Chapter 8
TOBIAS: Merry Christmas! I hope you’re enjoying the holiday.
Chase huffed after he read the text from his boss, stuffing the phone back in his pocket. Enjoying was probably not the word he’d use. Managing? Handling? Those words were a bit closer to his reality.
He shouldn’t complain, though, because it wasn’t all bad. He’d spent the morning volunteering at one of the local food pantries, preparing holiday meals for families who needed some extra help this time of year. It was something he and his mom had done every year since leaving his dad and Shawn.
It wasn’t easy for them to get by when they first ventured out on their own.
Thanks to the divorce taking forever and his mom being a stay-at-home mom with little of her own savings, they’d both had to find jobs and they’d had to ask for help too.
When they were able to, his mom made sure they did what they could to give back to the people who helped them.
They volunteered throughout the year with different charities, except for animal shelters.
Damn allergies. Since losing his mom, he kept up the tradition, and it always made him feel closer to her.
He usually stuck to charities focusing on people needing food, clothing or shelter, but maybe he’d add a cancer charity to his list, in honor of his mom.
The winter chill wasn’t too bad yet, but a cold breeze knocked him out of his thoughts, making him tighten the scarf around his neck.
He scuffed his sneaker on the gravel walkway as he trudged through the endless maze of headstones.
The first time he came here on his own, it took him an hour to find his mom.
Now, he knew every step of the morbid path by heart.
When he reached his destination, he settled a folded towel on the grass and kneeled.
“Hey, Mom. Merry Christmas,” he said through blurred eyes, his voice cracking.
His mom’s grave was just as he left it, as it always was.
Leaning forward, Chase stuck the bouquet he’d brought with him into the holder by her headstone. The flowers were a mix of red and green, with some sprinkles of gold, beautiful blooms he couldn’t hope to identify but he knew would make his mom smile.
Chase let his gaze slide away from his mom to see where her parents lay next to her.
They died when he was a kid, and he had few memories of them, but he was glad his mom at least had company.
From what he remembered and from the stories his mom had told him, he knew they were loving, supportive people.
It hurt that this was his entire family, right here in the ground where he kneeled.
Shawn was doing his best to reenter his life, texting Chase a few days ago to ask about his Christmas plans, but Chase was still hesitant to let him in completely.
It would take a while to rebuild the trust they had when they were kids, but maybe one day his brother would join him on one of these visits.
His phone lit up with a corny text from Shawn that morning.
SHAWN: Merry Christmas, Chase! ::Christmas tree emoji:: I hope I can celebrate again with you someday!
Chase wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive Shawn completely, but he didn’t think it would take long for him to squirm his way back into Chase’s life. Chase missed having a family way too much to stay away from him for good.
He considered updating his mom on Shawn’s attempts to reconnect, but he figured she’d be more interested in the other big change in his life.
“Mom, you’ll never believe who I’m working for now,” he started, a smile growing on his face as he pictured his mom’s reaction. “I’m the new yoga instructor at Gym Rat Fitness, which is owned by—wait for it—Tobias Moyer.”
A brisk wind ruffled his hair as he paused and gave his mom time to freak out. She was the biggest hockey fan in their family, and he knew she would have been ecstatic to hear the news.
“He’s a lot different than I expected. Ya know how he always seemed so quiet and anti-social? Kinda boring in interviews? Well, he’s not a grump like we always thought. It turns out he’s shy.”
Chase could practically hear the bark of a laugh she’d release, followed by a shout of “no way.”
“It’s true. He’s actually a total softie.
He had a panic attack in front of me the other day and it scared the shit out of me.
They invited him to play in this year’s alumni game, but he’s scared as hell.
I think he has social anxiety. Oh my God, and he knits!
When he gets overwhelmed he freaking knits to calm himself down. How cute is that?
“Speaking of cute, he has the most adorable niece, and he’s a total marshmallow around her.
He brought her in for rock climbing once and she loved it.
He’s talking to me about getting kids’ yoga classes started at the gym, like Mommy and Me classes, but we’re gonna come up with a more inclusive name. ”
He paused, thinking of his mom’s effusive praise, something she never held back.
