Chapter 50
I’m buzzing with anticipation when I arrive to meet Rook that evening. It’s Friday night, and we’re permitted to leave Amery for a few hours. They even gave us a few days off from training, and my tired body is dreaming of a soft bed, comfort food, and the crackle of a roaring fire.
Almost the entire student body is heading to Sogno for dancing and drinks. I spent years eagerly looking forward to parties with my friends, but none of that seems to matter right now.
When I round the corner, Rook is already waiting. He looks gorgeous and casual, his head tipped against the wall, foot pressed against it, and hands stuffed into his pockets.
When he hears me coming, he looks over, a flare of brightness entering his eyes.
“Hi,” I say, suddenly a bit shy.
“Hey. How was your day?” His voice is low, a half smile on his face.
“It was fine. I was mostly looking forward to this.”
The admission makes my cheeks heat. Why do I have no filter around him? Something about Rook invites it. I just want to be honest with him. He’s free of judgment or expectation.
He gestures to the ladder. “Me too, Trouble.”
I inhale a deep breath and climb down, entering the dimly lit space.
Rook follows a few seconds later. “You’re all tense. Is it me? Or the tunnels?”
“It’s not you,” I say quickly, my cheeks warming again.
Wow, Poet, could you be any more transparent?
He smirks and takes a few steps before looking back.
“It’s all this stone,” I say. “It feels like I’m being crushed.”
His mouth flattens as he meets my gaze, then reaches out a hand and holds it there. I look down at his fingers and the edges of his tattoo peeking from under his shirt.
Slowly, I reach for his hand, and his warm fingers close around mine.
He tips his head. “Better?” he asks, and I nod.
“Better.”
Much better.
He tugs me gently, and we make our way down the tunnel, with Rook warning me about uneven bits of the terrain. I keep one hand on the wall, the other firmly gripped in his.
“Watch this spot here,” he says. “There’s a bit of a dip.”
He looks back to check on me, and his eyes narrow as he peers past my shoulder.
I turn around, but all I see are shadows stretching in the direction we came.
“I thought . . . I saw something,” he says. “Did you hear anything?”
We both hold completely still, and I do hear something. A rhythmic sound that could be footsteps or any number of things: the drip of water or the crack of stone.
“Must’ve imagined it,” he says. “Let’s keep going.”
We board the train and head out, passing through the rubble of the old city. During the journey, I can’t shake the sensation that we’re being watched. It isn’t until we’re concealed behind the rock wall that I finally relax.
I inhale a deep pull of fresh air as the breeze tosses my hair. The storm is brewing, the clouds tumbling, gathering in the spot buzzing behind my heart.
“We have some time,” Rook says, and I nod as we both settle onto the center rock and stare at the horizon.
“What’s up with the claustrophobia?” Rook asks with one knee tucked up under his arm. “Does it have something to do with what Dr. Perez saw in your X-rays?”
I exhale a deep breath and fold my arms tightly across my chest.
Rook touches my elbow gently. “You don’t need to do that,” he says. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have pried.”
“It’s okay. It’s already a very poorly kept secret. My father . . . has a temper. I’ve spent a lot of time hiding in closets.”
Rook exhales a knife-sharp breath. “That same asshole who came to the pledging ceremony?”
“The one and only.” I hold my breath, wondering how Rook will react.
He scoffs and tosses a pebble onto the ground, where it lands with a soft click. “We spend our lives being told how civilized you all are—how the Societies represent the height of human existence—but you’re all fucking animals, too.”
My gaze flashes to his, and he shakes his head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No,” I say, reaching over and laying a hand on his wrist. I notice him twitch, but he doesn’t pull away. “You’re right. If that’s what you’re taught, then they’re wrong.”
He selects another pebble, throws it up, and catches it.
“Why did you choose Aria for your pledge?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Honestly, it hardly mattered to me. It seemed like the one I’d have the best chance of succeeding in.”
That makes sense. He definitely has that whole “fit” thing going on.
“You move and fight like you already knew what you were doing when you got here,” I say.
