Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ASH
There’s one hell of a gravel driveway to this old warehouse, but once I get past it and onto the main path into town, it only takes a minute to spot Angie and Cal in the distance.
“Hey girls, wait up.”
They turn around, Cal’s dark hair flowing across her face from the evening breeze. She gently moves it away while waiting for me to catch her up.
“Hey Ash, you made it,” Angie says. I catch my breath when I reach them, but instead of saying hi in return, I circle my arms around Cal’s bare waist. Catching the hem of her cut-off t-shirt, I pin her body to mine before taking whatever words she was about to say with my mouth.
Her hand falls to my shoulder, a tap at first; then she rests it there.
I kiss her hard and deep, urgent and needy.
The world spins around us while I tell her, in the best way I know, how much I want her, what she means to me and how I can’t ever let her go.
It’s not what we agreed; this was only to last for the time we had left here in Braebeach, but I don’t think I can stick to that now.
I pull back, her eyes glowing bluer than I’ve ever seen. I want to tell her exactly what’s going on in my head, but I can’t while Angie is standing behind me.
“Jesus, you two. Get a room already.”
I turn around sheepishly, while Cal looks away.
“Angie, sorry about that. I got carried away for a second.”
“Yep, you did,” she smiles. “I take it you two are okay now?”
“You go. I’ll be fine,” Cal replies, her eyes avoiding mine which only shows, we’re not okay at all.
“Tommy said to meet you back at the warehouse,” I tell Angie and signal with a lift of my chin.
“Better not keep him waiting,” Angie’s says, her tone high pitched. “I’ll call you tomorrow Cal, and we can talk some more.” She leans forward, kissing Cal, then me. “Don’t fuck this up, you idiot,” she whispers in my ear, so I give her a nod. “Right, I better get going; my hot date awaits.”
“Laters,” Cal says, her voice weary, then we watch Angie walk back towards the warehouse until she’s out of sight.
I look back to Cal, who pushes away the strands of hair still flying around her face by the breeze. My fingers skim her satin, lightly bronzed skin. I take in her slight smile. “Cal, I want to tell you something.” She waits, searching my own eyes before I say, “I’m in—”
Her finger runs over my mouth to stop my words. “No, Ash. Please don’t.”
“Why not? Why can’t I say it?”
“You know why. We agreed.”
“We never said we couldn’t fall—”
“Can’t you see, Ash? What we have is only going to end in heartbreak as it is. Don’t make it worse.”
I won’t let her walk away like this. She obviously thinks the worst of me right now. “Come to the pier with me. Please, Cal.”
I note her eyes well up and her lips roll together, “Not tonight, I’m so tired. I’m not sure I have the strength for the conversation I know you want.”
“I’m sorry, Cal, but I can’t let you go.” I slip my hand around her back, the other under her legs and she yelps a little when I lift her into my arms.
“What are you doing?” There’s a slight hitch to her voice.
“I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Eventually, Cal stops her protest. While I stride along the promenade, half looking where I’m going, I also get my fill of the beauty in my arms. Her eyes look up at me before she rests into my hold.
I hope to God she trusts in what I’m about to say.
I want to lay myself bare to her. There’s no point in fighting this thing inside any longer.
We’ve been skirting around the issue for too long, but no more.
Cal has always been the girl for me, and I’ll be fucked if I’m not telling her so tonight.
I glance down towards her again. She’s softened a little, and when her hand cups the side of my face, smoothing over my jaw, I’m a lot more hopeful.
We reach the beachfront, my feet sinking into the sand with only a few pebbles to keep me upright.
Finally, we’re close to the pier and I lower her to the soft sand.
Cal’s body slides against mine, her hands' anchor around my neck.
I take in each one of her features, the bow of her lips, the dimple to her cheek, the velvet of her skin and those eyes. They will be the death of me.
“I’m in love—” Her mouth captures mine for the second time tonight. Her kiss is delicate, soft, and her eyes slowly open to reveal her blue pools when she pulls away.
“You might stop me saying it, but you can’t stop me feeling it Cal.” Her forehead falls to my chest, but I place my finger under her chin, guiding her to look back to me. “What is it?”
She sighs, smoothing her hands down my arms, finding my palms. Her fingers lock with mine and Cal leads me underneath the pier we both love so much.
When I crash down against the sand, Cal laughs at my antics.
It breaks the ice a little bit. “Come here.” I hold out my hand then she nestles between my legs, her back rests against my front.
I fold her into my arms with my cheek against hers, my lips by her ear. “Talk to me, Cal. What’s going on?”
“I feel stupid for saying it.”
“Never feel stupid with me. We can be honest, can’t we?”
I feel the rise and fall of her stomach against my hand as she sighs again. “Okay Ash, if you really want to know, I had a shock to the system tonight. It hit me out of the blue and caught me off guard.”
“What did?”
“Jade; rubbing herself all over you. I suppose I wasn’t prepared for how she acted and for maybe what lies ahead, no matter how much I thought I was.
” She looks sideways, her lips a fraction away from mine.
“Seeing her hands all over you made me sick to my stomach. It sparked my green-eyed monster to life, even though I know nothing is going on with you two anymore. For whatever reason, your ex was trying to stir the pot; I didn’t like it.
I’ve never had that kind of fear before. ”
“She isn’t my ex.”
“She was your ex something, Ash.”
“We didn’t date.”
“Don’t try to dismiss what happened between you on a technicality. The point is it doesn’t matter who she was. I didn’t like it.”
“Are you telling me you’re jealous?”
“Yes, and it’s not something I’m used to. I’ve never felt so possessive over someone, not like this.”
“Really?”
“Is it so hard to believe?”
“Wow Cal, is it wrong I’m turned on right now?”
She pushes against me. “I’m serious. I’ve never been the jealous type.”
