19. Cassidy
Chapter 19
Cassidy
A fter dropping piles of wood off to the locals, we made our way back home to the cabin. The snow had begun to slowly melt away the frostbitten blanket of white, revealing a few streaks of green beneath. Apparently, it’d been unusual to receive this much snow at this time of year. But part of me secretly enjoyed the days. In Manhattan it might’ve hindered my social life but here I could appreciate its beauty.
It was so different to most vacations or places I’d been. My schedule was always busy with social events and for the first time in a long time, I kind of had nothing to do. I still had so much to figure out but I didn’t feel as stressed about my whereabouts or how I might step forward. I just had to believe it was going to work out, and by the time I had to move on, I’d have my pay check and could take it from there.
I stared at my cell. Eric had installed the new sim card, and so I’d messaged Clover and Issobelle to tell them I was safe in my travels and asked if anything exciting was happening in Manhattan since I’d left.
I realized then there was no one else I particularly wanted to reach out to. I was surrounded by so many people in Manhattan, and yet I genuinely thought the only two who cared about my whereabouts and safety were those two.
I also sent Alice a short and cryptic message. May be longer. Got stuck on the way but having fun. It’s such a vibe! The reality was I didn’t trust her not to inform my parents or Frederick about my whereabouts.
A light tension filled the truck. It wasn’t unusual for Eric and me to sit in comfortable silence. In fact, it was one of Eric’s favorite pastimes, but right now I’d actively avoided conversation, too scared he’d see straight through me and the discussion I’d had with Ann and Patrice. Eric had been right, the folk here loved to gossip and now that I had all of this information about his deepest darkest downfalls, I wasn’t sure what to do with it—if anything at all. I couldn’t mention it if he hadn’t told me himself, right?
And besides, what could I do to help? Wouldn’t he hate my pity? Spite my curiosity? And yet all I wanted to do was give the big tower of a man a hug. I’m sure someone had been there to support him through it all, but I wanted to convey my apologies and tell him that situation was never okay.
“You’re awfully quiet today.” His voice was like an electric shock slicing through the air and straight into the pit of my stomach.
“Am I?” I squeaked. He side-eyed me.
“I have a question for you, and I want you to answer me honestly or as much as you can.”
That statement alone had my heart racing. Crap. Did he know about the conversation I’d had with those gossipers. But how? Then again, Eric seemed like the type of man to find out everything.
“A man dropped by today in the café looking for you.”
I stopped wringing my fingers together. This wasn’t about Eric? And a man looking for me? Shock and a cold chill ran through me. What if it was him? My breath hitched, mortified at what Eric might say next. But instead, he sat in silence. It was far more effective and revealing than I’d like to admit. It made me uncomfortable as he waited for an answer. His one simple statement suddenly felt like an interrogation.
“That’s a statement not a question,” I deflected. He gave me one of his grumpy effective side glances.
“Is there any particular reason why he might be looking for you that I need to know? Will it affect the town?”
Ah. The town. Of course. After losing everything before, wouldn’t the town always be his priority? I was still an outsider, after all. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat, trying to act nonchalant, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. It unnerved me because I knew his answer before he’d even given it.
“What was his name?” My voice was small, and I began running my finger down the door handle trying to act blasé as I stared out the window. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him.
“Frederick Taylor.”
My blood ran cold and my hand furled around the handle. A wave of nausea passed through me. Had he seen me? If he had though, he would’ve confronted me, right? How many years had I been running away from him, now? He was going to be angry and that wasn’t even the worst of it.
“Did you say you knew me?” I asked in the quietest of voices—foreign to even me. I couldn’t break out a smile or pretend like it was okay. My body headed automatically into fight-or-flight response.
“No,” Eric growled out, and I stared at him, aroused and terrified by his dominant tone. Heat filled my lower abdomen. In his own way, without realizing it or caring to admit, had he been protecting me? All the while I was gossiping about his con ex-girlfriend.
“He’s someone I can’t get caught up with again. I guess you could describe him as an ex of sorts.” Bile crept into my throat just by referring him as that. I closed my eyes, praying that Eric wouldn’t ask any more questions. I hadn’t had to deal with my parents or even the mention of Frederick for three years now. That’s how long I’d been in Manhattan, and yet I still wasn’t ready to face any of them.
