Chapter Thirty
EVEN THOUGH it’s been years since Tad played Settlers of Catan, he does pretty well. He beats Ava (competitive, but made enemies with the robber), Alang (who Stacy boxes in early with road-building), and Stacy (who Alang systematically victimizes for the rest of the game in retribution while Stacy flails dramatically and laments, “I let him pick the DJ and this is the thanks I get”).
Elise wins and Lewis ekes out second place over Tad. “You’re ruthless!” Lewis laughs when they total their points at the end. “Why didn’t you mention you’ve played?”
“I was hoping we were playing for money,” Tad says, smiling shyly.
“Lewis, your boyfriend came in here thinking he could hustle us?” Alang puts a mock-affronted hand to his chest.
“I like him already,” Elise says, shuffling the deck. “Go again?”
“I don’t think my impending marriage can take it,” Stacy says, sticking her tongue out at Alang.
He lays his head in her lap, the sweep of his dark hair falling across her jeans. “Forgive me, fair lady?”
“Mm, maybe. Get me another wine box?”
Ava knocks back the rest of her wine, packaged like a juice box. “These things are like peak bougie millennial culture.”
“Oh my god babe, we live in Bushwick. We are peak bougie millennial culture,” Elise says, fiddling with the barbell in her eyebrow.
Brandishing her empty wine box at Elise, Ava says, “But now we’re reconstructing our lost youth through the nostalgic reclamation of the juice box beverage format, and that’s even more bougie.”
“Yeah, well,” Elise says, “we’re also calcifying a toxic lionization of the past as… ah, fuck, I’ve had too much of this juice box wine.”
Everyone cracks up. It was nerve-wracking coming here and meeting Alang and Elise, and having to be in a Social Situation. But they’re all really nice, just like Lewis said, and—maybe Tad’s beating this metaphor into the ground, but he has a script for this event, because they’re his boyfriend’s friends, and one of Tad’s friends is here, and it just—it didn’t seem as hard as he was afraid of.
Alang gets to his feet. “More wine all around?”
When everyone answers in the affirmative, Tad decides to be brave and gets up too, offering, “I’ll help.”
The way Alang looks so genuinely pleased to have his help is a foreign feeling. Nice, though. Definitely nice.
In the kitchen, Alang pulls wine boxes out of the refrigerator. “Thanks for coming tonight. Lewis is obviously so happy. It’s awesome.”
Warmth spreads through Tad’s chest. “I… yeah. I mean, you’re welcome. Or thanks?” He laughs at himself, but it’s not as self-conscious as he would normally be. “Have you known Lewis a long time?”
“Just since Stacy and me got serious. A few years. Well, okay. Funny story, but we actually matched on Grindr before I met Stacy.”
Tad chokes. “ Um? ”
Laughing, Alang says, “Yeah, we messaged a bit but never could make anything work. And then I deleted all my dating apps because I was so tired of people asking for dick pics.”
“Yeah, everyone wants to see your dick.” Tad turns red. “Not your dick! I mean, maybe your dick. I guess your dick, since that’s why you deleted the apps? But like, the general you. The general you’s dick. Wow. I’m going to stop saying dick now.” Taking a deep breath, Tad says, “Anyway, it’s cool that you and Lewis are friends.”
Once Alang stops laughing, he says, “When I met Stacy it was like I got this whole family. Like I just fit, you know? My actual family is kinda….” He makes a face. “ Traditional . So, yeah, how did I get on this? Weren’t we talking about dicks?”
“Uh, let’s have more wine,” Tad says, still beet red. Then he feels stupid. Alang just told him something personal and Tad acted like he was horrified to hear it.
So, being himself, he makes it ten times more awkward by blurting, “My family too! I mean.” He wishes his hands weren’t full of boxes of wine, because he really wants to cover his face. “My family’s traditional. Or, I guess more conservative than traditional. But. Yeah.”
“People like us have to make our own family,” Alang says sagely.
“You make it sound easy.”
“Well, that’s because I’ve had like three of these.” Alang holds up a box and Tad laughs. “Anyway, you ever want to talk about not living up to your family’s expectations, hit me up.”
“Okay,” Tad says, surprising himself by meaning it. Alang grins and they go back to the living room, where the others are setting up a different game.
Plopping down on the floor next to Lewis, Tad asks, “What’s this?”
Lewis wraps an arm around Tad and pulls him close to kiss his cheek. “Never Have I Ever.”
“Queer edition,” Elise specifies.
“They make a queer edition?” Alang sounds surprised.
“No, it was a Kickstarter for an indie version of it.”
