16. April 11, 2023 #4
Unable to keep from moving anymore, he ground his cock against her, aimed unerringly at her clit through the lace, determined to give her all the friction she’d need.
“Such a dirty girl, watching him as he catches sight of that glint of gold. I wonder what he’d see.
A bar through that hard little clit? A ring through its protective hood?
You’d be creaming yourself as you watch him, all obsessed with that shiny slit.
Waiting. Just wanting and waiting for him to touch you. ”
He raised his head to look into her eyes as the hand at her breast slid up and formed itself around her throat. His grip was light. He didn’t squeeze, but if she moved, he’d keep her in place.
“What do you sound like when you release, Cherry? Do you stay silent except for your breath gasping in and out of your lungs as he drags his tongue across your soft skin, tasting the very essence of you, cleaning up every streak? Do you cry and moan when he reaches your core, burying his face in your pussy, exploring every nook and cranny of you, pushing inside you, and making you even slicker when your juices combine with his saliva as that tongue drags along your walls, fucking you in and out like his cock would? Do you call out your lover’s name as his teeth nip that piercing?
Or do you scream out his name, the walls and windows shaking, your hands fisting his hair as you grind his face against you, letting everyone know who’s latched onto your clit and sucked you so hard you squirted all over his face? ”
He felt her entire body tighten, and he knew she was a screamer at that moment by the large inhale she took. His hand went from around her throat to cover her mouth and muffle the shriek that issued forth.
Holy feck! When he got inside her, she’d destroy him.
Softly crooning nonsense words, he pulled her close, his hands slipping between her and the wall, taking on her weight as she clutched at him, brushing up and down her spine until she settled.
With a shaky breath, she pulled back from him, but only enough to see him when she spoke. “You scare me, but I can’t resist you. A flame I can’t resist touching, even though you’ll burn me.”
He cradled the back of her head with his hand and pulled it tight to his shoulder. His words were soft and pained. “I shouldn’t have done that. I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I’m not, and I never will be.”
“Why? I wanted you to. I wanted that and more.”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you. I know we agreed to let things go naturally while working on this project, and trust me, I’m way too selfish to turn that opportunity down, and I will enjoy every fecking moment of it.
But we’re playing with fire by following through on that arrangement.
We both want more than what we’re allowing ourselves, and we’re setting ourselves up for failure.
We’re going to get hurt. It’s inevitable. ”
He felt her clutch at him tighter and gasp at his words.
He grasped her tighter, as well. “I should put an end to this, but I won’t.
Can’t. I want to give you everything, Esme.
Everything you want. Everything you deserve.
But I don’t think I can, and it’s not fair to you when I worry I can never be what you want me to be. ”
“I don’t want you to be anything other than what you are. It’s just… if I hold so much power over you, then let me be your drug. Let me cure what ails you, not the pills,” she begged.
Afraid to see her eyes when he admitted his weakness, he buried his face in her hair. “I doubt anyone can cure me. My shit runs too deep. If this small taste of your fire is all I ever get, then I’ll take it like the greedy bastard I am.”
Her hands clutched the back of his neck, and he felt wetness against his skin. Tears. For him. He never wanted to make her cry.
“I can’t lose you. You’re the only one who makes sense to my heart. You’ve felt pain as deeply as I have. I know it. Please let me in. I’m begging you.”
He swallowed tightly. Lost to her, he finally gave in to what he was sure would destroy them both. He closed his eyes, his forehead touching hers. “I tried, Cherry. I tried to toss them on the plane, and I couldn’t do it.”
He heard her sharp intake of breath at his admission. To her credit, she didn’t make a big production of it, not that he’d expected her to.
Instead, she responded simply and clearly, in true Cherry fashion. “Then keep trying. And if you fall, I’ll catch you.”
Her promise caused the dull ache that had been sitting at the base of his spine to intensify. The gentle pulse of tension had been there since exiting the plane, but it had been manageable. Suddenly, it made itself known like a quick jab to the bone.
And then the voices started. They tumbled over each other, overlapping and repeating, yet he heard every word as distinctly as if spoken individually and privately to him.
“A head surgeon promises to look out for their team. The leader is responsible for everything their team does. If a member is weak, it’s the leader’s fault. You protect them, Parker, as if they were your children.”
“Dr. Parker, I was so tired. You said we couldn’t stop. You told me to figure out how to stay awake. I didn’t know what else to do!”
“Aidan, how could you disappoint your mother this way?”
“You’re not here, Aidan! You don’t have to live with this! Everyone’ s talking about what you did! The whole family can barely walk down the street because of the shame of it.”
“Your promise is your bond, son. When you break a promise, you lose people’s faith. Faith is everything.”
“My baby! You killed my baby!”
“You promised to save him! You promised! Now my son is dead!”
His brain went into lockdown mode as he felt himself beginning to twitch.
Now the physical pain in his back had the partner of the psychosomatic pain blossoming throughout his body and into his chest and head.
The voices reminded him of a play he’d once seen—three people stuck in a room with no doors, no windows, no way out—three families forever doomed to tragedy because of him.
The voices were his ultimate No Exit —his eternal hell—to carry the pain of families that he couldn’t save.
Resolved, he knew what he had to do. If he chose her, he was making another promise.
A promise to another family, her and his teammates, a family he couldn’t afford to lose.
He would doom her to being a part of that same hell.
He couldn’t bear to do that. It was better to have her and then let her go.
Then the hell he created would be his own alone.
Instead, he’d give her an even greater gift than what she desired.
Freedom.
He’d give Cherry what she wanted—a short-term affair so she could work him out of her system.
He’d ensure that Zion was out of her life and that she was safe to be the powerhouse she was.
When she wanted to be released, he would oblige.
That meant when the project was over, so were they, and he’d make the break as clean as possible so that it would heal quickly.
He’d walk away from Tribe, and then Tribe would come after him and enact the final edict of his erasure.
He wouldn’t even try to run far. Just his place on the beach, which everyone knew where it was.
He’d make it easy. They would never confirm that they’d done it, and she could go on with her life, blissfully unaware of the future she’d successfully dodged.
Difficult as it was, he loosened her limbs from around him and let her slide down his front to the ground.
“No, Cherry. Don’t make me into some broody, tragic hero from one of Flame’s romance novels.
Clearly, it’s not within me.” Gently, he pulled the sides of her dress back in place and tied it closed.
“You need to think about this some more. Sleep on it tonight. I can give you the physical release you want, but that’s all I can give you.
If you can live with the parameters you set, if that’s what you really want from me, then we can move forward.
But if you try to convince me again to come around to your way of thinking, it’s done.
Assignment or no assignment, I will pull us both out of St. Lucia and back home, and we’ll find what we need another way. ”
He ensured she was covered before grabbing her hand and pulling her to the bottom of the stairs. He picked up their shoes, then swept her up in his arms, hoping they looked like a newlywed couple on their way to a night of making love.
What he wouldn’t give for that to be true.