25. Cassidy
Chapter 25
Cassidy
T he truck jolted beneath us. True to his word, Eric excused us two hours after we’d arrived at his family home. His brothers had booed him for being such a buzzkill as we left. And despite his complaints, I had the impression Eric enjoyed his time with his family but there was something that niggled at me. If he came all this way once a year for an entire month to help his mother and the family business, then why didn’t he visit them more often? Why did Eric choose to live in solitude during that time?
“I think my family really liked you. My mother’s going to be asking you to go over every day now until you leave,” he huffed as if the thought irked him.
I laughed. “They’re a lot of fun.”
“They’re loud.”
“And fun.” I nudged him. “And I wouldn’t mind keeping your mother company. She was very welcoming.”
His chest puffed out in slight pride. Although loud, and maybe a little wild, his family were loving and welcoming. But that little nuisance kept niggling at me. Before I lost courage, I asked, “Why don’t you see your mother often?” I stared at the road ahead of us. I’d learnt to admire the beauty and scenery, although at nighttime, it was rather eerie. Especially with the unknown howl last night. It was a reminder that up here in the mountain we were not alone.
He grimaced, looking through the rearview mirror at Shadow. Where he might’ve once told me it was none of my business or ask why I even cared, he looked conflicted with himself, and a small seed of hope sprang forth. Maybe he would tell me about his ex or perhaps there was another reason. And I don’t know why I so desperately wanted to hear it from his mouth instead of gossip. It was strange in the way; I felt protective of him even though I had no claim over him. Who he was all those years ago had nothing to do with me, and yet I wanted to protect him from all the hurt he must’ve endured.
The moment I saw him start to pull away, I impulsively grabbed his hand that rested on the center console between us. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” I added. “I know all I do is talk but you’d be surprised at how good of a listener I am.”
He offered me a small smile. “I have no doubt you are, snowflake.” A heavy sigh echoed through him and just when I thought he’d say nothing at all, his small voice filled the truck. “Guilt mostly.”
My eyebrows crinkled together. He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over my hand. This thing with Eric—this retreat into healing and companionship—was starting to unfurl a wishful hope in my heart, more intense than I’d had with other men. But again, I wasn’t sure if I could trust that. Logistically, it was impossible. He and I lived completely different lives. And yet when I leaned forward and hinged on what he might say next, I realized my heart had thrown itself in too deep once again. It was attached and hopeful, probably to another man who wouldn’t keep it safe.
“Guilt about what?” I prodded, trying to run away from my own hurtful realizations. I had the distinct feeling that Eric didn’t express himself often and whatever he was willing to give me, I’d accept.
His hand tightened around mine, a reflex he probably wasn’t even aware of. “I got mixed up in a bad relationship when I was younger with a con woman. After dating her for two years she’d managed to write all our family businesses into her name and she fled. As the oldest son, they’d been passed down to me and I fucked it up.
I hadn’t realized she’d been changing the papers. It took us a few years to get the businesses back but it cost my parents a lot in the process. And I’ve never forgiven myself for that. How could I? It jeopardized everything my family had worked so hard towards.”
I placed my other hand on his big forearm, adjusting myself as the silence began to eat away at us. “Eric, you never meant for that to happen. That’s a long time to hate yourself for something anyone could’ve done in a young relationship.”
He shook his head to disagree. “It’s because I was stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” I argued. It surprised me to even hear him say that. “How did she do it?” It might’ve been the wrong thing to ask but I was curious. Eric now ran a reputable company in Chicago from what his siblings had bragged about tonight. How could someone so smart be tricked?
He looked back through the rearview mirror again, staring at Shadow as if for some kind of support.
“I’m dyslexic, Cassidy.” My eyebrows crinkled in confusion. Is this why he’d thought he was stupid? “I let her handle all my paperwork. And I’ve never let anyone look over my paperwork and documentation ever since. Sure, it takes me a hell of lot longer but I’ll never fall for that again.”
Silence filled the truck. I wasn’t sure entirely what to say. How could I prove to him that he was incredible? I didn’t know what it was like to be dyslexic because I’d never experienced it but I certainly didn’t want him thinking he was less than because of it. “Can you explain it to me?” He briefly glanced my way, skeptical and vulnerable. “Help me better understand,” I elaborated quietly.
