13. Cory
13
CORY
I walked away from another lesson with Professor Romero, satisfied and ashamed.
Every dream I had, I was with another strange man, doing more unspeakable things. Well, maybe not unspeakable. I had no problem speaking my desires in the dreams. Tonight, I’d ended up sixty-nining with a college quarterback in the middle of a football field. What kind of fucked up mind did I have, that I’d come up with that idea?
It wasn’t even the right strange man. I still hadn’t managed to find Geoff from Duluth. And while I was able to remember Noah in my dreams now, I still couldn’t remember who I was, or exercise any conscious control.
Maybe the football field hadn’t been entirely my idea. Maybe the quarterback, whoever he was in real life, was the creator there. But I hadn’t objected. Romero kept saying it wasn’t possible for someone to make me do something I didn’t want to do.
Though, to be honest, I was beginning to wonder how much I could rely on Romero. At this point, he said, he’d taught me everything he knew. He kept telling me control would come with time, as I gained more experience. But by his own admission, he didn’t actually know that. He’d never taught an incubus before.
And to top it all off, I was getting awfully sick of these walks of shame back to my room after each lesson, my boxers sticky. The only way to avoid that would be for me to be naked while I dreamed, and to clean myself off after. Maybe I should suggest to Romero that the next lesson take place in his shower.
I snorted. I was grateful to the man, but not that comfortable with him.
There’s one professor you wouldn’t mind getting comfortable with , whispered the voice in the back of my mind. One professor you’d just love to get undressed for .
I groaned and rubbed a hand across my face. Despite the fact that I’d come not ten minutes ago, just thinking about Noah was enough to make me hard again. I couldn’t stop thinking about our interaction in Combat. His hands on my shoulders, his voice in my ear. His smile, when I’d successfully completed the maneuver.
Sure, his smile had lasted all of two seconds before he wiped it away. But it had been there. It had . I knew what I’d seen.
I just wished I knew how to get Noah to look at me that way all the time. Hell, not even all the time. I’d settle for like, two percent. It was better than the measly 0.001% I was currently getting. Anything would be better than the grimaces he usually gave me.
He’d stuck up for me in front of Sean, though. That had to count for something. Even if he hated me, he seemed to dislike Sean too.
So there you go—Noah and I finally had something we agreed on. What an amazing discovery. What a perfect patch of common ground to build a relationship on.
Abruptly, I realized what I’d just thought, and snorted with laughter. What the hell was I thinking? Me, build a relationship with Noah? The thought was ridiculous. Building one with Sean seemed more plausible, and that was saying something, considering how much I detested him.
I just needed to stop thinking about Noah entirely.
Surely that was possible.
Right ?
“Ugh.”
I growled at myself and turned the corner to the hallway that led to my room. I started down it. I was tired, and it was time to get some real sleep. I just hoped I wouldn’t dream about that monster again.
I was halfway down the hall when I realized a door was open. Not a door to a bedroom, though. At least, I didn’t think so. I walked closer and pulled it farther open. The door didn’t lead to a bedroom. It led to a dark, narrow staircase.
I stepped back and frowned at the door. It was designed so cunningly that it barely looked like a door at all. The knob, such as it was, was a carved bit of wooden frippery, a tree branch with protruding leaves and blossoms, no different from the carvings that decorated the rest of the wall. How many times had I passed this door in my weeks here at Vesperwood, never knowing it was there? It didn’t look like the kind of door you were supposed to open.
And yet, I found myself peering inside again, wondering where the stairs led. It was easy to get lost in the manor, and now was not the time to go exploring a dark, creepy passageway on my own. And yet…
I stepped inside and let the door swing shut behind me. The latch seemed to be broken—it swung loose again immediately, admitting a few inches of light from the hallway. I was grateful for that light as I began to climb.
The further I got from the hallway below, the more isolated I felt. The staircase was gloomy. It felt like no one had set foot here in centuries. I knew that was unlikely, but still, that was how it felt. Like I was traipsing through some castle that had been trapped in time. Like I might end up in a different land.
