Chapter 30
Gage
I met my locksmith at the door and explained what I needed, and he went right to work. I retreated to the kitchen, intent on some meal prepping since I’d have today to do it. I wanted good, healthy food available for Cooper while he healed. His body had already been put through enough trauma.
Cooper wandered in from his room, limping a little, likely because of the hematoma on his knee and all the soreness of the accident still riding him. He sat at the counter across from me, then blearily watched me chop raw chicken. “Whatcha makin’?”
“Mexi-Cali salad with mesquite chicken.”
“Oh, hot damn, I haven’t had that in ages. Make a huge batch.”
“Sure.” I glanced up, taking him in. “I’d have thought you’d sleep more?”
“You say that ’cause I can pass for a panda right now.”
“Well, yeah.”
He lifted a hand that trembled slightly. “I’m too jittery to sleep.”
“Meds?”
“I took some. They haven’t kicked in yet.”
All we could do was wait, then. I fetched him water and put a little Himalayan pink salt in it, as it would help hydrate him better. He guzzled half the glass in one long draw.
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Cooper put the glass down and regarded me for a long moment. “So you’re nice if I’m nice?”
“That’s generally how it works, Coop.”
“So if I hadn’t been an asshole, you’d have been this nice brother I’ve had for the past week?” He slumped, then winced because of his ribs. “Damn. I wish I’d realized sooner.”
“Why, would it have motivated you to get clean faster?”
“Well, yeah, maybe.” He sipped his water, carefully not lifting his eyes. Like it was hard to look at me. “Maybe not. I just…never measured up to you. It was hard being around you because of that. I felt like a failure. Figured I might as well live up to that low bar everyone had set for me.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t and prove people wrong instead.”
“Yeah, I get that. Now I get it, anyways. What you said in the hospital, about you’re not my dad, that’s what’s confused me.” His head came up and he regarded me thoughtfully, like he was trying to put spinning pieces of a puzzle together. “Gage, I never saw you as a dad.”
I paused, because it was either pause or lose a finger. I felt unbalanced, like I’d entered some alternate reality I’d dreamed up. I had to repeat the words, to verify, and watched his expression intently for any hint of a lie. “You don’t see me as your dad?”
“Naw, Bro, never did. You were just this amazing, perfect son, and I was supposed to somehow follow in your footsteps. But they were too big, man. I didn’t know how to fill those shoes.
How to do everything you did. And whenever I failed at trying, Mom always said the same thing.
I wasn’t you, so it was only natural I failed, which just made me feel worse. ”
I aimed a mental kick at the back of our mother’s head. That wasn’t the right way to cheer someone up! For god’s sake, say something better than that! God, I was going to strangle her the next time I saw her.
Still, that frustration aside, he had said beautiful words to me. Words I’d ached to hear for years. He didn’t see me as a father. He only saw me as a brother. Those words released me. I’d shed a burden I’d never wanted and had resented.
If this moment asked me to marry it, I would kiss it on the mouth.
I didn’t know what my face was doing, but Cooper’s expression turned downward. “Damn, Gage, was it that hard on you?”
“Yeah.” I had to clear my throat as it tried to lock down on me. Sniffed, tried again. “Yeah, it was.”
“Then no more pseudodad. Brothers only.” Cooper offered me knuckles.
I bumped, grinning at him. “Sounds good.”
“And if Mom tries that shit again, I’ll shut her down.”
“Do it.”
“Also, I’m switching targets. I don’t want to be like you anymore. That shit’s hard, man. I want to be like Logan.”
“I couldn’t name a better role model.” I went back to slicing up chicken.
That was safer for a second. I hadn’t been braced for an emotionally charged conversation, and it had hit me in the feels without warning.
I was grateful for it, though. I felt lighter than I ever remembered feeling. Cooper’s words were the best release.
“Uh, you do know he plans to marry you?”
“I know. We’re dating with marriage in mind.”
Cooper beamed. “Great! I want to keep him.”
