Chapter 10
CHASE WAS DOING HIS absolute best to stifle his laughter, but it was getting harder with every decoration Mrs. Malloy, Abby’s mom, placed around the gym.
The place was unrecognizable, with colorful balloons decorating mostly table surfaces, but also some of the gym’s squat racks.
And with every decoration added, Tobias grunted and scowled like the latex was physically torturing him.
An image of Tobias begging for Chase to torture him with his latex-wrapped cock popped into his mind, but he rushed to erase it.
Now was not the time to get distracted by his unhinged fantasies.
Instead, he was in caretaker mode, trying to make sure Tobias didn’t lose his shit before the party guests even arrived.
When he made a break for his office, Chase followed and shut the door behind him.
“C’mon, boss. It’s just a party. Even you can handle a little celebration here and there. And Cole promised to clean everything so it’s like no one was ever here.”
Tobias sank into his chair and was rubbing a tiny ball of yarn with one hand while the other pulled at his own hair.
“It’s not the party, okay?” he said, exasperated, his entire body deflating, his head falling to the desk.
Chase warily took the seat across from him and leaned forward, setting his elbows on the desktop. “Then what is it?”
Please don’t say me.
Please don’t say me.
Please don’t say me.
Sure, Chase was pushing it with his texts on New Year’s Eve. Texts to his freaking boss about how he liked to control men bigger than him in the bedroom. He seemed to have no filter around Tobias, but he hoped he wouldn’t get fired over it.
With those fears in mind, he never expected what Tobias was actually stressed about.
“I’m nervous, okay?” he said as he swung his head up and glared at Chase.
“Nervous about… socializing?”
“No,” he snapped. He bobbed his head back and forth in thought and then blurted, “Sort of. I’m nervous because I want to talk to Abby’s sister about setting up the legal requirements for the kids’ classes.”
Chase fell back in his chair as he absorbed the information.
“Maybe I can help. I know my way around kids’ fitness classes and can help you with some talking points.”
Tobias dropped his eyes to the desk, evidently needing to think about Chase’s proposal. Maybe he didn’t trust Chase with the information. He hadn’t even been working there a month, after all. Not a lot of time to develop much trust.
“That would be so helpful. I just hate that I need the help,” he admitted, and Chase’s heart broke for him. Tobias had the weight of the world on his shoulders and there was no one there to help him carry it? Well, fuck that. Now, there was. Me.
“There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”
Tobias took a deep breath and gazed at Chase, his expression annoyed.
“I shouldn’t need it,” Tobias grunted. “I let Cole throw this party in my gym for two people I barely know just so I could talk to this lawyer.”
Chase furrowed his brows. “Why didn’t you just call her office?”
Tobias gaped. “Just call her on the phone out of nowhere?”
“No,” Chase said slowly. “You’d probably get her receptionist or something. Her office probably expects calls from potential clients.”
“See, that’s the thing. I don’t know how to explain to you how hard that is for me.
I get ready to make the phone call and I just freak out about all the possible ways I can mess it up.
Then it’s like my body can’t make the call anymore.
Maybe you didn’t get it before, but I know this is pathetic.
However, if Alyssa is standing in my gym and I just have to wait until she walks by to speak, then it’s way easier.
Not easy because I still might fuck it up beyond repair, but easier than dialing the phone.
” Tobias huffed and shook his head. “Go ahead, you can say it. I’m pathetic. ”
Chase’s mind was a tornado of thoughts and emotions, taking in everything Tobias was saying. The one emotion overwhelming the others was anger.
Maybe if they built a bit more trust, he’d be able to offer his own opinion, but for now, he had to be considerate and supportive. He had to avoid overstepping.
“That’s fucking bullshit,” he said instead.
Super job being supportive, Chase.
Tobias’ jaw dropped.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you talk about my friend Tobias that way.
You are the least pathetic man I’ve ever met.
You dominated the NHL for over a decade and despite retiring years ago you still look like a walking Greek statue.
You kick your gym members’ asses every day and they thank you for it.
And Madison looks up to you like you invented happiness.
