Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Zarya tossed and turned in her bed that night, worrying about all the things that could go wrong. The risk of discovery was at the top of her worries. What would happen if the Jadugara uncovered what they were doing? What if the royal family found out?
Not only would they lash out with even more severe consequences, but there was also a good chance Zarya’s identity would be revealed, and she couldn’t begin to understand the repercussions of that.
As she flipped from side to side, her mind kept wandering back to Rabin. She still hadn’t found time to uncover more about paramadhar and loathed that he currently had the upper hand. Tomorrow, she would add that to the top of her to-do list. While she was helping everyone else, she could help herself, too.
She continued to toss and turn, eventually caving to a troubled sleep, when a blast of cold wind pulled her eyes open.
She probably shouldn’t have been surprised when she found herself in the middle of a forest clearing. But it wasn’t the same forest where they’d met before. This one was darker, the sky a deep green, though there were just as many stars. She was surrounded by pine trees and snow dusting the ground and the rocks that formed the perimeter. In the distance loomed a range of soaring white-capped mountains.
Pulling herself up to stand, her toes dug into a thick fur rug cushioning her feet. Wearing only leggings and a sleeveless tunic, she rubbed her arms while she shivered. Rabin stood at the other end, dressed in leather with a thick fur cloak tossed over his shoulders. He looked like some kind of warrior god, staring down at her. This time, he wore only one of his dragon swords belted at his hip.
She said nothing as she stared at him, the wind whipping strands of hair across her face. He approached, sliding the cloak off his shoulders and holding it out. “May I?” he asked, and though she considered refusing, she was also fucking freezing.
She nodded, and he stepped closer, wrapping the cloak around her. It was warm from his body, and she did her best not to notice the way it smelled like him. She’d dreamed of that scent of midnight forests and smoky earth every night for months while trying to drown him out of her thoughts, but it was no use. It had never been any use.
“No sword for me this time?” she asked, her teeth chattering, before he arched an eyebrow.
“I was hoping we could talk instead,” he said.
Clutching the cloak tight to her shoulders, she scanned him from head to toe. “I have nothing to say to you.”
His mouth firmed into a hard line, revealing the depth of his frustrations, but he had brought all of this upon himself.
“Why did you bring me here?” she asked. “You don’t have to be asleep for this to work anymore?”
She gestured to his clothing, and he shook his head.
“No, once you understand how to enter the mind plane, you can do it anywhere and anytime. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t figured this out yet.”
Zarya narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what?” he asked.
“That is none of your business.”
He rubbed his chin as he slowly circled around her. She resisted the urge to follow his path and wiggled her toes where she stood, the tips beginning to freeze.
“You won’t tell me where you are?” He looped around to stand before her again.
“Why? So you can sweep into my life and fuck everything up?”
He stepped closer, leaving only a small space between them, forcing her to tip her head back. “Is that what I did?”
She exhaled a sharp breath, remembering that moment he’d appeared in Dharati and her entire world had tilted on its axis. “You know it is.”
Another step had him towering over her, making it feel like she was being consumed. “Or did I help free you, Zarya? Would anyone else have been able to release your magic?”
“How did you do that?” she asked. “Not even Row understood it.”
The corner of his mouth crooked up. “Your father is powerful. You have no idea what things he’s capable of.”
That answer churned a sour line up the back of her throat.
“ He helped you?”
“I couldn’t have done that on my own.”
“So you did know who I was?”
“No,” he said. “I didn’t know. I told him about the dreams, but he had no way of knowing who you were. I went to him for a favor, and he granted it.”
“Why?”
“Because he trusts me. Because I have been loyal to him.”
Zarya swallowed. “Why?”
Rabin’s fierce expression masked a hint of sadness. “He has never asked me to hide what I am. He has taught me to embrace my dragon and my magic. To discover things I never imagined myself capable of.”
Zarya narrowed her eyes at that somewhat cryptic statement.
“That’s it?” she asked.
He frowned, and she regretted the insensitive question. After everything he’d revealed about his father, she knew what that kind of acceptance must have meant to him.
“That’s it,” he said after a brief pause.
Zarya sighed. “So, where are we now?”
“In a forest at the northern border of Andhera. I thought you might be more comfortable here.”
“What about our old forest?” she asked. “At least it was warm.”
“I want you to see it. Its cold beauty and its magnificence. I want you to stop turning your back on the place that could be your home if you’d let it.”
Zarya shook her head. “I don’t want that.”
