37. Novi
THIRTY-SEVEN
Novi
I stand over Colby, watching him sleep, letting the love I wasn’t going to tell him about yet wrap around me. The fact that even in all this uncertainty, he still put that word out there proves more than ever that I have to protect him.
My Colby will have everything he wants.
Because why is he so sure that he will be the one fired?
Maybe it will be me.
It should be me.
The certainty hits fast and hard because, let’s face it, I have lived my dreams. I’ve had the chance to experience all I ever wanted, and now it’s Colby’s turn. It has to be.
I won’t settle for him being happy with a consolation prize.
Radimir Novicov doesn’t settle, and neither will his future husband.
I let one last, loving gaze linger over him before getting changed, grabbing my gear bag, and leaving. His car is here, so he’ll be able to make it to the practice facility when he wakes up, but I want to get there first.
I’m full of nervous excitement as I drive to work because this feels right. I’m not one hundred percent sure of what I’m going to say, but what Colby said gave me an idea.
Lane was fired because they weren’t up-front, but Vance wasn’t.
Obviously, it’s too late for us to be up-front about what has already taken place, but unlike Colby, I am a fantastic liar.
It’s not something I do often; I don’t see much point in lying, but I’m also not going to let him give up, and I’m not going to start our relationship with him not knowing what the future holds.
I know what the future holds for us. And that’s everything.
When I pull into the parking lot, I take a moment to look around, wondering if this is going to be it for me. Sure, I wanted to end my career on a high, to be amongst the top point scorers on record, but I was banking on having another full year to get me there.
I might not get that chance.
But if Colby gets his chance, it is all worth it.
Besides, ending my career with him is as high as it gets.
Normally I face everything with confidence, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so personally invested in something before. If I screw this up, it’s not only me who will be affected. Ruining things for Colby would kill me.
Which is why I’m not pinning down any of the plans forming in my brain. I will go in there with the complete belief that everything will turn out perfectly.
It’s still early, so no one else is here yet, and the locker room is empty and echoey in a way I’ve never noticed before. I dump my bag in my cubby, like always, and then make my way across to Coach’s office. I knock lightly and wait for him to call me in.
“Morning,” he says with a broad smile. Almost like he’s been expecting me. “You’re here early.”
“I am.” I hesitate a second before I close the door behind me and take the seat opposite him.
“Is everything okay?”
“For me? Everything is wonderful.”
“Good. I meant what I told you last week—you have my full support, and if anyone isn’t in line with that, I want you to let me know.”
It’s cute he thinks I couldn’t handle that kind of thing myself, but I appreciate him saying it anyway. “You’ve always been a good coach.”
His head tilts to the side. “Thank you?”
“So I am hoping you will continue to be a good coach when I tell you what I need to.”
That finally clues him in that this conversation might not be going where he thought it would be. Where is it going? Who can tell. Even I’m not sure what the next word out of my mouth will be.
“You’re free to talk.”
I slide my chair forward so I can rest my arms on the desk. I’m nervous, yes, but I’m also excited. I’m about to talk about Colby and me. Us. This is the first step to us having freedom to be together, and I want that more than anything.
Even hockey.
“Well, I am out now,” I tell him. “But I haven’t been for a very long time. I’ve pretended to be straight, knowing exactly who I am, purely because I was happy having hockey as my whole life, and it meant I didn’t have to worry about my family. It worked for me.”
Coach is nodding. “What part of that do you think I’m going to react negatively to?”
“I’m getting there,” I promise him. “You know that Coach Kessinger and I were in the minors together?”
His eyebrows lift. “No. I knew you both came from the same AHL team, but I didn’t realize it was at the same time.” There’s a pause I don’t like. “He didn’t mention it.”
This is the part I cannot fuck up. “I’m not surprised. I was a dick to him then, and I bet he wanted to keep things professional.” I hold out my arms. “I am your star player, after all. New coaches do not want to get on my bad side.”
The suspicion disappears as he laughs. “I don’t think anyone wants to get on your bad side, and it has nothing to do with you being my star player. Why were you a dick to him?”
“I knew he was gay.” Flawless lie. “I hated him that he could be out when I couldn’t.”
“That must have been hard.”
“It was. But not as hard as the part where I really wanted to sleep with him.”
It’s hilarious watching Coach fight with himself over not reacting to my complete honesty. “Okay …”
“We didn’t, obviously. He thought I hated him. But him being here and me being out, I really want to sleep with him now too.”
Coach is nodding slower this time, obviously picking his words carefully. “And you know that can’t happen. He’s your coach. It would be inappropriate.”
