Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
Over the next few days, Zarya spent all her time in the forest, trying to wrest control over her nightfire, ensuring she kept her distance from that menacing patch of black rot she’d been responsible for creating. She knew she couldn’t keep ignoring it, but she also had too many other worries vying for her attention.
She had certain types of control over the magic. What she wanted was a trickle, and it resembled a hose, spearing out beams of magic. She’d only used it defensively when survival depended on maximum impact.
But she couldn’t use this on a person. She’d kill them. She’d blow them apart. A fact that was evidenced by the remains of the decimated trees and bushes that formed a circle around the spot where Yasen and Zarya currently stood.
The night she’d used it in Dharati to suppress the demons, she’d avoided hurting anyone on the ground, but those had been different circumstances, and she couldn’t trust that again without specifically understanding what she’d done.
“This isn’t working,” she said.
“You think?” Yasen asked as he bent down and picked up a small branch that had been reduced to a sad, charred twig.
Zarya stood with her hands on her hips, surveying the destruction. “What am I going to do? We need thousands, Rabin said. Tens of thousands. How am I supposed to do that?” Her voice started to rise, the pitch growing frantic.
“Hey, hey,” Yasen said, striding over and wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest. “It’s going to be fine. The weight of the world isn’t on your shoulders. We’re all going to help.”
“But it is, Yas.” She looked up at him. “For some reason, I was chosen to fulfill this task. To free them. If I don’t do it, then who will?”
He opened his mouth and closed it. “I’m not sure.”
“See?” she asked, pushing off him. “If I can’t figure this out…”
Her heart twisted whenever she thought of Vikas’s parents and the other innocent people locked up in the palace. They had families who needed them. And now they were being held for the things Zarya and the Rising Phoenix had done. This had always been a risk. They knew the Madans would make an example of someone, but facing the reality of those consequences was proving even harder than she’d imagined.
She prayed the prisoners weren’t being mistreated, but it was a thin hope without much possibility.
“We’ll get them out of there, Zee,” Yasen said. “We will.”
She nodded and tried again, firing another beam of nightfire at a distant tree as they watched it explode upon contact, the entire thing blowing into a shower of splinters that did little to convince her of anything.
As Zarya continued to struggle, everyone tried to help: Row, Ajay, even Rania traipsed out into the forest with her despite the fact Farida was still lying comatose in her bed.
However, Zarya had also brought Koura to Ishaan, and if anyone could help, it was him. He’d been spending many hours at her bedside, attempting to puzzle out the source of her ailment.
That meant Rania had ceased with the open hostility but still refused to speak to Zarya in much more than single syllables.
They received regular reports from Apsara and Suvanna inside the palace, who were keeping as close an eye on the prisoners as possible. Zarya’s hopes they weren’t being mistreated were somewhat mollified when they confirmed that while they weren’t living in luxury, no one was being unnecessarily cruel. Perhaps it was the best they could hope for, given the circumstances.
It seemed the Madans were hesitating about what to do with their vanshaj prisoners. They’d assumed the Rising Phoenix would show themselves immediately upon their capture, and they were clearly struggling with what to do in the face of their defiance. As of yet, a date for the promised execution hadn’t been set, but they were operating on a dwindling timeline, and the call could come at any moment.
Finally, after so many failed attempts, Rabin insisted on accompanying her, and she was frustrated enough with her lack of progress to join him in the forest. Until now, she had been doing everything to avoid being with him alone.
Row and Koura had no luck securing a nearby flat, and Rabin continued to stay alone in Zarya’s room while she slept in Yasen’s bed every night. She’d let herself get swept up in the moment when they’d been at Rabin’s estate, but she was trying to keep a clear head.
It was proving almost impossible, of course. She wanted to be near him. And it was about more than her physical reaction to him. He made her feel…calm. Like the storm inside her settled whenever he was around. Their time at his home hadn’t been just about sex—though that had been pretty good—but rather the undeniably deep connection they shared.