A warm hand covered mine and squeezed. My eyes burst open, and I stared at Eric. “If you’re in trouble, I need to know.”
Involuntary tears welled in my eyes. I’d waited for so long for someone to sincerely offer me that help, drowning under paranoia that Frederick would show up in Manhattan at any time. But after a year, I’d realized they didn’t care and no one would come. Until now. And even so, it’d felt so long since I was associated with that world that I never thought to bring it up in conversation or entertain it to my new group of friends I’d made in Manhattan.
By the time we’d arrived at the cabin, tears had slipped down my cheeks at the thought and release of all the pent-up emotions and fears I’d held back for so long. Eric pulled on the handbrake, a fiery rage burning through his beautiful green eyes.
“I’m sorry it’s dumb,” I vigorously wiped away the tears, embarrassed. I needed to get out of this car. I needed to forget again. I needed a moment to breathe and bounce back to my usual bright self. “I just remembered something bad is all.” I undid my belt and tried to open the door. Whiplash took hold as Eric tugged me back into the car. When I turned around, his mouth crashed onto mine and everything immediately dissipated.
My mind went blank but my body opened up to him, melting into him as my hands furled around his collar, pulling him in and asking for more. Everything about him was rough and demanding. His hand cupped my cheek as I tried to lean further over the awkward box between us in the car, my thighs urging me to straddle him instead.
He smelt of pinewood and masculine promise, my toes curling at the prospect. All the tension rippled from me, morphing and gripping me with a new kind of buzz. One that promised dirty words and thick masculine thighs spreading my own.
I bit down on his bottom lip with a groan and both of our eyes sprang open, breaking the spell. He pulled back, a small growl rumbling through his core. My body quaked in anticipation. I was breathless, my hair a mess. His thick, calloused thumb rubbed against my cheekbone as realization dawned on us. Did we just… kiss?
My mouth opened and then closed. For the first time ever, I was speechless.
“I don’t like seeing you cry,” he said. Simple and matter of fact.
“So you kiss women into silence?” I hiccupped, still in disbelief.
“No, I usually kiss them into submission,” he growled.
My core flooded, my pussy pounding with the first real excitement it had since… well a long time. Sure, I’d been celibate for three months, but even before then I’d been going through the motions with men. All types of men. But there was a hungry need and urgency that filled me now. I felt wanted by Eric. And as I dipped my gaze to the hard bulge in his jeans, I realized that couldn’t be any clearer.
He slipped away his hand and jerked open the door. I sat there stunned. What was happening?
I kicked my own door open. “What was that?” I asked, still in a dreary state.
“It was a mistake. It’s not a good idea if you and I get involved, snowflake.”
As quickly as it happened, I was rejected in the same breath. I felt stunned and frozen in the snow, moving mechanically to open the door for Shadow.
“And trust me when I say it’s in your best interest,” Eric reinforced matter–of-factly. All passion had drained from him, and he’d returned to his stoic state.
I snorted. “It’s not you, it’s me, right? What a classic line.” And one I’d grown too accustomed to hearing. As uncomfortable as the rejection was, I found myself grateful for one thing. Despite Eric’s confusing methods, that cold gripping terror had vanished, and he didn’t look like he was about to press for any more answers about my past. For now.
“Trust me, I’m not the one for you,” Eric said as he all but ran for the door, leaving me and Shadow behind by the still open and unlocked truck. We gave one another a dubious look. Shit, I knew I’d scared off men in the past, but this was a whole new level. And yet I couldn’t help reach for my lip, reliving that moment of pure intoxication. I felt alive and hot. And despite his words, my heart and pussy pounded defiantly, demanding more, now that it had a taste of what was possible. I found it difficult to believe his words when his actions had told me something entirely different.
I wanted to slap my cheeks in an attempt to calm my libido down. I’d sworn to celibacy until I found the right man. For once, I wasn’t using my body first. Wouldn’t this be betraying that notion? I realized after two dates, most didn’t bother to stick around in the past three months when I didn’t put out.
Was this any different? Or could it be that it was a convenience for him to have a woman in his cabin and why not? But if that had been the case… he wouldn’t have run away so easily. Right?