Chapter 28
Gage
I watched Logan’s profile as he drove us to my house.
I could not believe this man sometimes. I felt grateful the accident had seemingly scared Cooper enough for him to realize he didn’t want to keep traveling down this road, but my boyfriend’s charm was apparently more lethal than I thought, because Cooper had actually listened to him.
I’d been yelling at that punk for years and couldn’t get him to use even one iota of sense.
How in the hell Logan managed to get some advice into Cooper was my first question.
My second was far more personal. How long did I have to date this man before I could propose?
It suddenly hit me that tonight could have gone far worse.
I could have gotten Cooper’s call alone, driven in silent worry, and arrived at the scene a bundle of nerves.
Been forced to drive from scene to hospital to keep my truck with me.
Been forced to deal with Cooper’s roller coaster of emotions, my mother’s screaming and blame-casting.
I could have been alone managing all of it.
Instead, I’d had Logan.
Logan, who didn’t ask questions and just gave me the support I needed.
Logan, who took it upon himself to help talk Cooper off a ledge.
Logan, who didn’t let my mother scream and carry on like she normally did.
Logan, who even now was silently driving me home and giving me the mental space to work through everything.
I never had been able to wrap my head around the mental picture of Logan being a hellion. He was so completely the opposite and exuded maturity that sometimes put me to shame. Moments like now made it especially hard to picture his past.
Any sane person would see the baggage I carried around, a.k.a.
my family, and turn tail. I wouldn’t blame them.
Logan went toe to toe with them and dared them to hassle me.
Even now, he was a silent pillar of strength, and I could feel myself unclench, the stressed, calm facade falling away because I had no need of it here.
I didn’t have to pretend to be fine with Logan.
I didn’t have to mask what I truly felt.
I leaned sideways, letting my head fall on his shoulder.
It felt like I could absorb his strength through contact.
Even if that wasn’t true, shh, don’t tell me.
It was awkward as hell with the divide in the way, and him constantly shifting gears, but I didn’t care.
My ribs could protest all they liked, but I wasn’t moving, at least, not yet.
His hand came up, brushing over my hair, and my heart shuddered in relief. Yeah, he had me. He always did.
“You can cry, rage, rant, or anything else you feel like doing,” Logan said, his words soft in the darkness of the cab.
I didn’t feel like doing any of that. I was too exhausted. It was nearly one a.m. as it was. Still, tears pricked my eyes, and I realized I had kept one emotion at bay—raw fear. “I’ve feared, for years, that tonight might happen. Only I didn’t think Cooper would live through it.”
“Luckily, he did.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn’t tell myself that my fear had been groundless just because Cooper had somehow survived; it would be nonsense.
My fear had held some basis. More than a little.
My rational mind wouldn’t let me pep talk my way out of that one.
But I wanted to reassure myself, somehow, that Cooper would be all right after the ordeal.
“I’m worried tonight’s feeling of wanting to be better won’t last.”
“Kid told me he’s known for months he had to straighten out his life. It scared him because he didn’t know how to even start. Easier to stay drunk. But the feeling predated tonight, remember that.”
“That’s reassuring. I don’t want him falling back on bad habits.”
“We’ll build him a support team so someone can catch him before bad habits suck him back under.”
He was still so steady, walking me through my fears, giving me the reassurance I needed. He had to be tired—it was late, and we’d had a full day—but he didn’t show it. His priority was me.
I’d seen Zar support Asher like this, and vice versa.
I’d seen it, envied it, but never thought I’d have such a partner for myself.
Mostly because I couldn’t imagine trusting someone like I trusted him.
Not until he’d walked into my life, anyway, and shown me I was capable of that kind of trust. Logan’s arrival had overturned every doubt and fear I’d had, given me fantasy after fantasy.
I now knew what it was like to have a supportive partner, to have someone at your side when shit hit the fan.
It was wonderful. I never wanted to face trouble again without Logan. I was addicted to him.
I’d already been falling in love with this man. After tonight, I felt like my heart had pretty much completed that fall.
Logan’s hand found mine and he lifted it to kiss my fingers. “You thinking hard over there?”
