24. Serena
Seeing Marina on Sunday put everything out of alignment; she’s like a walking Mercury in retrograde, a human-sized ball of gas that just messes up everyone’s moods and feelings. I tried to put her words and presence out of my mind while I worked with my tutoring clients, but her jabs kept prodding me long after her exit.
I even went as far as cramming ear pods into my ears and blasting The Gaslight Anthem as I worked on my paper, despite typically needing silence and quiet to concentrate.
Casting her from my mind, I ordered a pottery kiln for my apartment last night, which was an extremely impulsive and messy decision. I’m looking forward to having it come this week, just to see if spinning clay in my apartment is the dumbest thing I’ve ever considered doing. There’s something about the clay oozing between my fingers as I create bowls and vases that look more like a Picasso imitation than anything usable that calms my soul.
Shaking my head, I force myself to pay attention to my surroundings as I walk across campus and toward the diner, where I’m meeting Ava and CeCe for lunch before my class with Dr. Forester.
My phone rings just as I step over the threshold of the diner, and I frown at my mom’s picture and name on the screen. My mom rarely uses her phone while working, reserving it only for emergencies and her lunch hour—if she decides to take one. If she’s calling me at one in the afternoon on a Tuesday, something is wrong. Stepping back outside, I answer the call.
“Mamá?”
“Mu?eca, hi. Everything is fine,” she hurries to say as if she knows that my thoughts immediately went somewhere bad.
“Thank God. Why are you calling; aren’t you in school?”
“Yes, but I wanted to call to tell you something before I forgot and let it slip my mind.” She pauses, and I can hear the breath on her end of the phone. “I’ll be out of the house by the beginning of next month, and I packed up most of the main areas of the house and basement. I’m packing up your room at the end of the month once I get back from my conference in D.C. If you’re not too busy, can you come home to sort through your room? I’d like to donate whatever you’re not attached to since we’ll be downsizing a bit.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat, keeping as much emotion out of my voice as I possibly can. “Of course, Mom. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. I’m sorry I didn’t help more.”
“No, baby. You have school and a life; I didn’t call you to make you feel bad. I just want to make sure that I don’t donate anything you need or want to hold on to. You’ll have your room in the condo, but the layout isn’t as open as the house, and I don’t want to make the space feel cluttered.”
I nod as though she can see me. “No, I understand. I’ll be there.”
“Okay, great. Let me get back to work. I have an interview coming in for the varsity volleyball coach position.”
Gritting my teeth, I close my eyes, allowing myself a minute of anger before I get on with my life and get over it. The disdain I have for my father has morphed into hatred.
“Rena!” I open my eyes and turn my head in the direction of my name.
“Hey, guys.” CeCe and Ava approach, clutching their jackets against the wind.
“Oh no, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I offer a weak smile; it feels brittle on my face, and I’m sure I look upset. “I’m fine. Want to head inside? It’s chilly out here.”
I nod toward the entrance, and they both follow my lead, though I know the inquisition will start as soon as we’re seated. I pretend to study my menu as soon as we sit down, though I have no appetite after the call with my mother.
“Okay, time to spill. What’s going on?”
I shake my head, looking away from her. “I’m going out with Jack Thursday night,” I offer, not in the mood to further dissect my shitty homelife.
CeCe’s eyes go wide, and Ava opens her mouth, a squawk-like sound coming out.
“What sound was that?” I can’t help but laugh.
“Honestly? I’m not sure. But holy shit. Tell us everything. Where are you going?” Ava leans forward and grabs my hands, tugging them toward her.
I try to pull my hands away, but she is deceptively strong and has a tight hold. “He said a tavern in Millsbrook? I’m not sure which one.”
“It must be Starbound. They have decent food and live music; Grey’s brought me a few times for their pizza. Are you excited?” She finally drops my hands, and I hide them in my lap, away from her tentacles.
“I guess. I’m not sure what to expect.”
Ava’s brows furrow and CeCe tilts her head at me, confusion marring her features. “What do you mean?”
“He’s a nice guy, but I’m not interested in him.” I shrug, feigning nonchalance, though inside, I’m shouting that this date feels like a horrible idea.
“Do you want me to call him and pretend that you broke your wrist in a stationary bike accident?”
“That was… weirdly specific.”
“It happened to me once. I’ll never forgive Amanda Betts for watching as I fell on a pile of rocks.”
“Why was there a stationary bike next to a pile of rocks?” I am so confused.