Tad can feel his face getting hot. Lewis glances at him and his forehead crinkles. “Are you okay playing this?”
“Um.” Tad stabs the straw into his wine box. “I’m… yeah? I just, you’ll all want the raunchy questions and I’ll be like, never have I ever eaten cold pizza.”
“Wait, you haven’t had cold pizza?”
“No, but did you hear the rest of it?”
Lewis makes an intensely thoughtful face. “Something something you’ve never eaten cold pizza.”
Ava smiles reassuringly. “You can just watch the rest of us embarrass ourselves if you don’t want to play.”
The idea of the game does freak him out. But also, Lewis’s hand is absently rubbing his knee, and that makes him feel like maybe it doesn’t need to be such a big deal? The two things aren’t even connected, but he’s having fun, and he’s happy, and being around Lewis’s friends is nice.
“I’ll play,” he says decisively.
Stacy cheers, then finishes shuffling the deck and deals ten cards to each of them. “Okay, so we’re playing with the we’re-all-slightly-drunk rules tonight, which is: someone reads a card, and then we go around and say if we’ve done it or not. First person who admits to it gets the card, and first person to ten cards wins.”
“So whoever makes the poorest life decisions wins the game?” Ava asks. “Got it.”
“I’ll go first,” Lewis volunteers, squeezing Tad’s knee. Tad leans in to him to show his gratitude. Since Lewis is to his left, that means if they go clockwise, Tad will be the last person to answer.
A minute goes by while they study their cards. Tad’s aren’t horrible. Mostly. There are a few he really hopes he doesn’t have to read, though.
Finally, Lewis says, “Stace, did you rig this deck so I’d get the most embarrassing ones?”
“Mwa ha ha,” Stacy says. “I wish. Let’s hear it!”
“Okay, um, Jesus, these are….”
“Bawdy,” Ava says gleefully.
Lewis makes an apologetic face at Tad and reads, “Never have I ever been to a sex party.”
Next to Lewis, Stacy shakes her head. Alang does the same, as does Ava. Elise, however, sighs loudly. “Point to me?”
“WHAT?” Stacy shrieks.
Elise snatches the card from Lewis. “I went out with this girl who was really into kink. I was trying to support her interests.”
Stacy goes next. She picks her card out of her hand with a flourish and says, “Never have I ever gotten a blowjob at a glory hole. No, I can’t say that I have.”
Neither has anyone else, it turns out, so into the discard pile it goes. Alang and Ava both choose tame cards— never have I ever marched in a Pride parade (Ava has, so she gets the point) and never have I ever watched a movie just because it was gay (Elise gets that one, which everyone boos at because they’ve all done that).
When Tad’s turn comes around, he reads, “Never have I ever been to a gay bar.”
Lewis takes the card from him. “Thanks, babe, don’t mind if I do.”
They keep playing, their hands dwindling. Tad’s losing, but he doesn’t mind, because as their hands get smaller, the questions get way more embarrassing. There’s one in his hand that he really doesn’t want to have to say, because he’s done it. Surely someone will accumulate ten gay things before he’ll have to read this?
Nope. Lewis and Elise are tied at nine cards each, and Tad’s holding the last card.
He stares at it, throat working. “Never have I ever”—he chokes a little—“bleached my asshole.”
Lewis shakes his head, Stacy giggles and does the same. Alang: no. Ava: “Do queer ladies do that?”
Elise: “I mean, I’m sure some do. I never have.”
Which means they’re back at Tad, and he has to lay the card down in front of himself.
“Ha! Nice!” Ava holds up her hand for Tad to high five, which he does, because what else are you supposed to do when you announce to a group of brand-new friends that you bleached your asshole once?
“We won’t ask for details,” Stacy assures him. Lewis doesn’t look so sure about that.
They decide they need a tiebreaker to determine whether Lewis or Elise wins, and the winner is Lewis, on never have I ever sucked off an uncut penis. He gives Tad a sidelong look as he claims his victory, and Tad feels hot for an entirely different reason than embarrassment. Tad trails his fingers lightly up Lewis’s spine. It rewards him with the most delicious shiver, and suddenly Tad just wants everyone else to leave.
Not that he’s not having fun and enjoying their company. He is. But . He has an uncut penis in need of sucking off.
Luckily for his libido—and his pants, which are too tight to hide the boner he’s trying really hard not to get—game night wraps up soon. Everyone finishes their wine, and they chat about Stacy and Alang’s quickly approaching wedding as they pack up the games. Catan is Lewis’s, but Never Have I Ever is Stacy and Alang’s.