“How is that even possible? You must have had boyfriends,” I ask, but in honesty, I don’t want details. Thinking of Cal in another man’s arms is not something I want in my head.
“Well, yeah, but nothing meaningful, just dating for a bit.” Her finger dips in the sand beside her, where she pulls out one half of a tiny clamshell. Aimlessly, she uses it to scoop the sand into a pile. “I’ve never had someone in my life who I’ve wanted as much as I want you.”
My stomach knots. What the hell is this girl doing to me, apart from making me fall harder. I am in love with her and she needs to know it. I hold Cal closer, “I want you, too; there’s nothing wrong in that.”
“You don’t understand,” she says, a crackle to her voice. “This is all so alien to me, and the way things are going for you and the band, it will only get worse. I’m not sure I can handle being witness to the constant female attention coming your way.”
“What do you mean?” I know what she’s getting at, but I won’t let her end what we have. I’ll fight with everything I have before that happens.
She turns around, sitting on her knees to face me.
“How long ago did we say we would take what we have and see where it went? It’s not so long ago, but already, I’ve broken the only promise we made—no promises.
It was my idea to take what we could with no hard feelings.
Now I’m not sure I can do it, and from those three little words you were about to say, you must have your doubts too. ”
“I don’t have any doubts. I know I’m—.”
“You’re not allowed to say it out loud.” She stills, biting her bottom lip.
“You can’t keep stopping me. I mean every one of those three little words.”
Her eyes dip down; unwilling to absorb what’s in my heart.
“I know you feel it too, Cal.”
Her hands cover her face completely, so I reach over to her wrists and pull them away. She can’t look at me when she says, “What are we going to do? This wasn’t meant to happen.”
“Be honest with yourself, Cal. It was never not going to happen. We both knew it.” I pull her forward, tight in my arms while we sit and contemplate our situation. I can’t be without Cal, and I intend to let her know in no uncertain terms, but she speaks before I do.
“When you get out on the road, how do you think I’ll handle being away from you?”
“Like a pro. I’ve never met anyone as level-headed and calm as you, Calla Bryson.”
“Not when it comes to you, I’m not. Ash, I’m going to be a nightmare. I know it. How the hell do I deal with the sleepless nights, wondering which party you’re at, who you’re with? This thing could eat me up and spit me out. I’m not sure I want to put myself in such a position.”
“You don’t have to.”
“How did you work that out?”
I lower my voice. “You could come with me.”
I sense her looking out to sea and into the night. She takes in a deep breath, pushes herself to her feet, then holds out her hand. “Walk with me?” She asks—clasping my hand with hers. Why do I get the feeling, this isn’t good?
We take a slow walk down the beach. Cal bites her lip then says, “The thing is, you’re just starting out in your musical career and to be honest, I’m about to begin something new too.
Even when I’ve finished uni, I’ll be applying for work placements all over the country.
I want to put my degree to good use when I get it and I could end up anywhere. ”
“Then do that, Cal. I’m not gonna stop you chasing your dreams.”
“But I can’t if I’m following you around the country.”
“Yes, you can. Complete your course on-line or failing that, join me whenever you get the chance.”
“Then what? I can’t live on fresh air Ash. I have to work—or rather, I want to work.” She stops, looking up to the stars. “This could all end in heartbreak.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“But it probably will.”
“Cal, you’re looking at all the negatives.” I try to reason with her.
“I’m trying to be realistic Ash. That’s all.
Just say I came with you. How do I handle the endless girls you’re bound to have hanging around the stage door?
I’ve already admitted I’m jealous and I can’t be with you 24/7, checking your every move.
It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.” She seems almost resigned to her scenario.
“I don’t want to end up like some crazed, psycho girlfriend. ”
I pull her into my arms. “Why would I bother with anyone else, when I have something better waiting for me.”
Her body warms in my hold, along with her smile. She softly laughs on a breath, looking down with a slight blush to her face. “You have an answer for everything.”
“Correct.” I take her hand, rubbing circles on her palm. “We can get through anything. I want this with you, Cal.”
“It’s so difficult to say no to you.”
“Then say yes,” I gently take her chin, bringing her eyes up to meet mine.
“I have to go back to uni, Ash.”
“Okay, then tell me we can at least try to make this work.”
Finally, her lips form a faint smile. “We can try.” Her acceptance is breathy; her body relaxed against me.
“Tell me you love me.”
Her eyes dart straight to mine, “We said we wouldn’t do this.”
“Things change and I know you feel it too. Tell me, Cal.”
“I… I love you.”
“Say it louder.”
“I love you!” she calls out.
“I knew it!”
She slaps my chest. “You’re not supposed to say that.” The humour evident in her tone.
“I’ve tried, but you won’t let me.” Fuck, I love teasing her.
“Say it for me now.”
“Say what?”
“Ash!” Cal pushes her fist against me this time.
“Okay, okay.” I hold my hands up, then fold them around her. She gazes towards me; her deep pools of blue meet my own. I sense she’s holding her breath while she waits for me to say, “I love you, Cal. Always have. Always will.”
She releases her held breath on a wide smile.
We move closer, only just making contact before her lips press to mine and her fingers run through my hair, pulling me down.
Her hot sensual kiss drives me insane, so I deepen it further.
Our mouths still touch when she says against my lips, “I have something to confess.”
“Tell me,” I ask, stealing another kiss but keeping my mouth firmly with hers.
“I want you to know something.” She’s driving me crazy with her whispering tone and our continuous connection.
“What is it?”
“Just a small thing… something important,” she says, breathy, needy almost.
“Tell me,” I’m begging her now.
She pulls back, her eyes focused on mine.
“I just want you to know, Ashton Chambers—I actually quite like it when you look at my tits.”