Chapter Forty-Nine - Michaela
Chapter Forty-Nine
MICHAELA
THE ALARM BLASTS THROUGH my phone speakers on the nightstand across the room, but I’m already awake. I have been most of the night. I spent about five hours tossing and turning before finally giving up. I made a cup of coffee and sat on the balcony overlooking the estate and the Blue Ridge Mountains. We have one more item on the wedding agenda — brunch — and I’m dreading it. The thought of facing Finn after last night… Facing my brother knowing Finn told him about David before I could. I know I should’ve told them before now, but this weekend was not supposed to be about me. It was supposed to be about Nick and Nina — the only way that would happen was if no one knew about my life change.
I stop the alarm and notice I have two text messages, both from David.
My stomach drops at the second message.
Three offers.
That means there’s a good chance one of them is good enough to settle on. The reality of what that means hits me like a ton of bricks. Until this moment, I don’t think I had fully accepted what putting the condo on the market meant. Or I wouldn’t let myself accept it. Now that we’re this close to accepting an offer…
A rush of warmth spreads through me. Blood pounds in my ears as my heart tries desperately to escape its cage. I try to take in a breath, but my airway is constricted, and there is a pallet of bricks on my chest. I force myself to walk the small distance between the bed and the balcony. I grip the railing. I try to take in a deep breath of fresh air, and it helps a little, but not enough. I lower myself onto the ground and plant my hands next to me soaking in the morning chill of the cement.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Repeat until the tightness in my chest begins to subside, and the warmth begins to dissipate, but now my body feels like it’s vibrating. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I haven’t had an attack in a long time. It’s only stress from the last few months finally reaching a head. I know after today it will get better. Things will be better…
After a few more breaths, I roll my shoulders trying to relieve some of the tension they hold. It doesn’t work, but I have to get ready. Brunch starts in twenty minutes. I need a shower, I can’t show up looking like I haven’t slept all night — even if I didn’t — or like I just had a mini freak out — even if I did.
"Has anyone seen Finn?" Dean plops down in the seat next to me stuffing a cheese Danish in his mouth. “I gotta talk to him about Christmas."
"I haven't seen him since the bouquet toss," Alex says from behind his coffee mug. Sunglasses hide his eyes from the brutal sunshine beating through the windows. He didn't slow down after I left last night. The proposal rejection is still eating away at him, but I can't say I blame him. Can't imagine it's easy seeing your brother re-marry his wife not long after you propose to your girlfriend, and she rejects you. I still can’t believe she said no.
“Finn left last night," Josh answers from his place next to Alex not looking up from his plate.
Dean rolls his eyes. "What the hell for? We're supposed to hang out today.” His eyes lock on Raeanne when she walks into the restaurant. He follows her every move, even tries to motion for her to sit next to him. She ignores him. She seems to be actively avoiding his stare even when she sits at the end of the table. Weird, normally she'd sit next to Dean.
"Had some family shit to take care of,” is all Josh offers.
Family shit? Yeah, okay.
"Oh, Michaela, you're here?” Romy asks with a mimosa in hand and a smirk on her lips. Enzo pulls the chair next to Alex out for her. “I didn't think we'd see you.”
"And, why's that?" I ask.
"Well, when you disappeared with Finn last night, I figured you’d be a little indisposed this morning.”
Josh drops his fork catching everyone’s attention. He pushes back from the table without a word. Conversations around the table have paused at the sudden commotion, all eyes on him as he walks out of the dining room.
"What was that about?" Dean whispers.
"I find it best not to ask anymore," Alex groans taking a large gulp of water.
Elizabeth sighs, folding her napkin, and she moves to follow him, but I stop her, "I got it.”
Josh paces the edge of the patio. He tugs on the ends of his hair, shaggier than usual — his entire appearance is a little rougher than he usually keeps it. Has he looked like that all weekend? Did he look like this a few weeks ago? I can’t remember. Have I been so busy worrying about Finn that I didn’t even notice my brother looks like a complete mess?
"Josh—”
“Don’t.” He stops abruptly pointing a finger in my direction. “Don’t you fucking start your bullshit, Michaela.”
“My bullshit? You’re the one acting like a child stomping away from the table like that.”
“Unbelievable,” he scoffs. “You’re like a toddler who can’t decide which toy she wants, so you just take them all until you’re tired of them.”
Yep, he definitely knows about David.
“I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Josh. I thought I was over David. I thought we were done. I mean, we were done, but then–”
“Forgive me if I don’t give a fuck, Michaela Jane. You know, I thought Finn would be the one to hurt you, but turns out I was wrong. You’re the one who ended up breaking his heart.”
“Broke his heart?” I scoff. “Josh, do you hear yourself? A month ago you were pissed at the thought. Now you’re defending him?”
“I’m tired of your shit. Don’t fucking bring David around because I don’t want anything to do with him or your ‘marriage.’”
"He's my husband, Josh! That has to count for something.”
"What makes you think this time will be any different?"
“You’re choosing him over me?” I ask, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’m your sister! Does that mean nothing to you?” He crosses his arms tightly over his chest, and his jaw clenches a little bit harder. “You’re really choosing Finn? I’m back to the annoying kid sister left behind while you once again choose your friends over me. You don’t want to include me in your shit, but you feel just guilty enough to let me stand on the sidelines and watch you with your perfect friends, in your perfect life, having your own perfect marriage… While I’m expected to be the good little girl who is seen and not heard — that’s what you want, right?”
“You didn’t answer the question, Michaela. What’s going to be different?”
I don't know if it will be different. But what if it is? What if we're able to make it work? Doesn't that mean I owe it to our marriage – to the agreement we made – to try and make it work? "He's my husband."
“Y’know, Finn was wrong when he said you were acting stupid.”
“Fuck you, Josh.”
"Hey, can you two wrap it up?” Elizabeth steps out the door looking between us. Normally, she’d be able to calm the situation, bring us back to our senses and make us apologize to one another… Not today. Today, her presence only increases the tension. “Nick and Nina just got here.”
"We're done." My brother finally rips his glare from me allowing it to soften when it lands on his wife. Wait, was that a hint of sadness? Maybe Mom was right. Maybe something is going on between them. His pace is quick as he retreats inside because we both know it's better if Nick and Nina don't know what's happening out here.
Elizabeth gently touches my arm, “You okay?" I nod with a weak smile. “There have been quite a few…changes to digest recently. He's confused, we all are.”
"So am I."
"I believe that." Her smile is genuine. "You need to do what's best for you, MJ. But, that doesn’t make it any easier for your brother to see you go back to someone who hurt you so much. On top of being hurt that you didn’t come to him with any of this.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and try to ignore the stinging behind my eyes. She’s right. I didn’t go to my brother with any of this. I didn’t go to her either. Elizabeth is the sister I always wanted growing up. I loved having my brother, and we were close, but I always wished I had someone like me, someone who could understand what it was like to be a girl. I’m not sure when it happened, but it feels like we’ve all been hiding things from each other.
"We want you to be happy. It's a little surprising, is all. You seemed adamant about Finn—“
"He lied, Elizabeth."
Her brow quirks. “All I’m trying to say is, if your happiness means trying again with David, then do that. But if that means signing the papers and moving on…do that."