“That’s kind of the universal sentiment. My entire friend group feels the same way.” Feeling a little shy, I held a finger up in a shushing motion. “Promise to stay mum and I’ll show you the wedding gift I’ve prepared for him.”
Cooper’s mimed zipping his lips. “Mum.”
“Grab my tablet, it’s in the work bag next to the door.”
Cooper fetched it, and I gave him the passcode to get in. I didn’t want to touch the screen with raw chicken on my fingers. Seemed a bad idea. “Open the file called Dream House.”
Cooper opened the file and then froze with realization. “Oh my god. You designed a forever home with him!”
“I did.”
“You’re so gone on this dude.”
“Guilty.” I grinned, pleased with his response.
He was so obviously delighted by the house and what it all signified, I wished I could take a picture.
Well, I could, if I was willing to smear sticky stuff on my phone’s screen, which I was not.
“But don’t even breathe a word of this to him. I want it to be a complete surprise.”
“I won’t ruin it, promise.” Cooper sipped water and started studying it. “I don’t know if I completely understand what I’m seeing?”
“Oh, I can walk you through—”
From the front door I heard the locksmith call, “Gage!”
“One sec.”
I quickly washed my hands, headed to the door, and wrapped up things with him, including a hearty thank-you.
I felt better with doors my mother couldn’t open.
Not without breaking in somehow, at least. He left, and I moved back to the table, stood at Cooper’s elbow, and walked him through the blueprints.
“This house will be so damn cool once it’s built.” Cooper drained the last of his water with a sigh. “I should probably drink more. But seriously, love the house. He’ll love it, I think. I mean, how can you not?”
“That’s my hope, but of course if he wants something additional, I’m happy make some redline changes. I designed based on what I know of him now.”
“So when are you proposing?”
“We haven’t talked timeline yet. I’ll let you know when we do. In the meantime, maybe—”
We suddenly heard pounding on the door and someone ringing the doorbell repeatedly. I knew without looking at the new Ring camera who it was and sighed wearily. “That’s Mom. She’s swung by like this before.”
Cooper’s head turned toward the door, but he didn’t get up. “She’s probably worked herself into a frenzy, thinking I’m going to die overnight or some shit.”
“Ignore her.” Easy to say but harder to do in practice. I didn’t want to engage with her. I was still low contact, and it needed to stay that way for a while. For all our sakes. Still, it was very hard to ignore the pounding. “If she’s not gone in five minutes, I’ll call Zar.”
“Yeah, good call.”
I went back to lunch prep, got the chicken in the air fryer, and started chopping romaine lettuce. She finally stopped, although I could hear a muffled scream—of frustration, maybe? Big emotions of some sort—then silence.
Cooper got up to carefully check through the window. “Phew, she’s gone. I guess she realized we weren’t going to answer.”
I felt my shoulders drop from around my ears. “Good. Maybe we got our point across. Lunch will be ready in about fifteen minutes, Coop.”
“But you’re still cooking?”
“Meal prep. Figured I’d make several things so you’ve got leftovers to choose from.”
He came up behind me and gave me a one-armed hug. “Thanks.”
Cooper was seriously so much better now that he’d adjusted his thinking. I still prayed his change in attitude stuck. It’d break my heart completely if he reverted.
A phone sang a ditty—not mine—and Cooper fished his out before awkwardly swiping with one hand. “Hello? Oh, hi! Yeah, Logan referred me to you.”
Ah, this must be the therapist calling him back.
I didn’t think he could start tomorrow, but hopefully soon.
After we ate lunch and I put the enchiladas in the oven, I’d sit down and research rehab clinics with him.
I wanted one picked out for a tour so we could get that ball rolling, too.
He was finally out of withdrawal stage (thank god), he needed some clinical help soon. I wanted him to stay sober.
But sitting here, listening to my brother schedule his first therapy appointment with a smile on his face, was something I’d never thought I’d see happen. I was so grateful to be proven wrong.
Maybe, just maybe, I had my brother back.