Two flights up, a small window offered me a peek out on the steep angles of the roofs above the fourth floor. But the stairway kept going up, and so did I, until I reached a door at the top.
Stomach fluttering, unsure of what I would find, I pushed the door open and stepped out into a wonderland. I was on top of the manor, above the peaked roofs, even with the bell tower. Chimneys stuck up all around me like trees in a forest of brick and stone. The roofs slanted away on either side, and everything was coated in a thin dusting of snow. More flakes swirled in the air in front of me.
A narrow path ran along the top line of the roof below me, leading out into that charmed world of stalagmites and snow. Knowing it was foolish, I stepped onto it. I held my arms out to either side. If I’d had any doubt, this afternoon had rubbed in just how bad my balance was. But something had a hold of me. I needed to be in the center of this world, needed to see it all around me.
Snowflakes landed and melted on my fingers. One attached to an eyelash, then fell away and left a damp spot on my cheek. It was so quiet up here. It was just me and the wind, and far away, the sound of Lake Superior crashing on the shore.
Back when Noah had set our Combat class to running every day, I’d seen the jagged shards of ice sheets, broken and pushed up against the edge of the lake. Up here, I felt like I could step off the roof and fly over to the lake to see them from above.
But that was ridiculous. It was the kind of thing you dreamt about, not the kind of thing that happened in reality. I shook my head slowly, trying to clear the vision. I needed to keep my head on straight when I was up here.
The narrow path I was on forked at different places as the roofs broke and scattered in different directions. I chose my path randomly, just following where my feet took me. Not wanting to fall, my eyes were on the walkway when I turned around another chimney. When I lifted them, I sucked in a sharp, cold breath of air.
Noah was sitting on the roof, not ten feet from me, leaning back against a chimney.
And he was jerking off.
His eyes were closed, and the wind carried the sound of my gasp away, thank God. My mouth opened in surprise—and desire. Was I really seeing this?
I put my hand on the chimney to steady myself. I blinked and shook my head. The light wasn’t the greatest up here, but it wasn’t dark enough to obscure my vision entirely. Noah’s hand was at his waist, and it was moving up and down on—
Oh, fuck. I’d done my level best to forget what Noah’s cock looked like. I knew I’d never see it again, and I didn’t want it haunting me. Taunting me. But the universe had other plans.
Not that I’d needed the reminder, I realized as I stared at him. My subconscious had remembered perfectly just how long and fat and hard he—
What the fuck? I blinked again. I was not thinking about Noah’s cock. I wasn’t. That was just pathetic. He clearly didn’t want me, so it didn’t matter that I could see the head of his cock sticking out between his fingers, practically pulsing, drawing me in.
But no. This wasn’t just pathetic, this was wrong. This was spying. Spying on Noah, doing something intimate and vulnerable. His head was tipped back, and he was muttering something too soft for me to hear. Probably thinking about some super hot firefighter or jacked Navy Seal. Or maybe that greasy guy from the Balsam Inn.
But not me.
Rage and desire and desperation welled up in me, and I whirled around, unable to stand it a minute longer. Unfortunately, in my haste to leave, my foot slid against one of the slate tiles and it came loose, clattering and skidding down the roof before falling over the edge.
I turned in a panic, and my stomach sank as I saw Noah staring at me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he said, already tucking himself away and standing up.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I babbled. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”
“Were you following me?” He stalked towards me along the narrow path. “Were you watching me?”
“No, I swear.” I winced, knowing that wasn’t exactly true. “Well, only for a second. But I knew it was wrong, and I was trying to leave, I am trying to leave, I’ll leave right now.”
“No you won’t.”
He’d reached me now, stopping only a foot away, looming over me. In the gym this afternoon, he’d been just as close, but he’d been behind me. In front of me, it was impossible not to notice how much larger he was than me.
“Not until you tell me why you’re up here.”
“I’m not—I just—there was this door. It was open, and I was curious, but I swear, I wasn’t trying to intrude.”
He glowered. It was hard to believe that a minute ago, he’d been sitting peacefully—or, well, maybe not peacefully , but a lot less angrily. He’d been caught up in some fantasy I’d never know about, and I’d seen that naked look of pleasure on his face, and now it was gone, and I’d never see it again.