“Why? Because of the lies you were told? Aren’t you done believing Row? Why do you put so much stock into the things he says? He deceived you for your entire life.”
Zarya opened her mouth to reply and then closed it. Did he have a point?
“Why do you care what I think?”
“Because I want you here with me.” He said the words so matter-of-factly that she believed them with her whole self. There was no artifice in his expression or his words. She understood he believed his truth. But was that truth the best thing for her?
“You swear you didn’t know?” she asked, studying him carefully. She’d spent months determined not to believe him, but he was right, and she wasn’t always the best judge of what was real.
“I didn’t know,” he said, and for the first time, the seeds of doubt reluctantly filtered into the cracks of her resolve. “I saw the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen walking in my dreams, and I had to find her. When I realized who you were, I could only think this was destiny, Zarya. I never meant to lie to you. You have to see this was fated from the very start.”
“I don’t know,” she answered, and then he stepped closer so there was no space left between them. He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up so their mouths were only inches apart, yet it felt like an ocean tossing them onto separate shores.
“Zarya,” he said, his voice rough and full of passion. “Please let me in. I’ve been miserable these months without you. I need you, and you need me. Let me protect you.”
Zarya scrunched her nose with uncertainty. “You want to be my paramadhar?”
“Why wouldn’t I want that?”
“Because.” She waved a hand and then immediately snatched it under his cloak. It was freezing out here. “You’re basically my servant. If I die, then so do you.”
He tipped his head and arched a brow as if to ask what the problem was.
“You don’t think that’s a little messed up?” she asked.
“It’s an honor to be chosen,” he said so seriously that she thought for a moment he had to be pulling her leg. But there was only sincerity in his expression.
“What if we aren’t anything more than that?” she asked. “What if I don’t want to pursue anything physical or romantic between us?”
“Then I will fulfill my duty with honor.”
Zarya frowned. “Really? Why would you do that?”
His mouth opened, and he shook his head as though he didn’t understand her questions. “Because,” he said. “We will be more.”
She almost laughed at his bottomless arrogance. The truth was he was probably right, and her defenses were already crumbling. How much longer would it be before she gave in?
“You want to bind yourself to me forever in the hopes I’ll change my mind about us?” she asked, still skeptical.
The corner of his mouth teased up. “You will change your mind about us. And when you do, it will be like the heavens exploding.”
“Gods, you are so full of yourself, you know that?”
His smile stretched a little further, and the sight was so rare it did something weird to her heart. “So I’ve been told.”
“What if I don’t change it?”
“Nothing changes for me,” he answered without hesitation.
“I still don’t understand.”
“You will,” he said before he took her hand and slipped his arm around her waist. The touch sent heat flooding through her body as she leaned into his warmth. She stared up at him, his face so close to hers she could feel his breath as it fogged in soft white puffs.
Was he about to kiss her? Did she want that? She did. She knew she shouldn’t but…fuck, if she didn’t absolutely want his mouth on hers.
He then wrapped a hand across her nape and drew her closer, burying his nose into the crown of her head before he pulled back and took her hand, flipping it over and pressing his lips to her palm.
The act sent a bolt of sensation straight to her stomach, her knees turning to mush. How could such a benign touch elicit such a reaction? She’d thought so many times of the way his hands and mouth had felt. The way he’d tasted her and bitten her and fucked her. That night on Ranpur Island lived at the forefront of her many vivid fantasies.
His mouth lingered on her skin for another second before he pulled it away. He leaned down to speak in her ear, his lips brushing the shell, causing her entire body to flush with heat and want.
“Good night, Zarya. I will see you again soon.”
Rabin blinked as he returned to the warmth of his room inside the castle. He’d done it again.
He stared out the window at the moonlit tundra, imagining the spot far in the distance where they’d met. He wasn’t sure why that had felt like the right spot, but when he saw how she’d looked at him, he knew it had been the perfect choice.
“Went to see your girlfriend?” came a familiar voice. He spun around to find Ekaja sitting at his desk under the far window, her feet kicked up and her hands folded over her stomach.
She had been Abishek’s army commander for decades, and Rabin had bonded with her over tales of their conquests and their never-ending fascination with battle strategy. She was a powerful Aazheri with five anchors and had a mind for war that many would envy.
Rabin arched a brow and began stripping out of his leather and furs. “Shouldn’t you be with yours , not lurking around my bedroom?”
She shrugged as she picked her nails with a dagger. “We’re taking a break. I’m into cock this week.”
Rabin smirked and pulled his leather tunic over his head, leaving him in a thin cotton shirt. “Yes, I was with her.”