“Yeah,” he agrees, but that word is so weighted with a million sides that I can’t begin to understand what he’s thinking.
“What did they make you do during your initiation?”
I know I’m not supposed to ask, but I can’t seem to help myself.
His jaw hardens before he answers. “They ensured I would start becoming one of you.”
When it doesn’t seem like he wants to elaborate, I don’t push it. It’s none of my business, and he must have his reasons for pledging.
“Why are you here?” I ask with that thought in mind. “Why did you come to Amery?”
He looks at me and then turns toward the sky. “For my family. For my people. For a chance to give them more.”
His people. More and more, I wonder about his life.
“But you won’t ever see them again?” I ask. “Don’t you have to give them up when you enroll at Amery?”
He shrugs. “I know that’s their rule, but I have every intention of finding a way around it.”
He says it so matter-of-factly that I believe he’ll manage it.
“They’re lucky to have you,” I say.
“I’m lucky to have them.”
I give him a smile. “That must be nice.”
Then we both turn toward the sky, where the first flashing cloud bursts are visible in the distance. I scratch the back of my neck and my arms, and I notice the way Rook twitches. He’s pulled out his compass and is flipping the lid open and closed. I think it’s an anxious habit.
“At least I don’t have to do this alone anymore,” I say.
He stops flipping the compass. “Yeah.”
“You’ve really never found any other Keepers in the Wastes?”
He hesitates for a moment and then blinks. “No, I haven’t.”
I get the strangest sense he isn’t being truthful. I don’t blame him for this, either—he’s probably protecting someone he loves. Maybe one of his siblings is also a Keeper.
“And you really don’t know what happened last time? When we touched?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think that was even possible.”
This time, I do believe him.
“Is there anyone who might know?” I consider Dr. Eze and her research. I’m still sure she knows more than she let on.
Rook shrugs. “Possibly. I think The Shield knows more about Keepers than they claim.”
Slowly, I nod. That makes sense.
As the storm draws closer, we sit side by side in comfortable silence. I like that I never feel the need to fill the pauses between our words. Rook likes the quiet as much as I do.
I inhale, taking in the scent of the storm. That crisp, electric taste fizzes on my tongue.
“What’s your favorite part?” he asks.
“That feeling of being totally alive,” I answer without hesitating. “Like I could crush a boulder or kick over a building or tear down the sky.”
He smiles, the corner of his mouth lifting. “I like how it almost feels like I’m touching the universe,” he says. “Or even something beyond it. I know they once believed in gods, and I swear when that energy courses through my veins, it feels like some higher power is out there working its magic.”
I nod. “Yeah, I get what you mean.”
He looks over, and our eyes meet. The moment becomes a spark. The ignition of fire that might burn us to dust.
“Do you have other family?” he asks, and I nod.
“My grandparents,” I say. “On my mother’s side. They aren’t talking to me, either.”
“Are you close?”
“Not really. We have dinner every few months, and they ask some polite questions about school and my friends, and that’s about it. They send something nice for my birthday.”
I shrug like it doesn’t matter, but it does.
I think about Trinity and the Robinses and how she had two sets of grandparents, aunts, and uncles who were all extensions of her immediate family. But in the end, she’s lost them all, too.
“My mom has a sister, and my cousin Anan is in the third year,” I say. “We see them sometimes. My dad had a sister, but she died before I was born. She fell in love with a Solitude.”
I whisper the words as Rook shoots me a look, his brows climbing.
“Really?”
I nod. “It almost ruined their family. She got pregnant and then . . . he killed her. My parents took the baby in. Raine. So technically, he was my cousin, but he was my brother in every way that mattered.”
“I’m so sorry,” Rook says. “That must have been hard for everyone.” He exhales a wry laugh. “I can see why you hate me, I guess.”
“That isn’t true. I don’t hate you.”
He offers me a skeptical look.
“I don’t anymore,” I say, picking at a loose thread on the cuff of my shirt. “I never hated you. I just didn’t trust you, but I didn’t know you. I judged you based on things other people said.”