Another thing she couldn’t contain was her thirst for gossip, like she could sense it in the air. And right now, he could feel her begging for the details.
Chase sighed. “Okay, and yeah, he’s just as handsome in person, and so unexpectedly sweet. And remember how we used to speculate about his dating life? It turns out he’s gay. But don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.”
His mom’s words were so clear in his head.
You should ask him out.
“I’m not gonna ask out my boss after less than a week on the job.”
Okay, so wait until next week, or flirt with him until he asks you out.
Chase chuckled. “You’re incorrigible. I did get him to agree to do an acroyoga seminar with me. It’s acrobatic yoga where you do these advanced moves with a partner, like we saw in that one Cirque du Soleil show.”
He was quiet for a few moments, settling in the silence of the cemetery. He’d seen a handful of other visitors walking around, likely also visiting their lost loved ones for the holiday, but not a single noise could be heard apart from distant traffic.
There was a Christmas wish he wanted to run by his mom, and he figured now was as good a time as any.
“I really miss you, Mom,” he started, his voice a quiet rasp.
“I miss having someone I can rely on, someone who can rely on me. Someone to turn to when all I need is a hug. I know it’s asking a lot, but I hope it’s okay if I let Shawn back into my life.
Not immediately, but maybe a little bit at a time.
You and I were always a team, but now I’m alone.
I don’t—” He paused to take a deep breath. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.
“I’m working on making friends, especially with some of the people at the gym.
There’s this morning class that Tobias teaches with a lot of great guys.
I think a few of them are even queer.” He chuckled.
“And some of them might be queer but haven’t figured it out yet.
It’s weird making friends as an adult. I can’t just go knock on their front door to ask if they want to come out to play.
But I don’t know, maybe I’ll try to put myself out there and suggest hanging out after a class or something.
I just— I could really use a friend right now.
That’s all I want for Christmas, if I can’t have you back here with me. ”
Chase blinked through his tears, letting them fall over his cheeks and disappear into his scarf. What he wouldn’t give to have his mom back here with him. Or to have anyone here with him, for that matter.
“Chase? Is that you?” a familiar voice shouted.
Chase flinched where he knelt, not used to anyone shouting in a graveyard, but caught himself before he could fall.
His gaze snapped in the direction of the interruption to see Riley and Josh standing farther down the pathway, and the shouting made sense.
Josh didn’t have the best control of his volume.
Chase wiped his eyes on his scarf and stared, wondering if the guys were really there or if they were a figment of his imagination.
“It is him!” Josh yelled, yanking a shushing Riley along with him until they stood over Chase. Josh paid no attention to Riley’s shushing, but luckily no one else was nearby to be disturbed by his outbursts. “Hey, man, what are you doing here?”
The guy was way too excited for the setting, and it was throwing Chase for a loop.
“Uhh.”
“Sorry, you have to forgive Josh for his energy,” Riley said while smiling sympathetically. “He’s like a puppy and can’t help being excited to see you. We can leave you alone if you want.”
“No!” Chase shouted, then winced. Apparently, Josh’s excitability was rubbing off on him. “I mean, um, no, it’s okay. I was just visiting my mom for Christmas.”
“Oh, is this her?” Josh asked, gesturing to Chase’s mom’s tombstone. He sat down on the ground cross-legged next to Chase. Riley shook his head and sat on the other side of Josh. “Hi, Chase’s mom. I’m Josh, and this is Riley. We’re friends of his from the gym.”
Chase couldn’t help releasing a wet laugh. His mom worked fast on that Christmas wish.
Josh threw an arm around Chase’s shoulders and pulled him against his side as he continued his conversation with Chase’s mom.
“Chase is our gym’s new yoga instructor and he’s awesome and everybody loves having him there.
Well, maybe not Hunter, but that’s just because he’s the least flexible person ever.
Too many muscles in the way,” Josh explained, like he was meeting Monica Townsend for real.
“Riley and I come here sometimes to visit my parents. They’re not too far from you either if you wanted to meet them. ”
Josh spent a few minutes giving Chase’s mom directions to his parents’ graves.
