40. Colby
FORTY
Colby
Novi and I might not have come up with the most convenient solution—and by we, I mean he—but it’s a solution.
Even if we don’t get to see each other as much as before due to the two teams’ schedules, knowing I can park outside his house or hold his hand in public has a weight lifted off my shoulders.
It’s probably a good thing we aren’t able to see each other every day because ever since he went to Anaheim, it’s as if the shackles binding our relationship have been removed, and there’s no stopping us.
There’s no voice of reason telling us to slow down or be cautious. I’d hate that … if I absolutely wasn’t head over heels for this man.
I’m finally able to enjoy being with him.
Back in the day, my fantasies about him might have been more about getting Novi into bed instead of the future I can’t help envisioning now, but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t similar thoughts back then too.
It’s as if a piece of me knew back then that Novi was my soul mate.
The timing wasn’t right, but the knowledge that one day he’d be mine was there.
Even if I told myself that it was unrequited love and I’d never have the straight man.
That straight man is now mine, and I can’t wait for this regular season to be over so he can be by my side every day. You know, when I’m not traveling with the team, because unlike Anaheim, we’re actually going to make it to the playoffs.
They were doing well for a while there, and they looked like contenders, but it’s all gone downhill. Since Novi joined, they have picked up a little, but it’s too little, too late.
The team has just finished practice, so I make my way to the locker room to talk to those I’ve noticed have picked up new bad habits. Due to injury, due to muscle memory and comfort, that’s what I have to find out.
“Stoltz,” I say as I walk in, not looking for him but down at the video on the iPad.
“Yeah, Coach?”
I will never get used to that. I have over the years, of course, but being given the title of coach in an NHL setting, where the moniker is used with such respect … it is my literal dream job. And I get to have it because Novi was willing to step aside so I could.
I’m still smiling as I reach him.
“You look like you’re about to tell me I’m being put on waivers or trade me. Stop looking at me like that.”
“I, what? I’m smiling.”
“If you say so.”
Is it true what they say? That partners begin to look alike the longer they’re together? Am I big and scary like Novi now?
“What am I doing wrong?” Stoltz asks.
I laugh. “Nothing. I’ve just noticed you’ve been favoring your right side today. You’re slower on your left turns, so you’ve been leaning into the right. If it becomes a habit, other teams’ video coaches are going to pick up on it. Are you hurt?”
“I …” His brow scrunches. “I don’t think so?”
Ah, hockey players. I remember those days.
Being in so much pain I couldn’t tell if I was injured or sore from exhaustion.
Fun times. “We’ll keep an eye on it, and maybe tomorrow for morning skate, we’ll have you practicing turning left and see if it’s a habit or if we need to get you to a doctor.
In the meantime, go to the team trainers and get them to stretch out your legs and see if they can get those hips to open up, but let us know if there’s too much pain or you think you might be injured. ”
Stoltz stretches out like he’s testing his side. “Thanks, Kessinger.”
I shrug. “It’s my job.”
“You’re good at it.”
I want to hug the man, but considering I’ve already made one player fall for me and leave, I don’t want to get a reputation. Fuck, now I’m even thinking like Novi.
And as if mentioning his name, even only in my own head, he appears through the locker room doors.
“I am back, bitches.”
That’s my man, and I love him. Apparently. For reasons I’m forgetting at the moment.
“Hate Anaheim that much?” Turkey asks but gets up and pulls Novi in for one of those dude bro handshakes that turns into a hug.
“They are terrible,” he says. “The people? Great company. The hockey? Even Kessinger could make that team if they had recruited him now instead of a billion years ago.”
The room breaks into snickers, and I flip him the bird.
“Is that professional?” Novi asks.
“I’m not your coach anymore, so …” Double fingers now.
More laughs.
The thing is, this is probably the biggest step we’re about to take so far.
Yes, we’re out and dating now, holding hands in public, being seen together, but …
the world either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care.
We thought it might still be a scandal, with the conflict of interest between a player and coach on opposite teams, but both franchises aren’t worried about us being professional, and that’s what matters.
We haven’t made a public statement or announced anything.
We haven’t posted photos online. We’ve just been ourselves, and it’s been great.
But I know Novi is ready for more than that, and with nothing standing in our way anymore, we’re going to take that chance.
“No. You are just a chain on my balls.”
Mouths drop in unison around the room. I think someone even chokes on a Gatorade.
I face-palm. Of course he breaks it to the team that way.
He’s gotten a lot better about giving me a heads-up when he wants to do something now—like announce our relationship—but I should’ve specified how we would do it.
“Even though I know you’re only playing your silly ‘I don’t know proper English’ game, you mean ball and chain. ”
“There’s a game?” Turkey asks.
“Oh yeah,” I say. “Novi knows perfect English. Idioms and all. He purposefully messes them up to see how many of you will correct him.”
“My boyfriend is a traitor.” Novi folds his arms and pouts. Only, he’s Novi, so he looks menacing and really, really hot.
“What can I say? You left this family, so now they’re mine. I’m on their side.”
When everyone on the team cheers and hoots at that, Novi relents. Because he knows how much I want to achieve with this team, and them knowing I have their backs is important for our working relationships.
“Are you two really together?” Stoltz asks.
“He loves me very much,” Novi says.
I can’t even dispute that. “Sadly, that’s true. I don’t know how it happened, but it happened.”
“It happened because, as I told management when I asked for a trade so I could date you, I am very sexy and irresistible to gay men.”
“Man,” I remind him. “I’m the only relationship you’ve ever had.”
“And you’ll be the only one I ever have.”
“Ah, so the real reason you asked for a trade comes out,” Stoltz says.
“Da. Why else would I ask to trade to a team who has no hope of making the playoffs this year?”
“Not gonna lie. I thought you were trying to hook up with Oskar Voyjik,” Tucheck, the up-and-coming goalie we traded Novi for, says.
Novi gasps. “And face the wrath of Lane Pierce? No. No way.”
The room goes silent, and then Stoltz turns to me. “Is … is Novi actually scared of someone?”
“Why? Lane is a kitten,” I say.
“Exactly,” Novi says. “And kittens are bad luck and scary.”
He’s been spending too much time around Ezra Palaszczuk. Everyone knows he’s terrified of cats. Especially black ones.
“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you from the big, bad Lane Pierce.”
“How long have you been together?” Tucheck asks.
Coach Whelan enters the room at that moment and glances between Novi and me in rapid succession. “I’m going to leave the room in case information I don’t want to hear is about to be spilled.”
So much for us pulling off the greatest lie of all time, but I don’t want him to mistrust me, so before he leaves, I say, “It’s new.”
Technically, not a lie. The last few months have been spent sleeping together thinking we probably didn’t have a future unless we learned to have something called patience. We knew that was going to be a no-win situation because as hockey players, we don’t know the meaning of the word.
“But we knew each other a long, long time ago, so it feels like I’ve been in love with him forever.”
If I could go back and tell that scared kid with the pressure of the world of hockey breathing down his neck that pro hockey is not in his future—at least not in the way he thinks it will be—and that he’ll find himself in an NHL locker room one day talking about how much he loves a man and that his team actually supports it …
Past Colby would probably cry. Because this is the world I want to be living in.
It’s the world every queer person should be living in.
We deserve happiness too, and I’ve found mine.
With Novi.