Chapter 8
Mike
It had been three days since Cash Callahan, in no uncertain terms, told me I should suck his dick.
And honestly, I had thought about almost nothing else since.
It was making it very hard to get anything done.
I was constantly distracted, my mind always drifting back to those few moments when I peeked through the gap in the bathroom door.
“How’s it going in here?”
“Jesus H. Christ!” I yelped, nearly falling out of my chair. I whipped around to see Maggy standing in the doorway, her hand clasped over her mouth as she tried not to laugh. “Good Lord… you scared me half to death.”
“I can see that,” she laughed, unable to stop herself now. “I don’t think I ever heard our old pastor yell that one out before.”
“Sorry,” I said, running my fingers through my hair to put it all back in place.
“It’s a habit I picked up from my mother.
” I let out a long sigh. “It’s a terrible habit, actually,” I admitted, feeling my face flush.
“My mother always had a colorful way of speaking. I’ve tried to tone it down since seminary. ”
“Well, I won’t tell the congregation,” Maggy said with a wink. “They might faint if they knew their handsome young pastor had a mouth on him.”
I forced a laugh, but my mind was still reeling from being caught so deep in my inappropriate thoughts. Had she noticed? Could she tell I’d been fantasizing about a man who was staying under my roof? A man who had propositioned me in my own kitchen?
“You seem distracted today,” Maggy observed, her motherly instincts kicking in as she stepped further into my office. “Everything alright with your houseguest? Cash isn’t giving you any trouble, is he?”
My heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. “No, no trouble,” I lied, hoping my face wouldn’t betray me. “Just a lot on my mind with the rebuilding efforts.”
“Mmm,” she hummed, clearly unconvinced. “Well, I came to tell you that Beau and Lucas are here with more food donations. They’re asking for you specifically.”
“Beau and Lucas?” I frowned, trying to place the names. “Oh! The newlyweds?”
“That’s them,” Maggy nodded. “They should be on their honeymoon right now, but they postponed it to help out.”
I stood up, grateful for the distraction. “I’ll come right away.”
Following Maggy through the church hall, I tried to focus on the task at hand rather than the way Cash’s eyes had burned into mine when he’d made his indecent proposal. The way his voice had dropped to that low, gravelly tone that sent shivers down my spine.
Beau and Lucas were unloading boxes from a pickup truck when we reached the parking lot. They were both tall, handsome men, though completely different in appearance. Beau was rugged with sandy blonde hair and a cowboy hat, while Lucas was more clean-cut with dark hair and sunglasses.
“Pastor Mike,” Beau called out, his face breaking into a wide smile. “Good to see you again.”
“Please, just Mike,” I insisted, shaking his hand. “And thank you both for all this. You really should be enjoying your honeymoon right now.”
Lucas shook my hand next. “The honeymoon can wait. Sagebrush needs us right now.”
“Still,” I said, “it’s incredibly generous of you.”
“It’s what neighbors do,” Beau replied simply, handing me a box of canned goods. “Besides, I think Mabel might’ve skinned us both if we ran off while everyone else was sufferin’.”
We continued unloading the truck, making small talk as we carried boxes into the church storage room.
Lucas told me about the people they’d put up in their rental cabins instead of taking paying customers.
And Beau mentioned he’d had his slow cooker running nearly nonstop since the wedding trying to help feed everyone.
They were doing the work, that was for sure.
“By the way,” I said as we set down the last of the boxes, “do either of you happen to know Cash Callahan? He’s staying at my place until he can get his ranch sorted out.”
Beau’s eyebrows shot up. “Cash is back in town? I haven’t seen him since high school.”
“You know him then?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Sure do,” Beau nodded, leaning against the wall.
“He was a few years behind me in school. Quiet kid, kept to himself mostly. Then one day he was just... gone. His daddy told everyone he went to live with his mother’s family, but there were always rumors, especially when nobody heard from him again. ”
“Rumors?” I couldn’t help myself from asking.
Beau glanced at Lucas, then back at me. “Well, word was James caught him with another boy and kicked him out. But nobody knew for sure, and it wasn’t the kind of thing people talked about openly back then.”
My heart sank. So that’s what had happened. Cash had been thrown out for being gay, just like he’d implied to Brooks. No wonder he was so angry.
“That’s... terrible,” I said quietly.