“You keep turning up where you shouldn’t.”
“I’m not doing it on purpose,” I said indignantly. “It’s not my fault you keep turning up in the places I turn up.”
“Unless you’re following me.”
“Why would I do that when you’re so mean to me all the time?” I said.
Well, shouted, if we’re being completely honest. Noah blinked and took a step back, and I used the moment of confusion to turn around. I made it two steps, and then my foot hit a slick patch of snow on the path. Suddenly, I was falling.
I didn’t even have time to scream. I fell hard against the roof and began sliding down. My fingers scrabbled against the tiles, but they were too slippery to find purchase, and I was falling, falling, falling. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see the ground come up to meet me, and felt a sudden jolt around my midsection.
It knocked the wind out of me, but didn’t hurt as much as I expected. I opened my eyes, wondering if I’d fallen on some lower roof that had extended out below the one I’d slid down. But no, I was still on the edge of that steeply sloped roof—right on the edge, with Noah’s arm around my waist. I could feel one of his knives digging into my ribs.
I looked around wildly, not understanding why we weren’t still falling, and saw that he was gripping a merlon at the roof’s edge with his free arm. He’d jammed his boots into the gutter that ran along the edge. Those were the only things keeping me—keeping us —from oblivion.
“I—I can’t—” I didn’t know what I was trying to say, which was good, because I couldn’t get the words out anyway. My breath came in short bursts, shallow and skittery.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Noah said. “I’ve got you. You’re not gonna fall.”
A freakish echo of what he’d said today in Combat, in a much more dire situation.
“We’re—we’re right on the edge,” I stammered. “How long can you keep holding onto that?”
“As long as it takes,” he said, and his voice was as rock solid as his arm around my waist. “Take a deep breath, Cory. We’re going to be fine, but I need you not to panic.”
I gulped down cold air, trying to will my heart to stop pounding. But we were perched on the edge of a very steep roof, and Noah’s feet jammed into the gutter and his arm around that merlon seemed like very flimsy, fallible facts to hang my hopes on.
“Okay,” I said. “Okay. I’m not panicking. I just—oh fuck, I think I might be panicking.”
“Deep breath,” he said again. Did his voice sound more strained now? How long could his arm hold on? He waited until I breathed again, then said, “I need you to twist until you can stick your feet in the gutter next to mine. You need to face the roof, your hands up, like you’re going to climb it.”
“Climb it?” I yelped. “Are you crazy? We can’t climb something that—”
“We’re not going to climb it.” His voice was more patient than I deserved. “That’s just the position I need you in. Then we’re going to inch along the edge until we reach a ladder over my shoulder.”
“What ladder? I don’t see any ladder.”
“You can’t see it from your position. But I promise, it’s there, and once you’re turned around, you’ll be able to see it. But first you’ve got to turn around, which means you need to move your feet. Can you do that for me?”
Could I? Terror gripped me. We were four stories off the ground. The cold, hard, unforgiving ground. But what was the other option? Stay here until Noah’s arm gave out, and we both plummeted to our deaths?
Snowflakes fluttered around us, absurdly beautiful in the midst of danger.
“I can try,” I said, with more confidence than I felt.
“That’s all I’m asking,” he said. “Alright, you need to start by twisting in my arms, then sticking your right leg out.”
“If I do that, I won’t have any grip on the roof at all.”
“But I will. And I’ve got you, okay? I won’t let you fall. I promise.”
I wanted to tell him his promises meant nothing, this high off the ground. That those were very pretty words, but I wasn’t inclined to believe them, not when we were this close to tipping over the edge.
But the only reason I was still alive was because Noah had seen me falling and come after me. It would be poor repayment to not at least try to do what he asked. I just had to hope I didn’t slip and pull him down with me.
At least if I die, the last thing I’ll feel will be his arm around me , I thought, and had to bite back a panicked laugh.
I took a deep breath and turned, and Noah’s arm didn’t move an inch. He held me fast as I twisted, then stuck my leg out, jamming my right foot into the gutter.
“Good. Now your left foot.”
