Chapter Sixteen
Giles
Five days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen Marcello. Five days, one hour and twenty-seven minutes. I just worked that out. What an almighty loser I am.
On Monday and Tuesday, I had to work through until closing time so I couldn’t meet Marcello at the gym at our usual time.
On Wednesday, he told me he had a stomach bug and had left work early to go home.
Yesterday, he was back at work but said he still felt fragile and I absolutely encouraged him to take another rest day.
But in about an hour, I’m going to meet him at the gym for the only workout we’ll share together this week.
And I’m excited. Although I shouldn’t be.
I'm also still thinking about the conversation we shared on Sunday.
I think we should fuck… I was thinking I needed to fuck a guy and you’re the only guy I know who likes to fuck guys so… There’s this guy… at swimming training.
And that’s when I always stop feeling excited.
Swimming training.
There’s a guy he thinks he likes at swimming training.
It’s not me who has him questioning his sexuality.
It’s some guy at swimming training he hadn’t even told me he’d started.
Not that Marcello has to tell me every single minute detail of his triathlon journey, but I had thought we were in it together.
Last week, he’d texted me no fewer than five times asking me about protein amounts in various foods.
But this week there haven’t been any texts about macros. Just the briefest of messages about our schedules and how work and illness has kept us away from being in the gym at the same time.
So why am I still thinking about that conversation on Sunday and wondering, over and over again, if I did the right thing in saying no?
At the time, it made complete sense. Even before he mentioned the man in Speedos and I had this hopeful inkling that he was talking about me, I wasn’t just going to fuck him to satisfy his curiosity.
Had it been me he was talking about, as the source of his questioning, I would have still turned him down.
Because I’d rather we explored things more slowly, more intentionally.
More drinks, some dinners, and then maybe physical intimacy.
I don’t want to just fuck him so he can find out if he’s really queer or not.
I’d want to date him. I’d want us to go slow, and not just for him.
I’d want us to take our time because I feel…
I feel like Marcello is different. I feel like Marcello could be somebody… special.
If he felt the same way, of course.
But he doesn’t. He wants Mr Speedos from swimming training.
“I don’t know what you’re expecting to happen by staring out of the window, but those invoices aren’t going to pay themselves,” Radia says from beside me, which is strange because she wasn’t there a moment ago.
I snap my attention back to the small stack of papers in front of me. I normally do my accounts in the office, but it’s another hot August day and we don’t have aircon back there, only in the main shop floor so it’s a no brainer if I don’t want to sweat through my shirt and waistcoat.
“Just got distracted.”
“Care to share?” Radia asks, leaning her hip on the wooden counter.
I glance across at her. She looks almost interested, almost concerned.
We’ve worked together for many years now and while interns have come and gone and other part-time members of staff haven’t lasted much longer, Radia has been my loyal right-hand woman almost as long as I’ve been running Rivers & McCannon.
I’d be lost without her, both professionally and as a friend.
“Can I ask you a very strange and very hypothetical question?”
“Sure,” Radia says and she definitely looks interested now. I suppose it’s better than the polishing of the counter’s glass top that she would be doing otherwise.
“Say you… like someone.”
“Like like someone?”
“Yes, like someone.”
“Okay,” she draws the word out.
“And that someone definitely doesn’t like you back.”
“Bummer.”
“Yes, big bummer.” I straighten up. “That sounds very wrong.”
“Or very right?” She winks.
“Anyway, this… someone. They don’t like you back, but they do give you the option of no-strings-attached sex.”
Radia holds her hands up. “I feel like I’m not going to be very well qualified to give you good advice on this very hypothetical situation.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m demisexual. I can’t even think about having sex with somebody unless I know their heart belongs to me.
” She puts her hand across her heart as if that’s where she’s storing Chloe’s heart.
Although from the way I’ve seen them together recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly where it lives.
“Right,” I say. “So you’re saying, if Chloe offered you no-strings sex but you knew she liked someone else, you wouldn’t say yes.”
Radia clenches the hand on her chest into a fist and knocks it against her sternum. “Ouch. That hypothetical just physically hurt me.”
“Right,” I say again, but this time there’s more affirmation in it. Radia’s right. She’s confirming what I already know. It would be a bad, bad, bad idea.
“Have I helped?”
“Yes,” I say and force a smile in her direction. “Thanks.”
“You’re not going to tell me who this hypothetical and strange offer came from?”
I open my mouth and then catch myself just in time. “Just a guy at the gym.”
She rolls her eyes. “I swear you pick-up more men than weights at that place.”