“It was,” Beau agreed. “I always wondered what happened to him.” He kicked at the dirt, looking a little uncomfortable. “I wish I’d been braver back then to stand up for people.” He glanced up at me. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s...” I hesitated, not sure how to describe Cash’s state of mind. “He’s had a rough time. The tornado destroyed his father’s house completely that he just inherited. He seems pretty determined to sell the property and leave town as soon as possible.”
“Can’t say I blame him,” Lucas chimed in. “If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be eager to stick around either.”
I nodded, thinking about how Cash had snapped at Brooks, how he’d bristled at every attempt to help him. It all made more sense now.
“Well, if you see him, tell him Beau says hello,” Beau said, clapping me on the shoulder. “And that he’s welcome at our place anytime. We’ve got plenty of room if he needs somewhere to stay.”
“I’ll let him know,” I promised, though I doubted Cash would take them up on the offer.
He seemed determined to avoid connections of any kind.
“And I apologize if it seems like I’m searching for gossip.
He just seems so upset and I want to help.
But I’ll confess, this time I’m not really sure how to do that. ”
“I understand,” Beau replied with a sympathetic nod. “Some wounds run deep. Sometimes all you can do is be there.”
I shifted uncomfortably, thinking about exactly how I’d been there for Cash. By spying on him in the shower like some kind of pervert.
“Well, we should get going,” Lucas said, checking his watch. “We’ve got a few more deliveries to make.”
After they left, I found myself wandering back to my office, my mind a jumble of conflicting thoughts.
Cash had been thrown out for being gay, and then what?
Where had he gone? What had he endured in those years between then and now?
The image of him standing in my kitchen, his face inches from mine as he made that shocking suggestion, played on repeat in my head.
When I returned to the parsonage that evening, the house was quiet. Cash’s boots were by the door, so I knew he was home. My heart raced as I moved through the hallway, wondering if I’d find him in the kitchen or living room, if we’d have to acknowledge what had happened between us three days ago.
Instead, I found a note on the kitchen counter, written in a hasty scrawl:
Made pasta. Leftovers in fridge. Gone to bed early.
Relief and disappointment warred in my chest. On one hand, I wasn’t ready to face him yet.
On the other, the anticipation was killing me.
I heated up the pasta. It was simple, but good, and ate alone at the kitchen table, rehearsing conversations in my head that I knew I’d never have the courage to initiate.
After dinner, I showered quickly, careful to close and lock the door in case he thought I was trying to tempt him. As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, I couldn’t stop thinking about Cash. About his proposition. About what Beau had told me.
I wanted to help him heal, but I also wanted him in ways that were completely inappropriate for someone in my position.
The conflict was tearing me apart. Not only that, but I knew I was feeding into old habits.
Saving people was great to do as a pastor, but probably not the best thing when it came to sexual partners.
Then again, I was just a pastor to Cash… so maybe it was okay.
Sleep eluded me for the better part of an hour. Finally, with an irritated sigh, I kicked the covers aside and got up, snatching a book from the shelf. If I couldn’t sleep, I could at least do something productive. I headed out to the living room, clicked on a lamp, and flopped onto the couch.
The book I’d chosen was a Scottish romance, one they’d turned into a television show a few years back that I’d never watched. But it came highly rated. And within a few minutes, I’d forgotten all about sleep and Cash and had become deeply absorbed in the text.
“You’re still up?”
“Fuck!” I yelped as a dark figure stepped into the room right in front of me. My hand flew to my chest, my heart pounding a mile a minute. That was the second time in a single day someone had snuck up on me. “Good God…” I heaved, trying to regulate my breathing. “You scared me half to death.”
But Cash was grinning from ear to ear. “Never heard a preacher say fuck before,” he nodded. “You do that in your sermons too?”
“No,” I answered, feeling my cheeks burn. “I try to keep my sermons PG. Bad habit from my mother. She was a sailor in a past life, I swear.”
Cash chuckled, moving further into the light. He wore only a pair of loose pajama pants that hung low on his hips, revealing that perfect V-line I’d glimpsed in the shower. Dark hair trailed over his chest, down his abdomen, and dove under the waistline of his pants. My mouth went dry.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, dropping into the armchair across from me, his legs spread wide.
“Not really,” I admitted, closing my book and setting it aside. “Too much on my mind.”