“Then you will have to fire me.”
That catches him totally off guard. “What?”
“I’m not asking you. I’m letting you know, out of respect, that I have feelings for Coach Kessinger. I am going to ask him out.”
“He’ll say no.”
“Then I will ask him out again. And again. And again?—”
“Novi, you need to stop talking before you end up sounding like a walking harassment charge.”
“I’m not going to harass anyone, but between you and me, I am very attractive to queer men.
One hundred percent success rate.” I hold off from mentioning that my seduction technique previously involved shoving my dick through a cubicle wall.
“I’m ready to live out and freely. I want a relationship.
A partner to come home to. Kids to raise. ”
Coach looks like he’s losing control of his patience. “And you can do all that. But not with a member of my coaching staff.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve already chosen.”
“You can’t club him over the head and carry him back to your place. It’s not how this works. Relationships are between two people, and if he encourages you, he’ll have to be let go.”
“But poor Kessinger is only human. How do you expect him to say no to all of this?”
“Because it would be unethical for him not to.”
“It would be unethical for you to fire him and not me.”
Coach opens his mouth but quickly swallows his words. “You need to think carefully about this. This is your career. You’re going to throw that all away?”
“Da. I’ve dreamed of this man for almost twenty years. So if you want to stop me, you need to fire me.”
“You’re on a contract.”
“Feel free to pay me out. Think of the dates I can take him on with all that extra time and those millions.”
“It’s not even 8:00 a.m. and I already have a headache.”
“I wonder if he would like Venice …”
“Dear God, Novi.”
“Maybe Portugal. Russia is obviously out, but Switzerland is beautiful. Amsterdam. Greece.”
Coach scoffs. “And between all this travel, when is he supposed to be here working?”
“You told me we’d both be fired, so I’m planning ahead.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Oh, so you will only fire him? That’s okay. I’m sure his discrimination lawsuit will pay out millions too. Maybe he will take me on dates.”
Coach glares at me. “I don’t need the threats, thank you. I’m trying to think.”
“What threats? I do not threat. Maybe I’m getting my English mixed up again.”
He laughs, fingers rubbing his eyeballs roughly. “Why did I choose to work with hockey players? Why?”
“Miscalculation on your part?”
“Sure, your English is bad, but you can manage miscalculation . Why are you trying to make my brain explode?”
“I’m not. I just want to be happy, and I’m telling you what I need to make that happen.”
“Why are you so certain he’s interested too? And don’t give me that you’re irresistible shit.”
I give him a pitying smile. “You really underestimate how attractive I am.”
“Novicov.”
“Fine.” I prop my elbows back on his desk.
“Maybe he does not want me. Maybe he says no, and this conversation means nothing, but I have two years to woo him, and I will spend every minute doing it. He doesn’t know that I’m here talking to you because he loves his job, and we both know how good he is at it.
He wouldn’t risk it for anything. If I have to give up my career for him to have his, then I will.
It’s done. But I can’t go one more day without getting a chance to make that man happy. ”
“You’re putting management in an impossible situation. There’s no way our GM will let me fire you without him turning around and firing me.”
“Then what are our options?”
Do I feel bad about dropping this all on him and making him stress? Sure. But not as bad as I’d feel about Colby losing his job, so it’s easy to ignore.
“No one will believe it if I put you on waivers; you’re playing too well. Plus, you’ve just come out to the team, so the optics of that …” He cringes. “Anything we do here is going to look bad.”
“Worse than a coach fucking his player?”
“Okay, okay …” His frown settles deep. “I’m thinking.”
“What about a trade?”
“This close to making playoffs?
“We are not at the trade deadline yet.”
“Come on. We need you.”
He thinks he needs me. I don’t want to leave my team.
They’re great people, and I have good friendships, but I understand what this sport is.
It’s winning. By any means necessary. “The way I see it is that you fire me and your video coach, or you trade me for someone else who will be as big of an asset as I have been. I retire in a year, and there is some very good talent coming through.”
I know everything that’s going through his head. Who is going to have salary cap room for me? Who’s going to pick up an old player in the final year of his contract? But more importantly: who is worth Radimir Novicov? That’s a hard question to answer.
“Can you at least put off something with him until off-season? Give me time to talk to other management heads. GM. PR?—”
“No. I have waited too long already. Out of respect for you, I will not be obvious about it, but if we start a relationship, it won’t be a secret either.”
“I guess I have to hope you’re not as irresistible as you think.”
That makes me laugh. “You’re better off wishing for magic to save you.”