Ava starts to answer, but CeCe cuts her off, “She just means that the bike wasn’t moving. She was standing next to a regular bicycle and fell over onto a pile of rocks.”
“You never cease to amaze me, Ava,” I laugh out, unable to help the mirth that swallows the rest of my words. When Meg texted me last night, canceling our lunch because she got a stomach bug, I felt horrible that she was sick and asked if I could bring her anything, like soup or ginger ale. She declined, opting to go home for the rest of the week instead of staying in West Helm.
After Meg canceled our lunch plans, I texted Ava and CeCe to see if they wanted to meet for lunch. It may make me a shitty friend, but I was relieved that the three of us were able to get together.
“Okay, back to Jack. Are you taking your own car or driving there together?”
“He said he would pick me up around seven. I wanted to tell him that I would meet him there, but I didn’t want to be rude.”
“Fuck that,” CeCe provides. “If you don’t feel comfortable driving with him, then you take your car or Uber.”
“C and I could drive you in your car and wait inside the restaurant if you’d feel more comfortable.” Though she doesn’t elaborate, I have a feeling that Ava’s version of “waiting” would include watching us from the next table.
Shaking my head, I reject her offer. “No, it’s okay. If anything, maybe I’ll leave my car keys with you, and you can pick me up if things get weird?”
“Of course. But I’ll drive. Celeste has road rage.”
Celeste casts Ava a death glare before picking up a menu. “What are you both getting?” We fall into a deliberation of eggs versus pancakes versus French toast, though our orders are always the same: French toast for me and CeCe and eggs for Ava. The waitress appears soon after we close our menus and leaves with the promise to return with coffee. Not even a minute later, she returns with three mugs and creamer.
I busy myself making my coffee and take a long sip, savoring the flavors. Even though it’s technically lunchtime, there’s something about a Jersey diner that makes you want breakfast at all hours of the day.
“So, how’s the tattoo coming along?” CeCe asks, pushing her mug to the side.
“Uh, well…” I clear my throat, images of Wolf at my apartment filter through my mind: him watching me, pleasuring me on his knees, feeling him under me. I feel my cheeks burn, and I duck my head, picking up my mug to buy myself a few moments to weigh my response. Taking a sip, I settle my thoughts and look back up at CeCe and Ava’s waiting faces. “I have to wait until my back is a little more healed. I think Wolf mentioned that the first session will be at the end of this month.”
They accept my answer, though I can feel CeCe’s green gaze, so much like her cousin’s, on me. It’s unnerving and slightly annoying, and as soon as my French toast arrives, I dive in, keeping my mouth too full to speak.
—
“Do you want us to come by on Thursday to help you get ready?”
I roll my eyes at Ava’s question and walk ahead of her, racing down the steps and toward the path that will lead me to my afternoon class. “I think I can put on a pair of jeans by myself, but thank you.”
“Hey.” She stops her walk, grabbing my arm to still me. “You don’t seem excited about this. You know you don’t have to go, right? If you decide to cancel on him, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I know, Aves. And it’s not that I’m not excited, I promise. I just don’t want to get my hopes up with, well, everything. Romantically, I don’t think I’m interested in Jack, but this is my first real date. Everything with my parents and the house has just been a lot, so my emotions are all over the place, and I’m trying to make sense of it all.”
Her face softens. “I’m sorry; it’s easy to forget about douchebag Dylan and dickwad Devin. Even Marina fades into the background sometimes. But what you want, who you are, is important, too, okay? I know you’re close with your mom, and you have the sorority now, but don’t forget that we’re here for you, too, okay?”
“Thanks, Aves,” I choke out, emotion clogging my throat.
“And don’t tell C that you have a crush on her cousin,” she whispers.
“W-what? What are you talking about?” I cut my gaze to Celeste, who’s walking behind us, engrossed in her phone.
“Oh my God, you should see your face. I’m kidding. Wolf is an asshole, always grumbling or complaining about something.”
“It’s not like Grey is sunshine and rainbows.”
Ava sighs, a wistful look crossing her face. “No, he’s a bag of dicks, but Jesus, he knows how to use them.”
“And that’s my cue to go.” I pull Ava and CeCe in for separate hugs, giving them my car key before I head to class, just in case I need either one of them to rescue me.
However, if I needed help, neither one of them would show up without their boyfriends, and the idea of seeing Greyson or Dante in my dilapidated car is humorous. The key is effectively useless but symbolic of the trust I have in both of them to be there for me when I need it.