He blinks, and I sigh and shake my head. “Plus, you’re right. My family is so . . . divided. So loveless. I sound so fucking pathetic.”
I look away, unable to face Rook’s expression, worried about what I’ll find.
A warm hand lands on mine and curls around my fingers. “You’re not pathetic. You aren’t responsible for any of that.”
I huff out a breath as a gust of wind tugs his hair, blowing strands across his cheek.
I want to reach up and tuck them back.
“I think a lot of people must see a girl who has it all,” he says softly. “But they don’t see the real you.”
His words cut close to the truth, and it’s a relief to have someone understand me.
“Something like that,” I say. “But I don’t want to complain. I grew up with everything I could have ever wanted. I’m not a . . .”
“Solitude,” he says. “You can say it.”
“Sorry.” I rub my face with my hand. “Old habits.”
“Do you really think we’re all so poorly off?” he asks gently. “Are you still convinced you have it better in the Houses?”
“No,” I answer immediately. “Not anymore.”
His mouth presses together as a cloud burst explodes overhead. Energy strikes the earth, swelling into a plasma arc swirling with amethyst sparks. Rook hops off the rock and holds out his hand. I slide my fingers into his, and we take a few steps deeper into the open plain.
“You have every right to hate me,” I say. “For everything. For who I am. For what I represent. It’s all true. All the ugly, horrible parts.”
“I don’t hate you,” he says softly.
“Not anymore, you mean?”
He smirks but doesn’t reply.
“Can I ask you a question?” he starts a moment later.
“Sure.” And I mean it. I want to tell him anything. Everything.
“Do you ever feel like you can . . . control it? The Spark?”
I exhale a soft breath. “I’m not sure. Do you?”
He shrugs and turns back to the sky. “Maybe.”
“What do you think that means?”
“I have no idea,” he says. “But it must mean something.”
His expression is inscrutable, and I wonder if he’s keeping something else from me.
The wind is picking up, and more flashes light up the horizon.
Rook’s hand squeezes mine tighter as a knot of emotion swells in my throat.
I shouldn’t feel so connected to him. The story about Raine and his birth mother should be a reminder, but I’m not afraid.
It feels like we’d be different. But I’m probably getting ahead of myself.
“Hold on to me?” he asks. “Last time . . .”
“Yes,” I say. “I want to do it again.”
Bursts of ultraviolet light illuminate the clouds like puffs of powder smoke. Out here in the open, I feel even closer to it, like I might become one with the sky.
My mouth parts as a cloud explodes and jagged streaks of Spark spear toward us.
It knows we’re here and we’re waiting.
I brace myself for the onslaught. For the agony before the calm, not sure if the last time was a fluke.
We’re struck. I gasp as the light sizzles through me, burning in my limbs and bones, but not with the same shredding force I know.
Rook’s hand squeezes mine, and it’s like the combination of our touch concentrates the power, filtering it through me instead of into me.
Every cell in my body fizzes and pops, coming to life.
Laughter bubbles up my throat. A heightened euphoria that twists and bends in on itself, and I don’t just feel the burst of plasma and crackling sparks around us.
I feel everything.
The sky and the stars and the distant planets spinning in the heavens.
I am vapor and breath.
Churning earth and rushing water.
I open my mouth, scream into the wind, and just let everything go.
A twist of emotion. Of sorrow. Of losing my best friend. My family.
Walking away from everything I’ve ever known.
I chose a different path, and now I’ll have to find a new way to exist.
Maybe that starts today.
I look over at Rook, who’s watching me with a grin on his face. Skies, he has a beautiful smile. It’s not even the physical perfection; it’s the way he smiles with his entire body, like he understands joy.
I wonder if everything I’ve ever believed is wrong.
Purple sparks dance through his hair and clothing. I reach out to grab one between my fingers, but he pulls me toward him, his arm banding around my waist.
My heart races as he breathes against my mouth.
“Rook,” I whisper.
And then he kisses me, and I forget everything else.