Struggling with executive functioning skills and anxiety doesn’t make you pathetic, it makes you fucking human. ”
Chase gasped as he finished his tirade, apparently forgetting to breathe as he spoke.
Tobias was sitting there as still as the stone his face was carved from, not showing any emotion except his unshed tears.
“I’m not…” Tobias started, but paused to clear his throat. “I know I’m not great at putting myself out there. It’s the main reason I’m not ready to say yes to this alumni game. I don’t know if I can reenter the spotlight like that.”
Chase took a deep breath in preparation to give his boss some more hard truths.
“I want you to know that what I’m about to say, I’m saying with the utmost respect for you.
Playing in an alumni game will not put you in any spotlight.
Do you know how hard it is for fans to recognize hockey players out in the real world?
Especially goaltenders? The only athletes getting hunted by fans and paparazzi are the ones dating or married to big celebrities, or maybe NFL quarterbacks.
You’ll get approached by some diehard fans every once in a while, maybe, but nobody is going out of their way to chase down a retired Philly goaltender running a gym in South Jersey. ”
Chase waited for Tobias’ reaction to his rant. Tobias dropped his head, his fingers drumming on his desktop. Chase was prepared to be yelled at, fired, thrown out of this gym like he was trash.
“You recognized me,” Tobias whispered, his stare seeing right through Chase.
Fuck.
How did he explain to his boss that he recognized him only because he was the biggest Tobias Moyer fan ever? God help him if the man ever found out about the poster he hung in his childhood bedroom. Chase would be mortified.
Fuck it. If Tobias was brave enough to reveal all of this to him, then Chase could man up and admit how big of a fanboy he really was.
“I only recognized you because I may or may not have been a huge fan of yours.” A knot of tension settled in Chase’s gut as he prepared to reveal more to Tobias than he had to anyone else in years.
“You were actually one of the last things my dad and I agreed on before he disowned me, and my mom and I walked out of his life for good. Trust me, I’m the exception.
Unless people were obsessed with you when you played, they aren’t going to recognize your face out of context. ”
Shit. Chase did not mean to use the word obsessed.
Please don’t fire me.
When Tobias finally raised his head, he stared Chase down.
“And what about if that retired goaltender came out as gay?” Tobias said, and all the fight drained out of Chase.
“I’m scared of being in the public eye. It was something I never got used to and it was why I was so quiet all of the time in interviews.
I’m not a private person because I’m a brooding grump like everyone thinks.
I’m private because talking to people I don’t know scares the shit out of me.
It’s because I’m awkward as fuck. Telling people what to do during class is easy because it’s just something I have to do, and I only do it once a day with the guys I feel most comfortable with.
Playing in front of thousands didn’t matter because I had my armor on, my mask hiding the real me.
After Forsberg and Madson came out, I felt like a fraud.
And I was so close to coming out because I didn’t want my stupid brain to keep me from being someone queer kids could look up to.
But now… Now I don’t know if I can do it. ”
Chase was struck dumb by Tobias’ words. Hearing the fear in Tobias’ voice broke his heart. What could Chase possibly say to ease his fears? Empty platitudes would be meaningless. The direct approach seemed to work so far, so Chase decided to stick with it.
“I get it,” Chase said. “I get why you’re afraid. But you don’t actually have to come out. You’re not an active player. You don’t have to make a grand announcement. You can just live your life however you want. It’s only a big deal if you make it one. You deserve to have the life you want.”
Tobias stared at him for what felt like a lifetime.
Chase was taken aback at how much he wanted to be there for this man, despite how little they knew each other.
He wanted to be the guy Tobias leaned on when he needed it.
He wanted to be the guy to take care of Tobias, someone who’d spent the last three years taking care of everyone around him. Everyone but himself.
After what was likely a matter of seconds that took forever, a surprising smirk appeared on Tobias’ face.
After pressing the sleeve of his shirt to each of his eyes, he cleared his throat and faced Chase again.
“Do you think you can help me talk to Alyssa? Make sure I do it right?”
Internally, Chase was cheering, swooning, melting for this man. Tobias was letting him take charge.
“Whatever you need, boss. I’m there.”
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