings so she could get comfortable. She gestured to the pot on the side table.
“Got any more of that?”
Zarya filled up her half-empty mug and then passed it to Apsara. “Help yourself.”
“So, how have you been?” she asked Zarya. “Row misses you. He doesn’t say it, but I can tell from his messages that he wishes you were at home.”
Zarya scrunched her nose. Of late, she’d felt guilty for leaving and refusing his company on her quest to Gi’ana. She was safe here—she hadn’t truly felt threatened, but Row had always had a way of making everything seem solid and stable. In spite of everything that had happened at the cottage, she’d always felt protected.
“I’ll be back soon,” she said, but her words were unconvincing. She had no idea where her future might lead her. She wasn’t sure what she wanted for her life but hoped the right path would eventually reveal itself.
“How about you?” Zarya asked. “How have you been? Why did you show up here with Suvanna?”
Apsara let out a dry huff. “It’s not because we’ve been spending time together,” she said. “If that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I was wondering,” she said. “I hoped.”
“Why?” Apsara said.
Zarya shrugged. “You might say I’ve always been a bit of a romantic.”
“I’ve always liked that about you.”
“What?”
“Your ability to see the world with rose-colored glasses. Even with plenty of evidence to the contrary, I think you really believe the world is a good place.”
“That makes me naive,” Zarya said with a weary sigh. “So much of my life was shaped by books that always had a happy ending, so I guess I thought life worked that way, too. Even when I was at my most miserable, I never gave up on the idea that a happily ever after was waiting for me.”
She held up the book sitting in her lap, and Apsara shook her head. “It doesn’t make you naive. It’s a wonderful thing to believe. I wish more people felt that way.”
Zarya dropped the book again and smiled. “Thanks. I guess.”
“And no, Suvanna and I haven’t seen each other since we left Dharati. She decided we both had to come to Gi’ana when Row shared what you were doing.” Apsara rolled her shoulders back. “Maybe I’m the naive one. Every time I think things will be different, I end up having my heart broken again.”
“This time, too?”
She shrugged and sipped her drink. “Not yet, but it’s always the same. Suvanna is happy to carry on with our physical relationship, but that’s all she wants or needs. Or so she says.”
“You don’t believe that?” Zarya asked.
“It’s hard not to wonder sometimes if that’s really all it is or if it’s just me she doesn’t need those things from.”
Zarya’s heart twisted at the vulnerable look on Apsara’s face.
“Which definitely makes me a fool,” she said.
“No,” Zarya said. “It’s not foolish to hope that someone you admire and have feelings for might return them. It’s never foolish to want the best for yourself and your life.”
“See?” Apsara said. “There you go, making everything look nice again.”
Zarya snorted. “You wouldn’t say that if you’d lived with me at the cottage. I was a giant pain in the ass.”
Apsara laughed, too. “That I do believe.”
Zarya picked up a pillow and playfully swatted Apsara as they both continued chuckling.
“Here,” Zarya said, holding out her book. “Try some light reading to help make you a believer, too.”
Apsara eyed the novel, which depicted an embracing couple with their clothes nearly falling off while the wind tossed their hair.
“Trust me,” Zarya said. “You’ll never be the same.”
Apsara took it and flipped through the pages.
“Okay, I’m game.” Her mouth stretched into a yawn. “But I’m exhausted, and I only came out here because I needed some water, and you looked a bit lonely. You okay if I go back to bed?”
“Of course,” Zarya said. “Have a good sleep. In the morning, we’ll take you to meet Farida.”
After Apsara went back inside, Zarya considered returning to her bed as well, but the evening was the perfect temperature, and her breath came easier when she sat out here.
The mountains stretched to one side, overlooking the rolling city of Ishaan, while miles of forest spread in the other direction. This view always felt like a reminder of how far she’d come in her life. From her quiet corner of the sea to this queendom on the very opposite end of the continent, she was still having trouble reconciling that after everything, she’d made it here.
She tugged the blanket off a nearby chair and wrapped it around her shoulders, lying down on the divan before she finally drifted off into a troubled sleep.
Rabin padded across his darkened bedroom towards the large windows that overlooked Andhera’s snowy landscape. In his hand, he held the book he’d been studying for weeks. Abishek had plucked it from the recesses of his vast collection. Years ago, when paramadhar had been more common, new pairings were given a handbook outlining the role’s various conditions, limits, and duties.