Stacy rattles the box before tossing it into her metallic hobo bag. “We’re definitely playing this again. There are so many things I don’t know about you hos!”
“Which is arguably a good thing?” Ava snorts. She hugs everyone and murmurs to Tad, “You’re totally telling me what possessed you to bleach your asshole, by the way.”
“Never,” Tad murmurs back, but he shoots her a smile to show her he’s kidding. Kind of. If she buys him a few margaritas, he might spill.
Elise and Ava leave, calling their goodbyes, and Alang and Stacy follow them out the door. Before Stacy walks away, she hugs Tad again and kisses his cheek. “You make Lewis so happy. Thank you.”
If he was the tiniest bit cool, he would be smooth about this. But Tad isn’t cool, so a smile spreads across his face, so wide it’s painful. He just got the seal of approval from Lewis’s best friend. That’s… huge. That’s amazing.
“He makes me happy too,” Tad says. Stacy squeezes his arm and follows Alang.
The two of them clean up, talking and laughing, exchanging mindless little touches whenever they’re within reach of each other. Except the touches get less mindless and less little as the minutes go by, until they wash and dry the last of the dishes and Lewis flings the towel across the room. The hungry look in his eyes makes Tad’s stomach swoop.
Before he can return it, Lewis backs him up against the refrigerator. He braces his hands on either side of Tad and presses against him. His body is hot and hard and solid, and Tad moans as Lewis pushes up to kiss him.
Tad grabs Lewis’s ass and squeezes, opening his mouth so Lewis can slide his tongue in. Lewis hooks a hand under Tad’s thigh and pulls his leg up and Tad’s happy to oblige the new position, wrapping his leg around Lewis. Lewis’s cock pushes into Tad’s balls, the pressure and friction making his head spin.
“Totally sucking that uncut dick of yours tonight,” Lewis growls.
Tad laughs. Sort of. It’s more like a breathless moan. “Good.”
Lewis leaves Tad’s mouth to kiss a line down his neck. His stubble scrapes Tad’s skin as he sucks hard, then licks. Tad pants and arches into him, clutching his shoulder with one hand and his ass with the other.
“That was such a good night, baby,” Lewis murmurs into Tad’s skin. “Oh my god, you were the best, and they all loved you. I knew they would—”
He breaks off as he mauls Tad’s neck again, and Tad laughs and wonders if they should just fuck against the refrigerator. “Me getting along with your friends turns you on?”
Against Tad’s neck, Lewis chuckles, low and hoarse. “You fitting in perfectly turns me on.” There’s a joke to be made there, but Lewis makes a tortured sound and leans back to look Tad in the eyes. His hand slides down Tad’s still-raised leg to the underside of his thigh. As he rubs up and down, he says, “Hey, so. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask you something. You’re probably going to tell me it’s way too soon and you’re totally right, but I just can’t stop thinking how amazing it would be, even if it is too soon—”
Tad’s starting to get nervous. “Lewis, what is it?”
“I was wondering if you figured out what you’re doing for Christmas yet?” Lewis asks. “Since it’s only a week away?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you want to have Christmas with me? And my family?” Lewis stays very still after he asks this question, like he’s afraid moving will spook Tad.
Tad’s never met a boyfriend’s family. John’s parents kicked him out when he told them he was gay. If Tad’s honest, he’s never thought he deserved to meet a boyfriend’s family, because he can’t ever introduce a boyfriend to his own. John having no relationship with his parents made it easier.
It would’ve been nice if John could have been a little more understanding about Tad not being out to his family considering his own, but, you know. He wasn’t.
“Is your family okay with me being there?” Tad bites his lip. “I’m… I mean… they don’t know if I’m… long-term?”
“They’re dying to meet you,” Lewis says.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“You told them about me?”
Lewis nuzzles behind Tad’s jaw. “Of course.”
Like there’s no question. You tell your family when you’re seeing someone you really like.
He wishes he was brave. He wants to tell his family about Lewis. Would they like him? The thought makes him anxious. They probably wouldn’t. Lewis is definitely the kind of New York City reprobate who turns your son gay.
“How much did you tell them?” Tad asks.
“Broad strokes,” Lewis replies. “Taylor—my sister—was the one who spilled to my parents, actually. They know we got married in Vegas.”
“And that we’re getting divorced,” Tad supplies.
There’s a tiny pause. “Yeah, I mentioned we were working on divorce stuff.”