His eyes, dark in the dim light, studied me with an intensity that made my skin tingle. “Like what?”
I swallowed hard. “The usual,” I lied. “Town rebuilding. People who need help.” I paused. “Saw Beau Turner today. He said to tell you hello.”
Something flickered across Cash’s face. It looked like surprise maybe, or nostalgia. “Beau, huh? Didn’t think he’d remember me.”
“He does. Said you’re welcome at his place anytime if you need somewhere to stay. He just got married last week to Lucas Greene. Though I guess it’s Lucas Turner now.”
Cash’s expression shifted from surprise to anger as he snorted. “I’m fine right where I am.” His eyes locked with mine, and heat crawled up my neck. “Unless you want me to leave?”
“No,” I said too quickly. “I mean, you’re welcome here as long as you need.”
The silence between us stretched, charged with something dangerous. I tried not to meet his gaze, worried he might see through me far too easily.
“It seems this town is a lot more accepting than it used to be,” I offered. “Beau, Brooks, Colt… they’ve all found love here and everyone seems to love them.”
“Yeah well,” Cash scoffed. “Good for fuckin’ them.”
“Maybe things have changed.”
“Careful pastor,” he growled. “Your ignorance is showin’.”
“Ignorance?” I looked up, meeting his gaze this time. His arms were crossed and his muscles were tight with tension. “Then enlighten me, Cash. Tell me what I don’t understand about your situation.”
“Everything, probably.”
“I know your father caught you with a friend and kicked you out,” I said. “And that nobody has seen you since.”
“You goin’ around town askin’ about me now?” He sat up in the chair, his anger blossoming once more. “That’s none of your fuckin’ business, you know?”
“I didn’t go asking around about you,” I said defensively, though my face flushed with guilt. “Beau brought it up when I mentioned you were staying with me.”
“And you just happened to mention me, huh?” Cash uncrossed his arms, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The movement made his abs flex, and I had to force myself to maintain eye contact. “What else did good ol’ Beau have to say about me?”
“Just that you disappeared suddenly. That there were rumors about why.” I swallowed hard. “Look, I’m not trying to pry into your business. I just... I want to understand.”
“Why?” His voice was sharp as a blade. “So you can save my soul? Fix the poor broken gay boy?”
“No,” I said, even though he’d hit upon a truth I’d long known about myself. “Because I care.”
Cash laughed, a harsh sound that held no humor. “You don’t even know me, Pastor.”
“I’d like to.”
The words hung between us, loaded with meaning I hadn’t intended but couldn’t deny. Cash’s eyes darkened, and he stood up slowly, like a predator stalking prey. My heart hammered against my ribs as he moved toward me, each step deliberate.
“You want to know me?” he asked, his voice dropping to that dangerous octave that made my insides melt. “Or you want to know what I taste like?”
I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. He was standing over me now, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his bare chest. My eyes traveled up the trail of dark hair to his collarbone, his throat, the stubble on his jaw, finally meeting his gaze.
“I… I don’t know,” I whispered, unable to admit it.
Cash’s expression shifted, surprise briefly flickering across his features before settling back into that intense stare.
He ran his right hand through his chest hair, allowing it to slip down his torso, his eyes never leaving mine.
Then, hooking his thumbs in his waistband, he slowly began to inch them down.
I should’ve stopped him, should’ve said something. But I couldn’t. I was frozen, my gaze locked on his as the heat of him seemed to wash over me. He was so close I could smell his natural scent, something like leather and cheap cologne. But it didn’t matter to me, I loved it. I was drunk with it.
And then, without a single syllable uttered between us, his pajama pants slid low enough that his cock slipped free, already half-hard and gathering pre-cum at the tip.
I swallowed hard, unable to look away.
And Cash, a wicked grin on his face, leaned his hips forward, letting the tip of his thick cock brush against my lips. I let out a small gasp, the pre-cum moist on my lower lip. Without thinking, I licked it away, the taste of him sweet and musky on my tongue.
“Huh,” he grunted, pulling away as my lips parted. “That’s what I thought.” Then, to my dismay, he stuffed his cock away and headed back to his room. “Goodnight, Pastor.”
I was left sitting here, slack jawed with the taste of his cock still on my lips. There was only one thought in my mind.
Cash Callhan. And how much I needed him.