After another moment of silence, he quietly forfeited and said, “Sometimes the words just jumble together and it takes me a while to make sense of it. It’s taken me a long time but I used to use it as an excuse until all of that happened. Such a stupid weakness to have. So now it just takes me longer. If I’m tired, its worse.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid, Eric, and I don’t want you to keep saying that.” I patted his hand. I hated how he beat himself up. Hated that I couldn’t do anything to support him and although I wanted to offer to read things for him, I realized that had been what got him in such a predicament those many years ago. “I imagined it wasn’t just because of your dyslexia, Eric. Con people are good at what they do. Even if you weren’t dependant on her reading your documents for you, she would’ve found a way. My dad’s basically that type of businessman. I watched him manipulate a handful of business partners over the years. A con person is a con person, it has nothing to do with your intelligence and all to do with them. You’re an intelligent man. Although perhaps a little broody.”
I chuckled at the small pulse in his temple. “But I doubt your parents hold this against you. Especially your mother. I think if anything she’d want to see more of you. But you can’t keep hating yourself for something you couldn’t have navigated around differently. You’re a successful businessman now, leave the past in the past and move on as best as you can.”
He seemed to consider that for a moment, his thumb began to brush over mine again absentmindedly. “I think for someone who’s great at listening you still have a lot to say.”
“Hey!” I shouted, a dimpled smile forming.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “It sounds different when coming from you. Everyone’s said similar things to me but… I don’t know, thank you.” A slight flush spread across his cheeks. “Is your father really like that? He sounds like a right dick.”
I chuckled. “People have called him worse.” I realized as the silence filled again that it wasn’t entirely fair that Eric shared something so personal and that I didn’t offer anything in return. But I hadn’t spoken about my parents to anyone in years. All those swirling mixed emotions had been neatly tucked away in a box not to be seen until I had to face them head on. And yet part of me knew that time was already upon me. I was simply avoiding it.
“No, he’s not a good man but he’s still my father. I watched him for years taking advantage of people. He even used my mother’s parents in the same way. They were forced into an arranged marriage and I’m their only child from a loveless agreement.” I might’ve been his heiress but I was nothing but a bargaining chip as well. “I left home three years ago and have lived in Manhattan and haven’t spoken to them since. He used and took advantage of a lot of people, it’s just how he does business, and yet for the most part I’ve lived off that money my entire life. I was raised on a lifestyle, judged the means to get it but still used the money because I was accustomed to it.” I half-heartedly laughed at myself. Even when I’d applied to work myself, I could never survive off the wage it offered me, so I didn’t give up anything at all, I simply ran away. “Isn’t that a cop-out? It makes me as bad as him I suppose.”
“No,” Eric said firmly. “You’re nothing like him.”
“You don’t even know him.”
“I don’t need to, to know that the man you’re describing is nothing like you. And who cares if you use the family money, we all come from different advantages in life. You shouldn’t beat yourself up because of the hand you were dealt.”
“I could say the exact same thing to you.”
He looked over at me, those forest-green eyes all consuming. I felt so small beside him, even in the truck. He just filled every space, in every room, drawing everyone to him and the only one that was pushing them all away was him. And I knew in time he would do the same to me. I don’t even recall when I started looking for him in every room.
I stared down at our entwined hands. I wanted Eric, there was no denying it, but I didn’t trust my heart amongst all of this. My body responded to his, fantasizing every hour what it might be like to have him in bed. To climb him like a tree. But I knew if I did, I’d only put my heart on the line. But hadn’t I already?
“I like you, Eric,” I admitted out loud. I’d never been good at hiding my feelings, so why try now? Men never gave me what I wanted in return, but I couldn’t change who I was overnight. I watched my parents’ loveless marriage with no communication and I’d vowed to be the opposite of that. And up until now, it’d always been my undoing. I’d learnt honesty and expressing feelings wasn’t always reciprocated.
“I like you too, Cassidy,” Eric replied. My heart fluttered and my stomach swirled with warmth. It was childish but pure. Intense but easy. And completely temporary. We only had two more weeks left to spend together and I was determined to at least make him mine for one night. To create a memory with this man who’d taken me in expecting nothing. Because in the end, I knew he had somewhere else to be and I had a past to confront.