Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
FRID
Irubbed myself with a soapy cloth until my skin started to burn. I leaned back and watched the flickers of the blue light ripple across the surface of the water. Then I unbraided my hair and lathered it up with soap. The bubbly foam slid down into my eye and I swore under my breath.
What in the world? How could that happen? I just handled Victor’s private parts. I clenched my teeth so hard, I thought they would break. What are the chances that he already forgot about it? I lifted the palm of my hand, staring at it as if it was going to respond to my questions.
It was already close to midnight, a couple of more hours in the bathing chamber and he would probably fall asleep. We would never have to talk about it.
“Are you alive in there?” Victor’s voice sounded from the other side of the thick curtain.
I lowered myself into the water up to my chin. All I really wanted was to disappear without a trace. Just wash out with the current of the sacred water that flooded through the compound.
“Frid?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You’ve been in there for a good hour.”
“I’m washing myself,”
“Do we need to talk about—?”
“No!” I interrupted him.
Talking about it was somehow even worse. At least I could pretend that it never happened and I never touched his really warm, very alive . . . I splashed my face with more water.
“Are you sure?” Victor’s voice sounded very close to the curtain, as if he was about to walk in.
His voice was so unbearably gentle that it made me feel even more agitated.
“Yes. Get some sleep.”
He remained on the other side for several moments before returning to bed.
“Just two more hours. Two hours.” I whispered, picking up the bar of soap.
Victor was asleep when I finally got out of the washing room.
He lay with his back turned toward me. I exhaled, relieved but, deep down, if I was being completely honest with myself, I could feel a flicker of disappointment.
No matter. It was late and I needed rest. With that, I got under the cover, careful not to disturb him on the opposite side of the bed.
I stretched out my legs, trying to be as quiet as possible.
Victor did not move. Only his measured, quiet breaths were clearly distinguishable in the dark.
I kept staring at his light short hair that already looked disheveled from the pillow.
When we were kids, I used to make fun of his morning hair, and for some reason it really bothered him.
I knew I was the reason why he started to style it.
He usually washed it or simply sprayed it with water to keep it in order. I sighed, looking at the ceiling.
It doesn’t matter.
What happened between us was just an unfortunate moment of confusion.
It will eventually be forgotten. We are friends, we are always together.
Tynan, Sol, and now Alina. There was nothing that could separate us.
We have already been through so much. Victor will go back to dating his usual type of woman, someone I could never compete with.
And if I was lucky, I could probably find someone too.
I watched the flickering light in the jar on the side table until my eyes finally closed.
The next morning, I was dressed in my flying suit and was braiding my hair when Victor walked in. He was holding a plate with fruit and freshly baked bread.
I glanced at him once, and immediately saw that he was in a terrible mood. His eyebrows were furrowed, his jaw set. He was never a morning person, I knew that much, but this was something else.
“Good morning,” I said, but he did not respond.
I turned to the mirror, attaching the dagger to my belt.
“When are you going?” Victor asked.
“After breakfast.”
He said nothing and only placed the plate on the bed.
He was wearing the compound issued clothes again this morning.
For some reason, I hated how it looked at first. But then, I could not argue that the light colored fabric really brought out his gray eyes and accentuated his muscular arms. He has always been handsome, even when he was a child.
He was someone I could never get tired of looking at.
I suspected that no matter what he wore, I would still find him attractive.
And he would look just as good without clothes.
I cursed under my breath. These unchecked images kept slipping in, igniting my blood, and stealing every coherent thought away.
“I know it doesn’t matter what I say . . .”
I watched him trying to find the words. He was quiet for a long time and I could not take it any longer.
“Look. You think I don’t get it. But I understand. It’s dangerous. Every time I go out there . . . there’s risk. I’m not stupid. I know that,” I said.
Victor traced his hand through his hair. I could clearly see the thin strip of fabric that was wrapped around his wrist. His eyes darkened as he lifted his gaze to me.
I was unsure how to deal with this new version of Victor. He always had a quick wit, sarcastic was his usual tone, and he was never particularly serious about anything. But that had been missing since I went on the first mission.
Why was he so worried? Haven’t I proven myself to the others? Did he still consider me to be the weakest link?
“I promise, I won’t take any chances. Now I know what’s out there. I’m just going to observe. I’ll get to high ground and monitor. I’m going to be careful. I give Mahin what she wants, and we get out of here. We go back to Darragh. Together.”
He continued to watch me, as if unconvinced, his light grey eyes full of secrets.
“Frid.”
He took a step forward, but before he could continue, a light knock sounded at the door.
I looked at Victor, who never took his eyes off me.
“I need to go.” I exhaled.
Instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around me so tight that, for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.
His familiar scent, his warmth, the strength of his body against mine was like finally coming home after a long and lonely journey.
Timidly, I lifted my hand and pressed my fingers against his back, gripping his linen shirt.
In this moment, I felt safer than ever before, as if I had found the place where I truly belonged.
The knock sounded again, more insistent, but I only turned my head toward the door, unable to let him go. If only I could stay like this forever, stay on this side of the impossible.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered and his soft breath brushed against my ear.
My mouth opened, but all words escaped me. I wanted to say so much. But if I did, I would definitely mention something that I was not ready to face, and he would not be able to forget.
“Frid!” Amira’s voice sounded on the other side.
Our eyes met. Victor’s hands slid slowly to my forearms. Sweet, torturous shivers ran down my spine, setting my body ablaze.
“I have to go,” I whispered, but made no attempt to move.
Then he released me, and a deep, overwhelming emptiness filled my heart as I stepped to the door.