Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CALLA
My heart stops, my head spins. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Thank God Ash is here to keep me upright.
“Are you alright baby?”
I blink several times and shake my head. “I think so.”
I can’t believe this. Scott and me… no. The icy shudder of cold blood runs through my veins.
Of all the things I expected him to say, being his half-sister wasn’t it.
What the actual fuck. I’m still dumbfounded when he continues, “My parents never separated over the affair and somehow, Mum forgave him, but of course, when Dad told me about you… let’s just say it was a shock for all of us.
My poor mum had no idea about you until things came to ahead.
She left him straight away once she found out.
When she explained things to me, she said she could just about forgive the affair, but a child he’d kept secret for sixteen years nearly killed her.
From my point of view, your existence tore my parents apart.
I was angry at you for being the one who broke my mum’s heart.
Then I hated you for making a fool out of me.
I’d fallen for my sister. Ash’s obvious thing for you didn’t help either. ”
“You know if I’d had any idea mate, I would have held back a bit when I was sticking up for Calla, although it was still no excuse for being cruel to her. You were out of order.”
“I’m not gonna deny what I did was wrong Ash, but sixteen is a confusing age—even without the family situation to deal with.”
“Wait,” I say, gathering my thoughts. “When did you find out?” I ask Ash.
“Scott called me last week. We went out for a drink and he told me everything. You understand why it had to be Scott’s decision to tell you.”
“Yeah…yes, of course.”
“But I thought you might need a friend when the time came, so I made Scott promise to call me.”
“Thank you,” I say, still clearly in shock and my tears fall quicker than I can catch them. “Sorry, Scott, I interrupted you.”
“That’s okay,” he smiles. He’s obviously been waiting a long time to get this off his chest, so I imagine a few more minutes won’t make a lot of difference to him. He pauses for a beat, and then his next words catch me off guard.
“Calla, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
How the hell do I reply? He waits for an answer I can’t give. I don’t know where he’s going with this.
“What I’m trying to say is, not only did Ash want you, so did half the boys in our year, but you were so unassuming and grounded.
Unlike a lot of the girls in our year, you never paraded yourself around school thinking you were something special.
It was difficult for me to hear the lads talking about you in that way.
I wanted to hurt them all and not in a brotherly, protective way, but a jealous one.
It’s the reason I treated you so badly. I had all these feelings for you which weren’t right anymore, at least, this is what my therapist thinks. ”
“You’ve been seeing someone?” I sniff half dazed.
“I decided to do something about it after Mum died; I was going off the rails. Leaving school and going to college helped initially; I didn’t have to see you anymore, but I could never quite get to grips with everything. The therapy really helped.”
“Oh my God,” I whisper.
“I got to a point where I needed to get away, so I travelled around Europe, but Asia was the real turning point. Being there did me a lot of good, I got to sort my head out.”
“Shit,” I hiss, “I had no idea.”
We are silent a minute longer, while Ash rubs my back. I’m sure this must be pretty uncomfortable for him, but he’s here for Scott and me. I know that.
I swallow hard before I say, “I heard your dad passed away too a little while ago. I’m sorry, Scott.” I don’t mean to sound so blunt, but I’m still dazed and trying to process everything.
“I’m sure you heard what happened, although we don’t know if he committed suicide or fell onto the train track in a drunken state. You can guess the rest.”
I glance over at Scott’s ashen complexion.
This has got to be the most challenging thing he’s ever had to face and the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to come to terms with.
I feel like a piece of shit for being so cold with him.
This whole situation has devastated his life and he’s had to live with it a lot longer than I have.
He’s been through so much, and although he handled it badly, I understand his reasons.
What teenager could deal with it? How dare his father burden him with so much information, then swear him to secrecy?
And how dare my mother keep me in the dark?
She led me to believe my dad didn’t care, when that poor man, the man she married, wasn’t my father at all. No wonder he left.
I don’t know what I’m more devastated about; being lied to all these years or the hurt and chaos essentially caused by my mother. She’s torn more than one world apart and caused the split in his family. Now I get why he wanted me to hurt as much as he was hurting.