Chase leaned back so he could get Riley’s attention, and Riley’s gaze found him. Chase mouthed, “Is he for real?”
Riley beamed at Chase and nodded, then threw a fond look at Josh.
When Josh was finished with his directions, he turned to Chase.
“How did you lose your mom?”
“Uh, breast cancer.”
“Shit, that sucks. When I was five, my parents were killed in a car accident. I survived, but they didn’t,” Josh said matter-of-factly, like it wasn’t horrifying to think about. “That’s how I got adopted by the Browns. They lived next door to Riley, so we grew up together.”
Chase nodded slowly. “Ah, so that’s why you guys are so close.”
“We’re pretty much brothers from other mothers,” Riley said, drawing a laugh from Chase.
Sure. Brothers. Keep telling yourselves that.
“What are you doing the rest of the day?” Josh asked.
Chase opened his mouth to answer, but snapped it shut again. He typically sat alone at home moping while watching whatever Christmas movies were on TV, but that was too depressing to share.
“Not much, I guess.”
Riley narrowed his eyes. “Do you have more family to visit?”
Chase shook his head. “Nah, it was just me and my mom before she died.”
“Oh man, I’m sorry,” Josh said, then brightened. “You should spend the rest of the day with us. We’re just visiting some more family, but they always make way too much food. You’d be more than welcome.”
“Uh, are you sure?”
“Definitely,” Riley agreed. “Plus, you being there will keep our nosy family members from asking us when we’re finally gonna get married and start having kids. Like it’s so easy to find the right woman to do that with.”
Chase sucked his lips between his teeth, thinking over his options. Getting to know Riley and Josh better would be a way more enjoyable time than sitting at home alone.
“Although, my family might try to set you up with my sister, Sophie. She is the complete opposite of calm.”
Josh laughed. “Riley calls her ‘Taz’ because she walks through rooms like the Tasmanian Devil.”
“Good nickname. I’m gay though, so it wouldn’t work,” Chase said.
“Cool! A couple of the other guys in our class are gay too,” Josh said, then furrowed his brow. “Wait, that’s not true. Garrett is pan and I think Hunter is bi. And you already know about Cole, of course.”
Chase let his curiosity get the better of him as he asked, “What about Tobias?”
“I always thought he might be ace or a robot, but…” Josh trailed off, his smile growing mischievous. “But maybe not. Only time will tell.”
Riley shot Josh a quizzical look. “What are you talking about?”
Josh only shrugged and turned back to Chase.
“So, what do you say? You want to hang out with us for a bit? At least get some food in you? Our family is full of good cooks.”
Our family. These guys were already married and had no idea.
Chase couldn’t help but smile as Josh wiggled excitedly where he sat, waiting for Chase’s decision.
“Yeah, why not? Let me just say goodbye to my mom, and I’ll walk out with you guys.”
“Sounds good,” Josh said, then turned to the headstone in front of them. “It was nice to meet you, Ms. Townsend. We’ll take care of Chase this Christmas. Don’t worry.”
Josh stood, holding a hand out to Riley to help him up off the ground. Riley smiled at Chase as Josh yanked him off the ground.
“We’ll wait for you by the entrance. Take your time,” Riley said, patting Chase on the shoulder as he walked past, and the two of them headed down the path toward the cemetery’s exit.
Once they were far enough away, Chase shifted to face his mom again.
“You work fast, don’t you?” he said, chuckling. “I guess I have plans for the rest of the holiday after all. Maybe I’m not as alone as I thought.”
Chase stood and grabbed his towel off the ground.
Saying goodbye never got easier, but this was the first time he was excited to see what the rest of the day would bring.
“Merry Christmas, Grandma and Grandpa. Merry Christmas, Mom. I’ll visit again soon. I love you.”
Chase touched two of his fingers to his lips and then placed them on his mother’s headstone, the wind ruffling his hair. For a moment, he pretended it was his mom’s soft touch.
As he walked down the path toward Riley and Josh, he pulled out his phone and responded to Tobias’ text.
CHASE: Merry Christmas, Tobias. I hope you get everything you want this year.
I’m sure going to try to get everything I want, and I’m done facing life alone.