Chapter 29
“You two seem … different.”
Shit, we really were making it obvious that we had practically slept together a few nights ago. His arm was tight around me instead of on the back of the couch, where it usually was. My finger was drawing shapes on his leg. And we’d just barely sat down!
If anything, this would just cement the idea in her head that we were an engaged couple.
Right? Or she’d think her premarriage program had done its job of bringing us closer together.
I felt bad that I had done such a terrible job for Tara in this quest of ours.
Maybe Elijah and I were never good candidates for the task.
Our chemistry was too strong. I internally rolled my eyes at my silly schoolgirl romantic thoughts.
“Different how?” Elijah asked. His voice seemed sincere, but I could hear the humor behind it.
Did I feel a little bad that we’d been tricking this poor therapist who was only trying to help us?
Maybe. I knew I’d be embarrassed if I found out someone had fooled me for four weeks straight. Hopefully she’d never find out.
“You seem closer,” she said. “Happier.”
“It’s all your killer homework and advice,” Elijah said. I squeezed his knee. Now he was taking it too far. Although maybe, at the end of the day, her homework really was what brought us closer together. Forced us to get to know each other.
“Speaking of advice,” I said, “I could use some.”
“Oh?” she said, maybe surprised at my proactive question.
“Unrelated to this.” I cocked my head toward Elijah.
“I’m a this now?”
I playfully patted his chest. “But you’re my this.
” After I said it, my cheeks went hot because he actually wasn’t my anything, but the words had come out as easily as if they were true.
We hadn’t really talked about what we were to each other.
I was leaving, he knew that. And he was probably just having fun with me in the meantime, I knew that. He was fun.
I clasped my hands in my lap and took a breath.
“What happened there in your head?” Dr. Franklin asked.
“What? Nothing,” I said.
“You pulled back after that statement.”
“I did?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“What did saying that Elijah is yours make you feel?”
“I just … he’s not. He’s his and we are two separate people who have our own identities.”
I could feel Elijah’s gaze on me and I didn’t look over.
Dr. Franklin wrote something in her notebook, then said, “You wanted advice about something?”
“Right … um … my dad.”
“Okay,” she said, waiting.
“Well, let me backtrack. My mom got in a serious accident about six weeks ago, and mentally, she’s not recovering well.
Actually, let me backtrack even further.
My dad left her about fifteen years ago and never came back.
She still acts like they’re married. I mean, they are still married.
But they’re not. She obviously still wants to be and it’s sad… ”
“Sad?” Dr. Franklin asked, like she knew that wasn’t the word I wanted to use.
“Pathetic,” I said.
“You think your mom is weak?”
“I don’t know. We don’t have a great relationship. We were average before my dad left and terrible after. She’s hypercritical and distant and … mean.” It was hard to talk bad about my mom out loud. I’d just barely started doing it with Elijah, whom I felt safe with. I was so used to protecting her.
“Have you ever told her how she acts?”
“Not when I was a teen. I was young and didn’t understand. And now, it seems pointless. I moved away and we aren’t in each other’s day-to-day lives and it works.”
“Does it? You don’t think you should tell her how she makes you feel?”
I shrugged. “I guess I feel sorry for her. I understand why she might feel like that. She is the product of being left by someone she thought loved her.”
“So are you,” Dr. Franklin said.
My eyes pricked with tears, surprising me. “No, well, I mean, yeah. But he’s her husband.”
“He is your dad.”
I looked to the right, trying to keep my tears at bay. Elijah’s hand went to my back, just resting there, warm and firm.
“Do you want to leave?” she asked. “Is that why you’re looking at the door?”
“What? No.” I hadn’t realized I was looking at the door, but I was. I gave a breathy laugh. “Yes.”
She smiled at me in an understanding way, then turned her attention to Elijah. “How do you feel about all this?”
“This isn’t about me,” he said.
“It is, because it’s her life and that affects you as well.”
“I worry about her. A lot,” Elijah said.
I tried to give him the we aren’t supposed to lie look. But the sincere expression on his face caught me off guard.
“What advice about this situation were you hoping for, Sutton?”
“Oh, I think my mom, whether purposefully or subconsciously, is keeping herself sick in hopes my dad will come home and care for her. And I don’t think manipulation is the answer on my mom’s part, but I do think she deserves closure. What do you think I could say to him to get him to come?”
She drew in a breath. “That’s a big question that I don’t have an answer for. I don’t know if there is anything you could say to make him come. That has to be his decision.”
“So I shouldn’t call him?”
“You should call him. Tell him what you just told me and then let him decide.”