It was just like in Combat. All I had to do was follow his directions as he took me through it, step by step. Follow his directions, and not turn into a gibbering mess and swan dive off the roof in my terror. Easy peasy.
I breathed as deeply as I could and got my left foot into position. I was facing the roof now, and I’d moved out of Noah’s hold without even realizing it. All that was left was his hand, bracing against my calf.
“Alright,” he said. “Just stay there while I turn around too.”
I swear to God, I was even more scared when he turned than when I had. It wasn’t that I was eager to die a horrifying death, but some part of me had always sort of thought that might happen. Noah, though—I didn’t want to envision a world that he wasn’t in anymore. Especially if it was my fault.
Finally, he was turned around, leaning into the roof and bracing himself with his hands like I was. Snowflakes fell on the tiles and my hands alike, making both equally slippery.
“You see that ladder over there?” he said, nodding to the left. I did see it now, a black metal thing bolted to the side of a chimney that ran up along the edge of the roof. “We’re going to make our way to that, climb up it, and get back to the path. I hope.”
“You hope ?”
“Well, I’m not positive the path connects. But chances are, it does, if someone bothered to put a ladder there. Regardless, it’s freezing out, and our fingers are getting less dextrous with every minute, so it’s the best plan I’ve got.”
I clamped down on the urge to say his fingers had looked plenty dextrous when he’d been stroking his cock. What the fuck was wrong with me? Was I trying to make him regret rescuing me?
I took another deep breath, nodded, and followed him as he began shimmying to the left. It was slow going, and a couple of times my foot waved wildly in the air before finding a toe hold in the gutter again. But eventually, we made it.
Noah inched past the chimney, making room so I could be the first one to climb it. I scrambled up, my heart in my throat, and almost cried with relief when I saw that the path met the top of the ladder, right where the chimney topped out.
“The path connects,” I yelled over my shoulder.
“Good,” Noah called. “Now follow it back to the door.”
I didn’t, though. I waited until he’d climbed the ladder too. If his hands slipped, I wanted to be there to grab him. I wasn’t sure how much help I’d be, but I could at least try.
But he reached the top unharmed, so I set off down the path, my heart still thumping, my ears trying to pick up the sound of Noah’s footfalls behind me before the wind rushed them away. When I reached the door, I collapsed against it and sank down to the platform, my body unable to move anymore.
I was too exhausted, and too scared. Ridiculous to still be scared, now that we’d reached safety, but since when had my body been anything other than ridiculous? I drew my knees up and buried my face in my hands, shaking.
I felt a thump as Noah sat down next to me, and the next moment, I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders.
“We did it, Cory,” he said. “ You did it, and it’s okay. We’re going to be okay.”
I wanted to cry from relief and remembered fear, but I wasn’t going to do that. Not in front of Noah, whose breath I could see misting in the air, when I peeked between my fingers. Whose body was a comforting weight next to mine. Whose arm was still holding me.
God, it would be so much easier to stop wanting him if he would stop showing these moments of decency and kindness.
“Thanks,” I said finally.
“Of course.”
“Not of course.” I shook my head. “You could have let me fall.”
“Why would I do that?”
I dropped my hands and looked at him. “You don’t seem to like me very much.”
He snorted. “That doesn’t mean I want you dead.”
“Well, you could have fooled me.” I looked away, snowflakes dazzling my eyes.
He sighed. “Cory, I’m your teacher. An authority figure. I want to keep you safe, for God’s sake.”
“Not all authority figures feel that way,” I muttered, thinking about my dad.
“What?” Noah said, and I realized I hadn’t been quiet enough.
“Forget it.” I forced myself to stand up. “I should go.”
“I’m coming with you. No, don’t argue. I didn’t save you from falling off a roof just to have you break your neck falling down the stairs.”
It was hard to be angry at that comment when I knew I deserved it. I laughed in spite of myself.
“I guess that does seem like something I might do,” I acknowledged.
I grabbed the doorknob, then looked back over my shoulder. Snowflakes swirled in front of Noah’s face, but I could see his eyes just fine. His gaze was firm and unwavering, but not actively hostile.
Maybe that was progress?