Chapter one #3
I wince. They were nice. They were the first pack to show real interest, not long after I joined the registry.
Their lead was nice and attentive. I spent an entire evening with them at a charity event much like the one I’m going to tonight.
But everything about them was… bland. I couldn’t picture a life with them. I couldn’t even picture the next date.
“Something felt wrong. My omega just… didn’t want them.”
“Your omega is going to get you killed!” she snaps, and we both freeze.
My mom’s not the yelling type. Never has been. So when she raises her voice, it’s kind of terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, horrified at herself.
“It’s okay,” I say, because what else can I say?
“No, Lily, I shouldn’t have…” She presses her hands to her face, takes a breath, tries to compose herself. “I’m scared. That’s all. I’m so scared, and I don’t know how to help you. I need you to get how serious this is.”
“I do.” I really do. I get that she thinks I’m being ridiculous. That I’d rather die than settle. That from the outside, it looks like I’m self-destructing.
What I don’t get is how to ignore the part of me that screams no every time certain alphas get close. I don’t know how to shut that off. I’m not even sure I should.
I don’t know how to make myself pick alphas I definitely don’t want just because I’m not drowning in options like most omegas.
“Tell me about the Harrisons,” she says. “What was wrong with them?”
I try to explain. “They were nice. Said all the right things. But there was something… off. Like they were pretending. Like there was something underneath, and I couldn’t see it, but my omega could feel it.”
She’s quiet for a bit. Then: “You know feelings can be wrong, right? Stress, hormones, fear. They mess with your head. Maybe you’re seeing things that aren’t there.”
“I know.” I’ve thought that, too. “But what if I’m not? What if my instincts are the only thing keeping me safe? And maybe they weren’t dangerous. Maybe I could just tell I wouldn’t have been happy.”
She sighs. “You still need to bond with someone. Even if you’re right about some packs, not all of them will be wrong for you. They deserve more than an instant decision at the very least. You have to try, Lily. Your life depends on it.”
She’s right. But the thought of walking into that room, of trying to smile at alphas who make me cringe, of pretending I’m fine—it makes me want to run.
“The Foster pack will be at the gala,” she says, like she’s just remembered it, but I know she’s been waiting to bring it up. “Brennan Foster specifically requested to sit with you. Again.”
Brennan Foster. Ugh.
I’ve never told my mom about how much he creeps me out. I mean, what would I say? On paper, he’s perfect. Wealthy, powerful, good-looking. His pack has everything. Alphas like that don’t usually chase after omegas like me.
But Brennan’s eyes are cold. Like he’s sizing me up for something I won’t like. And his pack? Jules is polite but empty behind the eyes, Tyler looks at me like I’m a snack. Kaison just stands there, big and silent, menacing. Every time I’m near them, my omega goes nuts. Run.
I know what my mom would say if I told her. She’d say I’m being picky. That I should be grateful. I can’t afford to be choosy, not with my diagnosis. Maybe she’d be right. But my skin crawls just thinking about them.
“I’ll talk to them,” I say. Because it’s easier.
She looks at me a long time. She wants to ask more. She doesn’t. She just sighs. “That’s all I’m asking. Give them a real chance.”
We go inside, and she immediately starts fussing over what I should wear. Which dress. What to do with my hair. It makes her feel better, like she’s doing something, and I don’t want to take that away from her.
I stand in front of my old closet, looking at all the dresses. None of them have ever worked. None of them have ever gotten me what I’m supposed to want. I pull out the blue one she bought last month. It’s pretty in a subtle way. The kind of dress that says “I’m here, but I’m not desperate.”
But what if I’m just too picky? What if my instincts are off, like Dr. Turner said? Maybe the only way to survive is to stop saying no.
That thought makes me feel sick.
But dying is worse. Dying is always worse. Especially for my mom, who’s already lost so much.
I lay the dress on my bed, go help her make lunch and try not to think about tonight. Or about Brennan Foster and his pack. Or about my body shutting down if I don’t find someone soon.
Spoiler: I think about it anyway.
The afternoon is a blur. My mom does my hair, pins it up so my neck is exposed. Because bare necks make hungry alphas, Lily. She does my makeup, working carefully around my eyes. Black bringing out the blue. She fusses over the dress until it fits just right.
“You’re beautiful,” she says, and I almost lose it.
I look in the mirror and try to see what she sees. A girl who could be happy, if she just found the right pack. But all I see is someone running out of time.
“Thank you, Mom,” I say, and hug her. She’s shaking a little.
“Just leave there with a promise to bond,” she whispers. “Please.”
I promise I’ll try. I always do.
But this time, I know what’s really on the line. This time, not trying isn’t an option.
I walk out the door, feeling the promise settle over me.
This time, my life actually depends on it.