“And if he never answers the phone?”
“Then maybe you have his answer.”
“Did you already try to call him?” Elijah asked softly next to me. “And he hasn’t called you back?” How did he know that?
I nodded.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Maybe therapy wasn’t for everyone, like I had originally thought, because this was too much. Too much pressure behind my eyes. Too much weight on my shoulders. Too many thoughts swirling in my head.
“It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling,” Dr. Franklin said.
I gave a curt nod.
“It’s also okay to say whatever you want to. This is a judgment-free zone,” she said.
“I’m okay. I need it to be Elijah’s turn.”
Again, she gave me a soft smile. “Elijah, how did the homework go last week?”
“We didn’t—”
“I scratched the first box,” I said. “But then life got in the way of doing the rest.”
“You did?” Elijah asked.
“Did you do what the first box revealed?” she asked.
“That sexy text,” I said to him. “Asking you out.”
“That was homework?” Why did he have to look so hurt? I didn’t need more emotions right now.
“No … I mean, yes, but I wanted to. I really wanted to,” I said.
I could see the Adam’s apple bob in his throat, but he took my hand in his and smiled through whatever he was feeling. “It was a really fun text,” he said.
Dr. Franklin beamed. “That’s great. Finish the rest of the sheet, okay?
It’s a great exercise.” She wrote something else in her notebook.
“And Sutton, being a caretaker is hard. Taking a weekend away wouldn’t be selfish.
But I’m not going to assign that as homework, even though I want to, because I know the guilt that might cause.
But if you decide to do that, I fully support you. I’m sure Elijah would as well.”
“Yes,” he said, “I would.”
“Thank you.”
She closed her notebook and leaned back in her chair. “You guys picked the four-week marriage prep course. And today was the last day. I would be happy to keep seeing you, as a couple, or individually. Talk about it and let me know.”
“Oh,” I said, having forgotten for a moment the whole timeline thing.
“I think we’re good,” Elijah said. “At least for now. Right, babe?”
“Yeah, right. For sure. This has been great. Thank you so much.”
She stood and walked us out of her office to the lobby. As we reached the door, she said, “Sutton, hold on a minute.”
Elijah nodded and walked out of the building. I turned back. “Did I fail?”
She laughed. “No, of course not. But … what you’re dealing with, it’s a lot. And remember what we talked about a couple sessions ago, it’s okay to need help.”
“Right, my hyper-independence.” I gestured toward the front door where Elijah had just left. “I’m working on it.”
“He’s a good one,” she said.
“He is.”
“And it’s okay to call him yours. Not everyone leaves.”
I wanted to scream, We were strangers and you couldn’t see that so I’m not sure I should trust anything you say. But I wanted to trust her, regardless of her lack of perception. “Bye,” I said instead.
I joined Elijah outside, where he was once again waiting for me at the trunk of his car. “Did you get in trouble?”
“She just wanted to tell me that she knew we were strangers from day one.”
“Really?” he said.
“And that I won the bet because this proves I know everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yes.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I was hoping she was telling you that you need to warn me when texts are the result of homework assignments.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, because even though he was joking, it had obviously bothered him. “I wish I was that fun and spontaneous, but I’m not. I think that’s why she gave me the scratcher to begin with and not you.”
“You are,” he said.
“I’m not. But Elijah,” I grabbed hold of his forearms that were crossed over his chest and looked him in the eyes. “The text, the words, were mine, not homework. And I meant what I sent. I wanted to. Bad.”
“Do you still want to? Bad?”
I nodded.
“Will you come to my place for dinner this weekend?”
“Do you cook?”
“I do not. But I’m excellent at ordering food. Maybe even an expert.”
I smiled.
“So will you?”
“Only if you send me a sexy text asking me,” I said.
He whipped out his phone right that second and, unlike me who had taken an entire day to compose the perfect thing, typed something without much thought and tucked his phone back in his pocket.
My phone chimed seconds later.
I checked the screen:
Are you huuungry? I can get you fooood. His text was followed by the winky-faced emoji and the eggplant one, then his address.
I laughed. “I like you so much.”
He wrapped one arm around my waist and lifted me up, pressing his lips to mine as he did. “I like you so much.”
He placed me back on the ground, my stomach all aflutter. But then I seemed to come to my senses. “But Elijah…”
“If you have to cancel at the last minute or leave because of your mom, I understand,” he said, reading my mind.
“Thanks.” My eyes stung again and I pointed to my car with the key fob I had dug out of my pocket. “I need to…”
He kissed my cheek. “See you later.”