“Thank you. For tonight. I can’t express in words how much it meant, not having to deal with all of that alone.”
“Sweetheart, I’m never going to send you into difficult situations alone. I couldn’t do that to you, send you off to deal with trouble while I kick back somewhere with a beer. I’m a son of a bitch, but I’m not a bitch of a son.”
I almost blurted out This is why I love you. Managed to rein it in somehow. No, no, not the right timing. I’d need to find it, though. My heart demanded this man.
“Now, different question. What are the odds your mom’s going to show up at your house to take Cooper back?”
I shook myself back into the present and regretfully sat up straight to answer him. “Oh, she’ll try for sure. As soon as he’s released.”
Logan’s face screwed up in a grimace. “Is that right? Okeedokalee, gotta plan for that. What’s Cooper’s history with alcohol?”
“I don’t think he’s spent a day sober in at least three years, maybe longer. He started drinking at seventeen.”
“Just drinking?”
“I know he’s done weed and maybe a little crack, but he’s mostly a drinker.”
“Good thing he has court-ordered rehab. This might work out for the best. We can shuffle him off to a rehab center and not tell your mom where he is. Leave instructions that she can’t contact him until he’s released. Or do a daytime rehab, where he’s only home with you at night.”
“Sounds like a great idea. It’ll be hard on her.
I kind of feel bad for how I went off on her in the hospital.
I was terrified, I knew she had to be. But I just didn’t have any patience left.
She keeps repeating the same mistakes, over and over.
It’s like she can’t learn. I think part of it too, though, was her reliving the nightmare of our youth.
I told you about how we were in a bad car accident as kids? ”
“Right, I remember.”
“I think tonight triggered her. She wouldn’t normally scream in a hospital.
She’s more in control and does the whole ‘I’m disappointed in you’ shtick.
But I can’t keep giving her grace because I know she’s stuck in the past. She’s the one choosing to stay in it.
The rest of us have moved on. Even Cooper is moving on, and he was the one directly affected by it. ”
“All very true. And I think she doesn’t deserve grace at this point, not when her actions are directly harming both of her children. Will your father come back after Cooper’s accident?”
“Likely not. Cooper’s been in bad trouble like this before, or sick, and he never came back then.”
“What about you? Did he ever come back for you?”
What an interesting question. You know, I didn’t think anyone had ever asked me that before. “No. Never for me either. I honestly think he gave my mother kids because she would have divorced him otherwise. He’s never been keen on spending time with his children.”
Logan shook his head in disbelief.
Indeed, what did you say to that?
My internal calendar piped up with a flag. Yoo-hoo, pay attention, please. I paid attention and pursed my lips, not sure what to do about the new dilemma. “Sooo, change of topic. Erin’s birthday party is next Friday.”
“True.”
“I’m sensing overlap between Cooper coming to live with me and Erin moving in with you, and I don’t know how well that’s going to go? He’s due to leave the hospital sometime next week.”
“Different sets of drama, to be sure.” Logan shrugged. “I think it’ll be fine. Wait, does your mother have a key to your house?”
“Oh fuck. She does, for emergencies.”
“How about you change the locks tomorrow? Cooper can just lock the doors and ignore her.”
“Sold. I take it your parents don’t have a key to your house?”
“Hon, they don’t even know where my house is. It’s part of why Erin wants to move in with me—they can’t find her easily that way.”
Now that was just sad. My relationship with my mother might be rocky, but Logan’s relationship with his own parents was apparently nonexistent. It was beneficial in this case, though.
Even with all these problems we juggled, my heart demanded I tell Logan.
I didn’t know how I was going to tell him I was in love with him, that I wanted a future with him.
I sensed I’d need to wait until we were through these two major events first. Too much was already going on.
Next week, I’d organize a romantic dinner or something and tell him.
We got to my house with no more trouble, fortunately. I paused before getting out of the Jeep. “You staying with me tonight?”
“Love to.”
I was glad, and I felt better with him next to me.
We entered the house, me flipping on lights as I went.
I did take a quick glance into my guest bedroom, as a reminder of its state, and found if I took the catch-all stuff off the bed and dresser, put that away, and did some dusting, the room should be fine. Good, it would take me an hour at most.