As she continued to keep her distance, she couldn’t ignore the growing ache in her chest. They’d spent months apart, and though she’d put on a brave face, the truth was she’d been miserable without him. She didn’t want to need him or admit that he cast her world in different colors—everything just a little brighter and richer.
Today, they stood in the middle of a clearing she’d used many times already. The artifacts of her failure—charred trees and leaves—surrounded them. Rabin attempted to talk her through her magic. He stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, whispering in her ear.
She tried to ignore the shiver that rippled down her back and spread through her hips when his lips brushed her skin. She also tried to ignore that scent of fresh earth and sun-warmed grass that filtered into the chinks of her bones. And she definitely tried to ignore the way she wanted to lean against him and feel his hard chest and thighs against her back. To have his big hands wrap around her waist and maybe…travel lower.
“Zarya?” he asked after a moment. “Are you ready?”
She startled out of her fantasies and cleared her throat.
“Yes.”
She held out her palm and focused a thin beam of nightfire into a tree. Immediately, she felt the difference in her control with Rabin standing behind her. Screwing up her concentration, she then directed the light to another tree, aiming for the center of its trunk. Slowly, she wove the beam through the clearing, wrapping it around each one as she spun in a slow circle.
“Good girl,” Rabin rumbled, and she tried not to let that affect her, too. She was tempted to tell him to knock it off but didn’t want to break her concentration. Directing her magic to another tree, she felt it swell under her fingers. A moment later, the trunk shattered, just like so many others, but when she looked around the clearing, she realized the trees around her target all stood unscathed. It wasn’t perfect, but it was immense progress.
She screamed and jumped up.
“I did it! I did it!” Then she spun around and threw her arms around Rabin’s neck as he lifted her up and swung her in a circle. “I did it!”
His hand cupped the back of her head as he leaned in and softly said, “I knew you could.”
Another shiver traveled over her skin, and she became acutely aware of their proximity. As he set her back on her feet, she looked up, their faces so close she felt his breath against her lips. She wondered if he was planning to kiss her, and then was annoyed with herself for wishing it.
“Zarya,” he whispered in a rough voice before he closed the distance, his mouth slanting over hers. She didn’t fight it. She didn’t try to resist. She probably should, but she couldn’t. She was helpless to give in to her wants. She let herself melt into the sensation. The feeling was like drowning and coming alive all at once.
She moaned as he deepened the kiss, his hands sliding down to cup her from behind. His hips pressed into hers and she responded in kind, craving something to fill the building emptiness between her thighs. Her hands slid up his chest as he pulled her closer.
But that’s when her brain finally caught up.
“Wait,” she said, pulling away. “Wait. Stop.”
Immediately, he released her, stepping back, though he didn’t look happy about it. She smoothed down the front of her top and then her hair, attempting to wrest control of her raging hormones.
“Sorry. I got carried away.” She avoided looking into his eyes, dodging the weight of his disappointment and confusion.
“Zarya. What are you doing? Why are you fighting me?”
She looked up, finally meeting his gaze, but what she saw was so much worse. It was heat and fire and the entire world reflected in the endless pools of those dark eyes. She could dissolve into that look and be content until the end of her days.
She shook her head. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I know we had anice time in your manor, but…I’m…”
He pressed his mouth together. “You just controlled your magic. It’s because of the paramadhar connection.”
She blew out a breath. “I think you’re right,” she admitted.
He stepped towards her, careful to keep a sliver of distance between them. She didn’t retreat. In fact, she had to resist meeting him where he stood.
“We need to complete the Bandhan. If you have that much more control with just me touching you, think of what you could do.”
She studied his face before her gaze wandered to the standing trees—the ones she’d destroyed and the ones that had survived her nightfire.
She sighed and ran a hand down her face, realizing he was probably right.
He was the key.
Not only to the riddle of her magic but maybe to everything she was hoping for.