Rabin had read it cover to cover, learning the secrets of these ancient magical servants. The more he read, the surer he was that he belonged to Zarya. There was so much he could do. Help control her magic. Heal her. He’d never forget the moment he found her lying in the mud on the outskirts of Dharati and coaxed her back to life. Once they forged the connection between them, known as the Bandhan, he could save her from death itself. Once they both wore matching tattoos applied by a mystic, the Bandhan would be complete, and it would bind his life to hers.
If she died, then so would he.
But he’d already accepted this fate months ago. If he were being honest, maybe part of him had accepted it from the first moment he’d seen her. Who was he to refuse if the gods had seen fit to bestow him with this gift? There was no doubt there was something important about Zarya, and Rabin wanted to be a part of the future that awaited them both.
The book also warned against physical relationships between paramadhar and their destined Aazheri, known as a masatara, but as long as Zarya was willing, he didn’t care about the rules. He’d always been good at breaking them, and this would be no exception. But first, he had to earn her forgiveness.
Abishek wanted to meet her. And what kind of father wouldn’t want to meet his only child? It was a natural desire, and Rabin was determined to bring them together. They were the two most important people in his life, and he’d met them both through independent events. He’d become their only link, and he was sure part of his purpose was to bring them together.
He ignored the disquieting voice that reminded him of everything Row had claimed about his mentor. Abishek had put those lies to rest. Row’s opinion of his king had been tainted by his love for Gi’ana’s queen. He was an unreliable character witness, and Rabin had spent years with Abishek and trusted him.
He wasn’t deluding himself that Abishek wasn’t ambitious and ruthless when he needed to be, but he wouldn’t harm his own daughter. There were limits to what everyone was capable of. The king had shown him too much kindness and understanding for Rabin to believe that.
He flipped to the chapter about mind walking. This is what he and Zarya had done in the dream forest without realizing it. And the good news was that one could control the process. Sleep or unconsciousness wasn’t required of either party, though it was often encouraged, as pulling someone from their surroundings and into the mind plane without warning could be risky.
They’d only be ‘taken’ from their normal surroundings for a few seconds—time moved differently in the mind plane—but even that could be dangerous under the wrong circumstances.
Rabin had waited months to find her in the dream forest, but he’d woken up disappointed every morning. Armed with his new knowledge, he’d take matters into his own hands.
Dressed for sleep, he wore only loose pants on his bottom half. He rubbed a hand against his bare stomach as he scanned the page again. A fire crackled in the hearth, casting orange shadows across his large bed chamber. He’d waited until late at night to try this, hoping to catch her in slumber.
Like much of Andhera’s castle, his room was decorated in hues of black, with a giant black bed pushed against the wall and towering floor-to-ceiling black curtains. The tiles were covered in massive woven silk rugs pieced together with colorful threads.
He inhaled a deep breath and blew it out, fogging the tall windows that offered unobstructed views across the horizon. Moonlight gilded snowy peaks that sparkled in the distance, and the stars sat heavy in the sky like a million silver flames.
He closed his eyes and pictured the dream forest. Those tall trees and that deep violet sky. He pictured Zarya. Her brown eyes flecked with tiny points of green and the long fall of her thick, midnight hair. He imagined the luscious swell of her hips and her long legs, toned from hours of training. He licked his lips, remembering the taste of her in his mouth and her breathless noises when she’d come apart on his tongue.
That night on Ranpur Island had been a defining moment of his life. He summoned the vision of her panting under him, dark strands of hair strewn across the pillow as her nails had dug into his biceps while he’d fucked her mercilessly into the mattress. The way she’d felt coming around his cock, her tight wet pussy clenching against him, had been nothing short of transcendent. And the flavor that had filled his mouth when he’d bitten into her neck had been like drinking in golden nectar delivered by a divine hand.
It had been at that moment he’d known she was it .
He had to see her again. He had to explain himself.
The key to creating a mind plane was to empty one’s thoughts of everything but her and their destination. This could be difficult for some, as the mind tended to wander, distracted by the mundane details of life, but Rabin had no trouble thinking only of Zarya. He’d already been doing it for months. It was nothing to fill his consciousness with images of only her.