I push back from Ash, signalling with my eyes to let him know I’m okay. Moving my chair away from the table, I walk around to Scott’s side and crouch down beside him, placing my hand over his. “You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m so sorry all those things happened to you. So, so sorry.”
“We’re both a victim of our parents’ selfishness,” a single tear falls from his eye, “and if I could take back what I did to you… I’d do it in a second. I’ll apologise for all the shit I put you through a thousand times a day if it means we can salvage something good from all this.”
It’s been a good four or maybe five years since I last laid eyes on Scott.
Now I know why. He seems genuinely remorseful; I might even go as far as to say I admire him for facing up to what happened and what he did to get through it but Jesus, I have no idea where to start with getting to grips with this.
“You don’t need to apologise anymore. None of this is our doing.” Scott offers a sad smile. It seems we’ve reached a mutual understanding. I’ve got to admit; I feel lighter because of it.
I stand and walk back to my seat and Ash’s waiting arms, but I can’t help but stare into space, my head awash with information.
There are so many questions I need answers to, but for now, I’ll concentrate on what is in front of me.
I’m honest with Scott when I say, “I don’t know where we go from here. ”
“I understand,” he says. “But us being here, talking about it, is a start. In fact, if we’re at a point of being completely honest with each other, then I can finally admit something.
I applied for this job on purpose and not just because I saw an advert in the paper.
When I passed by one day, I saw you working here, then Ash confirmed it for me.
I hoped, by doing this, you might learn to trust me.
Believe me, I had no intention of telling you everything—not yet.
I wanted to see if we could be friends, just to get us on an even keel, but you wanted answers now.
I’m sorry you’ve found out this way; I bet I’m the last person on earth you want as a brother. ”
“A brother, yeah.” How the hell do I respond?
Ash’s hand falls to mine once more. His thumb brushes backwards and forwards over the back of my hand in comfort. “What are you thinking about Cal? How do you want to handle this?” he asks, perhaps wondering if Scott and I working together is a good idea.
“I don’t know.” I look to him, smiling but my head is swimming.
Somehow, I’ve got to deal with what is happening right now.
I rub my eyes, then run my fingers through my hair.
I’m restless, so I stand from my seat, then rest my hands to the table and bow my head.
“Look Scott, we’re two people who’ve had seven bells of shit kicked out of us, and I’m just talking about today’s conversation.
I can’t make you any promises, but you’ve already said you want us to get along so, why don’t we start there.
That’s all we can do for now.” He takes in a breath, then glances up, a curve to his mouth. “Sounds good.”
“Okay, but just one last thing.”
“Sure.”
“Let’s take this slowly. It doesn’t mean we’re suddenly the best of friends. It means we’ve found out we’re related and trying to find some way through.”
“Okay, I get it.”
“Good… that’s good.”
I can’t explain the overwhelming need to make this right, but I offer my hand for him to shake before I think about it. His lips pull together in a straight line. “This is probably more than I deserve from you, Calla. I’m sure instead of offering me a hand; you would prefer to punch my lights out.”
“And you don’t feel the same way about me?” I huff out a laugh not expecting a surge of emotion as he takes my hand in his and we shake to whatever this new relationship between us will be. My eyes well as a torrent of tears spill over, and I blow out a held breath.
“Fuck, Calla, are you okay? Shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry so much.” Scott’s chair scrapes over the tiled floor when he comes over to my side of the table this time, placing his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m alright. It’s probably relief after a lot of pent-up emotion.”
Ash rushes behind the counter and returns with blue kitchen roll in his hands. “It’s a bit rough, but it will do to wipe away the tears for now.”
“Thank you,” I choke out a laugh, looking to both Scott and Ash. “You know, us working together could be good, I suppose. I’ll probably have a lot of questions for you going forward—or maybe none at all. You’ll probably be the same. This is all a little hard to get to grips with.” I sniff.