My smile is even more forced. “I’ll have you know, I’m hitting a PB with my current dry streak.”
Her eyebrows quirk. “Really? How long are we talking?”
I quickly add up the months. “Nearly seven months.”
Surprise sends Radia’s eyes wide. “I take it back. You definitely are picking up more weights than partners. Maybe you shouldn’t train with Marcello so often. Maybe he’s cramping your style.”
I prickle at the mention of his name in such close proximity to my not-completely innocent hypothetical situation, but Radia doesn’t seem to notice as she keeps talking.
“Maybe you should take up this strange and hypothetical offer then.”
“You’re changing your mind?”
“I’m realising this is not about me. It’s about you. And who knows, maybe you can blow their mind in bed and that makes them fall head over heels in love with you?”
My neck elongates. I hadn’t thought of that.
Radia moves away and retrieves a duster and spray from under the counter. My mind busies itself with some of the many ways I could make Marcello very, very happy in my bed.
“Also, why are they offering you no-strings sex if they don’t like you like that?” Radia asks, pulling me out of a very vivid and visual fantasy.
“They don’t know if they’re queer,” I admit, too keen to go back to daydreaming so I don’t fully realise what I’ve just said.
Radia snorts, loudly. “So you’re going to be their guinea pig?”
“Is that so bad? Guinea pigs are cute.”
“And live in cages, often for suspiciously short amounts of time.”
“So you don’t think blowing their mind in bed is a real possibility?”
Just as I ask the question, the door opens and Chloe walks in.
Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and smelling unmistakeably of coffee and baked goods, it’s easy to deduce she’s just finished her shift at the café.
And, like it often is, popping in to see Radia on her way home is the first thing she does.
“Oooh,” she coos, flashing us both a big beaming smile. “Who’s blowing whose mind in bed?”
I open my mouth to tell her it doesn’t matter and to level a warning look at Radia, but the woman is too damn quick.
“Giles is hypothetically blowing the mind of someone he’s hypothetically quite keen on but they’re not hypothetically into him, although they hypothetically want to sleep with Giles because they hypothetically don’t know if they’re queer or not.”
“That’s a lot of hypotheticals,” Chloe says and then chews on the corner of her lip. “I think you should hypothetically do it.”
“You do?” I say, astounded.
“Sure. You may never get another chance.”
“In case you haven’t noticed.” Radia walks around the counter and approaches her girlfriend. “She and I are not the same.”
“But we make it work,” Chloe says and they press their lips together, arms sliding around one another’s waists.
“So you’d take the sex?” I ask Chloe for clarification.
“Totally. I’d jump their bones.”
“But what about… my hypothetical feelings?”
Chloe hums as she thinks this over, both she and Radia disentangling themselves from each other slightly. “What are you more afraid of? Having sex with them and getting hurt? Or never having the opportunity to have sex with them, and still potentially getting hurt?”
My mouth falls open and not because I have an eloquent answer ready, but rather because Chloe has just made the most compelling argument yet, and I am apparently very, very eager for compelling arguments.
“You’ll make a good lawyer.” I wag a finger at Chloe.
“The best,” Radia agrees, looking up at her girlfriend proudly. “Although relationship expert, you are still a beginner.”
“Did I say the wrong thing?”
“I mean…” Radia says and then winces.
“It was the perfect advice. From both of you,” I add.
“But whose are you going to take?” Radia challenges me.
“Hypothetically?” I add with a wink.
“Sure, hypothetically, whatever,” Radia rolls her eyes again, “although we all know this is just some guy at the gym who’s accosted you.”
“Oh, you should ask Marcello for his advice!” Chloe declares. “When you’re training together later.”
“Marcello?” Radia makes another face. “Does he give good relationship advice?”
“This is not relationship advice. This is sex advice. Or did I get that wrong?”
“It could be both,” I offer. “That is hypothetically out of my hands.”
“Just ask him. Marcello, I mean,” Chloe says. “He comes across as a bit clueless and hopeless when it comes to sex, or relationships,” she emphasises that word for Radia, “but he was very sweet when I used to talk to him about Radia.”
“You talked to Marcello about me?”
“Of course!”
“And that didn’t seem to turn out so badly,” I say watching them smile at each other.
“Of course, he’ll have no clue what it’s like questioning his sexuality. That man’s as straight as a piece of uncooked spaghetti.” Chloe laughs at her own joke. “But he’ll listen to you and he’ll try and help.”
“Maybe I will talk to Marcello,” I say, doing my very best to keep a smirk off my lips. I glance at the silver wristwatch on my arm.
Only forty-two minutes to go.