Ekaja must have sensed the despondency in his voice because she pursed her lips into a mock pout.
“Did she blue-ball you again?”
Despite himself, Rabin huffed out something that might have resembled a laugh.
“You really know how to make me feel three inches tall, Kaj,” he said as he stripped out of his pants and retrieved the softer pair that he used for sleep.
“If I don’t, who will?”
“And you do it with astonishing proficiency,” he grumbled as he dropped onto the divan in front of the fireplace. A pot of tea had been set out, and he poured a cup to warm himself from the forest’s lingering chill.
Ekaja swung her feet down and strode over, dropping into an armchair. She wore her training leathers—her standard uniform when she wasn’t in her armor. As the only female commander in Rahajhan and the first in the history of Andhera, she refused to let anyone forget who she was. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a high braided ponytail, showing off the strong planes and angles of her face.
Rabin didn’t know how anyone could meet her and think she was anything but an apex predator, but men were idiots when it came to fierce women.
“She’s still angry with you,” Ekaja said.
“Yep,” Rabin said, sipping his tea. “But…I think she might finally believe me. I saw something in her face.”
He shook his head and rubbed a hand over his mouth. He was so tied up about Zarya, and it was everything he could do to focus.
“What did you do? Glare at her until she conceded?”
Rabin rolled his eyes. “I do have some ability to converse, thank you.”
“Could have fooled me,” Ekaja said, snatching a piece of burfi from the tray on the table. “So, what next?”
“I’m not sure. I think I’ll give her some space. I’m sure it’s eating her alive that I’ve learned how to control the mind plane and she hasn’t yet. It will only be a matter of time before she does, and then maybe she will reach out.”
Ekaja whistled. “This girl is eating you up.”
Rabin stretched and rubbed his side. His dragon tattoo always seemed to pulse whenever he was in Zarya’s presence. Abishek had encouraged him to get it years ago in an effort to leave behind his history and embrace who he was. It was a reminder. A bridge leading him away from a past he’d left behind.
The added bonus was that it was infused with magic that helped him control his transformations, meaning he could endure longer periods without that itch to change crawling under his skin. But now it ached with phantom pain as though it, too, missed Zarya.
“She’s convinced the king wants to hurt her,” he said.
“And you’re sure he doesn’t?”
Rabin’s gaze flicked to Ekaja. “You think he would? You’ve known him longer.”
She took a sip of her tea. “If you’re asking if I think he’s capable of it, then you know the answer to that. As to whether what you were told is true in this specific case, then I’m not sure.”
Rabin groaned and sat back as Ekaja barked out a laugh.
“You know what kind of man he can be,” she said. “He didn’t get where he was by being anything less than ruthless. He’s done many questionable things in the name of his power, Rabin.”
“I know,” he said. “But he had reasons for all of it. He wouldn’t hurt his own child.”
She nodded. “She’s powerful and has strong magic. I do believe that would be of interest to him.”
“But not in the way Row claimed,” Rabin said.
“If you say so,” she answered. She was skeptical, and Rabin understood why. But Abishek had taken Rabin under his wing and shown him the kindness that no one else in his life ever had. He was a king and was far from innocent, but being the ruler of a great nation meant blood on your hands. Rabin understood this.
Besides, it was too great a coincidence that both father and daughter had come into his life through such different circumstances. It had to mean this was the right course.
“I do,” Rabin said. “I believe him.”
“Then you have no reason not to trust him.”
He looked up, his jaw hardening. “I would never let anyone harm her.”
Ekaja nodded. “I’m beginning to understand that.” She paused. “And you’re sure about this whole paramadhar and masatara thing? You’re sure you want to bind your life to this woman?”
He clasped his hands and peered at his friend. He hadn’t had many in his life, and he cherished Ekaja’s companionship more than she could ever know.
“I’ve never been so sure about anything.”
She tipped up a smile. “I’m sure you’ll wear her down. I mean, look at us. I couldn’t stand you when you arrived all cocky and arrogant, but you wormed your way into my pitch-black heart.”
Rabin snorted and sipped his tea as he stared into the crackling fire, her words ringing in his ears. He thought of Zarya and her fierce expression and the hurt in her eyes. He’d caused that with his foolishness and his cowardice. If he’d just been brave enough to admit the truth, then perhaps they could have avoided all of this.
He swore he’d never lie to her again and he would find some way to make amends.
All he could hope was that, eventually, she would forgive him.
That or he would die trying.