“Yeah, me too and I’ll do everything I can to make this as easy for you as possible.”
“Let’s just take this one day at a time, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
I’m about to head out back and sort out my snotty face when Scott catches my arm. “Do me a favour Calla. I understand you’ll talk this over with Ash, but please, don’t tell Angie or anyone else. Just for now.”
“But why? Angie and I are so close.”
He looks down to his feet, puts his hands in his jean pockets, then meets my eyes.
“I don’t want to be rude about her, but you have to admit she’s pretty feisty.
I can imagine she’ll try to influence how you feel about me, and I want to make things right without having to compete with someone else’s opinions.
” His eyes flick to Ash as well as mine.
“Yeah, okay, but I can’t keep it from her for too long.”
Ash’s hand slips around my shoulders. I’m so relieved he’s here to support me, and I show him by launching myself into his arms. He pulls back, searching my eyes. “You will get through this Cal,” then he glances past me towards Scott. “Thanks for letting me be here for her, Scott. It means a lot.”
“Thank fuck you made it in time.”
“Nearly gave myself a fucking heart attack getting here. My car wouldn’t start.” Ash grins.
“I’ll go get my stuff. We need to get out of here,” I tell them both, then head behind the counter to let Rosie know we’re going.
When I get there, I find a note on the fridge asking me to lock up and put the keys through her letterbox.
She must have left by the back door. I wonder then, how much of our conversation she heard.
I listen to Ash from behind the counter while I collect my things. “So how come you decided now was the time,” he asks Scott.
“It happened before I had any control over it and anyway, it’s shit being the enemy.”
When I return, the boys are laughing about something, but I’m emotionally knackered. “Okay, I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow, Scott?”
“See you tomorrow Cal and, you know, thanks.”
“Yeah, same,” I smile then turn to Ash. “I’m so glad you were here for me … for both of us,” I say, glancing briefly at Scott.
“I always want to be here for you, Cal.” My cheeks blush at his words and a smile forms on my lips. I wish it was a possibility, but I’m sure Ash will be on his way to better things soon.
“Jesus you two. Don’t mind me,” Scott laughs, breaking my thoughts.
I grab Ash’s black Kasabian T-shirt at the chest, pulling him towards the door.
All three of us head out, I lock up and post the keys through Rosie’s letterbox as she asked.
We say goodnight to Scott; there isn’t much else to say right now.
When he disappears around the corner, Ash hugs me close.
“I don’t think you should be alone tonight, Cal.
Come to practice with me. We can grab food after.
You could meet a few of my uni friends who are coming down to watch. ”
“I’m not sure,”
“Please Cal, come with me.” He takes my hand, “You can sit and swoon over me while I strut my stuff.” I appreciate him trying to cheer me up, but I’m exhausted.
“I’m so done-in, Ash. This last couple of hours has taken it out of me, and all I want to do is get in the shower and wash it all away.” While I run my fingers through his hair, guilt creeps in. “I’m sorry. Do you mind?”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” His head falls to mine while his hands cup my face. “I’m here whenever you need me.”
My lips break out to a smile. “You’re amazing Ashton Chambers.” I reach up, finding his mouth, laying my lips on his. When we part, his thumb runs over my cheek. “Let me at least walk you home.”
“I’d love you too,” I smile.
“And maybe I could help you with that shower before I leave.”
“Sounds good to me.” What I actually want is Ash to myself, but I know he has an obligation to the band first and foremost. It doesn’t mean I can’t offer some kind of alternative.
I want to make it up to him for just being here for me.
“Then maybe you could come over once you’ve finished practice? You could grab some food on the way?”
His sexy smirk appears, giving me all the right tingles. “Yeah. I could do that.”
“Good. I’ll be waiting.” My fingers run down to the back of his head and I pull him towards me, making sure our kiss is soft and slow.
“Are you sure you want me to come over tonight? I could be pretty late back,” Ash says when he releases my lips.
“I’m sure,” I tell him. “Something tells me I won’t get a lot of sleep tonight, anyway.”