He realized now he’d been the one to force the connection when Zarya had been suffering with her blocked magic. He’d felt her pain and her agony like a distant echo twisting in the back of his chest and sought out Abishek to convey his worries about the woman in his dreams who had still been a mystery to them both.
Thankfully, the king had immediately recognized the signs, offering him an enchantment that would break it. And then Rabin had spent days trying to join her, desperate to help, eventually opening the connection without understanding how. Now, he realized it had been his singular focus on finding her that had been the catalyst.
So he continued to imagine her and the forest, directing his mind inward as he felt his breath slow and his heart thrust against his ribs. It took only a minute before a warm breeze of air dusted the back of his neck, and he opened his eyes, exhaling a shocked breath.
He’d done it.
Above him, that violet sky sparkled with its dense blanket of stars. They felt so close it almost seemed like he could reach out and scoop up a handful to carry in his pocket. The leaves rustled softly, and the moon hung low, a bright glowing orb, the edges smearing into the night.
He stepped softly, wanting to keep his presence a secret for now as he waited. Not sure how long it would take, he concealed himself in the shadows, hoping against hope this would work.
After a few minutes of tense silence, he began to worry he’d done something wrong, but then a soft rustle drew his attention. Through the shadows, Zarya emerged, wearing a white sleeveless top and silk shorts. Her long hair hung in messy waves around her shoulders, and her brown skin glowed in the gilded moonlight. She was absolutely fucking breathtaking, and his heart stopped.
“Hello?” she called, her voice uncharacteristically tentative. She stepped lightly on her tiptoes towards the center of the clearing where they had met so many times. “Hello? Ra?—”
She cut herself off with a shake of her head. Had she been about to call for him?
Rabin studied her, trying to assess her state of mind. Was she happy to return here? What would she say or do if he revealed himself?
Zarya stood in the center and turned around and around, studying the shadows. Was she looking for him? She remained planted in the center of the clearing as if she feared searching too deeply. What conflicting thoughts warred in her mind?
She blew out a breath and pushed her hair back, peering up at the sky and watching the stars for a long time. His admiring gaze traced over the lines of her profile and the arch of her neck that he’d dreamed of sinking his teeth into every night while he slept.
He wanted to suck on the swell of her breasts and bite her nipples peaking against the thin material of her top. His fist clenched as he thought of smoothing his hands over the curve of her stomach and her ass. He drank her in, his cock stiffening with wild desire, memorizing every detail as she continued to search the clearing.
He’d already decided he wouldn’t reveal himself tonight. He’d only wanted to see if he could create the mind plane, and he wanted to see her. This was enough.
Now, he knew it was possible, but he’d try to bring her to Andhera next time. The book said creating any environment was possible with the right focus. He wanted to give this to her, encourage her to understand it, and release her fear of this place.
Next time, she’d see the other half of her home.
Zarya opened her eyes, blinking several times as her breath stuck in her chest.
The forest.
She’d returned. Finally. Everything had been as she remembered. The clearing and the trees, the vibrant violet sky. The stars that seemed to breathe with life. The tree he’d pressed her against that night he’d almost kissed her and then walked away, and the rock where he’d “apologized” for his behavior on his knees. Her cheeks warmed at the memory despite the fact she’d played it in her head at least a thousand times.
But the forest had been empty. She’d waited, staring in the direction where he usually appeared, her heart pounding as she tried to decide what she really wanted. She’d spent months missing him, but the idea of actually confronting him had suddenly felt like too much.
What would she say? What would he say? She’d imagined so many conversations they might have. Him telling her he’d manipulated her. Tricked her into feeling something for him. Him swearing he hadn’t meant to lie to her.
But she shouldn’t have worried herself over these questions because he hadn’t been there at all. Was this it, then? No more connection? Had he ever been her paramadhar?
As she’d stood in that clearing, she’d considered calling for him, but something stopped her. She wasn’t ready to see him. Not yet.
Despite the hole he’d carved out of her heart and the many nights she’d spent thinking of him, she wasn’t.
When the sun began peeking over the rooftops of Ishaan, she sat up, rubbing her chest, and wondered if that empty space would ever close again.