Tad’s stomach twists a little at that. The same thing happened when Lewis first said he was going to hold off on signing the papers over the weekend. The really WTF thing about it is that the very first time Lewis brought up divorce—back in Vegas—Tad was hurt. Like, this guy wanted to leave him already and wasn’t even going to give him a chance. But now they’re together officially, not just legally, and Lewis is giving every indication that he’s all in, and maybe he wants to stay married, and… it’s freaking Tad out?
No. No, it’s not freaking him out. That’s too strong. He just….
What if he’s not good enough for Lewis? What happens when Lewis realizes Tad isn’t good enough for him? When he realizes he was telling his family about Tad right away, folding him into his friend group, so willing to let Tad into every part of his life, and meanwhile, Tad was thinking, well, it would be nice if I could tell my family about us, but I can’t, oh well?
“Are you sure your family would really want me there?” Tad asks. “Did you ask them?”
“Yes and yes.”
“Oh.” Tad figured Lewis was inviting first and telling his family later.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. My family is kind of a lot. Like, we can all get super involved in each other’s lives. It’s the Italian from my mom. And my dad’s along for the ride. But they want to meet you. They expected you to come with me to Thanksgiving dinner.”
Tad’s eyes widen. “You didn’t tell me that.”
Huffing a laugh, Lewis rubs a palm over the short hair on the side of Tad’s head. “Thought it might freak you out.”
“It does a little,” Tad admits. “But if you really want me there, I want to come.”
Lewis’s thumb traces along Tad’s cheekbone to his lips, a smile dawning across his face. “Of course I want you there. You’re sure? You really want to come?”
Tad sticks his tongue out and licks Lewis’s finger, which makes Lewis laugh and push his hips into Tad’s. “Yeah. I want to. I’ll probably be weird and awkward but I want to.”
With a happy noise, Lewis closes the distance between them and kisses Tad hard. He pushes Tad’s arms up over his head and holds them there, pinning Tad as his hips rock. Tad uses the leg still wrapped around Lewis to pull their bodies closer together.
“I’m gonna suck your cock now,” Lewis growls into Tad’s mouth.
It takes much less thinking to agree to that.
WALT WAS right about one thing—Tad has to call his parents to let them know he’s not spending Christmas with them. He puts it off and puts it off some more. He ignores his phone when his mom calls him and deletes her voicemail without listening, not because he doesn’t want to hear it but because thinking about listening gives him an anxiety attack that has him repotting a parlor palm that doesn’t need it. Instead of calling back, he texts an apology that he missed her call.
With Christmas less than a week away, he forces himself to make the call, one hand white-knuckling the phone while the other is curled in Hetty’s fur. Mom answers after the first ring.
“Tad!”
“Hi, Mom.” He digs his fingers deeper into Hetty’s fur. She curls into a tighter circle in his lap. “How are you?”
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry about setting you up with Jenny,” Mom says in a rush instead of answering. “I thought because you knew her, it would be fine.”
Of course she wants to talk about this. Tad’s still distantly upset about the blind date fiasco, and part of him wants to point out that when you haven’t seen someone since they were ten years old, saying you know them is a stretch. But if he doesn’t tell her he’s not coming for Christmas right now, he might never get the words out.
“I can’t make it back this week,” he says quickly. It’s like they’re having two separate conversations.
There’s a silence. In the background, Tad can hear music and road noise. She must be driving. “You mean you won’t be able to make it up by Christmas? That’s okay. We can celebrate on a different day.”
Great, the torture is prolonging itself and he has to say it again. “I can’t come at all.” His brain scrambles for all the excuses he workshopped with Lewis, but he’s forgotten all of them. “I’m—um. Busy.”
“Busy on Christmas?” They should give awards for the ability to sound suspicious and heartbroken all at once. His mom would sweep. “If this is about the date—”
“It’s not. Really, it’s not.” Tad’s hand is shaking so much that Hetty raises her head, sniffs his fingers, and gives them a little lick. His pulse eases a tiny bit. “Something came up and I just. I have to stay.”
“But it’s Christmas. What could be so important that you can’t spend Christmas with your family?”
In an alternate universe, another version of Tad takes a deep breath and says, Spending it with my boyfriend and his family, that’s what. In this universe, a perfectly timed call from Callie coming in on his work computer saves him from having to answer. “I have to take a work call, Mom—love you, talk to you later!”
He hangs up before she can respond and lets Callie’s call go to his work voicemail too. Heart still hammering, he scoops up Hetty into his arms and buries his face in her fur. She squirms but also purrs immediately. After a second, she settles, nuzzling her face against his cheek. Her whiskers tickle and he cuddles her tighter, glad she doesn’t mind that he’s getting her fur all wet with the tears leaking from his eyes.